Dealing with the need for 'comfort' orgasms?

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by Hawkward, Feb 17, 2020.

  1. Hawkward
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    Hawkward New member

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    This has been an area of difficulty for me sometimes.

    I'll want to save my orgasms for my Mistress, but I can feel down in the dumps while she's at work, and sometimes gravitate towards feeling the need of an orgasm because it would relieve stress, or make me able to better mentally transition to something more productive.

    Something like....
    Low energy > Orgasm > Burst of energy to do things that make me feel good about myself

    I'm a full-time parent as well, so I tend to feel things like loneliness easily, and can find it hard to motivate myself.

    Right now I'm not locked up, our vice should arrive later this week, and hopefully it'll be a nice fit <3 But even if it does fit well, I feel the need for this mentality to be addressed, and for me to respond in a more forward-looking approach. I don't want any setbacks to what me and my Mistress have worked towards, but I can be mentally weak, and rely on things like these.

    Has anyone here got experience in this area?
     
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  2. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    I hope the Vice does work out for you... because what seems to happen is that the "need" you feel, you can't do anything about.

    So that energy - of being constantly horny and frustrated - is what you can then use as a more continuous stream of energy. Rather than bursts of it!
     
  3. Guest 1047
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    Guest 1047 Active member

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    I'm very much a newbie and hoping that chastity would help regulate my erections and reliance on masturbation to level out my moods. I've tended to masturbate for stress relief ever since becoming aware of something "down there" whether in a relationship or not (and I've been married a long time now) - it's like there's me and this other crazy person I'm chained to lol. Suffice to locking myself up has thrown up lots of challenges - a) adjusting to physical discomfort (I've ordered up another cage which I hope will be a better fit which is common enough too I guess and b) releasing myself to jerk off which feels a bit self-defeating lol.
     
  4. boisub
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    boisub Inaccessible member

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    It’s a paradox. Chastity dams up your release but the denial adds to the excitement so the pressure builds. Finding and staying in the sweet spot, where the continuing feelings of denial are better than any orgasm, can be hard.

    A well fitted cage helps a lot, a committed key holder helps a lot more.
     
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  5. Guest 1047
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    Guest 1047 Active member

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    Yeh I can see what you mean too ... your thoughts are helpful. Although I'm still married I'm trying this on my own (our physical sexual relationship has reduced to the point where this is feasible believe it or not lol) I suppose the first goal should be to identify a compromise cage that I can tolerate and can discourage unwanted erections without me feeling that I'm undergoing the Spanish Inquisition lol
     
  6. Elfman
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    Elfman Gay werewolves & martinis

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    You just have to distract yourself and find the resolve to do so productively.

    It gets easier to push through when you finally truly understand that your keyholder is in control of your orgasms, whether you like it or not at times, and it's what you wanted.
     
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  7. Guest 1047
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    Guest 1047 Active member

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    I agree however I'm my own keyholder atm so it's tough too. Particularly when my first cage is giving me such grief lol. Tempation is always there to unlock myself to ease the discomfort and to give myself pleasure too. Bit of a double bind atm lol. Support here is helpful and insightful however I think I would benefit from hooking up locally (not sexually lol) with a guy or guys who are going through the same stuff. Just think I'd make more headway although I can understand that first steps are tough anyway.
     
  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    One good thing I remember about getting myself off...it had an ending. I came, I was done, body and mind was energized for what was next, and not preoccupied with that need. Now it’s like the grand finale in fireworks, but it doesn’t stop, it just keeps on building. Sometimes I waste away hours chatting online, going here, or looking at dirty pics and memes...basically everything that turns me on or is about my situation. And instead of having a crashing end point, a definitive stopping point like say...an orgasm, I could sit and waste away hours in my turned on state.

    Back in the day, the first thing I would do in the morning was get myself off, it really did get me out of bed and focus me on stuff that wasn’t about thinking about sex.
     
  9. Guest 1047
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    Getting myself off has always been a major part of my psychosexual persona - no matter how deeply I've been committed to a relationship (and I've been married for a long time now too). I'd love to involve my wife on this journey however I don't honestly believe that she'd be interested. My goal is to eventually be happy and enclosed within my cage - enjoying a nice feeling of flaccid security with any other activity focused on "maintenance" ie "p spot" milking. But I've a LONG way to go with that lol
     
  10. Mistress Julie
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    Oh dear Hawkwind, you poor thing. Dont worry, your just showing all the traits of a normal male.
    What you really need to get your head around is that its not all about you.
    Talk to your Misress, ask what she thinks. After all it will be her in total control when your cage arrives.
    I had it all with Weenie my sub
    The !I need to cum you know, Im a virile male"...All that got was a yawn from me......
    Then the crying, maybe after a week or so.........Pathetic.....
    And as the weeks went on I would edge him, just to remind him of what he was missing..
    And now, after all these years I have a truly devoted happy sub, who never asks, I still tease him and have fun.
    I get my sexual pleasure from my bull, so Im ok.
    Him, none at all.
    Its just a waiting game im afraid. Like my Grannie used to say "be very careful for what you wish....for one day it just may come true"
     
  11. Hawkward
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    Hawkward New member

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    Thank you everyone for the wonderful responses!

    Sorry I've not been able to reply yet, a bit of a jam packed week, my wife/Mistress also had some more time to be at home over my birthday, so I've not been able to take the time to reply more properly here quite yet, though I didn't want to leave this thread in the dark! :)
     
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  12. elias
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    elias 7/7 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    If this is realy your devotion to your better half, you should find a way to work on your "find it hard to motivate myself" first.

    From your post I may conclude you are looking for: "Low energy > Orgasm > Burst of energy". But, I do not want to destroy your dreams or block the "easy road" as this will never never happen.

    In @Lyriseitia post Mood swings of sub, @filltee supported us with the "chemical theory" of men's brains in conjunction with our orgasms and excitement. During sexual arousal - and on our way to an orgasm - our levels of dopamine and oxytocin raise significantly, but at the "release" they drop "of a cliff" downwards. Right at this drop, the level of prolactin raises and so suppressing restoring the levels the first two. The first two works as neurotransmitters and are responsible for conversion of signals and feelings in / to / from our brains. Dopamine gives the satisfying (reward) "experience", whilst oxytocin responds in e.g. "cuddling" during a short period after our orgasm. The third one, prolactin, is keeping our levels of dopamine and oxytocin low after orgasm. This lasts for at least 1-2 weeks after such full release. In the early days of evolution, this must have men allowed to recover, and time to "hunt their next opportunity".

    Men today must look to more modern methods and might have "learned responses" to get their dopamine levels higher again after an orgasm to get back their "well feeling". Such includes a.o. eating, drinking, looking at porn, masturbate etc. It is not difficult to understand that, once men will turn back to masturbation etc., the dopamine levels will continuously drop again and again after their releases. Men will stay in a "repeating sawtooth" movement of their "chemical levels" downwards. So, caused by continuously lowered dopamine levels, each time the "mountain should be climbed right from the beginning". Before said may even result in depressions, negative feelings etc.

    Compared with using e.g. alcohol during a party, you feel well during the party but after that you might be confrontated with the negative effects. By repeating such "frequent behavior", you might even become entirely depending (=addicted) and you may need more and more of it for having the "well feeling".

    With our orgasms it is exactly the same. As we have learned that an orgasm is connected to "well feeling", we men intent to do it every time when "negative feelings" comes up. Therefore, my theory is that once chastity and denial come in - and wearing a cage - men's levels of dopamine are continuously raised and let us feel well all day/weeks/months/years/ life, without any negative fall-back or become depending on it more and more. Once teased during our chasted and denialed periods, the levels of our well feeling chemicals are further boosted to sky, causing them to be at continuously elevated levels. In return we turn into submission, pleasing, being sensitive, emotional, intimate etc.

    Therefore, back to your first sentence about "I'll want to save my orgasms for my Mistress", there is only one way forward: stop to put yourself at the first row -> abandon masturbation and porn -> start to treat your better half as a queen -> just follow her instructions and satisfy her needs. Soon you will feel "recovered" and your energy will be restored (which in return will make your Queen more happy as well).

    All the best!.
     
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  13. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    @Mistress Julie is right! Chastity is not about our "comfort". It is about Her!
     
  14. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Can't argue with most of that Elias. My beginning to have feelings of submission that I developed for my Lady since she took control did surprise me. What surprises me more is how much I enjoy them and would like us to work together on further developing them.
     
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  15. PerhapsJustAdog
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    PerhapsJustAdog Active member

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    Pseudoscience and.... listen. It's a journey. Talk to your partner, explain how you feel and listen to what she says. You seem like you got your head on straight, you'll figure it out. Relationships are a marathon, not a sprint. Create something together that works and make it yours. And don't listen to people who claim to know everything about everything. Death and taxes et cetera.

    (note: the cuckold/Bull thing is a fancy modern version of the same myths about the sexuality of men of color that caused an endless number of lynchings and murders. Bull.... i mean seriously. )
     
  16. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    a lot of men I think want to make a mess all the time really and if them sort are lock up in a cage it must be really really horrible for them. I bet if they was lock up and not let out they wud go mad and try and break all the cage off them and then make another mess. and then the Lady who locks them up wud not bother anymore with them.
     
  17. TomInAustin
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    TomInAustin Long term member

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    I think you have it backwards. The way I am I feel so much more energy the longer it's been. I am at 7 months yesterday and I feel amazing. When I do cum I am down for days, its hormonal.
     
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  18. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    If you are successful with your wife/keyholder, this won’t be an issue for you any longer.

    If you stick with it, and have the support of a keyholder that is not inclined to allow frequent orgasms, you may find that you begin to not want orgasms, even though you are aroused. You may discover the joy of more energy, a more positive and even temperament, and a feeling of well being after being denied and teased for several weeks. Once you reach that point, you hate to give it up. It can take a week or more to return to that pleasant state of denial after a full orgasm.

    If your arousal becomes overwhelming, suck it up and do some housework.
     
  19. HappilyLockedMan
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    HappilyLockedMan Long term member

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    My experience is that wearing my cage suppresses my feeling of need for an orgasm.

    Occasionally, usually after my wife and I have had PIV sex that includes me cumming, I'll be out of the cage for a number of days. When I start to feel that "need" for an orgasm I know it's time for the cage to go back on.

    Sure enough, when my cock is securely locked again my urgent feeling of "need to cum" goes away. It's replaced by a comfortable slow building of desire for intimacy with my wife, without feeling entitled to a sexual release.
     
  20. madams-sissysub
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    couldn’t agree more!
     
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