Everything changes, but nothing changes

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by ashby, Dec 31, 2019.

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  1. ashby
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    ashby Member

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    It's been a good long while since I posted. I've just been reading some of my earlier posts, particular from right at the start of my journey in to chastity. That's ten years ago!

    All of the feelings I had then I have now. Wearing my Bon4 metal device feels the most natural thing ever. Waking up with it on is one of the best feelings ever.

    One of the comments I wrote mentioned the overwhelming desire to "tell the world".

    When I started this journey my wife reacted Very negatively, and my chastity life has been solo and VERY discreet......

    .... until this year.

    On holiday at our property in France for three weeks in the summer. I was wearing my device during the day.
    My wife has zero interest in anything sexual (been that way for several years, she has a medical condition that affects her libido) to the extent that I have often wondered that if I were to openly wear the device I'm not entirely sure it would have been noticed.

    On holiday, warm weather, no work to distract me, and my wife enjoying hammock time, and I was left with a growing desire to reintroduce my chastity feelings to her.
    I'm not one for laying in the sun, and would take to the mezzanine at our property to recline, read, and sleep. I decided to do this naked (with the exception of my device) , knowing that at some point my wife would eventually come up to the mezzanine at the end of her afternoon in the hammock.

    I should say at this point that we are nearly 40 years otherwise very happily married and despite the total lack of intimacy and sex I would never seek any solace outside of our marriage. Her medical condition leaves her tired and in constant pain; we use our trips to France to give her quiet time to rest and recuperate.

    Back to the story.

    After several days of my afternoons on the mezzanine, the moment came and I heard her come in, and decide to come up the stairs.
    I made out I was dozing.
    "Nice look, dear" was all she said as I "woke up", and she made her way back downstairs again, saying she was going for a shower.

    This I took as a very positive sign, didn't push things, dressed and went down, had my own shower and the day continued.

    Bedtime came, and I made no effort to either flaunt or hide my device, just acting normally.
    As I climbed in to bed, she commented that I had something stuck to me. On enquiring where, she said, "your nether regions".
    At that point I was a little puzzled, but lifted the duvet and showed her the cage again.

    Her reaction was not great.

    It became clear that her mezzanine comment was referring to my general nudity rather than anything more specific.

    We had a discussion. I suppose if being judged as "weird" is the worst of it, then perhaps it wasn't as bad as it felt.

    Fast forward to now.

    Since the summer I have worn the cage almost continuously (about a week in total without in two short busts). It is so nice not to have to hide it from her, and that in itself gives a sense of intimacy between us that didn't exist before. However, she really doesn't like it and merely accepts it, understanding the little it gives me in our intimacy together.

    I'm conscious that she doesn't look at me when I'm naked, and yet I feel that she wants to do more but can't quite "let go". It's going to be a slow journey.

    As I write this we are again in France, and will have been here ten days by the time we return home.
    I don't flaunt my cage, just go about things as I would have done had I not been wearing it.
    Before we came, I decided to leave the keys back in the UK. It's been a fabulous experience. If I had them with me, I would have weakened and would have released myself and masturbated by now.

    There will be no release before 6th Jan, locked since 19th December.

    2020 will be a marvellous year for us in so many ways. I do have a growing feeling that chastity will be included along the way in that marvelous-ness.

    Revealing myself to my wife has been liberating, and we are more "honest" in our relationship as a result. There's a way to go, but I'm hopeful we shall get there. Still a solo journey, and I'm still self-keyholding, but far more positive.

    Sorry for a bit of a ramble, but now the story is up to date.
    Happy New Chaste Year everyone.
     
    Anonoman, boisub, boi paul and 3 others like this.
  2. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    No problem with the ramble. It is a good but sad story.
     
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  3. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Thanks for sharing, it feels good sometimes to just write it down and send it out. Hope your New Year is good too!
     
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  4. HT89
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    HT89 Long term member

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    If the relationship is so dead sexually but full of love and loyalty can you not consider a discussion about sexual stimulation elsewhere? Just for release
     
  5. JKisChaste
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    JKisChaste Active member

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    Very poignant story. It shows how important this is to us who need chastity. I wish you good things in 2020. Happy New Year.
     
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  6. ashby
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    ashby Member

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    Not even going there
    To be fair, not something either of us would want, tempting as it might be.
     
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  7. epsi-trepsi
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    epsi-trepsi Active member

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    So you are doing self lock up? Can she be the keyholder or do some domination?
     
  8. boi paul
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    boi paul slave to my Mistress 24/7 365 days a year.

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    Thank you for sharing your life's journey
     
  9. WhiteKnight
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    WhiteKnight Member

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    Yes, very moving story and thanks for sharing. I think I understand about your wife's condition /lack of libido but feel she could accept that things are still different for you. She could agree to hold your key, for you to have to approach her for releases, even supervise them and at least acknowledge your love for her and the gift to her of your own sexuality.
     
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  10. madams-sissysub
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    agree with this! It’s good to vent.
     
  11. boisub
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    boisub Inaccessible member

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    Thanks so much for sharing your story, @ashby!

    Keep the conversation going with your Wife about both your need for chastity and about how it makes her feel. That’s the scariest part of establishing intimacy around TTTWD but it’s also the most rewarding.

    My Wife has struggled sometimes with the notion that locking up is just a way of saying that physical intimacy is over, that it’s locked away from her too. The foreignness of the device contributed to that initially. From my perspective it’s the complete opposite—it means that the effect of any physical attention she gives me is supercharged. It can be hard to navigate those two sets of expectations, especially when physical intimacy has been absent from the relationship. Open, honest, loving communication is key.

    it sounds like you have started down that road. I hope it keeps going well for you and your Wife.
     
  12. dre8car
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    dre8car Always Locked and Rarely Cum - Lori 8b

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    If she is not retired, having her leave the keys at work until she "needs" them I have found quite effective.
     
  13. ashby
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    ashby Member

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    I think you have hit the nail on the head.
    She isn't really accepting a conversation yet, but I do get a sense that she is slowly working through her feelings quietly in her own mind. When she is ready, there will be a considered and non judgemental conversation and we'll go from there.
     
  14. ashby
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    ashby Member

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    Unfortunately, she hasn't worked for a number of years due to her health issues.
    I do sometimes post the keys to myself to ensure a few days self-enforcement.
     
  15. ashby
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    ashby Member

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    Well, a puzzling thing happened this week.
    I normally keep the keys on my desk in a little tub, they are the only items in it.
    Earlier this week, I went to fetch a key, and neither were there. I found them in the other tub on my desk that contains paper clips and other bits and pieces.
    Who put them there?
    I didn't.
    There's been no one else around, other than my wife, who would have.
    I have since put one back, just to confirm they are "in use", and am waiting to see what happens to it.
    Really not quite sure what to make of it.
     
    Jessica Alexander likes this.
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