Choice to make, need youre advise

we are all different after all and we live differently.
I couldn't just throw out my BDSM page and stop living my life this way I do now .... of course you can change things over time but to think that you can / could stop all BDSM tomorrow it is not possible i think ....

 

Hi Annemarie, its all very much for your wife, don't think to your self, personal i would go for the last, keeping in mind that september is far away and everything could go otherwise .
Love evy

 

Obviously there is a lot to handle now, causing the pressure. As my perception is that chastity, D/s or FLR should always flow "naturally" between people, my advise would be just to forget about the cage and bdsm for a while. So, the second option sounds perhaps the best for now. The first option looks to me as "stay locked = forgot", which just may cause another stressfull situation between both of you soon.

Did you both consider another "intermediate" option, where the cage and bdsm stay silent for a while, you will not orgasm without her permission and you both continue to handle all things upcoming naturally? In such situation, all may flow without the obvious pressure and she might still control you and the situation in favour of herself. Although it sounds like that all the upcoming events are pressuring her, she may also not neglect you entirely. If this scenario causes to much pressure for her as well, then you should forget about everything and support her intensively during the next period of time.

 

There is perhaps no need to assume that having regular even frequent piv sex means you have to or even would be allowed to have even just an ejaculation or orgasm before October.

Maybe she will not permit youany realse at all and then put you straight into the cage for LOcktober.

If I were you I'd stop trying to second guess your wife. As a fall back go for the second choice.. she knows thats not what you really want and may carry some weight inthe future. But perhaps she needs the reassurance that you still want to have sex with her. don't undervalue the power of that. So do the smart thing frst and ask her which she would prefer ... and maybe even push your luck and ask how she came to that conclusion?



Besides if you get used to regular and frequent piv sex with your wife would that be a bad thing? and if she does decide to start denying you in October just think about how much more intense it will feel.

Second choice looks like a win win situation for you both.
She's getting what she wants... and from you
You are working towards what you would like
and you both get to affirm your relationship

BUT thats only how i'd think in your situation.

 

That is a tough choice. But the good news is that you both talked about it and she told you up front what worked for her. Neither option sounds ideal for you, but of the two, the second is most likely, in general, to be successful. Because what she is telling you is that she has to work at it and put in effort to be a KH, and she cannot do that with everything else going on. In other words, it’s not her “natural state”.

if you choose the cage I fear you will quickly get frustrated and possibly quite angry that you will essentially be forgotten about (sexually) for 9 months. AND, she will see it as a selfish choice of your kink/cock over her. Very dangerous ground to tread on!

Choosing to skip the cage for 9 months and committing yourself to your partnership and life changes for the next few months is almost certainly the best thing for your marriage, which may at some point result in a chastity situation that works for you both because the foundation willl be stronger.

 

Well said! And exactly along the lines I was thinking as I posted my quite similar response.

 

As exciting as the locked option may seem, there is nothing worse than being locked for an extended period, and forgotten about. There needs to be some acknowledgement of the chastity and denial on both parts, or it's going to cause you emotional hardship and resentment. A good BDSM relationship involves power exchange, and an acknowledgment and enjoyment of each others actions and situations.

In my own case, the hardest parts are when my chastity is suffering, and my suffering doesn't matter, because my partner(s) are in a hugely busy time. Neither are turned on by my chastity, but they do want it, and enjoy that i am locked and denied. There isn't the hot fantasy of teasing and sexual arousal from my plight. What is important to me, and them is that there is acknowledgment of what I am doing, and what they want. That I am willing to suffer, and put their want above my pleasure, makes my chastity and denial a sexual act. When there is no acknowledgment of something so profound and difficult, it is an empty, and lonely experience that could ruin chastity for you in the long run. Without acknowledgement, there will be a desire to unlock and cheat, because you both need to care about it, and that could ruin chastity for you both.

I would go with the unlocked option here. What I would do though, is take that opportunity to embrace putting her pleasure above your own. BDSM doesn't have to be all whips and chains and punishment. The basic essence of the bottom role is putting the other person's pleasure above your own. Instead of masturbating more, do it less. Learn to ruin your orgasms, and to treat hers as "your" orgasm. Learn to get and want pleasure from giving it. During PIV, focus entirely on her orgasm, and not on your own. Unless she really likes to have you cum during sex, try and simply remove the need for your own pleasure and orgasm from PIV sex. Get more pleasure from her pleasure than your own. Offer massage and foot rubs when she's not in the mood for sex, and don't turn it into sex unless she wants it. Even if you are horny, don't be pushy.

Do all of that, and you will be in a better place for chastity when she is ready to have you in it.

 

First the relationship for the two of you should be the first priority. If you can discern what she’d prefer, that would be wise.
If she strongly prefers one option, go with that one. With stressful times ahead, making her happy would be a needed boost and strengthen things between you.


If she is truly impartial between the two? Then I’d consider, would you be open to a nine month long chastity sentence sans teasing and anything kinky other than being locked up? If so, I’d go with that in your position. But that is me personally.

On the other hand, going through September with sex and fun only to possibly being locked up with months of freedom and fucking could make chastity that much deliciously cruel.

 

October is far down the road...just saying...

 

I think i would simply ask her which she prefers and would be less stressful for her... then suck up what ever decision she makes.

 

She has basically said that she is going to punish you for 9 months if you want to be locked. I could go forever without an O but a day or two of “locked and forgot” starts getting to me.

Relationships are a negotiation so make sure you don’t give her the benefits of being a KH if she can”t put any effort into being a KH. She may realize that the 5-10 minutes a day that it takes to keep a caged man happy is worth the hours of stuff a denied man will do for her.

 

I’d vote second option too. It’s far better than being locked and forgotten. Also keeping a sex life going though stressful times still has to be better/easier that trying to restart one that’s stopped completely after a stressful time.

 

You both have a lot of stress, and a lot of love ahead of you.

It seems that now is a good time to be as close and intimate as possible. You need each other's support.

Put chastity away for a little while. Help and love her in any way she needs. That's the best service you can provide.

Good luck and congratulations!

 

Good advice above, and I would also recommend unlocking for now. Your relationship is more important than chastity. Pay attention to her and help her through this stressful time. She may repay you by indulging chastity play when the stressful time is past.

Side note: I was expecting more unrealistic replies saying: "Stay locked and ask her to throw away the key forever!". Happy to see realistic, supportive answers.

 

IMHO - Given all the things you have going on, you both need to sit down and clear this out of the way. A new job for her ( stressful ) , a wedding ( super stressful ), buying a house ( super mega stressful ) in ~9 months is a lot. We did something like that but she quit her job when we moved and instead of buying a house ( sold mine so that reduced stress ) but it is a lot and we took kink off the table in that time but...

We had an open discussion of what we would do after the wedding and we were both committed to that effort.

Before you go too far, make sure your partner wants this too! Know that getting these major life events off the schedule is first so you can then add this back in as a major item. If it is important to either of you be sure it is and if it is not, you might want to rethink about the future,

I have a good friend that wondered why his wife was smiling so much a few days before their wedding, he thought it was normal happy bride stuff, she said she was glad they no longer had to have sex all the time and only every month or so now, he was devastated and well, it did not end well, compatibility is key to a great LTR.

 

Option two for God sake...

 

Take the honeymoon which includes sexual relations. Otherwise, it is likely that you will lose her forever.
Ultimately, you will probably end up living with compromise which is what marriage is anyway. As your marriage (your relationship) matures you will both find yourselves wanting to please each other through so many areas of your lives. Sex and sexual relations is extremely important.
best of luck!
I hope you pass this test she has pain before you. Your correct choice will form an important foundation.
SS

 

This actually makes me sadder for the bride as she views sex as a chore done for the man. That is a terrible way to go through life that I imagine is quite common in Vanillas.

Back to the original question, both scenarios involve @Annemarie being told to essentially "turn off" his true sexual nature for 9 months. At absolute best, in a year, She'll go through the motions for you, as it's clearly not Her thing. As a sub, nothing feels worse than a Domme acting in a service capacity going through the motions, and it will only get worse. Blame the circumstances if you wish, but being hardwired Femdom means that Y/you need to find the time to do it or Y/your brain doesn't work properly.

 

I have been faced with this choice although not as clearly as you. My wife isn't a communicator like yours. Still I have been presented this option several times during our chastity relationship. When I decided to remain chaste I eventually came to resent her greatly. It's hard being devoted like that without reciprocation. Most recently I choose freedom. It comes with regrets and a pining for the old days, but no resentment towards her. You know yourself and her better than any of us, so follow your heart.

 

With the information provided in the OP, it sounds like you need to go with option #2. Being locked and forgotten is the quickest way to bitter unhappiness. The fantasy of chastity fades quickly when you're the only one playing the game.

 

it seems that your wife is under stress, i'd ask her what SHE wants and go with it.

 

October is far away....

 

THAT is great to hear. You made the right choice for both of you, and you have the right attitude. Keep us posted, and good luck to both of you in 2020!