When to tell the Girlfriend?

I see where your going with this, but trying to keep an addict from a fix is extraordinarily challenging. Addicts can be incredibly creative when it comes to getting a fix. ...Do you have a solution to keep porn away from those "unfit to deal with it"? ...While simultaneously not restricting access to those who can?

 

Back to OP's topic, I think how early you share your kinkiness ideally would depend on how important it is to you balanced against all the other things a relationship provides. Which it;s really tough to know, and perhaps especially in your case with almost no relationship experience (and not a lot of experience other than porn viewing with your own sexuality).

when I met my first wife, I didn't realize the extent of my kinkiness. She was strictly vanilla, and as I became more aware of my desires and the problems that would ensue from repressing them, our sex life began to fail. I loved her very much and in other ways our relationship was strong, and we stayed together 20 years. But sex was almost nonexistent and wholly unsatisfying for many of those years and had a lot to do with the failure of the marriage.

With my second wife I was somewhat clear about my kinkiness from the early days of our physical intimacy. She herself was mostly vanilla, but was accepting. But after a couple of years, she became more inhibited (I still don't know why and our se became strictly vanilla). However after nearly 20 years of very strong marriage, and great vanilla sex, I started to learn to be more open and honest about my desires, and we've started to bring some kink back into our play (24x7 chastity being th emits obvious but not only element). I think it has helped very much that she knew from the start that I had kinky desires.

 

My husband told me on our first date. Worked out pretty well for us.

 

Too true! I was crazy about You, but I knew that I was a sub, and the Woman I would marry and worship would be a Domme, so I had to tell You upfront. I am grateful every day that I did!

 

And this gets back to my contention that one should get this out of the was ASAP, before either partner invests six to twelve months (or more).

I get why some people want to wait until things are moving along well, but a lot of partners will try things when they're full of "new relationship energy." Unfi, as we've seen all too often in this and other forums, those things can fall by the wayside if the non-kinky partner just really isn't all that into it.

 

I would not push it too soon. Try to let the relationship start with what is most important the two of you. Later on, you could bring it on the table when you actually know each other and know you fit.

 

Hind sight is 20-20. Tell her asap.

 

Both an outright ban, and 'restricting for those who are unfit' probably won't go well, nor are recommended. I think more awareness is the key, similar to smoking. It wasn't that long ago that everyone smoked, and nobody thought it was a big problem. But over the years, the dangers have been well documented. Plus commercials, warning labels, etc. did a great job of making sure everyone is aware of the negative side affects. Smoking is still legal, but everyone is aware of the dangers. However, many people are not aware of the negative affects of porn addiction.

 

Same. I'm a virgin too and never in relationship

 

My opinion is. If you are ready to have sex with her you should let her know some of your kinks not all don't want to scare her off. If she is warm to the idea wear your cage on dates until she discovers it. You could even give her one and test her if you wood rust her with all the Keys

 

I waited 2 months of steady dating. Pretty much every day. I figured she knew me well enough and liked me enough not to instantly run away from me. I also figured it wasn’t so long that it would garner resentment or shock, or feel she wasted her time.

 

I waited two months as well. We were together every day for that time and I already knew she was the one. I’d have told her sooner but she was a good friend of close friends. So I wanted to be sure before risking being outed as a weirdo!

 

Why not find a girlfriend through a BDSM related dates site? Who knows? Or why not using Tinder where you state specifically your “kink”?
Looking for a girlfriend through your circles will inevitably have you exposed to where you don’t want! And if chastity is really important to you, I believe you have to tell her pretty soon within the first dates, eitherwise you may have to wait a year or more until “trust” sets in and love builds, in which case you take a high risk and you would have to compromise with loosing one of them.

 

So glad I never had to deal with that minefield.

 

When you are already close to her and you can see even u got darkest kink or sumthing..she will say yes...