Fight over money

No. Life is complicated. Talk about your joint goals, and decide how to best achieve it. And then she can leave you control of the money while still being in overall charge of the relationship.

 

All of these different pieces are separable.

 

Disagreements over money are probably the most common area of conflict in a relationship. You must have open and honest communication about your goals, from both of you. I always viewed being a slave as putting someone else's needs and desires before your own. In my mind, making sure that person's financial footing is sound is part of that. Perhaps if you set up more automatic bill payments that cover debts before the money comes into your household you could make it easier to keep her happy. Good luck.

 

@Slave to Wife - This is a tough position to be in, but it's important to work through. In O/our opinion, the Woman should be in charge of the finances of a home. It took U/us a while to work out what this actually entailed and there were some struggles along the way.

There is a difference between telling someone they are in charge, and them being truly and honestly in charge of all household spending. She will take a bit to acclimate to the new role, but in order to do so, you have to be a passenger. Passenging can be very difficult. You can provide insights, but She ultimately has to make the choice how all of it works. Money will always be a fight in a household, regardless if it is a Femdom one or not. Likely, She'll spend like this for a while, and then make the correction Her self. However, this correction can only come from Her if She is allowed to listen to Her own voice in these and all matters.

 

No. There issues are real, have lasting effects, and are about both of you. You have to work together to set goals. One thing you can do is provide a monthly (or semimonthly) financial report that shows your savings, your debts, your cash position. If you've jointly set goals, she'll be able to figure out how her life and day-to-day spending fit within these parameters. And if she can't, you need to think about what you need to do avoid being broke and poor in retirement.

 

@Rectrix, that's right. In this scenario, one person does sensible things and the other doesn't, so leaving it to the other to run the finances is taking a massive chance. She might be fine with it; then again, she might not.

Of course, the question is, what does 'blows the money' actually mean? Some people are more - ahem - economical than others but that doesn't necessarily mean that the others buy a new Ferrari every month or fill their closets with Prada. On the third hand, sometimes yet another top added to an already bulging wardrobe might be that final straw...

 

Correct. That's why they need to set goals ahead of time. Anything she spends inside those goals, even Prada or a Ferrari, are acceptable and within her authority. Anything outside those goals is a problem (or the goals need to be reset or reevaluated).

 

Unless it is a long-sleeved, satin blouse. There is always room for another blouse.

 

Well, some things go without saying...

 

For us, the relationship was first, and remains first.

We have agreed that nothing will put that relationship at risk. That includes the budget. FLR, chastity, and service are just layers upon the core relationship.

Sexy, diaphanous tops are excluded.

 

With control comes responsibility. If she can't handle the responsibility, it is time to have a talk as equals.

My wife/lover/mistress has full access to my bank account. She deserves anything she wishes, but there is no need to go into debt. So we discuss anything and there are no problems.

 

Cynical me wants to say you should never go full retard.

Optimistic me says that assuming a greater responsibility over the two of your personal finances will cause her to realize that you cannot afford her profligate spending.

The realist in me says give her a month or three then have the conversation again to find out where you're at and adjust as needed.

 

This whole situation where she wants to spend, spend, spend, when the money isn't enough to pay the bills that keeps the roof over your heads, that's a big red flag in my opinion and trust is earned. If she's shown she is irresponsible with money, no amount of you playing as a slave and her playing as a mistress is going to pay that mortgage. Wake up call, your chastity lifestyle is not more important than the house where you enjoy playing for if you don't pay the bill, you lose the house and the comfortable life you had because someone has a problem with money management. I think you were dead on and need to deal with the monetary issues in a responsible manner because the bank isn't going to want to hear about you not being able to pay or about your wanting to play.

Get your priorities straight and if you really want to put her first and she really wants to be in charge she needs to take charge fiscally in a responsible manner and if she cannot pay or take care of the bills because she spent too much she should lose the right to be in charge of them at all and it would be time for a difficult conversation because she's shown she cannot be responsible. You're adults for crying out loud, act like it because that's what the bank's gonna expect you to do and so will everyone who sends you a bill for services rendered or received. It only takes one missed bill to get so far behind that you can't catch up and I personally think her wanting more control was a play at ditching responsibility and allowing her to spend as much as she wants with little regard to how it's going to hurt or effect you both...that's a hell of lot of (misplaced?) trust for someone who has seemingly not shown herself to be the responsible person capable of reigning in her own spending. I appreciate the fact you had a conversation, but talk is cheap. Actions speak volumes. Please don't let a game like chastity ruin your finances/credit/life because of irresponsibility.

 

With great power comes great responsibility, I think.

I have never wanted full control over our finances, it's something we share and I would never feel good spending so much that we would get into trouble. Yes, I am spending a bit more since I offcially became the Mistress of the house but it's within reason.

I'd consider it a red flag if your wife spends so much that you get in trouble with your bills, or she brings you both in debt. That's irresponsible and the role of the Dominant is not only to take control but also to take responsibility for the welfare of the sub.

 

Hi,

I hope your final solution works, I can’t help feel there is an element of burying your head in the sand and hoping for the best. Ok I’ll admit I have no idea of you or your wife/KH or your histories etc.

personally speaking there needs to be a level playing field on some things and money is one. Being submissive (again in my opinion) should not mean you being ignorant to everything.

I don’t mean to be negative, I just know how easy relationships can be ruined by money worries.


As I started this “I hope your solution works”

 

My wife and I have a system that might help you.

First, we set up a family budget that takes care of all necessities. In your case, you'd want to include covering your savings goals. We both reviewed and agreed to that budget.

When the took the discretionary funds and divided them up into three basic groups, each with their own rules. We get the money out in case from each paycheck. Then, at night I present the funds to her, usually naked and on my knees.

1. Main discretionary - this is the largest part. She holds this money. I am allowed to know how much is in it and may ask how it is spent but she has final say. So, for example, I might be able to suggest buying something using these funds but she decides yes or no. I may ask to use it but again, she has the final decision. If she spends an amount over a preset limit she is expected to tell me but she does not require my agreement.
2. Her allowance - we take a portion of the discretionary and she gets to spend however she wants. I am not allowed to know or ask how spends it or question anything about it. She might tell me occasionally what she bought but in practice, I don't know anything about what she does. This gives her a sense of freedom and control that I know she enjoys.
3. My allowance - this is the same amount as hers but the rules are different. She is allowed to control my allowance however she wants. She can put limits on how I use it or take it for herself. Sometimes she'll have me take her shopping but require I pay out of my allowance. Most of the time she just takes part of my allowance up front and keeps it. Usually about half. This too reinforces her control and makes her feel confident plus it gives her more to spend under her allowance. This might help with your wife.
4. We've occasionally put any extra money directly into her allowance. For example, if i get money for a gift, it usually goes to her or if I earn extra money from outside work or bonuses then she gets a percentage in her allowance.

The result of this is we tend to stay within our cash budget, she has a consistent flow of funds to use however she wants and she is able to control my funds, less as a money management tool but more as reinforcement of our relationship.

Finally, once per month I prepare a financial report that shows our income and expenditures and progress toward goals based on our budget. I present this, again usually kneeling at her feet, so she can review it. We make adjustments as needed. In our case, my wife is good with money so I simply let her make the final say on adjustments. In this way I do almost all of the financial planning but by reporting it to her she feels a sense of control.

 

I have a fix for you

As a former dominant. However one thing that cannot escape is if I have hard numbers in front of me. I think you can remain submissive YET get your point across.

So I would not say a thing. However I would do an accounting balance sheet monthly and just give it to her. No commentary no Tips. just here is cash in, here is cash out. Here is what our cash on hand balance is. Here is our savings (which I am betting is zero. Even if it is.. put it on there)

So a full accounting of the money in a report. Hell make it hand written if you want to. Give it to her.

Sounds like you already had a conversation and you agreed to let her do whatever she wants. That is dumb in my opinion. Her slave doing a balance sheet and presenting it is perfect.

1. You are serving her
2. You arent judging her. (You arent to say a word)
3. She has the hard numbers which people like who I used to be could NOT ignore

You completely exiting the process is bad news. imo. If you can put the crap BACK into the goose somehow you should.

I will say having the numbers in front of my tempered my spending. Completely having zero input is a recipe for disaster. imo.

Of course we are 50 years old. Have zero debt. Own our home, cars and a 30 foot sailboat in addition to a comprehensive retirement package that is building and have a significant amount in savings in addition to a maxed out HSA balance. That is all my accountant wife doing that. While I was being a dominant (I was bad at it.)

 

I undestand, my sister is the same, she earns more than me and it is a good salary, bigger than average here, every month she ends closely to 0, if the month it is harder she wont buy stuff but if not, clothes, make up and all of that, she ask me for help as she knows that i am good with money

To keep it short she cant control it, she enjoys spending but it hers money so just let it be as i do, she is not going to change and if you insist you will only face trouble. Even more if you have submitted to her

 

Debt can lead to serious problems and although your in a financial control lifestyle it still needs to be managed.
Communication is KEY here, if your doing the cash books n bills then let her know the results or invite her to sit in on what your doing so she can mentally grasp the seriousness of these bills debt and will understand what's left between expenses and some splash cash.

My wife now has financial control and I get a small weekly allowance, but I don't pay any bills as she does this now after getting used to it., thankfully we're clear of all debt the past few years.

 

This can be read in a couple of ways. If you just mean she will control access to your joint funds, fine. But if you mean that the account will be in her name only and you will have no legal access to your funds, then that is a serious concern. Regardless of a couple's dynamic, both members need to be protected legally. No one would encourage a woman to give her Dom legal control of all of her money and it should not happen in an FLR either. I hope I am reading too much into it. Play safe and sane.

 

I think that the one thats best at knowing things bout money and how much everthing cost is the best one to have all the money really. I just get a bit to spend on my nite off . if I had a lot of money I wud prob spend a lot or lose some or something else.

 

I'd prefer DH to look after money - I just don't have the time or energy to do that. If it's a household chore, why wouldn't the sub do it? If finances are not seen as a chore but rather a power sphere then the Domme should lead - but if the Domme has no idea how it shouldn't be a problem for her to tell her sub to take over that side of things and show her while he's doing it. She keeps control over him, he makes sure they don't go bankrupt together.