What I want

Actually, after she has a martini, she probably would love it in public.

Anyway, thanks. It helps to put in words what is just under the surface. I really do love pleasing her but sometimes get caught up in my own innervision.

 

If L-u-c-y's words can teach even some of us Subs how to be better behaved around Dominant Women, then she has done a great service to Dominant Women everywhere.

I have no illusions of Serving or even meeting L-u-c-y we are half a world away from each other after all. But I can't imagine she is alone in her thoughts.

I have a crippling shyness that makes it very difficult to approach people I am attracted to. If I found a dominant Woman, found the courage to approach her, and her first impression of me was that I was a rude, self absorbed, needy asshole, ...I would be devastated.

I don't want to be seen as that person.
I don't want to BE that person.

Thank You L-u-c-y for taking the time to show us in graphic detail exactly what NOT to say

 

@L-u-c-y I guess you put so much into dominance because there are some men (and women) who do serve your wishes, minus the irritation caused by those (men) who are selfish, plus the satisfaction from putting the latter group in their place, and letting them know that place. If the net result for you were ever to tend towards zero benefit, and given the time and effort you put in, would you say we followers are at risk of waking up one day and finding you online no longer?

 

One of my partners often goes on a tirade about this issue. More than once I've heard her angrily shut her computer and state that it would be easier to get a unicorn to do her taxes than find an actually submissive man. She says that they all think they’re submissive, but according to her they’re not. She refers to them instead as 'dominant bottoms'.

 

Oh my, Lucy - followed your thread about "Lucy's list of bizarre and self centred Messages" with great "pleasure", as it allways made me laugh out loud a lot.
But now I feel like all this poppycock (pun intended) is getting worse than a single person should endure!
Can't offer much to solve all this crab - but if you're ever in the need of a comforting hug: You'll get one from me!
Don't let this bring you down!

 

YES!

And everyone’s time wouldn’t be wasted!

 

I guess it boils down for all of us to that which one feels one cannot do without

 

What is wrong with Ms Lucy’s post?

We all need to be useful to those we form relationships. Basically what she’s saying indirectly (and directly previously) is she’s not a fetish dispenser.

Too many male subs look at dominant women as a means to provide them with the activities the male wants. What Ms Lucy is saying is she’s not interested in this. The reality is most women aren’t either.

Rightfully she’s wanting loyalty and those who will serve her the way she wants, not the way they want. She’s clear about what she wants and what it involves.

Now if she only took and didn’t return anything this would be a problem. But this isn’t the case. If you read her posts and if you actually took the time to get to know her, you’d actually learn what she expects and what she gives back.

Sadly too many see one post or a few and don’t dig deeper. Or they’re fairly new and they don’t have much experience.

Ms Lucy amazes me as I’ve been in this lifestyle for decades. I’ve met many folks and most don’t have her level of maturity and understanding. She has those things and more.

So before you criticize I’d suggest you learn more and gain a deeper understanding. I suspect most of your perspective comes from online. So if you’re not doing so, get involved in your local kink community. Find a Club Fem or similar Female dominant oriented organization and get involved. Once you actually spend time with properly trained submissive sans with dominant women who have significant experience you’ll understand what she’s saying and what she’s implying.

Oh and by the way. I’ve not always been a fan of Ms Lucy. My respect for her has been earned by getting to know her, chatting with her, and having mature conversations. I’ve also watched her grow as she’s taken over this site and done a great job, and how she’s evolved in her posts and actions.

So I’m not attacking you, but suggesting you take some time and dig deeper than simply looking at a thread or three and learn from them.

 

tom i can see what you are saying however i think you have the wrong impression of me i am not criticising what Lucy said she is fully entitled to her opinion what i reacted to was the inference that......

. I dont disagree with your arguments that maybe i could learn more by attending local munches etc to learn first hand from other Dominant women but i have no need or desire to i am quite happy with my own life thank you as it is and i like to think that this site nowadays under the supervision of Mistress lucy and the other wonderful supporting staff members is a place where we can all post and reply to posts without fear unlike things were under previous times. There is no disagreement with anything just a simple observation from someone who likes the simple things in life.

 

Yes exactly. To many dodos on fetish sites don’t realize how accepting and willing a lady would be to indulge their fetish interests if they were treated in the proper way. Help make her life amazing, not for you, but because you want to see her doing well. She won’t forget you do that for her.

 

Well, Lucy's recent comments (not just this one) about FetLife inspired me to log in for something like the first time in goodness knows how long - 8 years? It said I had been inactive for at least 6 years so I had to reset my password.

One thing that jumped out at me was most (nearly all) of the people said that they are engaged in the lifestyle when they have time. To me, that sounds like a game that they play on weekends or whatever. Probably not going to find many serious Dommes or subs against that backdrop. For some of us, it's a lifestyle...and it's on 24/7. For me, that means I had better provide pleasing service to my wife on all levels, and according to her rules. I'm constantly trying to better myself as her submissive - mostly succeeding, but sometimes failing. Its a process, and we will get there in the end. I'm not saying this is the right way, or better than the "weekend warriors"; but it does lead to much deeper levels of dominance and submission in the relationship...that is unavoidable in this construct. I wouldn't have it any other way, but that's just us.

 

My wife does utilize humiliation training. I think it's an artifact of my being very much alpha male (with sexually submissive tendencies) when we were married. Societal conventions dictate that the male ego should resist submission to women. My wife gives the "male ego" a swift kick up the backside from time to time, just as a reminder that we're in a new (and improved ) dynamic. But it's always on her schedule and her terms, and it's miles off being a central pillar in our relationship. Truth be told though, I do find it stimulating on some levels.

 

Well, that’s the point. True submissives do exist. However, posting on fetish sites is likely going to attract the type that is not interested in true submission.

True submission is a heck of a lot of work. Hard work rarely attracts attention. Quick satisfaction attracts attention. Dominant women are rare, so you will attract a lot of attention from those seeking quick fixes without providing due respect. I am sorry most of it is so pathetic for you. It is disgusting.

I would like to chat more, but I having to finish building a sidewalk, finish my housework, and make dinner. I also think she deserves a hot-oil massage tonight in front of the fireplace.

 

If a guy goes around contacting women are willing to be contacted that say they are dominant ten tose guys ought to have it in their heads that if she says she is dominant then she knows what she wants fromany potential relationship and if he wants to be a part of that then he needs to put her needs first.

If he wants a dom that will do what he wants then he needs to find a partner first and steer her that way.. if he is sucess full he will probably find that eventually he has created a dom or at least let her find her dom within and she will want much more her way which he can either accept or start again.

Unless these guys are willing to mature change and basically grow up and learn to treat women with respect they will remainwhat they are... losers.

 

Words to remember and live by.

 

some of us are bad, selfish, greedy, awkward with women, but do want to be better than we are. I'm lucky to have a patient wife, and in my mid-40's barely have a little better wisdom and understanding to get a better idea of what the woman wants, which is what I really want because the intimacy and connection is more important than any specific role playing.

Role playing can be an important part of our life, maybe because I feel insecure, and role play makes the choices a little clearer. In 20+ years, the role play has evolved and a lot and is still evolving. Early on, I could get very pent off, self focused and self absorbed because it was so hard to find outlets, and know how to "dance" together with it. we/I do better now. My wife will never love my kinks as much as I do. Early on, I didn't think I would get over this, but now the best part of play is doing it "together" more than any specific kind of play.

One thing some guys (like me) to need to get over --- accept that you, the sub, probably won't understand what the Domme wants at all, it is unlikely to be what your greedy self most wants right away, you WILL have to check your ego and understand that you are probably weak and greek and greedy, you will have to be PATIENT if you are LUCKY enough that the woman is also PATIENT about you and your weaknesses and even CRACKS the door open a LITTLE bit to let you peak inside her world. SLOW DOWN, accept that you are not going to understand her easily, but try to be PATIENT and TRY anyway.

 

What @L-u-c-y says is absolutely right. I think there are plenty of people selfish and greedy and this is very bad for themselves and the community.
However, some of them are just behaving wrongly and need to correct. I think Mistress @L-u-c-y is putting lots of effort in showing us what is the correct way to approach a Queen like her and we must take this opportunity. She is giving a lot selfless without asking something in return. I think we should show her the appreciation she deserves, also for everything she does to help us!

 

All hail the Queen

Thank you, your Grace, for making this your mansion, and continuously improving it with your image and contributions.
Sadly, those very same kinds of men have soured my experience of this forum, despite your awesome leadership.

When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree by the river of truth, and tell the whole world 'No, You move

 

It saddens me to read your posts about all the self centred people that continue to contact you. This seems to be a trend in society now. The me generation. Their are some people out their that would love to serve you the way you want to be served, but I just don’t think fetlife is the place to find them because I think most people go their looking to satisfy their own needs.
To find someone who is willing to serve unconditionally isn’t easy. Have faith your perfect servant is out their somewhere. Just like the old saying. Everyone has a perfect match, finding that match is the challenge

 

I realize your not actively looking but if that perfect servant that checked all the boxes of what perfect to you is,knelt before you. I think you would seriously consider taking him as your servant.

All the Best to You Goddess