Mental Chastity

I know what you mean. It's kind of a baby to step into submission punishment wouldn't be a turn on when starting out think it's something would learn to accept overtime. Not just something you crave. When I started I would have been more turned on by being tied up than any punishment. I think if slowly introduced maybe in a flirty way if you don't behave I will punish you would maybe be more acceptable. Mutal trust and communication is important I would agree. It's dies if it's only the kink that drives the conversation. I have tried that and it don't work. What would FLR training consist of? I ask becase I'm new to FLR and curious about it

 

Great advice think my motives and desires are feeling being controlled which make me feel closer to the person somehow. Always had a thing about being restrained maybe what brought me to chastity. Just feel like chastity long term is a painful at night and little afraid to lose it while being locked up for too long.

 

@QueenOfSwords - First, this thread rules as do Your insights about the shared energy that comes with a Mistress/sub relationship. I think about things like this frequently and loved reading Your perspective.

I wanted to be the respectful voice of dissent (which makes me oh so popular...) about mental chastity at least for a segment of the sub population. It's a neat idea, but it's just not sustainable fun. Just like mental bondage, there's no physical manifestation or tactile sensation that comes with it. If I'm told to stay still, will I because I love serving and pleasing Mistress Davenport? Of course! But it's maybe 20% of the fun of even a simple ribbon binding my hands. Same thing with chastity. She supervised all orgasms long before chastity, but it is nothing like being under physical lock and key for Her. All of the warm feelings that accompany being possessed come flooding up immediately and consistently.

 

Over three months in to mental/honor chastity and my wife still views it as my kink to manage. Personally, I don't understand this, and her attitude and lack of interest is the hardest part for me. I'm interested in the experience of others on the extent of involvement their partner has in ensuring the commitment to honor chastity.

In my situation, my wife clearly enjoys the benefits of my increased attention and dependence on her for any sexual relief, but she has yet to actually physically lock me up, ask me if I've been true to my word, or otherwise checkup on me. Of course it is possible that she know just by monitoring my behavior and reactions when she wants to play with me. However, an occasional acknoweledgement that I'm doing well by her would be appreciated.(Sorry, I don't want to sound selfish, but I guess I do need at least some feedback or reinforcement to carry on. Am I asking for too much?)

 

And why exactly are you telling us this? Tell her ffs! lol
it amazes me how people wonder why X won't do this, yet you haven't even BOTHERED to ask or discuss it with that person. Talk to your bloody wife and tell her exactly what it is you want! and then ask HER what SHE wants!

 

You might find it worthwhile to explore some of the chastity options from the hypnofetish community.
Dark Side Chastity by Lee Allure imposes chastity through hypnosis, it makes the submissive unable to masturbate for pleasure, yet he can touch himself for all non erotic purposes. It can be surprisingly effective, and you don't even need to know anything about hypnosis to be an effective keyholder.

 

Does it really work? Still as excited when being allowed to?

 

From my experience, it doesn't mean that one looses the excitement. Maybe my Owner has a different approach, but what She does is more about making me want to stay chaste for Her than making me unable to touch. It's a bit like in the movie 'Inception'...
Over time, i have learned that it is much more fun under Her control than on my own and being horny is more fun than that short moment of cumming.
Also, there are other forms of hypnotic chastity than preventing touching. I have had suggestions were my hand got tired the more aroused i got or where i fell into a short sleep whenever i was approaching the edge...

 

is this the same?
http://esuccubus.com/content/chaste-servitude

 

@QueenOfSwords @LockedM Thank you both for your thoughts.

Yes, I am trying to talk about chastity with my wife. If I talk too much or too often, I risk turning her off completely. Also, I believe she needs to be shown what I hope this brings to our relationship and not told. (a “show me, don’t tell me” situation.) Therefore, I agree with @QueenOfSwords that patience is important. Three months is a long time in my book, but a blink of an eye compared with so many years of marriage (And so many more to come).

Thank you for the words of encouragement and for introducing the concept of what my own love language might be. I have spent so much time trying to figure out hers that I forgot to consider what mine is. I never thought about it. My wife is an accomplished individual who is very strong and independent. I suspect my love language is one of receiving praise and being allowed to do nice things for her. (Being allowed to do things for her shows that she has confidence in me and that she trusts me, I guess.) Perhaps something for the two of us to explore together.

You mention “Be careful what you wish for”, and I agree. I suspect mental chastity will be the most appealing to her as it requires less concern about locking, unlocking, cleaning, and other mundane tasks. I would find physical chastity more interesting and easier for me to stick with. Hypnosis might be something to look into, but that would introduce a whole new area of non-vanilla activity. Whatever will happen is not predictable. Therefore, taking it slowly seems to be the best course of action.

Hopefully this introspection helps others in similar situations. Introducing chastity into a relationship is a lot like reading a really long series of books. You need to enjoy the journey since the ending may not be what you expect.

 

it's insanely hot for me to think about a partner breaking down your will and taking control. any device is escapable, so the thought of being trained really appeals to me. some people think that devices put a little too much emphasis on the man's member, and training a man to forget about it has its place.

 

For my chastity to work it has to be both physical and mental. I know that I *need* the cage because of my erectile narcissism and because I am a masturbator. And therefore I am mentally *thankful* for the cage, I don't want to defeat it, I want it to win, I want to submit. I want to get beyond erections, or at least let her control when I have them and what happens with them. I know, deeply and emotionally, that as my device keyholder she will do a better job balancing the desires of my penis and the intimacy needs of our marriage, and that I have to accept the cage to empower her.

 

Wow Rectrix, very nicely said. I agree wholeheartedly. I would like to add one additional thought - emotionally/mentally, the feeling of the cage cradling me at all times is comforting and makes me feel closer to her for all of the above posted reasons. Can I escape it- surely - its not very diffiicult - but i don't want to. Its where i want to be and where i hope she wants me.

 

This, too. I'm always warmed and grateful *when she tells me* she wants this too, that she knows it's best for me and best for us.

Note to our keyholders: make sure he knows you want this. It's so much easier mentally when I know I am pleasing my wife.

 

@Rectrix - so true. I melt when she speaks and confirms her desire to have me in the cage.

 

With regards to orgasm control that does not involve a device, have you heard of Karezza? Both that and tantric approaches to orgasm control can be a very effective part of a loving, sexual relationship where the woman is in control. It isn't something we use but my Wife is aware of them. She actively likes seeing my locked up penis and has demonstrated more than once how much my submission turns her on. Also as I already covered the device doesn't work without the mental aspect.

For my part there are two main elements to why I don't cheat. There is no first or second, they are inextricably linked. One is the fact that to cheat would be to break her trust in me. I know for a fact that if she caught me cheating it would have a catastrophic impact on our relationship. She has told me that my chastity is now so much a part of her life that she cannot imagine going back to how things were before. Essentially I have been told I am going to be buried wearing my chastity device.

I am not going to claim that I have been perfect over the past few years. I found that after a few months of denial I could induce a completely hands free release simply by reading a chastity/Femdom story or spend some time collecting images off of Tumblr and now BDMSLR to share with her. Then it occurred to me that this might be considered mental masturbation. Elle has told me not to worry, that she finds the idea of me being able to have a release (it isn't exactly an orgasm) like this hilarious and very much a turn on. It even happened while we were on holiday earlier this year when I was lying on a sun lounger next to her. She was fascinated watching it happen. Her attitude is it just allows her to deny me even longer as some of the pressure has been released.

That pressure is the second part of why I don't cheat. I know that should she desire to spend some time giving me attention the impact on me will be huge due to the length of time I have been denied. Should I cheat it would take me a minimum of two weeks, probably closer to a month, before I get back to the level of arousal I am at right now. Masturbating makes no sense. It occurs to me that men who masturbate regularly never discover the incredible feeling that comes (pun intended) from abstaining. Elle has had me crying from the explosion of feelings I have experienced during and after an orgasm that she allowed after an extended period of denial. Why on earth would I do something to ruin that?

 

Early on in my Chastity based relationship (which my Wife had immediately agreed to, although she wasn't sure what it was about back then) Elle created the Saturday Rule. This says that she can start a conversation about chastity or any related topic whenever she likes. If she doesn't start a conversation then am only allowed to talk about chastity on a Saturday. I am also only allowed to talk about chastity in a focused, limited way and only when it is appropriate to do so. If no opportunity arises then I have to wait for the next week.

What this did was to stop me overwhelming her but it also helped me focus on what I needed and wanted to say. I spent time thinking about what was important to me that week, instead of rambling on and on about all sorts of things. It is noticeable that as time has gone on we are using the Saturday allowance less and less, but she is starting conversations at other times more often. Elle has implied that the Saturday Rule is one of the main things that have ensured we are still using chastity as part of our FLR today. If I hadn't of shut up she would have become fed up and called it all off.

 

@QueenOfSwords I totally agree with you. I already made postings about mental chastity years ago. I think mental and physical chastity are very different.
To me, chastity itself is no bdsm aspect. Of cause, the teasing and mindgames can be femdom related. But my mental chastity is something i offered many girls, even in relations without flr or bdsm at all.
I just promise to not cum and focus on her pleasure. At first, most of them are confused. But very soon, the "magic" starts. After some days of edging and teasing, i cant stop thinking of her. I write with her all the time, i dream of her, i want to meet her and make her cum again and again.
They all loved it! Male chastity combinded with female orgasms create a special bond and energy!
One girl loved it so much, she wanted me to never cum. She loved that i was always available. Whenever she wrote a message, i answered within seconds. When she wanted so see me, i was soo happy and immitiatly visited her. I once made her cum 15 times on one day, and she was soo happy, statisfied and we both had soo much energy! I didnt even ask for cumming, because i enjoyed it so much.
And at home, i edge a lot. And each time i was about to cum, i stopped and took all my willpower to remind myself why i wont cum. Each edge made me stronger, created more energy and made my will to be chaste stronger.
I get addicted to this really fast, after some month without orgasm i just want to never cum, i want to be horny and eager to please. And i know: one single orgasm, just one cumshot, even ruimed, amnd its over. Many month of build up energy are destroyed, gone forever. Its like destroying a piece of artwork you have been working on for months, many hours each day. The orgasm can be so toxic.
But chastity with devices, that are focused on bdsm, restriction and toys. I have no experiance with chastity devices at all. I once didnt cum for 16 month, i didnt need a steel or plastic device for that, just my willpower. But i once bought a device, just as a sign

 

This is a topic Ms and I have discussed frequently. Ultimately, the mind is at the center of human sexuality. This is especially true if has matured past an adolescent view of the real world. In my desire to surrender to Ms, I must be willing to surrender mentally. A physical contraption takes away my choice to make that commitment and, in fact, creates a bit of a victim pretext. We both agree that I don't want to be her victim, I want to be her lover. She expects me to be her man, not her charge, and certainly not her prisoner.