Over time, I have come to the realization that I need to be locked up 24/7, indefinitely. My wife has come to accept the keys and has told me that she insists on No-vember and that locked in chastity is "exactly where need to be." It's feeling very real finally. I wanted to ask about Coming Out to her. It's a pivotal and sometimes surprising moment when we have that realization that we *need* to be locked 24/7, when we finally come out, first to ourselves and then to our wives. It's so confusing and hard for a man who's alpha on the outside to admit and accept that he's submissive on the inside. The intimacy of admitting this your wife is marriage changing. I can only imagine that it's similar to the feeling a man comes to in admitting to himself and then to others that he's gay. How was it for you? How long did it take for you to accept this feeling? And then to admit it? I'm very alpha on the outside, successful, well-off, stable marriage and children. And yet for years, more than a decade, I masturbated almost exclusively to femdom thoughts, to stories of men being taken into loving domination, submitting to their wives needs and discipline. Through this masturbation, this continued masturbation to the same thoughts, I came to acknowledge and accept that these feelings were never going away. I could think of other things, but always the submission and the need to submit came back. And when I discovered chastity cages ten or twelve years ago the thoughts began to merge and make sense. Like many others, I suspect, I masturbated to the idea of being in chastity, of having my erection controlled, of not being able to masturbate. Simultaneously with discovering chastity cages my wife and I had started playing orgasm management and denial games ten or twelve years ago, off and on, and then increasingly on. I introduced them, and they seemed vanilla enough to be acceptable and accepted, but as the games got longer I began to confess that I liked her control, that I wanted her control. That in itself was hard -- how was she going to react when her alpha husband, the rock of her family, confessed to her that he was really a submissive boy who needed her to control his erection, to stop him from masturbating, to spank him and train him to be a better and more submissive husband? And then -- after hesitating for days to push the "purchase" button -- I bought my first cage. The thrill when it arrived, the incredible difficulty getting it on the first time because I was so swollen, the near orgasm when I heard the first click, all made me know this was right. And so one night, after years of thinking about it, after years of inching forward with vanilla-tinged confessions of a desire for her to control my cumming, I finally showed it to her, confessed to her, told her I wanted her to hold the key. I trusted her, accepted her intimacy. Came out to her. How was it for you when you came out to her?
Hi, For me it’s odd as I have and haven’t come out (so to speak). One day my wife and me were talking as our relationship was failing some due to her loss of sex drive (post children), her low self esteem, my lack of sex drive or desire, so I admitted to my wife that I masturbated a lot to porn that often ended up with Femdom, shemale, trans etc this had resulted in my not being so interested in vanilla sex or paying her attention. We both agreed I wasn’t to masturbate, this was easier said than done so she suggested chastity, I was game and we started locking me up (only in evenings). This resulted in me paying her more attention, including a lot of massages for her, amazingly this helped her become more relaxed and confident about her post baby body and her sex drive shot through the roof. My wife then one day said, when you masturbated you said femdom, I’ve been watching it and you are a pervert, but I think I am as I found my self getting wet, so do you want to try strapon play. As you can imagine I didn’t take long to answer. OH HELL YES So we spoke more I admitted to liking bondage, dressing up, anal play etc. She liked the thought of it all except me dressing up. So we started bondage, whips and pegging. It was amazing and not only saved our relationship but took it to levels I never imagined. But due to her reaction to me dressing up I’ve never dared openly admit I wanted to dress up or that I loved the thought of having a bi sexual encounter (with her consent or involvement). So I’ve come out and not. What I will say is I’ve never been happier being where I am, if I never dressed up or tried bi sex I won’t be too upset, just being caged and pegged is one of the best things ever to happen to either of us. There are times I think she likes pegging more than me, for sure I never have to instigate it.
Oh my God, @Rectrix - that was an incredibly vulnerable and arousing read. So HOT!!! Thanks for sharing.
For me, it wasn't quite so difficult. My wife doesn't let go. She likes to be in control of herself. Truth be told, I would rather be the Dom, but with her, this is off the table. So when I discovered that chastity was a real thing, and not just something people with extreme piercings did, my interest was piqued. I knew that my wife would never let me do anything kinky to her, but maybe if I were to give her complete control... So that is exactly what I proposed. Chastity with her in complete control. I explicitly told her that she could do anything to me. No safe words. Just her judgment. I trust her completely. I also have trust in her as being VRV (Very Reliably Vanilla). She is so VRV that after 15 years together, I still have no idea what her true sexual fantasies are. So now, she is very slowly growing into the role as the owner of a sexual slave. I mean... She is still VRV, but things are drifting in a less vanilla direction. I fantasize about the day that she decides to push my boundaries. I fantasize that one day I will beg for her to stop, and that she will remind me that the rules of our game are literary that she makes all of the rules, and just because she moved beyond VRV, she has no interest in renegotiating those rules. I know... BCWYWF. I just couldn't help myself. The idea of giving complete control was and is just too much of a turn on. I can't help myself but to constantly remind her that she now owns me, and I already agreed not to ever say no... So now she is slowly making me wonder if I will come to regret doing it. I actually sincerely hope that she makes me regret it. I hope she makes me do things that I would never otherwise do. I hope she sheds the VRV persona and let's me find out what her true fantasies really are.
It was different for me, my madam discovered chastity and was insistent I was to be locked up, we were and are in bdsm lifestyle, so it wasn’t a huge surprise.
Oh my gosh, stop it!! Haha I can't take it. Can't wait to have this option someday, particularly with a naturally dominant guy. Mmmmh! The things I would make him do for me... I've been dreaming of for years.
We’d played femdom games for years but I came out about chastity when I had to take six months off (in my last month) after having my rotator cuff rebuilt. I ordered (well several until we found the right one) a cage.... I wrote my Wife a letter explaining my feelings and also how wonderful it’d felt to be completely reliant on Her for relief when I was in a brace for weeks before therapy. I told her I had masturbated one to three times a day for years and that I didn’t want to do it any more, I told her about the cage and that I’d like her to have the key. She let me lock it on and took the key, after a couple of days she told me if we were going to do this, we’d be doing it properly and I’d be locked unless she was at home for the weekend and wanted to use me, and use me She does. Since I’ve been getting better, I’ve cleaned and cooked, been teased in my cage before bed and in the mornings, we have to be careful, because we have two tweens and a teenager in the house, but I believe we haven’t been this close in a few years. I love to wait on her, take care of her needs and just be close to her. I’m very happy that me being locked up turns her on the way it does.
That's very true, but then again, the phrase "orgasm management" sounds as arousing as "filing taxes". Just an extra chore added to her day when there's nothing spicy about it.
Very true. I was looking at it from a functional point of view. But, if things are set up properly: good device, compliant man, there is not much the woman needs to do on a daily basis, except reap the rewards.
you're describing the most amazing moment for a submissive. You're at maximum vulnerability but at the same time exhibiting maximum strength. Because you are accepting your nature and offering yourself in submission to another. That takes great courage.
no outing for me/us the CB arrived because She was affraid that i could "go and see outside" (as i did when meeting Her). that's was a security pleasure of wearing it pleasure of being on Her control came after
Your story and "coming out" sound so peaceful and progressive compared to my own volatility. I can't explain how chastity started for us without some pre-chastity kink background. Before I met my wife I began getting into solo cross-dressing and dildo play. When my wife and I started dating I struggled with whether or not to tell her about it. At the time my biggest concern was what if we break up and she outs me to the world? Eventually our relationship reached a point where I felt I was keeping something from her and I didn't like that. So I "came out" to her about this part of my life. She wasn't turned on or repulsed. She was curious and was concerned that I wanted to become a woman (I don't). Eventually she expressed an interest in involving herself in this part of my sexual life. So pre-marriage we would have a cross-dressed pegging experience around 8 - 9 times per year. Post marriage we took a hiatus from this for a year or so due to living arrangements. We never really got back in the swing of things. Then our first child came along and things changed a lot. Up to that point we would have sex of some type at least three times a week and usually more like five times. Things just went off a cliff after the baby. The baby was a terrible sleeper for the first 2 - 3 years. I'm talking never slept in past 4 AM and usually up 2 or 3 times a night for anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. One day my wife and I were talking and she started talking about a guy she dated in college. For some reason I found it so exciting I jumped her then and there. A few days later I we were playing in bed and I was getting her really worked up while quizzing her about her fantasies. That was when she confessed her biggest fantasy was to have sex with two or more men at once. Thus started our tradition of dirty talking on the subject in bed. At first I was one of the partners in the fantasies, but both of us were more turned on by me not being involved and instead being the bystander. Neither of us had ever heard the term "cuckold" or seen any porn to this affect. It just came from us on our own. Keep in mind this was pre-internet porn and if you wanted to watch something you ordered a VHS through the mail. This was kind of a sexual reawakening period for us. The thing was she was fine with talking about it while I wanted to live it. At first I was fine with having things on her terms. I mean we were sexually active again and that was a big deal. As she was the story teller-talker about these fantasies she started to control the situation. She would dictate the fantasy, but also what I should do to please her, what position to get into, etc. At first this was lovely as I didn't understand I was a latent submissive wanting to get out. Unfortunately she is not particularly inventive and eventually what was exciting and new became formulaic and repetitive. It went like this - Me start rubbing her body without groping to test for reception. Reception bad, stop. Reception good, work towards more erogenous zones. Her- start talking dirty about other men having sex with her. Me - take her top off and start sucking on her nipples. Her turn up the heat on talk. Me - Use fingers to start to "warm her up" for entry. Her - Tell me to get on top of her. Me - comply and initiate sex. Usually hold this position for a minute or two and then she would say "get on your back bitch". She climbs on top of me and grinds out an orgasm in under 5 minutes. She then either has me get on top of her or behind her and finish myself. There was no variation from this. I was not allowed to go down on her. She would not go down on me. I was not allowed to introduce alternate sexual positions. It was done in bed, in our bedroom and nowhere else. Don't get me wrong it was still sex, but man I wanted some variety. It was in this context that I kept trying to find that next "thing". Something that would fire us both up and get us into something new. Something that provided some variation and eroticism to what was becoming to me per functionary. I tried pursuing the multiple partner slant. I bought her books like "The Ethical Slut". I bought some FMM threesome pornos. Other stuff like this that never bore fruit. I realized by now that I liked her being in control so I tried getting her "The Mistress Manual: A Good Girls Guide to Female Dominance". That one took root a little with her, but didn't stick. The one take away was she became a little more rough and vocal in bed and for awhile that was a plus. Still our sex life was kind of cruising along as outlined above. Things started on a downwards trend around the time of the birth of our second child. More because of what I was experiencing in work and what she was experiencing in her social life. She had less and less time for me and I was dealing with some crushing developments in my small business. It was around this time that I started masturbating as often as 2 or 3 times a week. We weren't in a crisis, but we weren't in a sexual happy place. In this context one day I come across "A Key Holders Handbook" and discover male chastity for the first time. Rather than read it and get preconceived notions of what it involved I just bought it along with a cheap silicone chastity cage from Amazon. It was a Christmas present I gave her with no idea what to expect. So there was no real coming out. There was a voyage of discovery we both embarked on that has lead us this far with no idea where it's going to end up.
@Rectrix This is remarkably similar background to myself. My wife has known of chastity cages as I introduced a cb6000s during our kinky play years ago however that all fizzled out and has been absent for a number of years. It was never realy used properly just for a bit of role play before sex. Our relationship has been pretty vanilla yet at the same time I have always been Submissive she is naturally more dominant. The point came when the inner desire or urge to properly submit was too great. It had been scratching me all my life. From watching femdom porn I thought chastity would be the ideal way to submit and curb my excessive masturbation. I knew so strongly that I needed this and I had to bring it up and did prepare myself for a worst case scenario of non acceptance. I started experimenting first. Cb6000s was uncomfortable. I got a Htv3 Nano and made sure it was comfortable before announcing it. About the same time discovered CM. Inspired by some of the journals I had read I couldn't wait but in hindsight I should have waited and looked more closely at them but I was too excited. My coming out 3 months ago was basically announcing on the night that I was wearing a chastity device and she had had the keys in her bag all day. I can't remember how I worded it exactly but it wasn't very good. I asked if she would keep the keys and not give me them if I asked. She wasn't very enthusiastic as was expected but obliged. Nothing else was said about it that night, it was very breif. That was the innitial coming out part although I still feel like I am coming out. Since then my coming out has been more gradual as over the weeks I have learned more about myself and been more open with her. I had been dreading a moment where I would have to ask for the key and never actually did until very recently. She didn't give me it and that was my confirmation that she wasn't just going along with this for the sake of it.
Sounds like my situation. I got sick of masturbation; as I write this I'd be doing it if able. My wife's sex drive had dropped, and I proposed this as a compromise. I SO WISH my wife had brought it up to me. She's very vanilla, but is a great woman who will try alot I bring up. I long to be caged 24 7, but unfortunately I have a dangerous and sometimes physical occupation (you could probably figure it out.) If I got kicked there or sent to the ER, it could be a.nightmare.
I'll edge, Queen. For too long. I'm better off in a cage, and even then there are attempts at stimulation. (In my HT knock off, where I really have no chance of touching my penis at all, I find myself for the first time teying to stimulate myself in other ways