The Random Journal

Three years ago I would have thought you were mad, but now I’m in complete agreement with you. I had my second orgasm of the year a few weeks ago and while it was good it was over so quickly. I find the feeling of wanting an orgasm, of being so close to having one, far more appealing than having one. The best way for that to happen is to help my Wife have an orgasm, to be allowed to give her what I am denied.

 

A series of thoughts that do lead to a point, I promise!

Warning - this is an example of a blog post that outlines some of the real issues I have experienced while becoming a chaste male. There is very little fantasy/sex stuff.



I have read about and seen images of how submissive men (and women) in relationships with a dominant partner sometimes need that partner to BE dominant to help ground them, calm them and help them find a sense of who they are.

I have wondered, throughout the development of my new way of living with my Wife, based around the Male Chastity and FLR elements, am I submissive? Is she dominant? Is what we are doing going to end up damaging our relationship? Is our relationship with its new dynamic going in the right direction?

Part of my brain, a childlike part, has pushed back and resisted my submission. When Elle has told me off, or admonished me, or looked at me in a particular way that shows displeasure, I have argued, answered back, complained and acted like a sulky child. I have said I am submissive, asked her to tell me to do things and got upset when she has got on with a menial task instead of telling me to do it, but when I am given a situation in which to act submissive I have fought and acted anything but submissive.

(The point starts here!)

Yesterday was ridiculously stressful. I had to go through some admin that involved some really serious documents that somehow I had lost. I spent the evening before, with Elle's help, searching for the documents but not finding them. Elle didn't shout at me, didn't say anything, she just supported me and was amazing. I was up until 1am, searching everywhere, and back up at 6am, unable to sleep or eat my breakfast.

Luckily the clerk I was dealing with was able to print off copies and get all the information I needed, the relief was immense, as the impact of failure would have wrecked Christmas and New Year. I then did some of my occasional advisory support work and had a really emotional day. When I got home I prepared dinner for Elle as she had half an hour after getting home from work before having to go out again.

When Elle got home I greeted her and made her a drink. All of a sudden she scowled at me and told me there was no milk, so there would be no breakfast the next morning. I should have just said sorry but instead I answered back, tried to put the blame onto her. You didn't tell me. I was at work all day. I didn't have time to get any. If you had told me I could have gone to the shop while you were out.

I did then go out to get some and I felt awful. I admonished myself as I knew I had done exactly what I had said I would try and stop, which was to answer back. I was clearly in the wrong and as soon as I got home apologised. This didn't help at all and I felt really stressed, unable to focus or relax.

So...

Elle took me upstairs and let me have a shower with her, as she needed to wash her hair. I waited by the door of the bathroom until she let me enter, and shaved while she washed her hair, then waited until she told me to enter the shower and wash her back. I asked for and received permission to wash her bottom. None of these things in themselves are hugely D/s but they all add up. I have to have permission to do the little things that in the past I would have just done.

Elle does not ask permission to wash my bottom. I get a finger spin to indicate I should turn around, and then she does what she wants for as long as she wants. She builds up my arousal to the point where she knows I am at my peak, and then she leaves the cubicle. She then told me to finish up and join her downstairs where she wanted a foot massage while she watched tv.

I went downstairs just wearing my chastity device and took my butt plug with me. I realised I needed help, that by acting more submissive I would be able to get my head back where I wanted it to be. Kneeling in front of her in just my device, massaging her feet and not being able to see what she was watching all help with the feeling of submissiveness. Elle was on the phone to a friend so I made her a hot drink and took it into her.

I knelt in front of her and held the cup out. The situation reminded me of an image I had seen on Tumblr and shared with Elle and it gave me an idea.



I positioned myself in front of her just like the male in the image just without the blindfold, holding the hot mug in one hand. After a few moments she tried to take it off me, though it was still very hot and she wasn't ready to drink, still talking to her friend. I made the smallest of motions indicating I was happy to hold the mug for her. I placed my right hand on my knee, palm up, and bowed my head.

Later Elle told me that at first she wondered what the heck I was doing. And then she remembered the picture. She knew exactly what I was doing and it gave her a rush, a tingle in the tummy. She allowed me to kneel like that for a good ten minutes until she finished her conversation. She smiled at me and took the mug. I was feeling ridiculously aroused. I spent the time while I waited analysing the feelings I was having, knowing that I was happy and would have stayed like this as long as she wanted.

When she finished her call I asked for and received permission to insert my plug, which she enjoys seeing me push in. I then gave her the foot massage while she watched an episode of Outlander on Amazon Prime. (The main character Claire would make an excellent Mistress!) When I finished her massage she allowed me to turn around and watch the remainder of the episode, resting her feet on my legs.

The incredible thing was the effect this had on me. All my stress from earlier in the day, stress which would have normally given me a migraine and I had felt the early markers of one starting, all of it had vanished. I was calm, happy, content, aroused, invigorated. I realised that I am truly happy doing this sort of thing, I want, crave the chance to do it again, that this is where I am happy.

So now I have experienced this notion that a D/s relationship is good for both participants, that being Dominant helps the D feel D, and being submissive and being cared for by the D helps the s. Later on in bed I told Elle it had made me feel calm and incredibly loved. She laughed, saying it was odd that me being treated like a servant made me happy and made me feel like I was loved. But she also said she understood, that I had looked happy and she was glad it had helped me. It was during this conversation that she agreed we should do it again. For me it was simply the way she allowed me to serve her, and how she smiled at me and touched me when I handed her the mug that made me feel loved.

What an amazing evening.

 

Thank you all for the kind words. It’s funny, I honestly thought that the length of the post and how virtually nothing kinky or fantasy driven happened in it meant it deserved a warning. It’s really interesting to hear the perspective of others.

The respect we have for each other angle is absolutely bang on. The way our relationship has developed over the past three years has been amazing and since the episode I wrote about there has been a noticeable increase in intimacy and loving behavior between myself and my Wife.

 

Welcome to 2019, the fourth year I have been kept chaste.

2018 was quite a year. We have come a long way in the time we have been living this way and Elle continues to demonstrate how much she enjoys this lifestyle and how she has only one direction in mind.

On the whole last year was massively positive. Of course we had problems and issues, but most of those were caused by ‘real life’, and many were actually resolved or helped by our kinky life.

I still struggle with certain aspects of my behavior, but the huge difference is now when I am answering back or arguing with Elle, in my head a voice is immediately telling me what I am doing and telling me I must stop. I honestly think that I can and will get to a point where I can stop answering back although I know it isn’t going to be easy.

Elle and I had a major argument in the new year which was ultimately caused by just a few words, a classic case of women from Venus and men from Mars. It took us 3 hours to calm down and for me to apologise, and if anything we both have a better understanding of each other after the discussion. This would have taken days, if not weeks, before I made a conscious effort to stop and change my attitude.

2018 saw me have even fewer full orgasms than the two previous years. 5 in both 2016 and 17, just 2 last year. It saw my longest period of denial to date, exactly 6 months and also saw a rise in how many times my body gave up waiting and made me have a ruined orgasm through some kind of fluid emission. When I pointed out that I had only had 2 orgasms the grin on Elle’s face was positively vicious. It would appear that I am not to expect more than that this year. As usual though Elle reserves the right not to tell me anything.

Elle on the other hand had more orgasms than the previous year, 48. This was despite a significant period of illness and then at least a month of traveling in October and November. 2018 was the first year in which Elle had a multiple orgasm. The significant thing though is Elle is adamant that her orgasm count is secondary to her enjoyment of our everyday intimacy and how close we have become. For her the orgasms are nice, but it is the foot massages, manicures and pedicures, baths, shared showers, me reading to her and cuddles that are the reason we have become a full time FLR and male chastity couple.

2018 also saw the longest period of me being locked up, 24 days. It was an interesting experience and one we will need to talk about. When I was finally unlocked my initial thoughts were no bad side effects had occurred. Over the next few days though the skin on my penis became red, itchy and very dry, despite the use of salve. I think this is caused by my glans modification creating issues when I leak or when I pee.

I am away from home on a business trip and cannot wait to get home.

 

Well, the year was going well, but then we had the biggest argument we have had since Elle became my Keyholder. When we had recovered from that I screwed up, big time. So badly Elle sent me a text that read “You are a dead man walking!” The weird thing is with how we dealt with the argument and the screw up, and how the aftermath looks like it is going to make things between us even better.

First I was accused of ruining something. To me the words were like a red rag to a bull and I exploded. I became aggressively belligerent and we ended up yelling at each other. Then the way I have been trained over the past three years kicked in and everything changed.

I walked away and stayed away. I didn’t carry on arguing and when I came downstairs I offered Elle a drink. Elle also changed her response and accepted my offer. About three hours after the argument we talked about what happened and explained what our reasons were for our reactions.

To me it was all about the choice of words. If Elle had said that the object had been ruined and it was my fault because I took it with us when we went away for new year, no argument. But to say I ruined it seemed to me like a direct accusation of a willful act. To me shad said that I had literally got hold of the object and ruined it. This really upset me.

The next day when Elle came home from work we hugged and apologise day to each other, and while things were not exactly normal, they were much better than a post argument situation pre-chastity.

Following this I went on a business trip and was away for several days. A significant problem developed because before I went I neglected to set up several things that Elle needed to be in place. It was a complete oversight on my part, simply due to the stress of me having to prepare for the trip involving travel across three countries. When I received the text from Elle I had no idea what the problem was and, to be fair the issue was caused by things out of my control. That said I didn’t argue and accepted Elle’s decree that punishment was in order.

The difference is Elle now has something she really feels I need punishing for, within the remit of our FLR and dealt with in a FLR Femdom style. Elle was never one for giving me any mental or physical punishment whether I had done something wrong or bad or not. That has changed. She has warned me that my punishments will be given regularly, without warning and for a long time.

The first punishment she gave was when she made me crawl on the floor begging for forgiveness. At first I started to smile, thinking this was a joke, but the thing with Elle is she is really bad at role play. That isn’t a criticism, it’s just what she is like, she cannot play a part, she has to really believe what she is saying. This was made clear very quickly and the smile fell from my face.

I prostrated myself as ordered (although she had originally said I had to prostate myself which initially confused me but gave us something to laugh about later!) I then begged for forgiveness, but was told three times my efforts were not even close enough to be pleasing to her. After the third time she told me to crawl forwards so she could use me as a foot stool, because that was all I was worth! And she did, for almost an hour.

So, why was I getting turned on?

The issue for me has been that I craved punishment and felt I needed it if I was ever going to manage to truly modify my behavior. Elle wouldn’t punish me because she didn’t feel like she had the right and also because of the terms of our marriage. She didn’t feel like she had the right. Now she does.

Elle has also explained that just because she has started to be nice to me it doesn’t mean I have been forgiven. Punishments are coming.

 

I knew it had been a while since I last updated my journal but had no idea it had been THAT long! I have had some significant experiences over the past five months, some amazing conversations with Elle, but for some reason never got around to writing about them. I have no explanation, I have been busy, injured (I fell over and dislocated my shoulder while on the second day of our skiing holiday while travelling at what was very nearly no miles an hour!) and hay fever this year has been horrific.

None of that explains my lack of updates though.

Elle continues to push the boundaries of the terms of denial I am forced to endure. As I write this the Chastity widget on the previous post announces it has been 6 months and 5 days since my last full orgasm, meaning this is the longest period of denial I have experienced. More of this in a moment.

The Saturday Rule is very much still in force, meaning I am only allowed to discuss Chastity or our FLR on that day. We hadn't discussed anything for several weeks when I told Elle that what normally happens is I think of something during the week and then forget it by the Saturday, usually remembering it on the Sunday! She laughed and thought this was no excuse for relaxing the rule. I should write my thoughts down was her thought.

The demise of Tumblr had an impact on us. Elle enjoyed our shared Tumblr and used it as an ideas repository. Quite a few of our memorable experiences started off as a Tumblr post. When it was puritanized we lost a community that I had built up of like minded chastity minded people. I have been using BDSMLR but that isn't as good, not yet anyway.

I have actually made three blogs on the platform. The main one is https://bdsmlr.com/blog/EllesSubbyHubby, then I have another which is a collection of Ideas for Mistress Elle, and a third which is to be used to tease me. Images of big penises getting to have fun with nice plump pussies, that sort of thing.

Anyway, the 6 month denial thing. This is the third six month period in a row I have gone without an orgasm, so I guess that is now my new 'normal'. Elle seems to think that two a year is roughly enough, and recently told me that the way she currently feels she would expect us to be doing this into our 90s, if we live that long. That conversation came about when I told her I thought she had become bored with the Chastity thing as she had left me unlocked for a month after my Skiing accident. She told me not to be stupid, I was unlocked because I was injured and ill.

There is an interesting development as a result of my long denial periods. Unless I am being teased by Elle or given an opportunity to give her an orgasm, I don't actually have much desire for one myself. It is like the need for an orgasm ramps up for the first month or so after the previous one, then it plateaus for a few months, then the need starts to fade. The fun though is definitely when she teases me. The ease with which she can get me begging is ridiculous. I think it is half the reason she makes me wait so long, she doesn't want to wait too long to get me into the mess she can induce after three or four months.

I am still having regular unstimulated ruined orgasms, about one a month. The last happened when I was sat at my computer, fully dressed, looking for images to share with Elle on BDSMLR. I had asked Elle whether having one of these emissions was tantamount to masturbating but she told me not to worry. In her opinion it is cute I cum like that.

So, it looks like Chastity is my long term future.

One last thing. A while back there was a news report that Brits were having less sex. https://www.bbc.com/news/health-48184848 Elle mentioned it to me and grinned.

We are having plenty of sex, aren't we dear, she said. At least once a week and quite often more.

It's not exactly what most people would call 'normal' sex though, is it? I replied.

Her grin became even larger. No dear. Would you rather have more orgasms but less sex? she asked?

No, I didn't think so!

I honestly don't understand why denial and control turns me on so much. The problem is I cannot fake the way her denial and control affects me.

 

Occasionally something happens that definitely deserves a journal update. The events of yesterday evening and night absolutely fall into that category. This doesn’t mean that nothing ever happens, or that things have got boring, far from it. They have however become routine, so less interesting for me to write about. (Not however less interesting to experience.)

For instance if the opportunity arises during the evening I sit at my Mistress’ feet, whether we are watching tv, listening to music, talking about our day or whatever. If it is suitable then, like last night, this is with me naked apart from my device, but if not then it still makes Elle happy. This closeness and intimate submissive experience is Elle’s favourite part about my chastity. She regularly uses my legs as a place to rest her feet, using me as a kind of footstool. There is nothing demeaning about this, nothing inherently dominant on her part, but it is something we do as often as possible and we have become much closer as a couple as a result of it.

Another development in our relationship is that at the weekend, if we are home, not busy, not tired or stressed, then invariably Elle will use me in some way or another to help her have an orgasm. If any of those parameters are not met then she isn’t someone who can switch off, or have an orgasm as a way of de-stressing. I can also not expect anything sexual to happen if it is too late by the time we go to bed. She is a very sensible, grounded woman, and knowing we have a young child who is going to wake us up means she will want to get to sleep rather than spend time playing.

Elle has an exam coming up, for something she has studied hard at for over two years. She hasn’t found the subject easy and is struggling with one very distinct and encompassing concept. Last night she got very frustrated with herself and despite my help is seriously doubting her ability to pass the exam. Due to her stress levels my immediate realisation was that the chances of anything sexual happening would be delayed until at least the next night. After that realisation I thought no more on the matter, and after these last few years of being conditioned by Elles’ rules and wishes, didn’t sulk about this either.

Elle mentioned that she wanted her feet doing, which meant a foot bath and massage and her nail varnish removed ready for reapplication the next evening. Due to her stress levels I decided not to go full submissive and just remove my trousers, not get fully undressed. She was drinking a Radler, a German beer that’s a bit like a British shandy, and was watching her favourite British gardening program (thanks to a clever VPN that fools the BBC into thinking we are located somewhere in the UK.)

Elle quipped that the only thing missing was a glass of wine for us to be enacting her favourite type of chastity image (female sat on a sofa, drinking a glass of wine, naked chaste male tending to her feet while she reads a book or magazine, or watches tv.) Because of what she had said I changed my mind and fully disrobed and with my back to the tv (an important act of submissiveness on my part as far as Elle is concerned) washed her feet, dried them, massaged them, applied nail varnish remover, massaged her hands while the varnish remover did it’s thing, then took all the pads off her toes and cleaned up everything.

Elle had finished her Radler so I got her another drink and we sat together and watched the end of the program. By the time it had finished it was getting late (due to the time difference between us and the UK) but, as it was a Friday evening Elle decided she still wanted me to read to her. She prepared herself for bed then let me get in beside her where I read the latest chapter of our current book. (Something else we do almost every day that I do not write about.)

After the book reading we usually cuddle before I am sent to bed. Very occasionally I will be teased and it is at the moment she deems me to be suitably aroused that she will send me to my own bed. Last night was just such a night and she started by stroking my side, gently caressing me, eliciting moans of pleasure. I am seven months since my last orgasm and ridiculously easily aroused. I mentioned that I was trying not to make ay noises because it would mean I would have her attention for longer and Elle laughed and doubled her efforts. She likes playing with my nipples and this really gets me going. I tried to claim I wasn’t aroused but she reached down and checked and noted that I was definitely aroused.

Usually this is the moment I am sent to bed, but for some reason she didn’t do that. She went even further, caressing me, playing with me, making me squirm with desire. Then she did something that she hasn’t done in a long time, she took my hand, moved it between her legs and pressed it against her pussy, letting me feel how wet she had become.

My mind melted. The realisation that my reaction to her attention, my arousal, my seven month long period of denial, my locked penis, all of this had made her aroused had a big impact on me. As my hand found her wetness a shiver pulsed through her and she grasped my hand with both of hers. She made it very clear that she wanted me to press harder and move my hand, then she started moving herself harder against my hand.

Another shiver ran through her and she pushed my hand even firmer against her, moving my hand up and down and her hips from side to side. She paused briefly to get completely naked then went back to encouraging me to caress her pussy. It suddenly hit me. She was using my hand to masturbate herself. My penis is locked up, I am not allowed to masturbate, and she is using my hand to masturbate herself. The implications of this took me into a submissive state that I haven’t achieved in a long time.

When she had her orgasm it was powerful, her body arched and her breasts thrust out, her nipples visibly engorged. It was an incredible moment. As she came down she looked at me and laughed at the expression on my face.

It is moments like this that truly make everything we do worth it. Elle very rarely masturbates (once a year, if that, she didn’t masturbate in my presence at all last year) so that on its own had an impact on me. The level of her arousal, the way this had happened because of all of my efforts to reduce her stress levels, that it happened despite the lateness, that it was happening at all, that she stated during the event that I wasn’t allowed to have an orgasm or to masturbate, that my denial absolutely turned her on, all of that made last night one of my top ever sexual experiences.

It also demonstrated that her demand for my chastity isn’t going to come to an end any time soon.

 

Elle has finally allowed me to have an orgasm, my first in 8 months, 2 weeks and four days. My first this year. It still amazes me that she has taken us this far into a Female Led Male Chastity based lifestyle. I would never have guessed she wold make me wait two months let alone eight, yet I would not be surprised if she made me wait at least as long again if not longer. In the post orgasm debrief she told me that she had thoroughly enjoyed watching how I coped with such a long period of denial.

It was another memorable evening. I can honestly say that the past four years have taught me that when Elle decides to either tease me or let me pleasure her, a feeling of wanting to cum is normal, any expectation of being allowed to is futile. I have simply stopped hoping. There is no point. I am allowed to tell her I want to cum, she enjoys knowing that she has turned me on, but I am not allowed to beg or to repeat myself.

The week or so before I had been unlocked from my device. At first this was because of a flight to Spain for holiday. Elle decided to allow me a holiday from the device too, we had travelled with a large group and had many children with us. It wasn't that she was worried about me being discovered, she just wanted an easy week. There was no allowance given though, I was under no illusion that I was expected to behave and not allowed any funny business..

Apart from my unlocked status the evening started in a normal way for the weekend. First a shower including some intense teasing, then me giving Elle a massage and then oral pleasure. For some reason Elle was really turned on, and had a really powerful orgasm. I was kneeling in front of her and let her know how much I wanted to cum. To my surprise she told me I was allowed to masturbate and I only had five minutes to achieve an orgasm.

I didn't need telling twice. I quickly put on my cock rings and grabbed some lube. She told me to kneel in front of her and got her watch. I was made to wait until she was ready, and then the timer was started. I knew almost immediately that I was going to cum. I was looking into her eyes while I was masturbating, thanking her for being allowed. She then started telling me how much she was enjoying watching me, and how much she enjoyed denying me, and how much she had enjoyed the sex we were having.

It didn't take long, although I must admit I slowed down towards the final moment, to try and make it last longer. When I came it was incredible, it didn't spurt like it used to, the cum was really thick and sticky and just flowed all over me. The feeling was intense and nearly made me cry.

Two minutes she said. Next time maybe I should only give you two minutes, as it appears you don't need five.

Needless to say I have been told not to expect anything else for a while and last night she locked me up again.

 

The fact that masturbating has become such an epic occurrence ensures I would not want this lifestyle to stop. Before chastity I would masturbate two or three times a week. It had become too easy, almost mundane. Now I get a single chance in a year and it is precious. Before it would have been done alone, watching porn. Now I masturbate kneeling in front of my Wife, looking directly into her eyes. Now I am doing it with her express permission. Now she will be disappointed if I do not cum, not because I have.

Now masturbation is a special occasion. Just thinking about it excites me in a way it never did before.

 

I feel that it is time for a bit of an update. My involvement in the discussions in the Mansion have all but stopped and even my lurking has become almost non-existent. It has nothing to do with my feelings about chastity or the Mansion, I just haven't felt the urge to share anything. Maybe it is just part of the arc of the chastity lifestyle. You either move away from the lifestyle or it becomes so integral that writing about it would be like writing about making a sandwich and a mug of coffee.

I am just over a week away from the fourth anniversary of my Wife, Elle, taking the key to my Holy Trainer and formally taking control of my access to my penis. This year I have been allowed one full orgasm, with no sign that a second might be happening any time soon. After my previous denial period being the longest I had endured or subjected to, 8 and a half months long, my current is 'only' three and a half months long. Elle doesn't mess about when it comes to saying no.

Since Elle locked me up I have been allowed thirteen orgasms. Five in the first year, five in the second, then two, now one. Before chastity I would have had many, many more than that. If I masturbated twice a week (which I invariably did, if not more) and had sex with Elle two or three times a month, I would have had something like 536 orgasms in the four years before chastity. Despite how nice an orgasm is I never want to go back to being like that.

Why? Why is not having an orgasm better than having one? Because the experience of being kept chaste has changed me and Elle. I am not talking about the chastity tropes of suddenly seeing Women as amazing beings who deserve my respect, or that I suddenly spend more time thinking about what my Wife wants. I did much of the day to day running of the house before Elle became my Keyholder and I hope I have always treated women with respect. I don't feel looking at a woman and admiring her femininity is in any way disrespectful.

The simple fact is I always felt that Elle was in charge, but now she does too. She has become much more confident, much more assured that what she wants is good for both of us. Her control arouses me in a way I never experienced prior to chastity. I am genuinely aroused by being sexually submissive to her. She is genuinely aroused by holding the key to my locked penis and submissive position in our relationship. She is aroused when I kneel in front of her and hold a drink for her, or pamper her in whatever way I decide to use. Rarely does she have to ask me for a foot massage, or a drink, or anything else.

Last night we used hair removal cream on my legs as life had got in the way of my epilating routine, had a shower together, then I knelt in front of Elle and inserted my butt plug. I stayed kneeling presenting myself until she gave me permission to rise. I then spent the evening wearing only my Chastity Device, talking with her about our current issues regarding our FLR, removing the nail varnish from her toes ready for reapplication the next evening. She phoned her mother and I kneeled in front of her, patiently waiting for any instructions she might give me. I was shocked but obeyed when she indicated she wanted me to lick her pussy while she talked to first her mother then her father. When the call finished she told me to stop, which I did without complaint. (Not complaining or sulking when denied sexual content with Elle is a big change in me.)

So while nobody had an orgasm, what we did have was an evening of both intimate and sexual contact, talking, controlling and obeying, gentle but definite dominance, happy and definite submission, finishing with me reading to Elle before a cuddle and dismissal.

Why on earth would I go back to how things were before?

 

Elle let me have my second orgasm of the year last weekend. I had been unlocked from my device on the Friday so I think she had been planning to use me for a few days. Elle knows that while I can perform satisfactorily within a few hours of being unlocked, as long as I use penis rings to help keep me erect, a few days produces a much better result.

Things started in their usual way with me first washing her then giving a massage before being instructed to lick her bottom. The difference was in what happened when she turned over, as after only a few moments of me licking her pussy she leaned up and told me she wanted to make love.

My response is an example of how I have been trained. Gone are the questions of whether she is sure, of questions of whether I was allowed to cum. I jumped up, grabbed and put on my penis and ball rings, lubed up and asked for permission to enter her Yoni. Once permission had been given I put all my efforts into providing her with the pleasure she yearned for and deserved.

After her orgasm I knelt away from her and let her relax. She looked at me and smiled, and commented that I hadn’t cum. No, I said, you never gave me permission. She thought for a moment and then smiled, saying “You can kneel in front of me and masturbate.” Again I didn’t question her but proceeded to do as I had been instructed. She talked about how pleased she had been with my efforts that day, that week and that was why I was being rewarded.

I felt an orgasm start to build up. I looked at her, with full eye contact, told her I was close, asked for permission to cum. She thought for a second and then gave me permission. Without any delay it happened, I erupted, howling with the feeling of release after 4 months and a week of denial.

My previous period of denial had been 8 months and the time before that another 8 months. I thanked her and told her how lucky I felt that this period had been only four months. She agreed, telling me that she had also done it for her, she enjoyed seeing me cum.

4 orgasms in 20 months. What have I done? How did this happen? Why do I enjoy it so much? The answer is that I can honestly say that the level of arousal I felt throughout the entire evening far eclipses anything I felt in all the years prior to chastity. The power of the orgasm was on another level, the strength of the bond between us as I masturbated utterly incredible. Even thinking about it now I am feeling aroused. And all of this during one of the most stressful periods of our lives.

 

It is obvious from reading some of the content in the Mansion forums that for many chastity is either a fantasy or used as a way to fuel arousal. It is also a fact that for many chastity becomes a fundamental part of their lifestyle. I am not in any way criticizing anyone who uses chastity primarily as a tool to instigate arousal, and I am not claiming that chastity does not arouse me, but I do feel that taking chastity further and having it as a part of your actual lifestyle is a worthwhile goal.

Elle and I had a sexual experience a few nights ago that was incredibly powerful and was without doubt completely fed into by our chastity based lifestyle. Nothing that happened would have done so in the years before Elle locked me up and we started transitioning to an FLR.

It was evening and Elle instructed me to strip down to my chastity device and kneel in front of her. I was instructed to remove the varnish from her toenails while she watched a tv program. Once that was complete we went upstairs and Elle stripped and lay on her bed so I could give her a pedicure. Once I had finished Elle got into bed and we cuddled and chatted for a good half hour. At no point was sex ever mentioned and at no point did I expect to be asked to do anything sexual.

I mentioned that I had a lot of chastity based thoughts going on in my head but as it wasn’t a Saturday wouldn’t voice them. Elle gave me special dispensation to talk which I did. I was on my side and as we talked she turned onto her back and draped her leg over mine, brushing it against my device. Obviously my arousal levels went through the roof.

I decided to be brave and ask if I could touch her pussy. Due to all sorts of reasons we hadn’t had an opportunity for any sexual contact of any kind for a few weeks. Elle gave me permission and I began to stroke her. We carried on talking and again, there was no suggestion this was to be anything other than a close, intimate experience.

Prior to chastity I would have been doing everything I could to turn Elle on, to get her to want to have sex. Now all I was doing was enjoying the opportunity of being able to touch her. I don’t know how long this went on for but Elle thoroughly enjoyed me touching her. So much so that she eventually told me to get some lube and that start actually masturbating her.

I’m not going to go into the mechanics of what happened, other than to say we lay side by side, Elle very much involved in what we were doing, moving with me, directing me, helping me. The orgasm she had built slowly, brought orgasmic noises from her that she doesn’t often make and was obviously extremely powerful. The impact on me was huge, physically and mentally.

I realized that everything we had done that led to her orgasm came from everything we had learned about each other over the four years she has been first my Keyholder and then my Mistress. It truly was a stunning moment, not one I will be quick to forget.