Logical domination

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by L-u-c-y, Oct 28, 2019.

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  1. L-u-c-y
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    I wonder if anyone else is into this kind of domination... I only allow people to serve me if there is a point to it. I'm not into BDSM itself.

    Some background...

    I joined this site 5 years ago, I have an interest in cosplay and someone told me fetlife was a good site for it. That’s why I’m here, not for BDSM reasons. This is fetlife after all, not BDSMlife. I wasn't looking for anyone or anything and I'm still not.

    I uploaded a few cosplay photos which proved popular, and I started to get a bit of a following. Then males started begging to "serve" me.

    This sounded great, lots of men serving my every whim! I've always been dominant and been able to twist men around my little finger. Unfortunately in the fetish world "serving" usually means sex or humiliation games.

    I'm not interested in that, but I do like useful slaves who can do practical things to benefit my life. Things like driving, cleaning, gardening, shopping. An online sub made a iPhone app to my directions, another made a website for me, one slave used his contacts to get me a job interview that doubled my wages.

    I call this logical or practical domination, but when I think about it there is not even any domination, I just say what I want. I think a lot of what is seen as domination is just having the confidence to say what you want.

    That's all I do. I don't whip anyone or humiliate them or tie them up. I see my subs and slaves as friends, friends who know their place.

    This is not a precursor to some kind of fetish reward, serving IS the reward.
    Maybe I am too logical for this site, but I don't get why people want to roleplay being subs and slaves when they can serve for real in useful and practical ways. :)

    I'm not looking for anything or anyone, and I have never approached anyone. So if you approach me saying you want to SERVE me, you better damn well make sure that you can be useful. :)

    And remember this, you are the one asking for something, not me.
     
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  2. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    It all makes sense but most of your followers are online. How can they practically serve you through an online medium? You have listed a helpful couple but they helped you in what sounds like niche one time kind of stuff. What are your goals for your potential slaves?
     
  3. b_quark
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    b_quark Long term member

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    The vast majority of my submission and service to my wife is not entirely unlike this. I am not allowed to have PIV sex with my wife, and she never ever touches my penis to give me sexual enjoyment (she touches it sometimes when it's caged to tease and frustrate me). In other words, while I may be aroused by the sight of her and the things she says and does, it is clear she is not going to provide me any physical sexual stimulation of any kind, ever.

    Yes, I am sometimes expected to please her sexually, with my tongue or with the dildo. And it is true that I enjoy that and become aroused by it, but it has nothing to do with rewarding me. In fact, she gets mad if I enjoy it too much. It's for her and not for me, simple as that.

    But more in line with what you said, the vast majority of the time I simply do as she asks, as is expected, whether it is chores around the house, shopping, driving somewhere, rubbing her back or feet, etc. I don't do that for any reward. There is no quid pro quo. If I were to try and ask to be released from chastity for "being a good boy" she would only keep me locked that much longer.
     
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  4. Lockedboy101
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    Wonderful sentiments, couldn’t agree more
     
  5. Quietlisten
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    Quietlisten Junior Member

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    "Do me" subs are a dime a dozen, particularly on line where they can pop up behind an anonymous persona, get their rocks off, and be on their way. Their computer is a window into a fantasy world that takes almost zero investment and where they bear no responsibility. Things are almost as bad in the local BDSM "communities," which I once heard called "high school with handcuffs." Drama, drama, drama.

    On line, anonymous do-me subs want instant gratification, causing some (most?) Dommes to avoid on-line interaction due to the flood of demand that comes their way. Other Dommes insert a "filter" in their communication channel, subs who screen their messages and apply rules to contacts. Still others use payment as a crude first barrier, though I doubt this brings them exactly the communications they would want. I'm not sure if anyone has found the perfect barrier against the constant din of the do-me subs.

    There really are service submissives on line, though they are a distinct minority. I suspect that you can sniff out the fakes, but that takes effort that I can understand is annoying. All subs want a Domme's attention; only a few will earn that and her trust.
     
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  6. Quietlisten
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    Quietlisten Junior Member

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    Hints that a sub may be a "do me" sub:

    - Most of their sentences start with the letter "I."
    - They expect a response (Domme's attention) right NOW.
    - They want to share their favorite fetishes right NOW. They want that to be the topic of conversation almost exclusively.
    - What they can do to be of value is indefinite. "Anything" is the most common promise. "No limits" is a dead giveaway that they have a script in mind for you to follow.
    - Disgusting photos of themselves are already in your inbox. Lucky you!

    I'm sure @L-u-c-y has a LONG list of these hints by now. The bizarre unprompted messages she gets are just mind blowing.
     
  7. Prettysmall
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    Prettysmall happy for a change

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    That's how me and my wife are. She dominates me and puts me in chastity as I had a problem with porn and saving my cum for her. She hates porn and she hates me jerking it without her. So now am locked and dominated by her as a way to prevent me from being bad and servicing her weather that's sexually or maybe just just doing chores around the house both of them work for her and make her happy and a happy wife wants the d so it's a win for both of us
     
  8. L-u-c-y
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    Most are niche things, that's why I don't look for online subs, there are not many uses for them.
     
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  9. L-u-c-y
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    Another giveaway is they straight away want to talk on skype or some other instant messenger. Sending emails is too slow for them.
     
  10. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    How did you take an interest in to chastity? I know that you said that males would beg you but you seem to be all in instead of rejecting the idea so there must be aspects that you find interesting. It’s amazing how things evolve in life. You do amazing cosplay and chastity related photos. Hopefully good things evolve from that someday. You also are indeed logical in your ways. Maybe “L-U-C-Y” will be the basis for an artificial intelligence someday.
     
  11. madams-sissysub
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    A very interesting point of view, and one my madam agrees with.
     
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  12. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Every relationship is Uniquely Different. Their is no right or wrong way it’s what ever works for you and the people that serve you. I think to many people try and live someone else’s life and get discouraged instead of just developing their own unique relationship. Yes @L-u-c-y you are a very unique Lady. And having you a part of this Chastity family has been a huge benefit to everyone. Thanks
     
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  13. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    This is a question that I have thought about for many years. There are many ways to "dominate" people in real life. You can have a lot of money, and pay people to do exactly what you want. You can become a political leader. You can become a religious leader. On a smaller scale, you can run a small organization that is dependent on you.

    Or you can become a kink-type dominant who controls people through their sexual or kinky desires.

    One type of control can be transmuted into others . Money can be used (ethically or nonethically) to obtain sexual favors. Or kink-type control can be used to obtain money or other favors in the "real" world.
     
  14. slavefox
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    slavefox Active member

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    A fetish is a preference that you have that most people don't. You could make the utilitarian argument that it changes what's logical rather than necessarily being illogical.

    It seems you don't have such a fetish so what's logical for you is what's probably logical for most people. nothing wrong with that and it seems like you have a few mutually beneficial relationships with subs (lucky them!)

    Congrats on the new job!
     
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  15. Lady Jessica's Danny
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    Lady Jessica's Danny In the hands of my Valkyrie

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    I had always had an interest in chastity, loved the idea first time I saw it. My wife is more vanilla, and it didn't take, moRe than likely from me "topping from the bottom." After a couple of arguments arising from our libidos being at opposite ends of the spectrum, we find this works. She keeps me locked, teasing playfully here and there, and controls the physical nature of our marriage completely. When she does want an orgasm, she gets it, and usually leaves me frustrated, which I love. I also am hers to command regarding chores, leg rubs, etc. Everyone's dynamic is their own, I suppose..
     
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  16. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    My wife, indirectly, started us down the chastity path. She loves the control and the tangible evidence of her control.

    Through chastity, I discovered my service side. She is allowing that to develop and enjoys it. I would be service oriented with or without chastity. I don’t expect anything in return for my service. That she does show appreciation, rewards me in ways I can’t describe and don’t even understand. I am quite delighted repairing her car, fixing her computer, doing house work, or building a deck. I don’t kiss her shoes, but I do shine them.

    If it was just about me, none of this would be happening. We have a richness in our lives because it is about her. I can’t imagine living any other way.
     
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  17. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Long term member

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    #17 Bonobo, Oct 29, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2019
    To me this sounds very selfish. I love serving my wife and I try hard to please her everyday and I would expect her to do the same for me.

    If the men in your life are ok with it great it works. I am just saying it would not work for me, at the same time I did not hide my kinks from my wife and spring them on her 10 years into our marriage. Had I done that I would expect to have a different opinion.
     
  18. L-u-c-y
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    I'm not asking for it to work with you, it's got nothing to do with you. :)

    These men are seeking me out, approaching me and offering to serve me.

    How is that selfish of me?

    If they were to seek me out, approach me and then say "I want to serve you, but I want you to do things for me as well", that would not be serving, it would be an exchange, and that is not what they are in this lifestyle for.
     
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  19. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Long term member

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    Not saying you are selfish. I am saying to me it’s selfish I do not want to be involved in that type of agreement that’s all.
     
  20. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    They are living in a fetish fueled fantasy, not seeking a service lifestyle. They haven’t made the jump from “What can you do to me?” to “Here is something useful that I can do for you.”

    It is ok to have that fetish, but don’t impress it upon someone that clearly doesn’t share the same desire.
     
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  21. MRS.Lilith
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    MRS.Lilith Kitchen Mistress
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    She doesn't force anyone, she is clear about her wishes and there are those who want to fullfill them. I don't see the problem here.
     
  22. Achedlock17
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    Achedlock17 Long term member

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    My thoughts...

    The men who serve you @L-u-c-y are responding to your demands. Any such interaction carries with it a corresponding demand to be “loved”, even if they do not make it an explicit request in exchange. I believe you have many such servants who are satisfied with your response even though I’m sure they would like more love from you, in that they accept what they can get, tied up as it is with their fixated stance in relation to eg your physical beauty, intellect etc.

    When you receive demands from subs tied to specific kink categories, that is what they are-demands from the sub-which is why you are right to question their submissiveness.

    In neither case do demands engage with the enigma of the desire of the other,just as the demands made on us as children by our parents did not capture the desire of our parents. Any relationship conducted at the level of demand is missing that dimension of flowing desire, and in a sense, is therefore static. That being said, it should also be without anxiety, because what the other wants is always determined.
     
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  23. TheStudent
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    This line has resonated with me. Swap friend with lover or partner and you have described my relationship with my better half.

    The fact that we met online and almost instantly knew every fetish that the other person was into just confused the relationship. I'll hold my hands up, submission, chastity, BDSM etc was just another word for sex and fulfilling my fantasies.

    Discovering a site like this (I have lurked for a while) and reading some very pointed posts on fetlife about how to serve is really opening my eyes and finally, I think that I'm starting to educate myself on how to be a good partner and how to make myself useful - hence the username.
     
  24. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    I think the majority of us here on CM fully understand that L-u-c-y.

    I pity the idiots that don't get it...
    But if the average IQ is going to remain what it is then we have to have almost 1/2 the population having less than that. Their lack of comprehsion does seem understandable .. not excusable but understandable. Although average or higher IQ is not an indicator of having common sense. Like sufficient sednse to get some kind of understanding about a person's want nedds and interess before asking if you can lick their.... well anything really.

    In regard to this L-u-c-y you are unfortuate in that you are a intelligent and attractive with a desireable figure... which means you attract along with the more suitable a lot of dross. A penalty women with your attributes in a similar position to yourself have had to put up with probably since before we mastered fire.
     
  25. Quietlisten
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    Quietlisten Junior Member

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    Might some of them be responding to her leadership? ...to her example of unapologetic directness? What that more women were so clear and direct.

    Submissives actually DO respond to leadership and some appreciate it very much as an opportunity to please and contribute. The fact that some people don't understand how that works does not change the fact that it does. This is a chastity site with a strong FLR vibe; probably a few male subs floating around here.

    Also, why do we accept service to women as just peachy when it's wrapped in chivalry language (powerful male, helpless female) but not when the woman is independent and capable and says what she wants?

    Google "Word salad."

    Yep... if her bizarre messages series is a good indicator, then she puts up with a lot of crap while also putting energy into keeping this site running. (Is she "serving" all of us?) Maybe more folks could actively look for ways to be helpful?

    We could all do to put energy into supporting those who exhibit characteristics we think should be rewarded. Do I admire women who carry themselves well and pursue their own goals? You betcha.
     
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