My thoughts and perhaps some kinky fun

Thank you for taking time to read my blog Goddess Jen * curtsey*. It's nice to meet you too.

 

Last night turned out to be quite intense, after what was a quiet weekend. We did have a bit of a falling out on Friday after we had been out drinking. This meant that Master felt down for most of the weekend and didn’t feel dominant at all. He did try and initiate some foreplay on Saturday night but I wasn’t playing, He was teasing me and playing with my nipples but I didn’t really know what he wanted in return, normal he will tell me what he wants and I will gladly serve his needs. I like having direction from Master, and feel lost when there is none, he did explain that he didn’t feel dominant but I can’t turn my submission off quite so easily.

Sunday was pretty quiet, spent either on the computer or watching TV. I did have a nice long bath later on and shaved pretty much all of my body hair off, I had been putting it off for so long I just though to myself I want it all gone. It feels nice being all smooth again and has brought back my feminine desires once again.

I didn’t dress up though, I feel fat at the moment and don’t feel as attractive as I did when I usually dressed up. For me to feel good I want to at least feel attractive and that I’m slightly convincing but I just don’t feel it at the moment. Saying that though I did slip a bra on today, as I wear a fleece pretty much all the time now I can get away with wearing one again, which is nice. I also felt the urge to wear a bra after lasts nights events.

So last night, things started like they normally do with Master playing with my nipples, but I wasn’t sure what was going on at all, Master at this point said he still didn’t feel dominant and he didn’t feel wanted because I don’t just start playing with his cock straight away. We had a little chat and I think I’ve agreed to undertake some heavy conditioning, and even went as far as giving ideas as to how it could work.

The idea is that whenever Master’s cock is hard, I should have an instant desire to put his cock in my mouth and suck on it. We both talked and Master seemed to like the idea very much as did I. It will take a lot of training and conditioning but we have played around with it before and it does work.

Anyway, I was asked what I should do when Master is hard and took the hint and went down on Master straight away. I requested that if he were to praise me that he should say that I’m a “good gurl”, I love it when he calls me his good gurl so this should help with the positive reinforcement aspect.

So I played with his cock for a short while and then was ordered to sit on his cock, this is when things got more intense, Master was playing with my both my nipples so I cupped his hands and he began to grope my sissy tits. I was loving it, and Master seemed to be getting off on it as well which made me enjoy it all the more.

I began to ask him how he would feel about having a T gurl as a slave, rather than a sissy, I would dress how ever he wanted, but I could still be his gurl. It was an intense moment and I had very strong feminine desires. I’m not sure what Master was really thinking at the time but he did asked if I wanted him to cum on my tits when he started to get close, I wasn’t going to stop him, I was far to horny.

After he had cum and we cleaned each other up, we had a bit of a chat. Not sure what Master’s thoughts are on owning a T gurl at the moment, he said it was a lot to take in. I jokingly said he could chuck all of my boy pants out and that I would still wear jockstraps for him as long as they were pink, that way he gets the best of both. I’ve always fantasised about him taking control of my wardrobe and throwing all of my boy pants out. I’m not sure if it will ever be a reality but I just thought I would throw it in there.

So yeah, that was last night. I wonder what will happen from here.......

 

tonight, aster should be careful what he wished for. Joking or not. :whipbang:

 

Well last night was a bit of a failure. Mostly on my part. Master had been given more responsibility at work so texted him jokingly saying he’ll want to be the sub now then, to which he replied maybe and then later on said he can’t wait to get home to be the sub.

I though I would give it a go and see where things went. I got all dressed up, hair makeup stockings as you can see form some pics I uploaded (Sorry but the folder is set to friends only). Anyway, the dressing up was mostly for myself, I admit that much, I just feel so much more confident when I’m a ‘Mistress’.

Master got home and I ordered him straight to the bedroom to get changed into a collar and jockstrap I had laid out for him. He got changed and we relaxed for a short while before I sent Master of to make some dinner.

Later on, I decided it was time for some play and thought it might be fun to put Master in the sleep sack. I teased him a bit and things started getting intense, well at least for me it turns out.

I though it would be a good idea if I could get Master to at least feel for a while what it’s like to be in subspace, so I teased him and asked him to kiss me even though he couldn’t reach up to me. I tried to break him down so that he would truly submit.

I knew I was going to let him cum this time, he moans if he doesn’t get a proper orgasm but I was going to make him beg for something first. I wanted him to beg for me to cum on his face. That’s when everything fell apart, he snapped out of what little submissive mindset he had and refused to beg. He then got in a mood and then I got in a mood. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to cum I normally stop, the idea was to try and get him to ‘crack’ as it were and truly submit if for just a brief moment.

I let him out and we tried to talk but Master almost ended our sub dom relationship. I didn’t want to but wasn’t really in any mood to fight for it, I thought to myself if Master really doesn’t want to do it then there’s no point trying. If he didn’t want to be a Master then he could never put his heart into doing it.

I think we’ve sorted things out now. Master did sit on my cock before the night was out though and let me cum. It seems a bit of a shame that I’ve cum, I only lasted just over a week of denial. Not sure where things stand at the moment, Master is still in work.

Although we are sorted and I still love Master, as Master and as a partner some of the things he said made me feel as if being a submissive made me weak minded and that submission was too good for him. There’s nothing I can do about my desire to submit though or the still strong desire to become more feminine.

 

Well not much to report at the moment. Things are okay with Master and I but I think our D/s roles have been put back a bit. I still want to submit no doubt about that but I'm just waiting until Master makes the first move. I'm not really feeling my usual submissive self anyway, probably because I had a full orgasm on Wednesday. Will have to change my ticker once again.

I've been trying to find out if a piercer will do my infibulation piercing, I didn't call it that I just said I wanted my foreskin pierced right through. No replay yet but he did say it can take him a few weeks. I like the piercer so I'm willing to wait for a response, he did both of my nipples and the couple seemed pretty alternative, I suppose you have to be to own a piercing shop.

I'm not sure what I feel about the piercing yet, Having seen pictures I like the look of it and think it will work but I am nervous about getting it done and how effective it will be.

Not much else to say right now, makes a change from my usual ramblings.

 

Well, after a rough few days, things seem to be back on track and Master seems to be getting more and more dominant. Today we discussed me shaving my body hair, during the brief conversation Master said that I should shave off my arm hair, It made my clitty swell a bit, it doesn't sound much but it is the most profound decision Master has made for me and my feminization.

When we got home from shopping I was ordered to put the washing out while Master put the food away, we then just relaxed for a bit. Master then said it was about time I shaved, I went into the bathroom to begin. Luckily I have been attacking my body hair over the past few weeks so I just needed to trim but I did need Master's help to do my bum and backs of my legs.

Before Master left the bathroom to let me finish up, I said that I hadn't done my arms and asked if he still wanted me to shave them, he replied yes so I did as I was told, so now my arms are smooth as well as the rest of my body. I'm still a bit blotchy, I don't think my skin like the razor I bought even though it was supposed to be a sensitive one designed for women. have moisturised all over though so my skin should be nice and soft. I'm quite excited by the thought of Master's continued effort to "force" feminize me or as I think of it more encouraged feminization. We shall see though, I don't want to get ahead of myself.

I thought I would just quickly write down how I thought. Master has never ordered me to modify parts of my body people can see. I don't think people will notice as my arm hair was really fine but it more about the idea of the order that was give that is important.

 

Not much to report at the minute. Thins have been a bit quiet, we've been having another dry spell again. Well when I see we, it's most down to me, I just haven't felt up to much, I have also had a bit of a sore bum so sex has been off the cards.

The lack of penetrative sex has meant there has been the odd comment about cuckolding from myself and Master. I don't think any of the conversations have been too serious though. I know Master has no interest in it.

Not sure what else to right, it's not much fun writing about everyday life.

 

Gawd, it has been a while, never been on page 3 before. Still not much to report though. I've just finished 9 straght days of 10/11 hour days so I'm still recovering, I could do with a week off, that would be nice. I'm still skint though as usual.

Would love to say every thing is back to normal but I can't even say that we're vanilla at the moment, don't you have to at least be having sex to be vanilla? Not that Master hasn't tried to get me interested, I'm just too tired an low at the minute to want anything. Oh course Master thinks it's all his fault and then I'm not interested in him. Which just isn't true.

I wish we could go back to the way we were but I don't feel up to it right now. I've lost all interest in sex. I feel quilty not putting out but it's no good doing it if my hearts not in it.

If I don't update before hand, I hope every one has a great Christmas. Lets hope 2010 is a good year.

 

Time for a bit of an update I think. Things have been going quite well in terms of our D/s relationship at the moment. Master is being more dominant than ever and seems to be really taking control. He is giving me more orders and letting me get away with a lot less. He can be very dominant and ruthless when he wants to be.

I have done my orders for the day, made the bed, cleaned the kitchen and made a start on removing my body hair. I’m going to have to do the shaving over 2 days, I’ve let myself get into a mess over the past few weeks.

I feel more submissive then ever and we seem a lot close to a 24/7 lifestyle than we have in a long time. It happened subtly, no declaration of what we we’re going to do but Master just started taking control after an intense sex session.

I still don’t feel 100% at the moment but I’m enjoying our new found roles which is helping to take my mind off of things. I want to go further down the rabbit hole now to see how far my submission will take me.

I’m really horny now and can’t wait to see what play idea Master can come up with to torture and humiliate me. I’m not rushing things though, I’m letting Master choose when we play and trying my best not to demand.

 

Last night was quite intense even though we didn’t play. Most of the night was spent watching TV, Master didn’t come home till late so we didn’t have all that much time together.

We finally climbed into bed around 12 and Master started teasing me, playing with my nipples and that sort of thing. He eventually told me to play with his cock which I did without hesitation. Whilst I was playing with his cock I plucked up the courage to tell him about a fantasy I’ve been having since reading Penny Panty’s posts. I told him I would like to try wearing adult nappies just for a day or two, and feel what it would be like not to be allowed to use the toilet.

Master wasn’t phased and he went on to describe in great detail what he would do to me, it took me by surprise a bit but for the most part it just really tuned me on. The way he described how he would stop me from using the toilet, how I would have to piss myself after begging him to let me use the toilet and how and the humiliation I would feel. I love it when Master describes scenes to me, it tends to get me worked up quite a bit.

I don’t think it would be to everyone’s taste and wetting myself on its own doesn’t sound too much fun but the thought of Master having total control of my toilet use makes it seem very exciting and hot.

I have been a bit naughty and gone ahead and ordered a couple of adult nappies off of e-bay. They didn’t cost a great deal and I only got 2 to see what it would be like. If it turns out to be great fun we can always buy more. We already have pcv pants that are designed to keep any moisture in so at least we have them to hand. Probably wont get them before Christmas but I can’t wait to experience what it would feel like.

 

Not sure how I should take that lol.

I have always been a bit close minded about adult babies, I couldn't see myself enjoying too much. I don't judge those who enjoy it though. I understand how it feels to become something or some one else, I do enjoy being Master's dog slave, I love being a sissy and am partial to a bit of objectification, it's all the same thing. Being removed from reality and forgetting about real life.

 

New submission part I.

‘New’ submission part I.

A lot has happened since I last updated and not just because of Christmas. Christmas has seemed like some what of a distraction from our journey. It all started last Wednesday, which was to be my first test of my submission.

Master and I we’re due to go to a party in the evening but Master had work the next day. Master used this as an opportunity to see how much I wanted to submit so rules we’re imposed. I was to drive Master to and from the party, I wasn’t to have any more than two drinks and we we’re to leave for 11pm.

I am pleased to say I passed Master’s test and I was better behaved than Master who had quite a bit to drink in the end, he made us leave 20 minutes late when I was ready to leave on time, it was though Master’s right to decide when we leave though.

By passing the test I am now allowed to begin my journey to complete submission and Master will begin to take control away from me and eventually I will just be his submissive sissy slave and perhaps a diapered sissy slave.

Christmas has put things on hold for a while but Master keeps reminding me of my position within the household and I still received orders when we are at home or out, with the orders when we our out being more implied.

I can’t wait to submit to Master and to see how far Master is willing to take my submission.

Continued......

 

New submission part II

New submission part II

Christmas is almost over for another year, we have spent most of our time with family and friends so we havent had time for any play and Masters had relaxed his control for the time being, not that he lets me get away with being disobedient though.


On Boxing Day we went shopping, I really didnt enjoy it, too many horrible people trying to grab bargains, it wasnt much fun. I did manage to treat myself to a new babydoll outfit though picked out by Master. This was the first time Master had been adamant about which outfit I should buy. I look forward to having some pictures taken.

I also got myself a ladies T-shirt with a nice floral pattern on it, I liked it as soon as I saw it so I checked too see if Master liked the look of it which he did and then bought it. It wont be long until I don't have any male tops left.

Today has been a bit quite, weve just been doing a bit of tidying and got a few bits from the shop. Before we went to the shop Master let me try on my new diapers to see how they look, and if I would be ok wearing them out. I do have to wear 3 layers in order to wear them outside but its no big deal. I have the diapers on, pvc pants and I have some control briefs on which hold everything in.

Im finding that wearing the diapers in making me horny even though Im not allowed to use them yet. I cant escape the fact that Im wearing them, I can feel the padding when I sit and when I stand, Im finding it very erotic.

Im glad Im not using them yet, when I do I want it to be right. Master will be in complete control of my toilet use and I will have no hand in when I wear them, for the fantasy to work Master must be in complete control of my subsequent humiliation.

I hope the upcoming year will be the year when I become Masters 24/7 sissy slave.

 

Thanks for all your kind comment guys and gurls. Not much to report today though, had one hell of a hangover yeasterday so that put a stop to any play.

I'm sure if I ask Master nicely he will take some pictures of me in my new outfit. I do enjoy a bit of modeling when I'm dressed up as Master sissy slave.