Can a male fetishist be trusted?

Interesting question. l suspect most people with obsessive behavior will bend or break rules of conduct when their proclivities are involved. Otherwise they may be model citizens !

 

A fetish is like a powerful drug and with the amount of pornography available on-line it is virtually impossible to manage. Unless the person is entirely honest with himself, has seen a therapist or has a strong psyche and is fully in charge of the fetish, then they can't be trusted 100%

 

Interesting thought. Could it be an addiction? If so would you trust an alcoholic to run a pub? We do hear many people on here tell us about their porn and masturbation addiction and being locked in chastity helps them apparently. Now is chastity a fetish? In some cases it is and in others (ours included) it's a lifestyle! Having said that we both dislike me being unlocked, Mrs Chaste especially! So are we chastity addicts? I don't think we are but we certainly find chastity has enhanced our marriage in so many ways!

 

i think some people will lie in the hopes the lie is what they think the other person wants so they can maybe meet sooner. i find it so hard to trust anyone to meet because there are so many just way to horny people who seam not to care im a real person

 

Can male fetishists be trusted? Yes, of course!

Can anyone with obsessive behavior be trusted? I'd be cautious.

To an extent. An addict needs his/her fix and if that fix requires pleasing you, then, well shit, you can probably trust it.

 

I’ve been in the
Is lifestyle a long time
Not quite as long as Ms Lucy has been alive but not far from it

I’ll say that in all those years I’ve seen our community go from a tight knit one to one more like the world as a whole.

So now honor and integrity is similar to that of society as a whole. And sadly it seems that people seem to think it’s ok to tell lies, bend the truth and misrepresent things if it gets them what they want.

 

A friend of mine of may years standing is a heroin addict. She has not taken any heroin for over 10 years so in that sense she is what some would call clean. She insists that what gets her through it is remembering always that she is an addict. This is how some alcoholics alsodeal with their challenges.

Like substances some forms of behaviour like fetishes can become obsessions (read addictions)

My friend says substance addicts are called 'users' because they take their substane of choice and will use anyone to get their fix.. they will rob. swindle trick and betray family friends ..anyone ..to get their fix and should not be trusted ever.. well not till they have been a long time clean

Why would anyone believe that any obsessive fetishist is any different to any other 'user'

I don't.

and I have no time or sympathy for unclean addicts...
I don't care what people say there is always a choice.. it might be a hard choice but it exists

 

You can't trust 'anybody' with 'everything'.

I am reminded of the line from "Auf Wiedersehn Pet" that there are people you'd trust with your life,m wallet or wife, but they arwe not always the same people.

A few folk are wholly and brutally honest with themselves and everybody else. I aspire to that, but the truth is that the rest of us get by by bending the truth a little, here and there.

It seems to me that both men and women are dishonest, but with men the lies are more likely to be bigger and more serious.

Particularly if they're of limited education, intelligence, insight, or narrowly focussed on a particular obsession, etc.

 

Let's say that for most people I would rather speak about kinks and not about fetishs as there is a big difference.

So can you trust male kinksters ? Of course !
Can you trust everyone on fetlife ? Of course not !

But in my opinion there are 2 main problems in this:
1. As a female friend once said dating on fetlife or other rather vanilla sites it will be always the womans task to select the good from the bad ones.

2. I can not say if it fits your specific experiences, but even if it is a bad fit / date it is not necessarily due to lying. Some just do not realize that they are rather looking for some roleplay and not a real flr...not that this helps much if you are looking for a flr etc. and have to explain the difference to those guys...

 

I don't think Fetlife is true representative of men or fetishists.
I think if you met 20 men at a munch, in clubs or at events the results would be much different.
The guys who lie to you can hide behind there keyboard whilst typing one handed.

They are in Fetlife for a quick fix and don't really care who they lie to.
I think its a bit unfair to form your opinion from there.

 

Trust. Ha. Trust is earned, not given. If you begin on a footing of questions the likelyhood of trust being genuine is very low. Trust is a fool's game.

 

As with everything else it's the metering that matters. As long as it's "only" a fetish, it can be an asset to one's life, But as soon as it becomes an addiction or even posession...

 

Well... if i remember correctly i never said anything about fetlife beeing a "hookupsite", but maybe you saw it as such having met 20+ men from there...

Anyway - a webpage is what it is used for. And I would say fetlife is a place to get to know other like minded people and talk with them about common topics.
But where people get to know each others there also can get more - even if it is not the first purpose of fetlife. I know 2 standing couples as well as a group playing with each other who got to know each other there first...

 

There's a bit of nature v nurture in this. Why do people lie? Why do they behave immorally/irresponsibly/recklessly? Is it something in the blood, some inherited gene or instinct? Or is it lack of empathy (external focus)? Or lack of control (internal focus)? The reality is that it's probably a combination of all of these, to different extents in different people.

Fetishists tend to be obsessives. There's something they crave. That craving can increase the tendency towards anti-social behaviour such as lying, deception, manipulation etc. So any engagement with this particular cohort of people is likely to increase your chances of coming up against liars and chancers.

So, I don't think all fetishists are inherently liars. It's just that their circumstances increase the likelihood.

 

Seems like no is your answer. Maybe they don’t see you as a person but rather just their obsession. Sort of like in an old cartoon where the character is lost and hungry, then turns to look at his friend and only sees a talking hamburger.

 

wait... what if it is the Queen who has obsessive fetishes? trust me, it can happen!

 

You are being hopeful but do you have any examples to share?

 

You raise an interesting question.

 

Can anyone be trusted?

 

@winstonmacgregor i won’t reveal all the fetishes of My Queen, but i can give one example that those who know Her won’t be surprised: She likes trampling, and exploring all possibilities, shoes, body parts trampled, pressure, time, etc... unlimited possibilities! i have never allowed anyone trampling me before. but with Her... i can’t resist to Her strong fetish!

 

Trust is everything

It's ...Just a thought.

You can meet someone in person more than one have long conversations and with perhaps a little alcohol to lower inibitions and loosen the tongue and the opportunity to look really look into their eyes and still not be sure if you can trust them or what their true motives are .. so what hope does that hold out for people you have only 'met' online

 

In my view, no one should be trusted, no questions asked. Especially anyone displaying obsessive behaviour. An enjoyable meditation on this question of trust is Robert Pippin’s short book about Hitchcock’s film Vertigo “The Philosophical Hitchcock: “Vertigo” and the Anxieties of Unknowingness”.