It is surprising to me how many of us have started this journey later in life. Honestly it is the best thing we could have done. I wish my husband hadn’t been so reluctant to approach me with the idea. It seems that a female dominated relationship is something he has wanted for a very long time. Since we have been trying to blaze our own trail to the best FLR for us we have had many discussions. In the beginning I was unsure about the whole concept of male chastity and orgasm control. We have been married 37 years and for 30 of those years (we were celibate for 6 years for medical reasons) I considered it my job to give my husband an orgasm every time we were intimate. That is a hell of a habit to break. Even now, when I unlock him for fun and games it is hard for me to deny him an orgasm. I’m sure he would prefer I deny him. This is my biggest issue right now. What can I do to change this mind set? I love everything that has come out of our chastity experiment so far, right now we are in a trial period. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. I have so many questions but for me this is the most important. Any advice is appreciated.
Love your story, unfortunately not really in a position to give much advice, as I’m single and self lock, that said...just enjoy the journey, you’ll know when it’s right to “let go” and don’t worry about your partner.. I’m pretty confident he’s loving it!!!
Ive been active in BDSM/FETISH SCENE since 1984.I met a man who was curious about BDSM and alternative relationships.I was always someone who needed to be in control of her own life.And not have a man control Me.It suited us fine.Its been an eventful journey, and still continues with another.
LadyL I cannot answer your question. But what’s amazing to me is how a lot of the people here are living in a parallel universe. Kind of the same story with small changes here and there. I know my wife finds it hard once you add love to the equation. All I can say for sure if you guys really love each other, and you both enjoy it you will find your way, it just takes some time.
This post is simply awesome! I too am struggling to get my wife on-board with the idea that it's okay to leave me locked, and orgasm-free, during our sexual encounters. She has spent ~30-years thinking that sex involves intercourse and my cumming inside of her. In all fairness, until I came across male chastity a couple of years ago, so did I. Since you've already intuited what your husband may be feeling, let him provide you with an orgasm, while remaining locked. Pull him close, and say, "Honey, what would you think if I asked you to just hold me for a while?" If he's where you think he is, he'll readily agree. You can then add, "It kind of turns me on to know that I can leave you denied after I have had mine... How are you feeling about that?" I'm to the point where I have gone through getting her off, and then I kiss my way up her tummy and just hold her. I still get the question, "What about you?" once in a while, but my reply is that, "It's fine. I'm fine. It's not about me. It's been about me for years. It turns me on to focus on you, and your pleasure. Just rest. It's really okay." She's getting there... Best wishes for a successful future!
If you want to break the habit then there's a few things you can try. At some point though, you are going to need to stop either stop what you're doing, or stop him. You need your dominant hat Try something a bit different, like masturbate for you to your instruction. And then stop him. No more contact. That's it, he wanted chastity. He can get it. Afterwards when he's safely in the cage you can talk about the experience.
Interesting reading, I to have been in a bdsm /fetish lifestyle for the last 20 years, in fact I’ve never been in a vanilla one. I had fetishes from a early age, I was stealing and wearing my sisters gymnastics gear from the age of 13, and looking for pics of women in anything tight and shiny, from the age of 16 I was using my fake collage ID to buy fetish and femdom mags from the nearest sex shop. I met my madam when I was 20 but the sex was not great, because I had never came thinking about actual sex! After a few months together we broke up, But I missed her so much I got back in touch and we were seeing each other as friends, and one night she told me she was a Dom! After a few days I plucked up the courage to tell her I was sub! And in to fetishes! And bam! That was it, it just went on from there, it was my madam who found male chastity, and told me I would be getting a cage! And now here we are! Sorry to ramble on a bit!
You need to flip the script. You know the song "Cruel to be Kind"? You gotta be, cruel to be kind, in the right measure Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign Cruel to be kind, means that i love you baby (baby) (You gotta be cruel) You gotta be cruel to be kind What you think of as cruel is actually a great kindness. If you want to be kind to your man, deny him his orgasms. If you want to express your love for your man, express your control of him. An orgasm for a man is an explosion of ecstasy, but explosions are messy business and the aftermath is a letdown. You have so much more to offer him than a few seconds of fleeting happiness and a sticky mess. You have you and that is everything he wants.
Really fascinating post and thread and so 'on target'. My Wife / KH and I have played around with chastity for years (and have been married for almost 40). She encouraged me to go-for-it initially and I think, basically, is still indulging me. She is also still convinced that if she has an 'O' then I should too. Try to remember that this is something he REALLY wants - and so you are making him happy, if still frustrated and denied - and believe him about how much pleasure he gets from serving and worshipping you . . . at least partly because he is denied. You could look him having to give you a certain number of orgasms before he's released or using some sort of key-lock safe that won't open before the pre-set time has elapsed. This takes it out of your control so you don't have to feel guilty . . . however my KH also feels this takes away her control (she may well be right) and is somehow 'topping from the bottom'. One thing you might enjoy: my KH may release me and I'm given a fixed amount of time to masturbate, in front of her, to orgasm: say one minute. If I fail it's back into chastity until the next time when the time is increased: lets say to 90 seconds, then 120 seconds, 150 etc. If I succeed then the clock is 'reset' back to one minute. If I get under one minute (and I have done) then that time becomes the new start point. I'm sure you can see the advantages: it's fun and you're very definitely in control, you get to let your husband out whenever you feel like, whether he comes or not is up to him - depends how desperate he is and how long he's been locked up - and when you play is entirely independent from any other sexual adventures you may be having !
I have noticed the same thing. I began this journey with my husband because I love him. Having love in the equation isn’t an issue. I think for me it is more a habit breaking problem. For years every time we were intimate the end result was his ejaculation. Honestly we were in a rut. We had a formula and we stuck with it. I feel like we are free of that now, I just have to wrap my head around the fact that now the end result can be anything I want.
Thank you everyone for the ideas and advice. I am slowly building my confidence. What I like about this site is that there is such a wide range of experiences to read about, from recreational chastity to hard core dominance. I’m not sure where we will land but the journey to find out is pretty great.
This thread was recently resurrected so came to my attention. I think it's something many of us can relate to as many of us have experienced these exact feelings in the beginning. It is possible to move past, as i am well beyond the guilt and need to ensure his release. In the beginning I would give myself rules and decide the outcomes before we were intimate. I would decide only to allow him release every other time we played, then every third time and so on. Then I would work in a ruined orgasm on occasion so full enjoyment was less. Positive reinforcement is powerful so when my partner reacted in such a way I enjoyed to his denial it encouraged the denial. Over time both of you will adjust to your new reality.