I need help to get my wife to understand

there is no short cut for this. It takes time and patience. Put her first in everything you do. Her reward is what you are willing to do for her. You have to prove it.

 

Maybe tell her to hide the key so you can't find it and see to her you will do what every she says until she thinks you deserve the key. Even if it requires doing housework. Trust me she start to see the advantage at some point She just doesn't get it yet how much power she has.

 

Just put the key on her key ring so you don't have access when she isn't home. Or start jerking off every evening so that you can't perform for her then tell her you masturbate too much.

 

The fact that she has accepted the cage at all is a big step. It took my wife over a year just ro allow it in the house. We have an flr relationship and i can only cum with piv sex once a week or two. She understands now that i will do anything for her when i am denied an orgasm. I am on the honor system and she can tell by my mood if i cheat. She has agreed to let me where the cage only when she leaves for travel.
You just need to give her all the attention she deserves and do more house work for her. She needs to see the benefit of you being chaste. She will come around and you better be prepared for her making the rules. Remember it is for her as much as it is for you. Good luck.

 

Buy a kitchen safe and get her to decide how long the keys are locked. If she doesn't want to chose a number, roll a dice or make a game of it.

 

Ask her to read this:

http://brassiered.com/tamingthecagedbeast/introduction.html

Maybe it will plant a seed. Don't expect her to suddenly 'get it' though. You are fighting against an entire lifetime of her thinking that sex toys are for other people. By holding your key, even if it's left out, she is participating. It's actually a huge step. But she can't see what's in it for her (or for you). She probably thinks of it as a childish phase that will go away if she just waits it out. Like someone else said, try to give her only positive attention while caged. I know you can't fake it, but do your best to be her ideal husband as much as possible.

 

I had the very same problems when I approached my wife about locking me up. She would leave the keys out on her jewelry box, And never seemed to take it seriously. I did not want to get too pushy with her, because she will generally get closed off if I do. That’s when it dawned on me that she loves jewelry, so I bought her a nice ankle bracelet, and put the key on it. I came home from work one day with flowers and surprised her with the bracelet, and asked if she would wear it for me. She has not taken it off since. Except for when she allows me out to play. All I can say is be careful what you ask for, you might get more than you can handle...

 

I don't mean to discourage you but it took me several years and alot of hard work on our marriage (and the professional help of good therapists) to get my wife on board with chastity

 

My wife did/does the same. Have a locket made to hold the key. Or it ask her to keep it in her purse.

 

It takes time a lot of time! My suggestion is to appreciate that she is showing any interest at all, some wives shoot it down and never want the subject brought up again. She has no clue what this lifestyle is about and how to navigate it. If you force it down her throat she will resent it and never want to take the keys.

 

Where she keeps the keys isn't important. At least not yet. For now, just honor the fact that the keys belong to her, and don't use them. My wife usually keeps her keys in an accessible place too. Honestly, most cages are pretty easy to defeat without keys, so keys are more symbolic than anything. And at this point, the symbolism probably doesn't mean anything to her yet. Except that you are weird... It might mean that.

It's a game. Remember that it's a game that you are asking her to play. Just don't cheat, or she may not want to continue playing at all.

Also, it's a game where she gets to make all the rules. So it might suck that she isn't playing by your preferred rules yet, but maybe she will grow into a roll that is closer to your fantasy (it is going to be slow....)

It's kinda like bugging someone who has never heard of Dungeons and Dragons to play Dungeons and Dragons, and then, expecting them to be a great dungeon master right away. Wives need time to process how this game works. Actions that ideally "should" be second nature for a keyholder are going to feel weird for her at first. Like maybe for years.

We guys also need time to process how this game works! If you are anything like me, your chastity fantasy will evolve very quickly at first. I'm still relatively new. Maybe it always evolves quickly, I don't know.

 

We are almost 3 years into the game and my wife is just now starting to understand how to play it.

 

I hate to point it out, but you are approaching this from what she can do for/to you, rather than what you are committing to do for her.

Do for her. Little things, consistently. Then add to it over time. She will notice.

It takes time. You are asking for a pretty radical change.

 

And we are four years in and my Wife still doesn’t hide the keys. She puts them away, but not so it would be impossible for me to find them. What she does do is expect me to obey. My submission and obedience are what makes this work for her. It is the same reason she will not have me pierced and locked in a device that utilizes the piercing. To do so would remove some of her power.

 

if all you gonna do is look and look for keys thats hide away its silly. If She has left the keys out where you can see them then you shud leave them there.

 

This is starting to feel like an echo chamber, but...

The feedback you are getting is spot-on. I could not get my wife to talk about it at all. I tried for months. Then, I decided to get her a book (the same one @tecolote recommended above) and I've spent more months trying to get her to read it.

The book is bookmarked after Ch. 1. Her key to my cage is on it, under it, or somewhere in the same nightstand drawer. That said, I have now gone 19-days without removing my cage and having an erection. She agreed to try male chastity in March. Here we are. She knows I am wearing it. I am working to modulate my alpha male behavior, and at some point we'll continue progressing.

It's all about how badly you want this? Are you really willing to put her in charge of your sexuality? Are you really willing to live your life the way she wants? If so, patience on your part is the only answer. She will come around. Give it time.

 

Make it fun instead of kinky. By that I mean fun for her. Make it a game. We used a create your own wheel of fortune app on her phone. One wheel was lock-up times and the other was things she liked. Ideas are like foot rub, do all the laundry, take the kids on an outing so she can have some quiet time, full body massage. Make everything on that wheel about her pleasure. Then ask her to play the game with you. Make it for a specific time, such as 3 or 4 days so there isn't much buy in from her. Everyday she keeps you locked and denied, she spins the wheel and you take care of her with the assigned task. Ignore where the keys are. They do not belong to you and you are not allowed to use them without her permission. She will come to associate keeping you locked with these pleasant things. Just be careful what you wish for as she will then come to expect them all the time.

 

Patience is key.
We want it to be like a light switch clicked on as fast as a lock clicks on the cage.
It doesn't work like that. It takes.months or years for some women to find where they fit into all this. Do your part and everything else should fall in line. You will find that your kinks don't mean shit when you see her develope her own. For me at least, that's why this journey started.

 

Hello,

Thank you all for the feedback, as it really points out a problem, that we (men) want to force a woman into a FLR, which doesn't make sense.
The idea of small steps will make it work I guess, the only bad thing is that I believe you that it will take maybe a few years until it develops to something which I have in mind and what I wish for.
It just feels like making a plan for subtile manipulation, doesn't feel and how a FLR should be. Currently I only see the benefits for her and the relationship as I was never willing to focus more on her than before.
What I did is not bringing up the topic itself in a primitive way like "I want you to be in charge", but looking at some critical points ("you're working to much") and move this into something else which will benefit her.
Example:
I am strangely more of a dominant person in my job and I made her an offer to exchange my smartphone against a simple phone (so that a colleague could reach me in emergencies) and which has no internet/mail or something which takes attention from her. She liked the idea.
I'll do the same with financed where I was.dominating before as I earn more.
Instead of bringing it up as a FLR topic, I'll apologize that we did it this way and that I would like to see it the opposite way for some time and that I have total trust, that she is able to do so.

Regarding the idea of wearing a locking device I understand that some woman might find this strange as a "good" man should not need a device to promise exclusivity to a woman (my personal opinion and I like the idea of the struggle in my head staying straight, just because she wants it)

Piet

 

I didn't have time to read your entire post but I noticed you wrote that it is strange you are dom8nant at wprk.

Actually that's not strange at all many of us sexually dismissive men are dominant at work or otherwise in ttb nonsexual parts of our lives

 

Sexually submissive* probably dismissive too LOL

 

I can relate to this I was the same and wrote on here similar to you I would go on at her and pressure her I would show her blogs from other websites that were too much as things I would make her read were not reality. I then found this site and as I said wrote similar to yourself. My Queen was also vanilla and she would keep saying I find this to weird and can’t get her head around. Advice I can give you is what advice I got from members on here is to not rush into it take each day at a time don’t mention anything to your partner let her do it in her own way it might not be new to you as you would of wanted this for a long time but it’s very new to her and she needs to get to terms of what it’s all about. Since I stopped pressuring her it’s got so much better she’s slowly changing into a dominant Queen and a bit of kink is happening she now has the key on her house keys so I have no choice but to remain in my cage if you would like to know more as to how I am going about it in now the right way pm me I will be happy to chat and give you my input on how I changed the way I went about it stick with it be patient and you will slowly see her change

 

I guess I don't have anything new to add to this thread, most has already been said. Some things I agree with some things I don't.
What I will say is this;
Is your sex life active right now?
Do you discuss your sex life?
If the answer to the above is 'no' then before you can get her to engage with your kink, you have to fix these things.
Women and men are very different creatures.
First I would work on fixing my sex life. By this I mean, get yourself a kitchen safe and stop wanking. I would suggest 3 days is long enough to be locked between cleanings. Don't wank when cleaning and put your device straight back on to avoid temptation.
Then begin work on your wife, seduce her, massage her, romantic meals chores around the house etc etc etc. These things aren't to get sex. They're not to say 'Look what you can get if you lock me' These things are to make her more relaxed and 'in the mood'
Once you start to get horny and start seducing her (you already know when the time is up) plan a date night and have some fun sex. Start with a massage and masturbate her. Don't wank! If she wants you, great. If not lock yourself again until the next date night.
If you've abstained for a while (maybe 2 weeks or more.) you'll be a stud by comparison to your former self. She'll be impressed. This gives you the opportunity to openly talk about your sex life. DO NOT dive straight in and ask her to hold your key (remember this is your kink, not hers). Talk about sex in general. Tell her how busy life is and how stressed you both are and how easy wanking is rather than making love which, after xx years of marriage takes panning and effort. After several rounds like this. you may want to broach the subject of how you are abstaining and resisting the temptation to wank off.
Now you maybe in the position to talk about chastity not before. You're looking at about a year of work.
If you push things too fast you're gonna set yourself back. I like the idea of a locket for the key.

Good luck.