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Denial is best for him-know that!-x

 

Start small. The main thing for a lot of people in chastity is to not feel ignored. He is definitely thinking about it more than you are and probably has some expectations around it. You could talk to him about it and hear what those are. Keep what you like throw away what you don't, you make the rules after all. Along the lines of not feeling ignored, you could set a daily reminder to tease him about it, it doesn't have to be anything big just an acknowledgement of his predicament could be enough. As with anything you will get better at it the more you do it. If he begs remember that he wants this and you don't have to give in if you don't want to. Confidence will come with time.
-O

 

Hi and welcome and I would say relax first and then let know that he have jobs to do everyday before he gets any chance of pleasure, that is an easy start.

 

Be confident that *everything* you do that acknowledges his condition or that you have the key turns him on. Everything. There is no secret sauce, just your involvement, and putting your sexual satisfaction first.

 

What is it that you want to get out of this?

 

Be Selfish.

Work out what you want from this and go after it. As long as you're trying to perform a role, be a good keyholder, it won't feel natural and you won't quite know what to do. This may mean cutting back on the list of activities you feel pressured to do.

If you want to reassure your sub and blow their mind, tell them you're going to do this, gloat loudly while doing it, and say how happy you feel once you've done any of it.

 

Get some ideas from reading?
There are lots of beginners books.
Mistress Ivey Green has a series of three great beginners book for key holders that are instructive and inspirational.
Maybe take a look, and then just do what you like. Start slow. Maybe try one or two of the easier things but nothing you dont feel like doing. I bet he will eat up ANYTHING you do.
Your confidence will grow quickly from there.
Good luck to both of you!
My kh and I are still new to this too, but it's been great for our relationship. I hope the same for you.

 

It took my wife some time, and lots of conversation, to accept that she didn’t have to feel guilty about denying me. Communication is the key, like most things. If he has agreed, there is no reason for you not to just enjoy whatever you are in the mood for! It’s been years and it still gets me (in a good way) when she tells me no.

Take it at your own pace and just enjoy it. No right or wrong way to enjoy the fun of chastity!

 

So the easy words are about it being about Your needs and demands, not his. But like a lot of Women on the 'road to dominance', this is not something that sits as a primary need. What pleases you will differ greatly from what pleases him, the question is, can a genuine transition to a FLR maintain a balance of mutual satisfaction. Personally, I don't think so! There has to be a clear delineation between the led and the Leader. So, he is in chastity and You hold the key. A power exchange if You like. So a little of the basics have already started. The next step is to tell Yourself You call the shots. Test out something on him that means he has to obey.

 

Guilt and reciprocation were the first major hurdles my wife had to over come. It wasn’t just saying no, feeling the need to let a partner finish was overwhelming and ingrained into her.

When she started relaxing and saying the fun was over when she was done, it slowly clicked. Most of her pleasure revolves around mouth fingers and toys so it began a fairly easy trend of leaving me out of the equation. She still occasionally lets me out but it’s usually when she wants to be nice for me and the act itself is a gift.

Acknowledgment is all a subbie really requires, the rest all depends on what you want to do with all this control.

Good luck

 

They are also the wrong words. The hierarchy is: her needs = his needs > her wants > his wants.

 

My two cents-
We have really just gotten past the early stages- so this is fresh on my mind.
At first my kh was flooded with too many instructions saying it has to be this way or it has to be that way. Otherwise you are doing it wrong.
Then there's "Its all about what you want or you are doing it wrong". Or "Never do what your sub wants or you're doing it wrong". It's just too much to think about.
Most recently my kh read she should never do anything to punish me that I would want. That might be good advice, but in our case she wanted the same thing I did. So she was conflicted and we got nowhere. We finally realized there arent any rules but the ones we decide on and we are moving forward now and both loving it.
My point is only you and your person know what's right for you. It's a journey. You get to discover what you want as you go. That's part of the reward. You walk your own path, the process brings you closer, you learn to communicate and trust.
Later when you are more sure of yourself, you (and my kh for that matter) can lead things wherever you want to take them. Nothing you do now is written in stone.

 

Mistress, believe me. By denying him you are giving him exactly what he wants. (And maybe what he needs)

 

@Mistress Hev , you are off to a great start, IMHO. When Mistress first began to lead me, She was, like you, a bit hesitant. Truth be known, I was desperate to to be controlled, to be told what to do,and to find ways to please Her. I would be that your guy is, secretly, in that same place. As cagedjon said, "by denying him, you are giving him exactly what he wants and needs". You don't have to bring up your superiority to him all of the time. Since you have the key, he is well aware of your control and will comply to about anything you ask of him.

We've been at this more several years now and She still is hesitant when it comes to giving me all of the physical punishment that I crave and need at times, but She is gradually becoming more adept in that area. ( She even took me to a Pro Domme to learn how to administer CP and now is far better at it.)

I would suggest that you just take it slow and try to communicate your needs and desires as openly as possible. Communication is the most important issue here.

 

Okay so keep in mind this all purely theory on my part because while I've read a great deal I haven't put this into practice. As such my advice is probably less useful but here is what I suggest.

You are his superior in every way. You must have confidence in yourself and believe in it. You must not give in to any of his pathetic whimpering or feel any pity for him because that will get in the way of what you want and need. Only consider letting him out of lock up if the chastity device is causing him injury in any way or it's time to clean. But supervise him carefully, take care of the problem and lock him back up. Establish from the start your rules and make them very clear that there will be serious consequences if he breaks them. You are in charge and you make all the decisions. Given time he will become very docile and compliant once he realises you control all his orgasms. You must above all get him to respect you and worship you for the wonderful woman you are.

 

I'll leave it to the women to advise. All I would say is have confidence in yourself. Good luck

 

You have already gotten some great advice so I won't flood you with more. I just want to say how profoundly beautiful I find this thread you started. There's a great deal of fantasist and absolutist running around out there. It is refreshing to see a woman embracing her role in a loving relationship. Your husband is a lucky man. Don't put yourself down by saying your not very good, you're great. The other stuff will come with time, but to have the right attitude at the start is invaluable.

 

Then take it out of your hands at least temporarily. Try this... Leave the key at work or somewhere else that it can not be retrieved easily. Demand that he give you a massage/sexual service knowing that he will not be released. Make it clear that you don't have the key so no reason for you to feel bad. He either wants the lifestyle or he doesn't. If he wants it he better serve your requests.

 

This sounds like my wifes and our situationn. Really im not sure what advice to give. I can say that i wasn't truly happy untill i just left it all up to her instead of trying to top from bottom. The longer denial has also helped with that mind set.

 

Talk about it. Decide what you both want from it. Take it slowly and explore your feelings as you go along.

 

I agree with alot of @PouchPantyLover"s reply. The only other thing i may add is yes begin slowly, but when it comes to cleaning you remove it and put it back on and say nothing. Only if he asks why you are doing it then say as keyholder it is your right and also responsibility to make sure no harm is happening to his penis.
That said i bet there are a few jobs at home you really hate doing, let him know they are his to do and leave it at that.
but in the long run do what YOU feel is right as ever relationship is different