A Sobering Experience Regarding What This All Means to My KH, P.

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by sixofthebest, Mar 26, 2019.

Top Posters
Random Thread
  1. sixofthebest
    Offline

    sixofthebest Long term member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2019
    Messages:
    198
    Likes Received:
    364
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    In Early and Well-Earned Retirement
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
    Local Time:
    8:42 PM
    #1 sixofthebest, Mar 26, 2019
    I have mentioned in a few posts that I have been unlocked for quite a few weeks pending the completion of several medical exams. This hiatus has also included a ban on corporal punishment so no explanations are needed as various members of the medical community poke, prod, examine, and otherwise do their work. (Yes, I feel safe at home!) The good news is (thank you to those who have asked) that all but one of these exams has come back with no negative findings. The last of the exams has shown a small abnormality that will require additional tests to rule out or deal with any problems. Nothing life threatening - just a giant pain in the a$$ if you get my drift.

    The upshot of this, and the reason for this post, is that I have been slowly reverting to my old self-centered and often grouchy patterns of behavior. The other day, P and I were at the local home improvement store and she asked me to come and look at some floor tiles. We are building a new home for retirement, and have been looking at finish materials over and over for a long time. I didn't want to disappoint P or minimize her desire, so I went over to look at the tile she had found. I could feel myself getting grouchy on the way to that aisle, and by the time I got there I was less than enthusiastic. I was grouchy. And I asked P "How many times do we have to go down this same damned aisle, looking at the same damned tile, before you finally pick something out? Just please pick something - anything - and I will install it. I just don't give a rip about it anymore." I regretted my attitude and what I said before the last words were out. The look in P's eyes as tears began to form cut me to the core. I apologized profusely and hugged her, but I knew it wasn't enough. I had hurt her - badly.

    Cut to that same evening, and P came over and sat next to me on the couch. She turned to face me and she was trembling and crying. She said "Jamie, I don't want to go back to how we were before. I love you and will take you any way I can have you, but I love my new Jamie so much I don't want to let him go." She fell forward into my chest and sobbed. I cried too - feeling horrible for the pain I had caused P. After awhile, we came up for air, I got off the couch onto my knees, looked into P's eyes and promised her that "We will NEVER go back." She asked: "Really?" I responded: "Never." We embraced, and after a time she talked about how she had been so hesitant about the "chastity thing" but is now happy for it - especially for the change it causes in my behavior. She said she has come to covet the key she keeps with her for the security and well-being it affords her. And, she told me that the discipline she exerts not only makes her happy for the control it provides, but because it excites her in the same way our BDSM fun did years ago. In her words, "I like driving this marriage with you in the passenger seat with your seatbelt pulled tight. Now go empty the dishwasher and make dinner." With that, the conversation was over and we were on the way to enjoying the closeness that had developed prior to the medical stuff.

    Sometimes, I think, we guys can become terribly discouraged about wanting something that is "different." We can easily talk ourselves into believing that there really aren't any partners out there who will enjoy these different things with us; and, if we manage to find someone who can be "talked into it," they are really only participating to make us happy and they aren't getting anything out of it for themselves. Truth in advertising, I have found myself in this mindset on too many occasions. For me, at least, this incident is a combination of revelation and affirmation. There ARE partners out there who enjoy these these things as much as we guys do. I am fortunate to have been married to one of them for 41 years. I only regret that this resolution is borne of boorish behavior on my part. I will gracefully accept any discipline coming my way as a result of this, AND I will take advantage of every opportunity to make amends.

    Sorry for the length and profound nature of this. You all have become friends to me, and I dearly appreciate the opportunity to share.

    Jamie
     
    PerhapsJustAdog, Goddess Gaia, cshorts and 18 others like this.
  2. Consensus
    Offline

    Consensus Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2019
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    210
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Occupation:
    Working with vulnerable people
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    2:42 AM
    #2 Consensus, Mar 26, 2019
    Thank you for sharing. I am sorry such a wonderful insight came on the back of something so dark. But glad that it came.

    It is good to know that such partners exist. Would that all of us could have found them or even known that's what we were looking for!
     
    sixofthebest likes this.
  3. Giveitup
    Offline

    Giveitup Long term member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2017
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    564
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:42 PM
    #3 Giveitup, Mar 26, 2019
    If there was a "love" button, I would select it. "Like" seems woefully inadequate. Know this: I am sorry about your pain, your medical issues you've faced and are still facing, and the pain you caused your wife and keyholder - but, your post gives me hope! Thank you for sharing something so personal and poignant.
     
    sixofthebest, Allen1987, cagedjon and 1 other person like this.
  4. Breathe
    Offline

    Breathe Be true to yourself

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2017
    Messages:
    630
    Likes Received:
    6,998
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United States
    Local Time:
    7:42 PM
    #4 Breathe, Mar 26, 2019
    Every silver lining's got a touch of grey. I'm glad to see you found the former despite the latter.

    I can certainly assure you that yes, there are KHs out there that take this lifestyle (and everything that comes with it) quite seriously. Sounds like yours is one of them.

    Best of luck to you both during your explorations in chastity.
     
    Goddess Gaia, sixofthebest, Allen1987 and 6 others like this.
  5. desertsub
    Offline

    desertsub Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2009
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    184
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:42 PM
    #5 desertsub, Mar 26, 2019
    I went through a similar incident a few months ago and like you, it made me realize just how lucky I am to be married to the strong woman that I am blessed with. Not only does she understand my need to submit to her but embraces it and runs with it.

    Your handling of the situation was spot on! Many times us guys are too stubborn and hard headed to admit that we are wrong and have injured the ones we love most. You humbled yourself to your wife and made it right. Congratulations on taking your relationship to the next level!
     
    Goddess Gaia, sixofthebest, Allen1987 and 5 others like this.
  6. Dumb1
    Offline

    Dumb1 senior member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2009
    Messages:
    1,775
    Likes Received:
    1,308
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    trade
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    2:42 AM
    #6 Dumb1, Mar 26, 2019
    Thanks for sharing this with us here i do hope that everything turns out fine in the medical dept but i dont think you need to feel the need to have any punishments coming for your infraction, the very obvious way that your moment of bad behaviour had you feeling only goes to show that you were instantly remorseful toward your wife. I do hope that you both continue to push both your boundaries and find new ways to take life by the scruff of the neck and squeeze evry ounce of goodness out of it "together"
     
    sixofthebest, Allen1987, Maid Denise and 1 other person like this.
  7. cagedjon
    Offline

    cagedjon Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2018
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    272
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Sales
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Connecticut, USA
    Local Time:
    9:42 PM
    #7 cagedjon, Mar 26, 2019
    What a fantastic, honest, and heart felt post. Resonated so much with me. Thank you
     
    sixofthebest and Consensus like this.
  8. Finn-egan
    Offline

    Finn-egan Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Messages:
    435
    Likes Received:
    740
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    9:42 PM
    #8 Finn-egan, Mar 27, 2019
    Don't be too hard on yourself. I've got Crohn's disease, and I know that serious health issues and tests can be very stressful. Stress can lead to various moods and behaviours that we don't intend. You've been going through a rough time, and a change in your routines. Our motto is health first, kink second. All this stuff comes easier when you're healthy, and not tired or stressed out by the things life throws at us!!!
     
    Goddess Gaia, sixofthebest, cagedjon and 1 other person like this.
  9. BR_Saiph
    Offline

    BR_Saiph Self-published author

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Messages:
    900
    Likes Received:
    1,595
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:42 PM
    #9 BR_Saiph, Mar 27, 2019
     
    sixofthebest likes this.
  10. BR_Saiph
    Offline

    BR_Saiph Self-published author

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Messages:
    900
    Likes Received:
    1,595
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:42 PM
    #10 BR_Saiph, Mar 27, 2019
    Well said.
    I agree, there are amazing partners out there, and some of us are lucky indeed to share our lives with them.
     
    sixofthebest and Consensus like this.
  11. Allen1987
    Offline

    Allen1987 All for Her

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2017
    Messages:
    1,141
    Likes Received:
    3,189
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Machinist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Massachusetts USA
    Local Time:
    9:42 PM
    #11 Allen1987, Mar 29, 2019
    Great post and it wasn't that long. You know, I had a temper many years ago and was great for saying stupid things. If you have gone to the store and listened to people as you walk by you will notice that is a commonplace way to react. The feeling of remorse and the tears shed is the perfect example of the way our love changes.

    As earlier noted stress wrecks our ability of good judgement. I wouldn't be to hard on yourself. The highlight as I see it. You found a deep love for who you have become and that just reinforces the direction you want to go. The times like these are a reminder of how far we have come and to see that the difference we desired have changed our lives in a wonderful way. Hope the tests go well and continue to explore the depths of what you two already share.:+1:
     
    GoddessG, Goddess Gaia, cshorts and 3 others like this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Accept Learn More...
    Dismiss Notice