Does chastity mean the man is submissive?

I didn’t really understand my submissive side until I learned about male chastity. My submissive side doesn’t mean I don’t like to take charge in general with life but for me it means I prefer my wife to be the lead in our relationship. We live in a female led relationship where she makes the final decisions. That doesn’t mean we don’t discuss things like a couple but typically I defer to her preferences and wants. Being her submissive makes me feel more calm and content with life. One thing I can relate to throughout my life is that I’ve always admired and adored dominant woman but didn’t know why until I realized I was a submissive.

My wife didn’t quite understand it at first either but she was game to see what chastity was all about. Once she understood it and the power she held over me she became very addicted and will not let us go back to how things were before Chastity. I recently suggested we take a break because stress was really mounting for us both. She said there was no way I was ever going to go unlocked again.

She was very skeptical about locking me when I first tried to explain chastity to her. I ended up getting her a book simply titled “male chastity” by Lucy Fairbourn, I found it on amazon.com. Another good source for info is http://mistressjules.com/ she is a member here at the Mansion and has written a few great books that help people understand “why chastity”. Good luck and I hope we see you around here! Lots of great people to talk to for information and to talk about things with that you normally couldn’t openly discuss. Welcome to the Mansion

 

Depends on how you define"submissive." I am not a full submissive, nor would my wife want that. For me chastity allows for a build up of sexual energy in me, while providing her with extra attention/release that may not be there otherwise. In our activities in the bedroom I am on the submissive side about as much as on the dominant. In our day to day lives it is fairly balanced, with me tending to be the stronger partner.

Am I submissive to my wife/KH? In chastity play and some sexual play, yes.

Am I submissive as a personality traits? Not a chance.

This is a discussion you should have with your significant other about their attitudes and beliefs. Don't assume anything, as the breadth of chastity interests is great, and not everyone believes or feels the same. Your mileage may vary is a phrase I like to use for situations like this.

 

I think that most guys who want to explore chastity have a submissive component to their personalities. Submission might be best thought of as spectrum, with the degree and nature of submissiveness varying greatly from person to person and relationship to relationship. We have guys here that self-lock, perhaps to curb a masturbation habit. Others are married or in a relationship and are only locked for a few days or a week and have a fairly "normal" sex life (other than the wife usually gets to decide "when," although that might be just as common in many vanilla relationships). Others purport to be locked for years and in some cases say they haven't had intercourse with their wife in a decade or more. Some enjoy being sissified and made to wear female clothing and in some cases cuckolded. An other group want to be "punished" for bad behavior, by perhaps being locked longer or by corporal punishment.

I've also read some stuff that suggests that men with jobs of great responsibility and perhaps a lot of personal control in their lives, need some means to relinquish control in some way to find balance. Maybe that's what your boyfriend needs.

There are no absolutes nor rights or wrongs within the limits established by the couple. The important part is to have open and honest communications.

 

I wouldn’t say it necessarily means the man is submissive. Not beyond the bedroom anyway. I guess my being chaste for my wife’s desire is submitting to her to some degree, but I am not submissive to her in any other areas of our life. Nor do I want to be. Chastity works well for us, and that is just how it is for us. It doesn’t really have anything to do with dominance or submission.

 

If you discuss your questions and concern with the members here you will get much information and insight to help you along the way.. Maybe you have a potential "lion on a leash"

 

My urge to sexual submission was always tightly linked to how powerful I really am. I don’t always want to lead but I can’t often stop it. I wanted someone to make that not an option, I guess.
Plus, insecurities. Lots of them.
Now, I accept it. Knowing I’m powerful means I can develop practices to give it up in the real life, while playing with it... when it’s time to play.
Hope this helps. FWIW, I envy you. Good luck!

 

All of these statements are correct in my opinion. Let's start with the basic: your boyfriend wants to you to hold the key to his erection, to decide when he may be permitted to become erect. For a man, there is little that could be more submissive. Your real question is why, what does it mean about him and about your relationship? There are many possible reasons and you'll need to talk to him. (1) Many of here have masturbated excessively and have come to realize that it's distracting us or preventing us from from achieving intimacy in our relationships because it abates or negates the courting impulse that puts you first and makes us narcissistic about our penises. Some of us realize that the fantasies men enjoy during masturbation can also tend to diminish or make inadequate our real partner. (2) Many caged men or men who are or want to be submissive either just in bed or in their relationships (e.g., female-led relationship) are in powerful or alpha-competitive jobs and roles in the outside world and are looking for a way to put that burden down, or maybe to find balance in their lives. They may find that balance giving up the central emotional signal of alpha male power -- his erection -- to his wife. Of they may find that balance by letting her lead at home, because he's so tired of fighting and leading in the world. (3) Other men are looking for greater intimacy in their relationships. We've been socialized by so many sources that praise the strong silent type, which really just means we've been stuffing our emotions and suppressing our feelings, and countless are the women who have complained about that aspect of the men they date or marry. Some of us know that is happening and are looking for a way to restore closeness and intimacy in our relationships, and for reasons I don't fully understand find that giving her the key -- making erections and sex something she controls and something that is not central to every interaction in our relationship -- enhances our ability to get close and step away from that socialization. Another way to look at this is that for a man negatively impacted by the sexual socialization we grow up with every piece of his relationship is a negotiation for sex, a negotiation to get her partner to allow him to fuck her. But when that is off the table, when she controls that and he knows it's not a likely result today or tomorrow, he can begin to open himself to her and begin to hear her. (4) And then there's kink. Some guys haven't thought this through, they're just kinky and think it will be fun. I suspect, though, that your guy is one of the first three categories, or some fifth category I haven't discussed. Talk to him and enjoy. And please understand how nervous he is, how much risk he took to tell you -- many of us hide this need for years, afraid to communicate. Honor his honesty. There are so many men and women here who have found that chastity has improved their relationship; maybe your's will too.

 

Not knowing anything about him, I would say that he brought this idea to you, and craves for you to be sexually aggressive or for him to be sexually submissive...or both.

We know little of how he wants to proceed, casual wear or long term. If casual it could mean anything. It could mean he wants to spice things up a bit, wants to try something new, or he just wants you to be more assertive and know what it is you like. If long term, I would definitely say he is sexually submissive. Long term means he isn’t just getting into fore play, he’s giving up casual access to his penis. No touching, no erection, to pleasure, unless you grant it. It takes a lot of trust to hand that over to someone.

I’m sure that you can get to the bottom of all this with a quick talk about what turns him on, if he’s brought this up, I’m sure he’s thought about it for awhile.

Good luck

 

No I do not believe so

 

Many people who are (for example) dominant at work, might be submissive in their private life, or vice versa. We all present a different face depending on where you are and who you're with. You don't act and talk with great aunt Mavis in the same way that you do with the sexy bartender you fancy. It can be a great release and escape to take on a different persona in your sex life.

Wanting to be in chastity is a submissive act, so explore your boyfriend's submissiveness, have fun!

 

The chastity crowd is pretty diverse. Yes, a lot of submissives and sissies but there are others. The “chastity knight” dimension of this isn’t necessarily submissive. Devotion doesn’t necessarily equal submission. In my case, I am a switch, and I use chastity to avoid masturbation even when I am not in a submissive mood.

 

most of the time I would say there's a strong correlation, but not always.

For some it's just a fetish, unrelated to submissive. For others it's a way of showing devotion which isn't necessarily submissive. Others still like it as a means of controlling compulsive masturbation.

There's lots of different impulses.

Hope you both enjoy the chastity regime.

 

most likely somewhat sub. otherwise he would keep the keys

 

For me (and us) it's not about control or submission. It's just plain fun! Could be along those lines.

 

I am in chastity, sometimes caged sometimes free, and progressing into longer periods of denial. It is quite possible that I have a submissive side towards my wife, both as the person she is and as a woman.
And I don't feel as it is something I should be ashamed of.
In fact I remember vividly that at the time when I would have discarded male chastity as unmanly, even then I felt it both a duty and a reason of man pride to let my partner enjoy before I could do the same, so that she could bring with herself a nice image of me as a real man.
Actually, as far as I am concerned, I find the whole concept of male chastity (mainly that I am always able to satisfy my lover at her whim), virile as well as really hot.
I hope that these short lines could help you out. Good luck!

 

Been locked in a cage and someone else holding the key is been submissive. They have full control and you have agreed to that.
To me if you have a relationship with someone you are submissive to some point anyway.

 

Chastity in itself doesn't mean he's submissive in general, IMO. He may have a submissive side and you may be the only one to ever see it. I have a theory that an alpha male allowing a woman to completely control his cock is his way of showing his love for you and a demonstration of the trust he places in you .

But that's just my theory based on my relationship with my husband.

Ashley

 

Wow, lot of good info / opinions on this. So I will give my 2 cents on how this relates to me, as many others above have hit on it.

I am confrontational, not in a bad way. Something is wrong, I will let you know. No behind the back or round about B.S. This among other things, have an alpha personality. Both in relationships with friends, and work. Many of my friends are alpha as well, so that can get interesting sometimes!

I am still relatively new to chastity, just about a year in now. I have loved handing over control to my KH. But of me / use, that control is for the bedroom. Or well, anywhere around the house such "bedroom" activities may take place. Just about all other aspects of our relationship I still maintain my alpha role. And that is the way my KH and I prefer it. So I would say I am submissive in sexual play. I believe in that aspect I always have been, chastity just makes it more real and fun for us both.

As we have both found, I am more willing to go out of my way to please her in whatever way. Maybe in some of the things I do for her could be viewed as submissive, I don't know. But for sure, the only person in the world I would do those things for or act that way for is my lovely KH!

 

Very well said !

 

Talk to your boyfried about it. It does not necessarily mean that he is on the submissive side. I discovered chastitiy as a nice kink to compensate for different sex drive:
My sex drive is much higher than my wife's. We do not have sex if she does not like it. This means that she has control over a large part of my sexuality anyway. In the earlier days ... I mean for years ... I compensated with masturbation and internet porn ... which was successful on a first look, but results in not desireable things if you are willing to dig deeper. Turned out it is way healthier for our relationship if I do not masturbate & watch porn ... but it is hard to handle without having limitations. This is where chastity comes into the game. It sets the limits, It is not my decision anymore and for me it is highly arousing. In the beginning my wife did not understand at all how that could be but she was willing to try. There are many things that are really hard to understand. For example it is (at least in my case) not done with just locking me up. Just locking be up builds frustration. I really need a lot of teasing when I am locked up to feel good. Initially my wife thought this teasing was kind of unfair while I am locked but it is not! It shows that she cares, it makes me feel good, I really need it.