KH wants to explore 'kink' options

It's weird to me that you seem to be doing all the thinking about the path of your relationship. Also, you don't convey any information about the personality and interests of your partner.

Absent anything about her (you provide zero information on this front) you should lead with your interests and highlight the advantages for her. At least this way she learns something about you.

 

the starting point would seem to me not to be ideas to explore, but the concept itself. Why chastity? What benefits? What reason? Once you start working through those questions, a way forward will present itself.

 

A lot of KH's start out like yours only being exposed to kink when us guys bring it up. My miss wasn't completely vanilla but definitely not as kinky as I am, I was pushy in the beginning and had to learn it wasn't about what I wanted . Since your partner has expressed an interest in kink it's important that you let her pick and choose what she wants and just roll with it. Like you said find a list of kinks and print out a copy for you to fill out for her. That way she can pick and choose her own kinks as well as know what you're interested in. Her kinks might end up being totally different from yours so it's wise to have zero expectations for her so shes comfortable with experimenting and not feeling judged.

My Miss is also shy about kink and doesn't discuss it as freely as i can but she has opened a lot more over the past couple of years. If you are patient, let her lead and take baby steps you will be well on your way of forming a lifestyle that suits you both. Good luck!

 

I also agree with what @LesterBallard said, I've seen (members who've said they're having problems) a lot of couples give up chastity because they are more focused on the kink aspect versus the female appreciation and respect aspect. The female respect aspect is the first thing that should be addressed in your chastity relationship and focus on making her feel like queen. Take the sexual part out of the equation in the beginning and let her know she is your goddess regardless of kink. That is the foundation you want to start from in my opinion. If you already have that established then you're off to a great start.

 

I totally agree- my wife doesn’t know as of yet that I’m self locked but already I see the changes in myself. As of now the house is clean, the dishes are done, I’m heading in to make the bed and then I’ll get dinner going. I would probably be watching highlights of Sunday football if the cage was off

 

A lot of people have tried the Mojo Upgrade site:
http://mojoupgrade.com

It's a test that the both of you can take, listing a number of kinks, and asking if you think you might like to do them or have them done to you.

 

That's awesome I never knew about that survey! Great find!

 

If she is not particularly brave when it comes to exploring sexual things, I would start with uncaged tease and denial. It’s safe, it’s easy, and shouldn’t be intimidating.

 

Besides what @Tom Allen recommended, there is a really good His And Hers list in Mistress Ivey's How To Set Up An FLR book, really helped us.

 

Sometimes writing an email or letter to each other is a good way of bringing up things you would like to explore, if face to face is (initially) too difficult.

 

Over the years, I just told her things that would turn me on.
Watch you masturbate..."ok"
Tongue fuck your ass..."ok".
Tease and deny my orgasms..."ok".
Let me drink your pee..."ok".
Turn me into your submissive cuckold..."no way".

 

4 outta 5 is pretty good!

 

So my Miss and I just took the survey that @Tom Allen found. Worked perfect and we found out things about each other that we didn't know we liked I highly recommend trying it with your partner if you want to learn more about each other's kinks. There are advanced options as well that add more taboo kink to the survey if you're looking for more than vanilla.

 

@Couple4517 try our that link that Tom Allen posted, I just did it with my Miss and it proved to be worthwhile. Good luck

 

I have a shy KH as well. We have finally unlocked her kinks, but not by forcing her to talk about them or answer questions. When we did this it went backward not forward.

Instead, I was really open and vulnerable about my sexuallity and expressed my deepest kinks by admitting to or acting on them without any explanation or discussion. Allowing her to ask if she really felt so. Example, chastity, wearing panties, reading small blurs from kink books or flr how to that was likely to be in her interest was a slow and consistent discussion. Like 2-3 years.

It was important to filter all the offensive kink she would not like and help her explore safely her sexuality. Remember kink for you and kink for her will be different. She may see kissing in a crowd kinky you may need a butt Plug. Start with the kiss and work your way down the dirty rabbit hole taking ques from her.

One 5 min conversation a week and 2-3 dirty texts was about all she could handle. In addition talking in fantasy first (turn ons) then move to trying it out if it becomes a consistent theme. And just because it is a turn on doesn’t make it a go do it.

Slow slow.

 

Great post, @Mr M .

 

Just had a look at the mojoupgrade website. Fantastic idea, but unless I missed them during skim reading, lacks quite a few kinks such as male cross dressing (not uncommon), enemas, and ABDL (latter two less common). I'm sure there are more missing kinks. Interesting that it goes through many different degrees of some areas such as swinging, yet other areas are all or nothing. An example is brown showers (which would be out for probably 99%) but no mention of borderline messy stuff such as ass to mouth (e.g. licking strap on clean after use, which is not uncommon in BDSM circles). I supposed if everything was covered the survey would go on for ages!

 

@Couple4517 please direct your KH towards the female Keyholder forum.
If she has anything she wants to know or is interested in from a female perspective rather than a male dominated response send her there.
We would be accommodating and helpful in regards to anything she has to say.

LP

 

I'm sure they will have many very good ideas!

 

Since she is non-kink oriented remember how you researched it and why you selected things are just as important as the actual actions. So she is looking to you for advice because for now she sees you as the "expert" of this area "and" also as a way to bond in a relationship over a shared activity.

So, I would make sure to try to group together activities that really interest you to things that really don't and (like 5 buckets) stongly like, agree, neutral, disagree, strongly dislike and cover as many as possible. Once it is done, then you need to figure out how to make it bite sized and easy to consume. Then work with her to see what is interesting and what is not and say I want to explore everything with you on our journey ...

Good luck!

 

It’s also good if you can open up to each other about fantasy kink (things you find hot but would never do in real life due to consequences). It can be fun to fantasize and roll play some things that you wouldn’t do for real and sometimes that can lead down the rabbit hole.