Males pretending to be females, is it harmful or harmless fun?

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by L-u-c-y, Jul 31, 2018.

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Males pretending to be females, is it harmful or harmless fun?

  1. Harmful

    117 vote(s)
    79.1%
  2. Harmless fun

    20 vote(s)
    13.5%
  3. I don't care either way

    11 vote(s)
    7.4%
  1. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    In my opinion it can be harmful. My reasoning is that a lot of males view of chastity and FLR's comes from watching femdom porn, if they pretend to be a woman and post an outlandish femdom porn story masquerading as reality, other males will take this as a fact and think this is how females think. We have seen how gullible men are.

    This is why males on fetish sites approach women with unrealistic porn type expectations.

    These fantasy posts by men pretending to be women are setting other men up for disappointment and setting women up for rude and crude messages.

    It's a vicious circle.

    That's my opinion, what's yours?
     
  2. Cuckster
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    Cuckster Long term member

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    On a site concerned with male chastity/FLR, gender clearly matters.
     
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  3. RangerCuck
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    RangerCuck Long term member

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    I agree with this. On many forums, especially general ones, it largely doesn't matter. But on a forum like this where the entire subject revolves around a concept that is rooted in a gender disparity, then it clearly does matter.
     
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  4. mr_newbie
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    mr_newbie Long term member

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    I hadn't actually considered the spread of false expectations before. Some of them stand out a mile in terms of their story telling.
    I had sheets seen that as some harmless fun but then again I've not gone contacting people with pornographic expectations, not am I ever on the receiving end of that... I can only assume some of the emails flying around can be quite horrific.

    I see the harm happening when people start to get personally involved. When they believe they're having a real interaction with someone. This is not just limited to fetish sites. You hear tales of scammers catfishing people all the time.
    People can invest so much time or money and even fall in love with what is ultimately a lie. Some might say ignorance is bliss but I imagine that could be quite painful to someone who might be a bit lonely or in a vulnerable place.
     
  5. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    It can be either.

    But in scenario you describe or similar such as for purpose of posting femdom porn or crude messages it is definitely very harmful indeed. However crude messages like that are usually self-evident. And any crude messages sent here I would hope would be reported and action taken: whoever sends them! As a case in point many of the messages of Mascara were highly offensive irrespective of gender. But this applies to anyone, and, as you say, is contrary to the conduct expected in the 2008 charter.

    I myself have, thankfully, had very few offensive PMs from members (gender regardless) since I joined in 2009.
     
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  6. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Big picture it’s harmless, but I believe it’s harmful to the females and wives who may take advice from a fantasy level instead of a real life situation they thought they were getting.

    There’s a few here that are quite vocal about “lock him up for at least 3 months” “get him pierced” “you’ll have him by the balls”...they might be real, I don’t know for sure, but to a curious muggle, it’s a bit over the top and if they aren’t certain to be a real female living this life, they shouldn’t be influencing others.

    Just my opinion on it. Heck I feel the same way when I see a female telling me I’m wrong about cage comfort....ummm which one of us has the boy parts locked in a cage 24/7? Same goes for a female asking for advice from other females in relationships...some people are just more qualified to answer.
     
  7. L-u-c-y
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    Often males ask me which device they should get, I reply "How the hell should I know, I've never worn one" , there's a whole site full of men to ask who are much more qualified to answer.
     
  8. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Mostly, it's fairly easy to tell the males masquerading as females because the line they spin is a cliched porn-laden one. I just ignore them, and I suspect most do.

    Some people, however, may be taken in by it, and this leads to the scenario the OP posited - of someone having their unrealistic preconceptions apparently confirmed by a "woman".

    You'll never root it out. That's one of the things about the internet - you can be who you want to be. I think some people simply need better education. It's a real problem in schools now - kids are becoming so sexualised so young, and their view of sexuality is warped by the porn they're watching. Sex education needs to come into the 21st century.
     
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  9. Tommundelein
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    Tommundelein Member

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    Well said. Thank you.
     
  10. lifer_worm
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    lifer_worm Banned

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    Anything that is a LIE is harmful. End of story!
     
  11. frankie teardrop
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    frankie teardrop Long term member

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    I'd prefer to know I'm talking to a woman if the discussion is about FLRs, Goddess Worship, long-haul truck driving ... and pretty much everything else. I like talking to males too, it's just helpful to know.
     
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  12. steviepie
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    steviepie inferior and unworthy male

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    I'm so tired of "mansplaining" on this site.
     
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  13. bob2018
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    bob2018 Active member

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    My only experience of chastity is with an online keyholder.
    If my keyholder is telling me to do something sexual I would prefer that the keyholder is female. I don’t want the keyholder to be male but saying they are female, I suspect that has happened in the past.
     
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  14. skD
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    skD HausCuck

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    This is largely true....but just for some context, when I posted an update to my own personal journey in the journal section, some folks wrote to me accusing me of making up pure fantasy--which it wasn't--so perhaps I am the exception and an incredibly talented fantasy-sounding writer ;)
     
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  15. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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    I totally agree that it's harmful for the exact reasons you've stated. Ill admit I fell into that trap and held unrealistic expectations for my mistress when we first started out. So much chastity related content out there on the net with so much of it being 100% bs. Although a lot of that was going on here at the mansion too it seemed like the longer I hung sound and got to know more people I was able to detect what was real and what was fantasy. Nonetheless it's easy to be fooled when you want to believe what you hear or read especially when you're first starting out.
     
  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Yeah, when someone is a member, and goes from asking their wife to hold his key to cucking, to forced bi and daily pegging...my detector needle starts jumping all over the place. I once started a thread about it called when to call shenanigans, because some had gotten so out of hand. They are fairly easy to spot and rarely deal with any of the daily and emotional issues that would accompany it all. I can usually guess within a week of how long they were a member...fun game I made up.
     
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  17. Chastitybf88
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    I think you're bang on about this one. Its definitely worse if the female in question is holding keys. Just one of many reasons I never would go with an online kh.
     
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  18. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Having read only @L-u-c-y 's post (I will catch up on the others after) - a few things come to mind.

    1. Not being yourself.
    I see people not being authentic as a serious problem for that individual.
    I am not qualified professional so won't get into the clinical reasons.
    Some of the reasons I have noticed are:
    - sometimes its the natural growing pains related to immaturity.
    - sometimes its people in the closet trying to find a safe way out.
    - sometimes its related not knowing you're the Q in LGBTQ.

    2. Fantasy vs Life Style
    This place is going to attract some pretty kinky people - we just have to accept that.
    I agree that many guys who are attracted here are because of the porn that is out there.
    Maybe women too ... just saying.
    For some, maybe their reality is having CM provide an interactive fantasy element of that porn.
    Maybe we could create a separate section for for the fiction aspect - oh wait - we have one :)
    There will always be those who get their kicks out of pretending to be something they are not.

    FLR is very real for me.
    It has influenced my beliefs & actions & who/what I am attracted to for 3+ decades.
    I am comfortable with who I am am, my likes, my dislikes & those I choose to be acquaintances.

    I too have fantasies - we all have.
    Mine have morphed through the years - whats important manifests itself into my life.
    But I try to be clear here about what my actual behaviors are versus what my fantasies are.
    Some of the people who I have reached out to are those that live a lifestyle that has been more of a dream for me. I suppose this is different because I am being truthful about it.

    There is a famous Zen question: "What is more important - honesty or kindness?"
    For me in comes down to: if you cant be honest, how can you possibly be kind.
     
  19. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    As always with anything zen there is no single simple answer. Is it kind to always be honest? Telling lies allows us to sometimes be kind where being honest would hurt someone with no benefit to anyone.

    With regards to the original question I think given the awful reason behind it, in this context and this forum it is incredibly harmful. There are only a few women (that I am aware of) on this forum yet their input is incredibly important. While my Wife has not become a member of the Mansion we have discussed things that the women on this forum have said, suggested or discussed. It has helped her become more confident in what we are doing.

    I find it incredible that the deception lasted for so long. Normally the fake account turns up, goes to town with all of their fantasies and then burns out when they run out of ideas or discover they aren't getting the reciprocal feedback they require to keep their fantasy alive. If the story stays the same and evolves and lasts then I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt.

    The fact we are discussing the current deception so much shows how damaging it has been.
     
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  20. SUBBYCUCKY97
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    SUBBYCUCKY97 Looking for a push in the right direction.

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    males should be verified single and without other owners as that is equally as harmful as a man pretending to be a woman because it wastes the Dommes of this site time. This after all a site that revolves around female dominance.

    #verifiedgoodboy
     
  21. Ganymede
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    Ganymede Long term member

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    It's pretty simple.

    If a guy wants to share his sexual nature specifically with transvestites and female impersonators I assume there must be many sites where he can very easily meet the people of his dreams.

    I've always assumed (being a gullible male) that CM was not conceived or designed to be any such site. But for those here who are transvestite/transgender, etc, and who make that clear before engaging intimately with others, fine. No one objects to that. However, the male heterosexual chastity trip is based on the granting of erotic power to a woman who enjoys having such control, and using it. The gendered exchange of power is central to that pact.

    I wasn't born yesterday and I entirely understand that the web contains plenty of examples of 'fake' people, just as it contains plenty of 'fake' news; it's my responsibility to use due judgement when interacting with anyone via an internet portal of any sort. I take that responsibility happily and now more rigorously, especially after the events of the last several days here at CM.

    But where a member deliberately deceives the fellow members of a site regarding their gender over a ten year period; sharing intimacies, advice, images and experiences, all while masquerading as an entirely false (and repeatedly stolen) identity is breathtaking in its selfishness and arrogance. It deceives, misleads and wastes a great deal of other people's time and attention. It's psychotic behaviour. But it's only an extreme form of any similar deception with specific regard to gender and identity, however briefly sustained.

    Miss Lucy has stated in a parallel thread that benign verification of female members is on the way. This need only be a brief phone conversation with Lucy or Jens. If any woman chooses not to verify, fine, that's her choice. The rest of us can then make an informed choice about our level of interaction with any such unverified 'figure'. Those who want to explore chastity play and FLR here with someone of their own gender can then freely do so.

    So in answer to the question at the top of this thread I'm with Lucy; faking your gender on CM is harmful and destructive. It undermines the very spirit of this FLR/Femdom site, as clearly outlined in its articles of purpose and membership.
     
  22. Billus
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    Billus Laconic.

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    On this site I have seen at least one male who was obviously male (discussing his chastity cage), with profile photos showing them to be male (albeit sissified), but with a profile marked as 'female'. I asked once about this, and was told that the person in question (whose screen name I have long forgotten) 'felt like a female'. But this is not a transgender or crossdressing issue. Most of the trans people I've observed are open and honest about their sexuality (or at least, seem to be), and where they are on the path they are following. Likewise, sissies seem able to acknowledge they are male, but dressed like a female.

    I admit that it felt like this person was deliberately trying to blur the issue in a somewhat dishonest way. They would talk as if they were a woman, but also about their male chastity issues. This was back a few years, when 'anything goes' was more of a policy. I don't know how such a case would be handled today. Should it even be reported? Note that I'm not personally aware of any such instances at this time.
     
  23. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    When is lying not harmful?

    When is fake preferred over real?

    I empathize and understand the importance of the question and in the most respectful way state ... How and why is this a question?

    Yes it is extremely harmful and the only time it dances near acceptable is when someone is transitioning genders.
     
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  24. maid_carrie
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    I think this is the heart of the matter really. A dubious person pouncing on those ladies who turn up and ask for advice.

    The last thing they need is a guy, not even in a dress, but claiming to be a knowledgeable and experienced female “guiding” her. It could lead to idiotic decisions that could harm a relationship.

    The examples quoted also demonstrate that they have no idea that it needs to be taken a gently and a step at a time.

    I also side with @Billus on guys putting Female on their profile, but in this mad world of self selecting gender (sometimes depending on the day of the week) it makes these things ever more difficult to regulate.

    He’s absolutely right saying that most who are actually transitioning make that very clear and they are happy to talk about it.

    No doubt I’ll be castigated for my currently non PC thoughts on self identification of gender :)
     
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  25. RangerCuck
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    RangerCuck Long term member

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    I totally read that as "castrated" the first time through. >.<
     
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