Domination without dominating

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by L-u-c-y, Jul 27, 2018.

Random Thread
  1. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    I had an amusing conversation recently, I was talking to someone online and he said "You are the most dominant women I have ever spoken to".

    It occurred to me that I don't actually dominate anyone, even though they think I do.

    All I do is say what I want, if someone can't do it they are kicked to the kerb and I'll wait until someone comes along who can. I won't waste my effort putting on a dominant act, or try to break someone.

    Maybe the biggest part of being dominant is just knowing what you want and having the confidence to say it.
     
  2. Mash2214
    Offline

    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Messages:
    3,697
    Likes Received:
    9,506
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Business Owner, servant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:24 AM
    Yes Lucy I think that’s so try. People first aren’t sure what they want. Than when they discovered what it is the don’t want to or are maybe afraid to ask for it. This can also apply to someone that’s submissive by nature but it’s difficult to ask there Wife to take control of him. It even more difficult if she’s not Dominant by nature, than the balancing act starts of how the relationship develops. That one reason no two relationships are the same. This is only my opinion
     
    Guest 3729 likes this.
  3. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    I think it's also difficult for some to say what they don't want without hurting someones feelings.

    If someone starts talking to me about something I'm not interested in I'll just say as quickly as possible "I'm not interested in that". I think it's the best way, just to be honest and say what you do and don't want.
     
  4. Guest 3729
    Offline

    Guest 3729 Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    Messages:
    1,332
    Likes Received:
    2,519
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Local Time:
    7:24 AM
    It's all about the attitude :)
    My vision of being my wife's submissive was much different than hers. I had a more stereotypical vision of how our chastity lifestyle would go. Her vision I suppose is a bit more progressive and as you described not really trying to dominate but making it clear to others that it's "her way or the highway" and still being respected after her mind is made up. My willing submission and her understanding of our roles in our relationship has given her the confidence to take charge and mean it without acting out a more stereotypical dommina role. Funny thing is I became less interested in chastity once I realized she was less about the restraints and whips lol. However she has never let me quit our lifestyle whether I'm wearing a chastity cage or not. Her attitude and confidence has changed so much over the last 3 years our relationship will never go back to what it was before we started down this path. I've always respected her but the kind of respect I have is different now and rather powerful. Her confidence and strength is intoxicating :)
     
  5. DenialIsTheNewOrgasm
    Offline

    DenialIsTheNewOrgasm Active member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2018
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    Fully agree. There is additional realness when it is not an act but a trait of character. Congratulations!

    I think in general we are not brought up in way to be direct, which is a pity because I think it could solve a lot of problems for many people / society. I would even say that it is even more difficult for girls to "speak their mind" as kids, as there are a lot of double standards in education.

    In addition, I think when it comes to female domination, there is such a big femdom industry around which is basically a supply-demand dynamic catering to male fantasies. It can be fun, but in the end, it is often an act / play.

    Therefore (and this is just an assumption based on your post) the authenticity of your behavior may make it feel so strong to submissives.

    For me, that is also one of the main differences between femdom and female led relationships: one is the picture of a female dominating a man, the other is having a female in charge. I know this is entirely subjective, but a female led relationship could also work, if the wife has no interest in dominating her partner - she makes the decision to not do it.
     
  6. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    I think there are many dominant women who don't even realise they are dominant. For them being dominant is not a fetish, they are just being themselves.
     
  7. Mash2214
    Offline

    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Messages:
    3,697
    Likes Received:
    9,506
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Business Owner, servant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:24 AM
    When your talking about your feelings and expressing them to someone else. It Is Very Difficult. You may want to be for example, spanked or controlled by someone and if your spouse or partner of many years says “No “ it’s very stressful on your relationship. Most people don’t get to the point in a relationship where they can express their feelings 100% freely. The chance of being hurt is to great ,so we keep things inside sometimes for many years.
     
  8. DenialIsTheNewOrgasm
    Offline

    DenialIsTheNewOrgasm Active member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2018
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    Fully agree. That's what I meant, but you put it in clearer words.

    I think I wanted to point out that there are many ways dominance can occur in different forms and often it comes down to character. And as a sub, I think it is important to accept this and not put some demands on the form of domination.

    For example my grandparents: they never heard about any of the concepts described here and I would believe it would completely freak them out to read about chastity. However if you look at their relationship, it is as female led as it can get. Grandma snaps her finger and Grandpa is available. Always.
     
  9. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    I think that's just normal and everyone keeps some things inside. I don't think there should be a "right" for anyone to have their dreams come true (fetishes or other).
     
    Blue Jay, steviepie, falke66 and 4 others like this.
  10. Mash2214
    Offline

    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Messages:
    3,697
    Likes Received:
    9,506
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Business Owner, servant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:24 AM
    When your in along term relationship like ours 38 years “kicking someone to the curb” as you have said isn’t an option you need to Work things out in some way shape or form. Our relationship is very different than yours with your subs. Both can work and be rewording for everyone but they are very different. Keeping your feeling inside for your whole life does effect your relationship.

    Just a different perspective on the same issue.
     
    Blue Jay, Tommundelein and L-u-c-y like this.
  11. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    Yes, that's always been the same with all women in my family, the males may do silly things at times, but they toe the line for important things as they know their lives wouldn’t be worth living if they didn’t..
     
  12. Nicoftime
    Offline

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    5,233
    Likes Received:
    14,084
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    8:24 AM
    my kh didn’t know she was dominant. She thought she was submissive, and it turned out that her desire to control the relationships made her feel like she was nagging and bitchy. Turns out she just needs things her way, and needs a partner willing to let that part go.

    Once she came to realize that she could make this into anything she wanted, a switch flipped, and she now glows with dominance, confidence, and self awareness.
     
  13. Cuckster
    Offline

    Cuckster Long term member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2018
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    168
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    aka: being real :love:
     
    Tommundelein likes this.
  14. Scott Boi
    Offline

    Scott Boi "Being me is harder than it looks."

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2018
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    The Republic of Texas
    Local Time:
    8:24 AM
    I agree that knowing your own mind, knowing what you want, and feeling comfortable with your authority as a dominant woman is an incredibly powerful combination. When I meet a woman like this, or like you, as I muddle about in the world I will find myself responding with "Yes, Ma'am," or "No Ma'am," without it being a conscious choice.

    I've never understood the male-created archetype of the dominant woman as cruel and without any feelings for the males who server her. Nor the appeal of "crawl worm."

    Ironically, it is males like me who are unsupervised at the moment who are responsible for generating and encouraging the erotica/porn material on female dominance. So when we are most at risk and when having our sexuality and orgasms managed is perhaps most important, we run amuck. When you consider what dominant women do to help us find our true place is really an act of kindness.

    Thank you for that ladies!
     
  15. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    15,495
    Likes Received:
    5,489
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    To an extent the whole dominant/submissive thing is an artificial construct built to feed our kink. What we are actually talking about is respect.

    Liken it to the workplace: you get a new boss, determined to be in charge, throwing their weight about. "I'm the boss," they say. "Do what you're told." They get treated with the respect they deserve.

    Then along comes someone who is authoritative and assertive. They don't need to say they're in charge. They just are. They command respect.

    So many doms or dommes think they should be given authority. That's wrong. You earn respect. And with respect comes control.
     
  16. Billus
    Offline

    Billus Laconic.

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2010
    Messages:
    974
    Likes Received:
    986
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    I think in real life, most people appreciate open, honest communication. This has nothing to do with any sexual dynamic at all. Even if you disagree with what's being said, you can respect the other person without having to focus on a D/s mindset.
     
  17. El Guapo
    Offline

    El Guapo Ladies First.

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    503
    Likes Received:
    1,470
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Estados Unidos
    Local Time:
    8:24 AM
    Ms. @L-u-c-y
    I've not come to see you as 'dominant' so much as I find you 'direct'.
    Your profiles are simple & could not be more clear.

    To me, your aura says:
    - What you see is what you get.
    - If you don't see what you want, why are you still here?

    I enjoy our conversations.
    I appreciate your honesty (and directness).
    And that you accept my honesty in return.
     
  18. Jasmic68
    Offline

    Jasmic68 Long term member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2015
    Messages:
    3,888
    Likes Received:
    4,535
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Early retirement
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK Midlands
    Local Time:
    7:09 PM
    In the brief period my my Wife was active in the Mansion she was told that she wasn’t truly dominant as she wasn’t treating me like an animal. Needless to say she ignored the idiot who said that and carried on dominating me the way suited her.
     
  19. Allen1987
    Offline

    Allen1987 All for Her

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2017
    Messages:
    1,141
    Likes Received:
    3,189
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Machinist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Massachusetts USA
    Local Time:
    9:24 AM
    When I think back through the years I can see shadows of what we have today. I have
    always been the serving type. She was not brought up to be a dominate women, although
    there were times that I couldn't miss it.

    When She got over all the things She wasn't supposed to be like, She has become someone
    that I never really knew. Not just with me ,but in every way. I wish we could grow up in a neutral
    environment so we wouldn't get stuck in a role that wasn't ours to begin with. I am thankful
    that we found where we belonged and haven't looked back.

    So true, I have seen what it has done for us.:+1:
     
    Guest 8306 and El Guapo like this.
  20. Beck
    Offline

    Beck Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2013
    Messages:
    451
    Likes Received:
    429
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:24 AM
    The matriarchs in my life have all been strong minded. I wouldn't call them dominant. They knew what they wanted also, but were never forthright about it in such direct or curt terms. They maintained visible respect for the systems in play and worked within them to benefit themselves when they could. I think there is a blurry line between being overly privileged and claims of dominance. Dominance can be a child whining into the night, breaking its parents into hollow shells that will do anything to just. make. baby. stop. That to me is annoying and immature, not dominant. I think many children grow up unchecked in some way and tend to live on the backs of others for the rest of their selfish and greedy lives. That is not dominance, that is being privileged.
     
  21. Rectrix
    Offline

    Rectrix Long term member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    2,679
    Likes Received:
    5,876
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    US East Coast
    Local Time:
    9:24 AM
    It's wonderful to watch her growing self-confidence and to see her shedding her social shackles. And I'm so happy for the opportunity to stop out of my assigned alpha role when I get home.
     
    Allen1987 likes this.
  22. frankie teardrop
    Offline

    frankie teardrop Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2014
    Messages:
    378
    Likes Received:
    519
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Service Industry
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oz
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    I think what makes Mistress Lucy a naturally dominant woman is that she genuinely loves to be served by her submissives, has a true belief in the power of the Feminine Divine. She has no need to fake anything.

    My track record in gullibility is not great but thank the Goddesses I've been right about Mistress Lucy.
     
  23. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    1:24 PM
    That is the fault of the parents who spoil females and males. Not so in my case, my parents have never bought me a car for instance, and I had to take a student loan to pay for my education.
     
  24. Cincy
    Offline

    Cincy Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2016
    Messages:
    735
    Likes Received:
    824
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    9:24 AM
    My wife is a soft dominant...she would never do anything to hurt me, but she does like getting her own way and always does.
     
  25. DonnaSue
    Offline

    DonnaSue Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2015
    Messages:
    2,940
    Likes Received:
    4,679
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southeast US
    Local Time:
    8:24 AM
    My wife of 34 years has gradually progressed from being somewhat submissive to me in lots of things (back when I was the Alpha Male, to standing up for herself as an equal in the relationship to gradually providing increasing levels of leadership, and then to finally becoming the dominant figure in our marriage. Her dominance in more personal and sexual matters wasn't clear until we talked seriously about each other's roles, feelings, desires, and objectives about 5 years ago. Since then, things have been so much better and we both enjoy our FLR. I love Her more now than ever!
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice