Thrills and hardships of a man wanting permanent lock up

Day 12, no orgasm.
Today, since My Love is away, i am going to be somewhat selfish, today's post is about me.
You have no idea how lucky I felt this morning when I opened my eyes and felt my morning wood constricted inside my cage.
I smiled, the first thing I thought of was My Love and lucky I am to have Her. I feel so blessed to have a beautiful, caring woman in my life.
In the past I most likely would have rolled over, masturbated and took care of this need I feel deep down inside, that feeling of wanting nothing more than to just explode. Thankfully My Love has made sure that selfishness can't happen.
If My Love were here at the moment I would bow at her feet and let Her know how much I appreciate the power She has over me, I want nothing more than to please Her.
I would thank Her for showing me that it is so much more fulfilling to put someone elses needs before my own, I'm not talking about merely sexual needs, I'm talking about all of it.
I'm talking about going out of your way to do the little things, the things some people may take for granted or not even notice. Wiping the counter, sweeping the floor, picking up the dirty clothes and throwing them in the wash. Taking the time to rub Her shoulders, a hug or kiss as you walk past each other, I call those times "stealing a moment", any thing at all that can make Her day better is what I desire most.
I am proud that I have discovered that, it doesn't take a cage, most often She has me unlocked, it is easy when She is here, I've been honest with Her, I do not want to ejaculate and loose my focus. My Love has obviously heard me, and I'm so thankful She locked me up while She is away.
I lay here and think about what I was like before I discovered chastity and orgasm denial and realize that I do not want to be that person, I love who I am, I love what we have become, how we have grown in the 10 years we have been together, I look forward to what we will become. I can't imagine how it can get any better, but I know it will. I have given all of myself to My Love and will enjoy the journey together.

 

Day 14 no orgasm, Day 3 of lock up.
I am absolutely amazed out what is happening these days!
First of all, as you know, I was locked up Friday while My Love was away, I heard very little from Her over the weekend.
I received a text Sunday morning, She apologized for not being dominant and giving me instructions but hoped that I pleasured myself over the weekend, I answered her and told Her that I had not.
When She arrived back home I had supper ready and Her wine chilled. During supper She asked why I hadn't pleasured myself, I went on to clarify to Her that I did, it was a pleasure to hand Her the key on Friday, it was a pleasure to wake up and feel the constriction of my cage on Her property both mornings, it was a pleasure to do the chores She left for me, I explained to Her that there are different definitions of pleasure and I experienced great pleasure over the weekend. I thanked Her for locking me up and I was incredibly indebted to Her for taking charge of Her property.
She went on to tell me that She feels guilty when She denies me orgasms, which I have been suspecting for some time, I explained to Her that she shouldn't feel guilty and I do have orgasms, I just don't ejaculate. That feeling of getting right to the edge and stopping is my orgasm, my entire body quivers and the rush of that, for me, is better than "blowing a load".
We spoke for some time, I answered all Her questions and tried to reassure Her that She should carry no guilt about any of this, it is something I asked for. I once again explained to Her why I desire to submit to Her. She went on to tell me that She feels it incredible how I have changed and She loves the attention and is thrilled by my obedience. I have butterflies in my stomach thinking about how My Love is truly opening up to this idea.
We sat by the pool all evening talking about all sorts of things, She often came back to our journey, trying to understand and telling me what She needs out of this, I agreed to everything and tried to ease Her mind. I told Her that my desires are not to deny Her, that I am Her property and She can use it however She sees fit, I want to give more to Her, not less.
I think She is beginning to understand. We had a nice skinny dip, got a little tipsy from the wine, She fondled my cage constantly and asked if I was frustrated, I answered that frustration is not the word I would choose, I am grateful.
When we went to bed My Love told me She was going to masturbate and I was going to watch, I reached for Her Wand, She wasted no time, within minutes She was moaning, I could tell She was enjoying it.
She looked at me and said "I need my property, get my key" She unlocked me and slide me inside Her, I was brought to the edge and "orgasmed" 3 times while She enjoyed another 3 orgasms, it was amazing to see Her loving every minute of it. She asked if I was okay, I said yes, She made me slide out of Her, we both lay there panting heavily. She kissed me and said "no cage for the night but I want it locked in the morning, if this is what you want, I have no issues with it if you keep performing like that" I pleasantly honoured Her wishes.
I have been walking around in cloud 9 all morning, I am not sure if I have ever been this happy, so looking forward to progressing along this journey.

 

My Love decided to unlock me on Tuesday night, She wanted to feel me when we cuddled prior to bed. As I felt Her soft skin I was instantly aroused, all she did was cuddle even closer, I rubbed Her until we fell asleep.
The next morning I was awaken by My Love kissing my neck, She knows how much I love that, once again, instantly aroused, She told me She wanted me inside Her, I did exactly that, She said "Get to the edge, I want to see you squirm"
I got to the edge 2-3 times, I got myself there again and asked if I could orgasm, "Are you sure you want to do that?" was Her reply, i pulled out and tried everything I could but I ejaculated, not much, a ruined orgasm but a releases none the less.
I apologized, She said "You'll be mad at yourself for that, we worked so hard to get you where you told me you love to be, now your empty"
When I got home from work last night the conversation went like this;
ML "So, do you regret this morning?"
Me "No, I didn't have a full blown, so I'm not in a slump, still very much same as yesterday."
ML "Thats the wrong answer, you told me that you want me to control your orgasms. I didn't tell you that you could cum. So your answer should have been, Yes I do regret it. I'm not happy, if you want me to control things, why did you get to decide?"
Me "I'm sorry I didn't look at it that way"
My Love then instructed me to take my clothes off, She proceeded to remove my cage and fondle Her property.
ML "You did get some relief, if you were in the frame of mind you say you like to be in, this would have been hard when I took your cage off. Stroke it!"
I began to stroke it while standing in front of her and I'll admit that my hardness took a bit, not sure if it was because I had a little relief or because I was standing in the kitchen while My Love watched. She did not allow me anywhere close to an edging session before She told me to stop.
ML "So what I'm I supposed to do now, you asked me to take control but you took it away, now look, you need to start all over"
I apologized, She truly is getting into this, I told Her I'd make it up to Her by giving Her a full body massage or a bath, anything. She replied "No, you enjoy doing those things, let me think about it".
I was left nude while I made supper, My Love went outside and laid in the sun, She was sure to position herself where I could see Her. I called her in and we sat for supper.
ML "You do realize that I didn't get an orgasm this morning, do you think that's fair? I am not the one asking to be denied"
I apologized yet again
ML "That's a couple times lately that this has happened, did you forget when I made you edge yourself, like a hundred times in a day, you told me how exhausting that was?"
Me "Yes, is that what I am to do again?"
ML "No, it didn't work, besides you enjoy when you edge. How many days did you make it?"
Me "17"
After supper I did the dishes, I asked if I could get dressed and go outside with her, She said after I folded the laundry and made the bed, so I did that as quickly as I could. I went outside to enjoy some time with Her but when I went out I was told to clean up the dog poop, vacuum the pool and wash down the patio furniture, by this time it was time for Her bath, I was told to go run it for Her and lay out Her towel. I asked if She would like me to wash Her but I got a flat out "No"
After Her bath, My Love got me to get Her a glass of wine and bring it to Her in the deck. I was going to sit with Her but was told to go and shower, which I did. When I got back out to the deck I was told to go wait in our bedroom. "Your blindfold is laying on the bed, put it on and stand on the side of the bed with your hands on your head and wait for me, I won't be long" I did as instructed and waited.
I don't know how it had been before I heard My Love approach me, I then suddenly felt this incredible sting on my behind, it hurt so bad, I wasn't ready for that. "Did that hurt?" Before I could answer another slap, "I asked you if that hurt?" Again before I could answer another came, and another and another. She must have slapped me a dozen times with Her crop. There was a sweet sting to My behind. I was then instructed to put my hands behind my back and My Love proceeded to cuff me "Don't move" As I heard her crawl onto the bed, I thought to myself how long will I need to stand here, my behind began to burn with the sting.
That's when to my surprise I heard our Magic Wand start. My Love began to masturbate as I stood there blindfolded and cuffed. She brought herself to orgasm 3-4 times. When She was finished She uncuffed me, told me I was sleeping with my cage and my blindfold. My Love lowered me unto the bed, "Lay on your back, and don't touch me". When My Love crawled into bed She leaned over and kissed me, told me that She loved me and as She tightly gripped my testicals and said "Remember, this is what YOU wanted" we laid there and fell asleep.
I awoke this morning, my blindfold must have fell off throughout the night. My Love was awake. I asked if she was still mad at me. "I was never mad at you, but if I'm in control I must be fully in control, besides I was horny and wanted to masturbate and you know how much I love to whip you, it was a turn on before I got myself off. Are you mad at me?" My reply was quick "No, I love you even more, thank you!"
So today my behind is a little sore but not bad, My Love is away for the night. My instructions are to clean the bathroom when I get home, no clothes, cage on and am forbidden to get any ideas of playing with my toys. My Love will further instruct me as She sees fit.

 

Today is the day I have been looking forward to all week!
My Love has been away on a girls only holiday since Thursday, I have been locked for 7 days now, except for my short release on Tuesday where I had the accident.Today they are all coming here to lounge around the pool, I don't know the exact number of ladies but I am being told up to a dozen of them and I get to be their "bitch" for the day!
I did text My Love this morning and told Her how much the thought of this turns me on and how I am so looking forward to it. She told me She is also looking forward to seeing me cater to all Her friends. I was told to be in my best behaviour, to not once complain and do exactly as I am told, I have no issues with that at all!
I am going to work so hard today at waiting on them hand and foot! My Love deserves this day!
Most men would cringe at the thought of a dozen drunken ladies being in their back yard all afternoon, I am amazed at how much it turns me on!
Wish me luck my CM friends!

 

Thanks @Mash2214!
It was truly an amazing afternoon, there were 9 ladies here. When they first arrived I put their drinks in the cooler I had ready with ice. I spent the entire afternoon making drinks and serving them whatever they needed.
When they first arrived they began to get up to get their own drinks, My Love quickly put a stop to that. "No need to get our own drinks, this afternoon we have a servant"
I got aroused every time I heard my name called, it took awhile for some of them, as it was the first time they met me but before long they were all yelling for my services. It was very enjoyable for me.
At one time, when I brought a round of drinks, one of the ladies said to My Love "where the hell did you find him?" My Loves response; "I didn't find him, I groomed him, there's a secret to it that I'm not willing to share" She looked at me and winked. I so adore Her!
She is gone now for the evening, I look forward to taking care of Her tomorrow when She is under the weather because of the alcohol.
Today, I couldn't be more happy!

 

My Love returned home yesterday after Her girls weekend. I was told that I did a great job on Saturday and all Her friends were impressed.
We sat and talked, she told me about Her weekend, I prepared us a nice supper. After supper we cleaned up and sat and enjoy a couple glasses of wine, I ran My Love a bath and I finished tidying up.

When we went to bed we had some cuddles, suddenly My Love began to play with Her property, "I'm just gonna rub it for a bit" Well that "bit" turned into my hands tied to the bead post, our Magic Wand coming out of the drawer, My Love pleasing Herself by edging Her property through a combination of oral, by hand and vibrating stimulation. This went on for an hour. The torture of it all was overwhelming, since my mistake last week She was quite specific in telling me to not ejaculate. The giggles that came from Her when She'd stop and I would squirm and fight the urge to ejaculate, I think She regained Her confidence that She is in fact in control.

I was not locked back up last night, I awoke this morning hard, My Love asked me if I'd be struggling with that all day, I replied that I would be, She suggested I lock up again to help with the erections.
My Love text me this morning to tell me how much She enjoyed it, most often I am forced to edge myself, since She enjoyed it so much I was told to anticipate that will most likely end and the majority of the time She will be taking care of this, I will still be required to do it at times but She said "Since that was so much fun, I don't see why I should give that up to you"

Things are ever evolving, My Love seems to be embracing the control She is being handed. All is well in this Subs world!

 

I'll be honest, I have lost track of how long it's been since my last full blown orgasm, my slip was 8 days ago, ruined it and didn't experience the post orgasm slump, thankfully.

I also lost track of how long I've been locked, the compromise My Love has imposed is that I am locked when She not near, so during the day and when She runs errands or visits friends, this arrangement seems to give us both what we enjoy, more so for me since I'm locked at times and I get the arousal of My Love seeing Her property, that's what She has told me She needs, I'm fine with that.

Last evening I got home and began to remove my clothing as per usual, when My Love went to unlock me She noticed I was in need of a trim and shave, "Get a bath ran for yourself, you need to trim that, you'll stay locked until you're ready". I ran my bath, got washed up, I called for My Love to bring Her key, once unlocked She stayed to watch, it didn't take long for me to become aroused. Once I was done I dried off and and My Love inspected Her property, it passed and we returned to the kitchen to get supper ready.

Since it has been so long, I am constantly either half or fully erect, My Love commented on how much She loves to see how big it is, I am fortunate to be above average. As I prepared supper the teasing did not let up, kisses all over my body, fondling Her property, little spanks.

My frustration levels have reached a peak I do not think I have experienced until now. My Loves recent participation in this lengthy denial period, although exciting and exactly what I would hope for, has not made things easier. Please do not get me wrong, I am not complaining, just putting my thoughts to words.

During this lengthy denial period I find myself more focused with more energy, most likely due to wanting to stay busy. There is this "feeling" I am experiencing, difficult to describe but It's like I could run a marathon, I feel absolutely fantastic!

Then there is My Love, when I see Her, I melt, I always did but not like this. It seems my sense of touch is heightened. When I touch Her, I melt, when She touches me there is this wave that goes through me, I feel a head rush that again, is difficult to explain but it's there and it's real and it's amazing!

During the course of last evening there was a point where She walked up to me, told me to look Her in the eyes, I did, and just then She lightly rubbed Her finger nails down my chest, around Her property and then gently fondled them, She smiled and looked me straight in the eyes and said "You are truly putty in my hands" She seen in my eyes the power She has over me at this time.

When we went to bed, I was rubbing Her back, she could feel my hardness and told me "it won't be much longer". The thing is I don't want this to end, took me so long to get here I am dreading the post-orgasm blues.

 

I didn't have to get up this morning as I have the day off. I did get up to get My Love Her coffee, She could not get the day off and I did not want Her to think I was forgetting my responsibilities.

As I laid there, She began to rub Her property, again it did not take long for it to react.

Once My Love got me excited She got up to get ready, told me to get the Wand out and enjoy some edging. Because it has been so long I did not think that would be a good idea so I chose not too, when She returned to find me laying there She told me it wasn't an option, it was an order!

It didn't take me long to get to the edge, She checked up on me a couple times, it didn't help knowing My Love was watching me and enjoying seeing me fight the urge to ejaculate, however it was what She wanted.

I was told that My Love will be using Her property this evening, I'm to have the bedroom ready for the complete body rub She needs to relax prior to Her orgasms. She told me She hasn't decided if She will want to see me orgasm yet.

 

Not sure what this means..
I was told I snapped at My Love, I did not see it that way, it certainly wasn't my intention. My Love felt I did so I profusely apologized.
It's what She said to me that confused me a bit. She said "Sounds like you need release" I replied "No" then She said "Well if you snap at me like that again, that's what will happen, is that what you want?"
I'm not sure what that means, thoughts?

 

Beautiful evening last night!
Long full body rub for My Love, She had countless orgasms, I was told me that She "lost count".

My Love did want me to ejaculate last night, which I reluctantly did, She was amazed how big it was.

To be honest, it felt amazing but the "Sub drop" was instant. My Love asked me what was wrong and if I was disappointed that She made me have a full blown O. I explained to her that I only want what She craves and if that's what She'd like then I'm fine with it.

I took the opportunity to explain to Her the concept of "sub drop" we did a bit of reading up on the subject. Her concern is that by withholding orgasms from me I won't be sexually satisfied, to which i disagreed. She did agree once again that the guilt thing is playing on Her, She does not want to seem mean but I went on to remedied Her that this was my idea and should there come a time where I just can't take it anymore, I would let Her know.

As we were surfing the web reading up on this subject, we stumbled upon an article that mentioned "milking" as a way to reduce the tension of denial. She had questions on that, so I suggested we watch a video. I found one that was perfect, a woman using a prostate massager on a man who was in all fours. My Love was shocked when She seen the "milk" beginning to flow, hands free. She said "that's fake", She asked if I'd ever been able to do that, my reply was yes I have, it does eliminate some of the pressure without the "Sub drop".

We also read a little more on "ruined orgasms" which She does quite well however She was interested in seeing some videos of those, so I showed her a few of what I thought showed the best possible outcomes to a perfect ruined orgasm. My Love watched with interest.

Anyhow, so we have now begun that long climb back to where I feel my most submissive, although I am a little down about having to go through that all over again, I am ecstatic that I was permitted to please My Love last night with what She loves most, nice back rub followed by multiple orgasms!

 

Since my orgasm on Thursday night, My Love and I have been very busy with life, therefore I have not been able to update my journal until now.

Since Thursday My Love has mentioned to me on numerous occasions that since my ejaculation my demeanour has change and that She does not like it.

Since our weekend was so busy we did not have much of a chance to talk so we went to bed a little early last night because My Love told me there were things we needed to discuss.

I was told that going forward, She now has certain expectations so that we do not need to go through this again, the attentiveness that I have been showing Her is falling short of what She requires. I was told that I have been a little "lippy" over the last few days, I did not notice however My Love says I have and that will need to stop. Back talk is forbidden and just because She allowed me to ejaculate, Her needs should still always come first. She feels like I got what I wanted so it's over, I was told if I expect Her to play Her part I will need to do a better job playing mine.

My Love reminded me that this is what I asked for, "If it's going to be more than something we do every once and awhile as an extension of forplay and this is truly what you want, I'm fine with it, but you need to be doing your part to, I expect attention and obedience. I gave it a chance, like you asked, I've seen the benifits to me and enjoy it, so think about again and let me know. If you're going to give me control, then I'm going to be in control all the time, not just when you want it"

My Love did not want an answer right away. Since it was such a busy weekend we really have had no time to enjoy each other. We will spend the rest of the week as we normally do and discuss each of our expectations so we both have a clear picture on of our thoughts. This I a very interesting turn of events.

 

I text My Love earlier to let Her know that I was horny today, the conversation went as follows;

ML "I'm not giving you permission to cum"

Me "I know, you wanted me to tell you when i started to get the urge"

ML "So are you saying you still want to do this?"

Me "Yes, I want nothing more"

ML "Here is how we are going to proceed, I want you caged when you get home. From now on, working hours/no cage, home at night or when your left by yourself/cage on, nighttime/cage off, I prefer the feel of flesh. You will be permitted edging sessions but that will depend on you and what you do for me"

Me "Sounds reasonable"

ML "these are the first conditions, there will more added as we progress. I would also like to know some of the things you would enjoy most so that your rewards are pleasurable for you."

Me "We can talk tonight"

ML "This one is non-negotiable.....complete obedience! I am the boss, you're required to do what I expect. It's not all going to be about sex and pleasure, I want no complaining or I'll end this. This is your chance to prove how important this desire is to you"

Me "Absolutely, thank you!"

ML "so cage on and naked when I get home, don't mess this up! Love you"

Exciting!!!

 

My Love was home before I arrived last night as I had a stop to make.

When I arrived, She was already floating in the pool, very hot with her bikini on and all oiled up with Her suntan lotion.

I immediately headed to our bedroom to put the cage on, I was slightly aroused by the look of My Love so it took a bit of coaxing but I did manage to lock up. I put on my swim shorts and proceeded outside to bring Her glass of wine. She asked "Did you do what you were supposed too?" Of course I said yes. "Good" was Her short reply.

We proceeded to talk about our day for a short time and then I went in the house, removed my clothing as is the rule and began cooking supper. A short time later My Love came in for another glass of wine and to inspect Her property to insure it was locked.

After supper I had chores, dishes, make lunches for the next day, clean up the kitchen and wash and fold a couple loads of laundry as well as rub Her bath and lay out Her towel and nightgown.

By the time I completed all of this and took my shower it was time for bed, I was excited to talk about my rewards through the upcoming denial, when I brought it up I was quickly shot down.

My Love quickly pointed out that we were not talking about that tonight, She asked "Who said we were talking about that tonight? We will when I decide. If you think the first night of you back to normal justifies my attention you are missing the whole point. Just because you did all the things that needed to be done tonight does not warrant a reward, that's only the beginning of making up the last 4 days. What I'm trying to do is show you that the next time you're allowed to orgasm, don't drop the ball and forget who you should really be thanking!"

My Love gave me a kiss and rolled over for me to rub Her back, I laid there and thought "This is real! She is not playing" I then became very frightened as to what is in store for me over in the near future.

 

I arrived home last evening before My Love, immediately went to our room to lock up. I had to leave my clothes on as I needed to do some work outside.

My Love arrived and I proceeded to walk to Her to welcome Her home, as we kissed She reached down to see if I was caged, She felt it and told me I was a good boy, I loves when she says that.

After supper we enjoyed each other's company as we cleaned up the small mess in the kitchen. I ran Her bath, I was allowed to wash Her back. Since the weather was not very nice we opted to go to bed early and watch some TV and search the web.

My Love positioned Herself that I was able to see the TV and rub Her body comfortably. She opted to surf the web as I rubbed Her. It did not take long for Her to feel me grow and become quite stiff, I apologized but She told me it was okay, that's why She prefers me uncaged at night, My Love enjoys feeling that.

After about 45 minutes of rubbing Her, My Love suggested an edging session, "We need to get you where I want you." The Magic Wand was taken out, She positioned Herself between my legs and asked if I was ready, She told me the safe word and told me to enjoy it but "Do not cum"

As I lay there My Love brought me to the edge over and over again, there were times that as I was squirming and fighting to not go over the point of no return, as Her property was throbbing and wanting to ejaculate, I could hear Her happily saying "Wow!".

As She continued to bring to me to the edge over and aver again my entire body quivered, the feeling of Vibration, Her hands, Her mouth made my fists clenched the sheets, that mix of frustration and pleasure. Each time she would let go of me to fight crossing the line and I thought it was over, My Love would grab me again.

The dirty talking, asking me if I enjoyed it, telling me how much She was loving watching me squirm, telling me that this was our future, "All this control now belongs to me, you and any pleasure you feel, belong to me" got me there, that right place, countless times.

My Love then told me She wanted to orgasm, "I'm going to use you to get me off now" She slide Her property into Herself, moaning and telling me how much She is going to enjoy this new arrangement I watched Her acheive four Orgasms. She pushed me away and I slide out, still so hard. As we lay there panting She brushed my cheek, I thanked Her.

We cuddled and I rubbed Her back until She fell asleep, I watched Her sleep for a few minutes as I counted all my blessings to have this woman as my Wife!

 

As most of you know, those that are following, My Love and I have been experimenting with Chastity/Orgasm Denial for some time now, it hasn't been perfect, we have had highs and lows.

This whole idea was mine and My Love came in with a bit of skepticism, unsure about why I would request to be locked up and controlled. She has had a hard time wrapping Her head around the idea.

The first advice I received after joining CM was to create an open line of communication, which we have and I must admit that it changed everything.

Because of these conversations, My Love has had the opportunity to ask questions, to let me know Her concerns, want and needs. She has had the opportunity to ask questions to better understand why I asked this of Her and to try to better understand the reasons behind it.

I think I can say that we have turned a corner on this journey. My Love truly seems to be embracing this lifestyle. She has set out guidelines of what She expects from me and does truly seem to be enjoying it as opposed to making me feel like we were just playing a sex game.

I am away this weekend, prior to me leaving yesterday I was shocked when My Love told me I would be locked up while away. I was reminded of Her list of requirements which included being locked up while I was alone. "Too much of a risk you'll use the opportunity to cum".

So this morning I sit here drinking my coffee, locked up with no possibility of being released for three days all with My Loves blessing. A few months ago this was just a dream of mine, now it seems to be reality and I couldn't be happier!