Wife spoke her mind...

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Shepherdsflock, Jul 20, 2018.

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  1. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    Well, my wife made it official last night: I am done having intercourse and orgasms.

    I have written on here several times about her vaginismus. However, what I have not written about is that during her last pregnancy she developed varicose veins in her vagina. Yes, of all the shitty places to get varicose veins, she had to get them in her vagina.

    The last time she allowed me out and let me have intercourse, she got pregnant again. The varicose veins have gotten even worse. It hurts her to even be aroused. Just the engorgement and extra blood flow during arousal is now painful for her. She still occasionally is able to get excited without pain, but not usually.

    We were discussing it last night and I asked her what she thought about our future with intercourse. She said we are definitely done with it. She never wants me doing that to her again.

    Because of my problems with masturbation, I have only been allowed to orgasm through intercourse. Stimulation by my own hands is strictly forbidden, and she never stimulates me by her own hands to the point of orgasm, just light touching and teasing because she doesn’t want me orgasming from hands like masturbation. She finds oral sex disgusting, so that is also out of the question. So, basically, my only route to orgasm is now gone.

    I am a little sad. I miss it pretty badly, and she made it clear that my days of doing that are over. She is the only one who will be orgasming from now on. And even that won’t be frequently, since most of the time it hurts her just to get aroused.
     
  2. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    I feel bad for you and your wife. I hope for your sake that she reconsiders and allows you to take matters into your own hands at least once in awhile. If having an Orgasm is totally out of the question than I hope you find something that’ll give you some pleasure.
     
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  3. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    I'm aligned with Mash on this, although I think she should take things into her hands, not yours for obvious historical reasons.
     
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  4. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    The hardest part for me is that she rarely even wants to be aroused anymore. She’ll play around with me and tease me, but it’s just for me. Which makes it boring for me. Yes, I enjoy the stimulation, but knowing that she is purposely choosing not to get aroused takes all the fun out of it.

    I might be able to handle permanent chastity if I get to regularly enjoy her orgasms, but no orgasms for either of us (or just rarely for her) isn’t very satisfying.
     
  5. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    For now the only answer is to be there for her in whatever way or manner you can be for her, as hard as it must be for you it pales hugely with the situation your wife is enduring. Things may always (hopefully) improve given time and hopefully you will learn to adapt to suit you both with practice and a certain amount of patience both ways. I do hope you can both work together to get past this hurdle going forward.
     
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  6. NoloMeTangere
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    NoloMeTangere Long term member

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    I thought she was orgasming more frequently (2 or 3 times) by rubbing her clitoris against the top of your penis.
     
  7. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    She has been. I knew about the varicose veins, and thought that they were not really a problem, but she informed me that it hurts almost every time and she just doesn’t want to do it anymore. I don’t know if she’s being totally honest with me or not, because up until the last week she seemed to be doing okay in that regard.
     
  8. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    I got thinking about your comment and maybe as an outside observer you may have a clearer view of things. I didn’t really give any thought to her comments vs her recent behavior. I wonder if she just came up with an excuse to get what she wants. She has stated several times that if she could have her way I would be permanently chaste. Maybe it’s an attempt on her part to get what she wants without coming out and saying plainly that she is going to have her way.

    I’m wondering about it, because last night we had some play time and even though she wouldn’t really let me play with her vagina, I let out a moan of frustration as she was taking her panties off and she got a big grin on her face and asked, “Poor baby, what’s the matter? See something you can’t have?”.
     
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  9. TonyF25
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    TonyF25 Long term member

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    Does she have you in lock to make sure you don't stimulate your self ??????
     
  10. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    Last night she didn’t. I had been working outdoors all day and had been unlocked for practicality reasons. Last night she just let me continue to be unlocked.

    It did cause some problems during the night, though. I got hard and horny while sleeping and started humping the mattress and it woke her up and she was upset. I locked up this morning voluntarily since I figured she would tell me to anyway.
     
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  11. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Erections can be a real problem for a man who needs to be chaste.
     
  12. harddenial
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    harddenial Member

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    Your wife is very unfortunate regarding her vaginal health issues. It must be very difficult for her to relax at all during any sort of sex. It is probably difficult to untangle the physical and mental sides. She likes the idea of you locked-up long term so I would think that she would be most relaxed in that case. Perhaps she could then be persuaded that oral sex is not disgusting. Maybe because of her health issues she needs a lot of reassurance that you, as much as her, do not find oral sex disgusting (in fact that it is a joy for you) and that it would provide the intimacy you want.
     
  13. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    Yes, it would seem so.
     
  14. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    I probably stand a better chance of getting her to like intercourse than convincing her that oral is okay.
     
  15. NoloMeTangere
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    I really doubt that, as an outside observer, I have much to add. While following your journey, you have often gone in directions I did not anticipate. However, I'll try.

    My impression of your wife is that she, like my wife, is a lesbian (mostly) in denial, although my wife is now "out" within our marriage. She has difficulty expressing her sexuality physically or verbally. She avoids direct statements overall. She enjoys knowing that you desire her, not so much in a sexual sense as more of a way to validate herself and her attractiveness/self image. She seems to enjoy, sexually or not, thwarting your sexual pleasure - this is a major, recurring theme - using dilators, rubbing herself against the top of your penis, saying, "look at what you can't have" , enjoying the idea of removing your penis (so you can't have sex) but keeping your balls (so you continue to want sex) etc. She is very repressed sexually, but seems, based on what you have posted, to truly enjoy sex if/when it can be used to tease and torment you.

    My feeling is that you should use her enjoyment of teasing to get the most out of your relationship, and to improve the quality and quantity of your intimacy and closeness.
     
  16. Loudogger
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    Loudogger Active member

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    How about anal intercourse?

    Sad for her but locking you out of any kind of sex.....which she could easily accommodate but chooses not to isn’t cool if you’re not ok with it.

    Personally I would be getting a kitchen pass for having an outside affair or I would be packing my bags and looking for a new lady
     
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  17. Shepherdsflock
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    Are you kidding? If she thinks oral is gross, why would she want to be fucked in the ass? Not to mention I don’t think I could even bring myself to try that. Not to offend those who enjoy such things, but I don’t like the idea of getting shit on my cock.
     
  18. NoloMeTangere
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    I don't blame you.
     
  19. Tommundelein
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    Sorry to read about your wife’s health issues. I hope she has seen a physician and she has been able to provide some medical help to your wife.
     
  20. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    There doesn’t seem to be much help to give. The doctor recommended some special tight panties, kind of like the support hose that old ladies wear. But none of the medical stores around us sell them. Plus, I am really not sure she wants to do anything about it. It would take away her excuse for permanent chastity. And it seems that preventing my pleasure is more important to her than experiencing her own.
     
  21. Tommundelein
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    I understand. Just some thoughts for your consideration - I am thinking more simply of her health. I have the beginning of varicose veins in my legs and have done some research. While not likely a major health risk, they can become constantly painful. Blessings.
     
  22. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    Sounds like a challenging and difficult situation. If you still want a sex life, you need to let Her know, and ask Her to find an acceptable way for your needs to be met. If your willing to live in permanent chastity as you think She may be setting you up for, then you will need to discuss that with Her to some extent as well. I think it would be only fair you know at some point what her intentions and desires for your are. I hope things become clearer for you soon.
     
  23. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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    @Shepherdsflock
    I've read a lot of your posts but not all of them, your situation is an interesting one. Because we only get your side of the story it's the one perspective we base our opinions on but from everything I've read it seems like you're fairly unhappy. It sounds like you are always trying to come up with a solution or compromise and your wife is into it for like a day and then she changes her mind. It always sounds like you are direct about your relationships sexual and intimacy issues with your wife and she beats around the bush when it comes to your happiness. As you've said your wife admitted to having more desires towards women than men when you discovered and admitted to her that you are transgendered. Is it time maybe for the both of you to find new partners in life? I don't mean to sound insensitive and I know you guys have a bunch of kids but I wonder in the long run if that would be better for your family. The longer things are hidden the more they manifest themselves in other ways.

    It just seems unfair to me that you've tried to appease your wife in so many ways and she seems to give up so easily. I mean it's one thing to say she never wants you to orgasm or have inter course again but then for her to not allow you to pleasure her either seems ludicrous to me. In all fairness her varicose vein issue could be legitimate and it may be painful for her to become aroused. I can relate, I have Peyronie's disease and luckily I'm on the downhill side of it (I hope) but about a year and a half ago it hurt pretty bad when I got an erection and it made sex very difficult and made me not want to get aroused. So if that's true than I sympathize with her and any pain she may have...
    Now to play the devils advocate, you think she might just be telling you it hurts her to get aroused because she doesn't want you to orgasm or have sex with her anymore. She's made several comments like this to you before, even you being castrated. So it does sound possible that her varicose vein condition may be more embellished and she's using it as an excuse.

    At this point what future do you see for the two of you, where do you see yourselves 5-10 years from now? Again I can sympathize because I have a 4 year old child and the last thing I want to do is disrupt his environment. However if I wasnt happy in my marriage and after I made several attempts to understand the issues my wife was having and tried to help her only to realize shes unable to be honest with herself , as painful as it would be I would move on to try and find someone who makes me happy and wants me to be happy. The two of you have been together for a while and I assume you have a good friendship. Is it possible to ask her if she would like to date women on the down low so she can figure out what she wants? Again I'm sorry if any of this sounds insensitive, I have the luxury of reading all of what you posted with detached emotion so it's easy to offer suggestions such as finding new partners. I hope you and your wife are able to find paths that will work for you both.
     
  24. Loudogger
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    Loudogger Active member

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    No not kidding......some actually enjoy it and hey trying to come up with a possible solution other than nothing ever

    Personally I would be packing my bags and finding a new lady. It’s not so much that she can’t have traditional intercourse but the fact that she feels no inclination to even try to accommodate you.
     
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  25. Fred.SM
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    Better not waste time trying to bring reason in here, don’t you know only men are supposed to put the effort and give pleasure to their partners? And don’t even bring up masturbation, that’s the Devil’s work!
     
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