Why Do Men Sexually Assault Women?

I must live in a very safe place then. The population of my county is 193,307. Females make up 51.4% of that population. Crime stats including rape, criminal sexual conduct 1,2, & 3 amounts to 123 for 2016. Thats a percentage of .001 of the women in my county are affected by criminal sexual violence.

 

I believe everyone here has a good heart and good intentions.

I cannot be upset at those who haven't read the research I've read.

I cannot be upset at those who have never had to live a day as a woman.

I cannot make anyone hear or understand me. I have no control over others.

I can only ask that those reading this post look for the content and message of what the women here are saying, instead of picking apart individual words typed.

I can only ask that you take a breath and reflect before responding.

 

@ineverknew, you have a tendency to reduce everything to a statistical analysis to prove that violence against women is very rare. Strictly speaking that is correct. However there is a lack of empathy in such a dispassionate, reductive approach. Reducing humans to the status of statistical data is necessary for research but you cannot ignore the human pain behind those figures. Rather than saying fewer than 0.001% of women in your area were attacked, you might say 123 were. Think about that. It's horrifying. 123 lives damaged. The immediate trauma. The ongoing fear and unhappiness and suspicion. The effect on relationships. 123 lives thrown into turmoil, sleepless nights, tears, depression, anger, guilt, hatred, a wellspring of negative emotions potentially overwhelming the day to day lives of these blameless women.

But it's only 0.001% right?

 

Statistics show the peak only. The real amount of sexual violence is much higher. There are more serious consequences for violent men necessary.

 

I agree that if it comes to women in general sexual assaults are huge problem and we need to change our social values (what Amanda mentioned) to prevent it. I want a society that professes the principle of respect for women. I am full of respect for women and often admire their achievements and what they do to society.

My respect for women and being a "nice guy" probably made me be alone for most of my life but even that will not change my approach to women. One of the advantages of me being self-locked is how I relate to the opposite sex on a daily basis.

But at the same time I try to show that presenting the problem in a way that is done in this thread is dangerous in my opinion. If you like to present one of the sexes as a victim of the other in the end someone will try to show that it could be not not true. I know women who had such an attitude and they changed their approach every time their sons entered adulthood. Most of the guys in my observations have nothing to do with mistreatment of women.

Recently, I spoke with a female friend, she is a little less than 50 years old and she told me one interesting thing:

"Paul I've lost half of my life for being with bastards, but if you put 5 guys in front of me even today I will choose the most toxic one. So I know that guys like you will be alone or betrayed for most of their life, but that's the way it is".

Please do not make the majority of men pay for minorities for which we are ashamed

 

Why do men abuse and attack women, I thought the answer was quite simple...because they can.

As long as someone has power, be it physical, financial, or emotional, a certain amount of people will abuse that power. They know it’s wrong, they do it anyway. The reasons why are as vast and individual as snowflakes.

It’s taking pure and simple. Taking something you cannot have, taking respect, taking dignity, taking choice, taking confidence, and not lastly taking away someone’s humanity...turning them into an object.

I am truly sorry that some feel the need to do this, I myself have been a victim (not getting into it btw thankyou), but as long as women are either physically, financially, or emotionally overpowered, they risk and will fall victim to those wanting to exert that power. Society as a whole(western) doesn’t condone this, it’s shameful and to be hidden...it still happens because it can.

 

And women often don't report what happens to them. It is very concerning.

 

i think that men who are horrible to Ladies shud be put in prison and not let out again. if they was all done that to they wudnt do it no more.

 

It’s very unfortunate that this become a debate with two “sides”. It’s not. Nobody questions the basics - the right and wrong of it.

But there’s a problem with numbers and generalities. They lie. That’s why I tend to talk about nature and habits and policy.

For instance, yes, the US Gov now says 1 in 4 women have expierienced sexual violence. But that doesn’t tell the whole story. In recent years the definition of “sexual violence” has been expanded in such a way as to encompass more or less any situation in which a female is annoyed by even a perceived sexual advance by a man. This differs greatly from sexual assault (whose definition has similarly be expanded in surprising ways).

The US CDC, who keeps statistics on these things, but (and this is important) is also a political body charged with DEFINING that which they keep statistics on, currently include the following in their definition of, and therefor statistics for, “sexual violence”:

• Noncontact unwanted sexual experiences:
  Includes unwanted sexual attention that does not involve physical contact. Some examples are verbal sexual harassment (e.g., making sexual comments) or unwanted exposure to pornography. This occurs without a person’s consent and sometimes, without the victim’s knowledge. This type of sexual violence can occur in many different settings, such as school, the workplace, in public, or through technology.

Straight from CDC.gov. And makes sense as written right? But think closely about what that means for the statistics. This is a HUGE problem in modern politics and the nature of advocacy today. It seems like the right thing to do to broaden definitions, but we have to be careful about diluting definitions to a point that perception is all that matters. You feel uncomfortable with the way you’ve been hit on? You’ve been subjected to sexual violence. That’s a problem in and of itself.

On a side note, if we didn’t live in a cream puff culture nowadays, and I could free to pummel some clown who catcalls or heckles my wife, I’ve got a feeling a good amount of the “noncontact” that women experience would be mitigated. Or if we didn’t treat school yard fist fights like they were sins against humanity, maybe more young boys would learn to catch their tongues sooner. You’d be surprised what a fat lip from a girl at school will teach a boy.

Some people are pigs. Does anyone dispute that? Nope.

But asking “why” is a like a starting gun for disorganized and unfocused discussion. And getting super personal isn’t generally helpful either. I refuse to get into guns here, but I did see a comment about schools. I’ll only say that, like victims of any other stripe, being a victim of gun violence does not make one a sudden expert on gun policy. We should help victims (of any crime) in any and every way we can, not prop them up as messengers for one side or another in the social discussions that aim to address and understand the underlying issues. Because doing so is just victimizing them again, in a more subtle, manipulative way.

 

Interesting discussion. I agree that the statistics can create problems or misconceptions. It is raw data that has been manipulated according to the researchers "formulas" to extract conclusions. All of the conclusions are probable valid within the subset of the data as viewed through the eyes of the researcher. There is plenty of assult, abuse, and unfairness going on against both men and women. In my time in the service I have seen men, women, and children cut, shot, burned, and blown up all in the name of various causes so my perspective is probably different then most ( and yes I have been cut, shot, etc...). When my wife and I raised our son, we realized that school and the educational system were letting him, us and society down. We vowed to raise our son to be a real man. A real man is a defender of the weak, a protector of those who can't fend or defend themselves. He will be strong, giving and above all have and stick to a strong moral center. I spoke with one of his english teachers and asked why he had to read lit which was written for females, and she couldn't give me a good justification, only that it was the curiculum. He was bored out of his mind. I also asked why some of the classes couldn't be seperated so boys could have boy discussions without the fear of being chastised in a PC laden environment, again no real response. I can't speak for other parents but I know my son has been raised to be a good human being. He has no problem calling out either men or women when he feels its necessary nor defending those who need help whether he know them or not. This isn't meant to be a brag statement but instead a refelection on what can develope with our men when there is active involvement in their development. We also had the same good fortune with my daughter, She is a star athelete, a top student, has a strong moral center, doesn't take crap from men or women, is generous to a fault and can disable a man and send him to the hospital in seconds. She may even be more fearless then my son.

 

If you aren't interested in the discussion we're having, why are you talking?

 

Firstly I would like to remind all concerned of the theme of this thread.

This was not gender specific though it has been assumed to be about women and some of the negative aspects of being a woman now and concerns for the future.

I can't argue with the fact that some men make some women in some circumstances feel unsafe to be alone, and cautious, in some cases continually, consciously or not, on guard and feeling like prey.

As I stated earlier education is I think the only way to erode this situation somewhat and then only over time.

men and boys generally can begin now to learn in what ways they contribute to these feelings some women have and could if they wished learn how to not make women feel that way. I t has to start somewhere.

Now this is about negative feelings re actual acts and perceived threats.

Some have unconsciously diverted the is thread to talk about equality in my view a whole other thread with the potential to run for a long time.

Some have twisted the original perception of Miss Amanda's OP to include men feeling and being threatened and in fear of or actually being raped by women. I'm sure in some cases there have been and will be acts and threats of violence towards, and intimidation of, some men by some women. This too I believe belongs in another thread. That there are strong abusive women and weak men is a known fact but discussion of the same detracts from the quality of discussion re the OP. The OP is about women in general within society as a whole. The incidence of situations involving weak men and strong women is far less prevalent and not as pressing a concern for society as whole.

 

I have touched on women's issues many times here and please don't feel offended anyway but I have to ask You about something.

You suggest life imprisonment without parole for "men who are horrible to Ladies". I will write something else and I will ask if you agree with this thesis

"i think that women who are horrible to Men shud be put in prison and not let out again"

Would you agree with this?

I especially wrote "women" with a lowercase letter and "Man" with a capital letter just like You did before, I just exchanged sexes.

 

heloo @pablo23 and thank you for asking me. If a Lady did do it to a man then yes they shud be put in prison as well but most men am a lot stronger than Ladys so it dont happen very much.

 

This is a very serious issue that won’t go away until the few men that are doing these terrible acts learn Respect. Respect for women and in a lot of case respect for themselves. To change one small group could be possible but when your dealing with many different cultures and religions where women are treated very differently it’s very difficult to change the world. This is a sad reality that isn’t going to go away soon.

If the world could get together and have laws that are the same in every country it would definitely be a step forward. For example. When you are convicted of rape or sexual violence against women you are publicly casterated This would stop repeat offenders which is a problem in a lot of countries and also discourage first time offenders beacause to the majority of men their testicals are more important to them than anything else.

Even one lady that has been raped is one to many.

 

It all breaks down to how the brain of young boys are developed as a child. Boys are taught that being assertive and taking charge of every situation is the ideal standard. When that thought process is combined with hormones it forms an ego and entitlement that women tend to suffer from in one way or another. Whether it is sexual assault or just a general sexism in some fashion or another. When a man has an ego and entitlement problem, he can not handle that women are smarter than him, he can not handle that a woman will not swoon over how amazing he is, and he will take it out on women in general. He might sexually assault someone or keep them down in some way. Young boys need to be taught to follow the lead of young girls in school and support/work for them and not against them.

 

Thanks for the answer. I agree in most cases there is as You said. On the other hand bear in the zoo has huge muscles and is kept in a cage.

Violence committed by women is often psychological and sometimes within the law as it happens in my country. It does not leave bruises on a wounded man, but hurts the heart and soul.
It occurs much more often in vanilla relationship than FLR in my observation.

Anyway, I calmed down that we still respect gender equality in this thread.

 

I can't help recalling the words of one of my favorite comedians: "Zombie attacks are at an all-time low. But the fear of zombies is rising."

Sure, women still do get sexually attacked way too much, as even one such attack is way too much for the woman in question. And such attacks should be and in fact are criminal, at least in civilized countries. However, women in safe and civilized coutries are also about the safest they've ever been in history. Modern 21st century women are way better off than say 20th, 19th, 16th, 12th of 4th century women. So while acknowledging the possibility of a sexual assault is sensible, irrational fear of one and bad ideas rising out of such fear can do more harm than good. Damaging the very fabric of society out of uncontrolled fear is a bad idea and we're at a point when some of that damage has already been inflicted. When a woman accusing a man of sexual misconduct can lead to that man being fired from a job without being told what misconduct he's supposedly guilty of, you know something is wrong.

And as too many here appear willing to ignore, it is not just women who get targetted. Police statistics show that *men* are the majority of violent crime victims. I've also noticed research indicating the percentage of women who are the *offender* in sexual harrassment cases is rising faster than in the case of men. Women are guilty of domestic abuse about as often as men. And I could go on and on. Or maybe we could talk about how often *trans* people get assaulted, or about... Does this mean women should shut up? No, never. But painting themselves as the only victims worthy of consideration is insulting to *all* other genders, not just to men. We are *all* in danger, this world has never been entirely safe. What we should aim for is making it safer for everyone.

Refusal to acknowledge reality doesn't change the reality. Refusing to accept that some people are damaged, so to speak, and that there's nothing we can do about it with today's knowledge will not remove those damaged people from existence. Yes, most men here are happy to have their penises locked in chastity. Yes, most of civilized people in general would never sexually assault anyone. But even if 99.9% of people never assault anyone, some do. And some rather uncivilized people live about everywhere in the world, people who consider at least some forms of sexual assault acceptable, leading us back to the fact that anyone can become a target.

Some people here had negative reactions to my words regarding self-defense. But given how anyone can become a target, and given that it is impossible for law enforcement to always respond in time (most often they don't), improving one's own chances is about the best thing one can do to protect oneself. Talking about how we should teach boys this or that won't help when facing a violent drunk or a serial rapist.

Oh, and talking about law enforcement and self-defense, I better mention a fun fact regarding guns. Concealed-carry license holders are more law-abiding than police officers and are less likely to shoot innocents during defensive gun use. So if you think that legal gun owners are a part of the problem, please remember that the police are more likely to commit crimes or shoot innocent bystanders than those often demonized legal gun owners. And unless you think that police should be disarmed too, as they're more dangerous than law-abiding gun owners, please accept the fact that guns are simply inanimate objects that represent but one of the tools one might use to defend oneself or loved ones.

 

I'll quote that back at you. Reality isn't just the facts that some people are so fond of quoting. It is the perceptions that people have based on their experience. Being afraid is reality. Whether there is a statistical basis for that fear is irrelevant. The fear is there. It is reality.

 

Perhaps you might help me get on the mark if you could point to a specific thing I'm wrong about, hopefully in a way that meets some basic standards of proof?

But in case you can't, I'll assume there's no point in trying to have a sensible debate here and steer clear.

Reality *is* the true facts. Sure, feelings are real too, I've mentioned that a couple of times myself. What I'm trying to get across is the idea that making mistakes because of disproportionate fears can be bad. Someone's fear is not something we should be basing institutional policies or laws on.

Great many people live in fear of violent african-americans (another "funny" bit of statistics to illustrate why is for example that a random african-american male is more than a hundred times more likely to try to kill a police officer during a traffic stop than an asian-american male is). Does that mean we should do something racist towards all african-americans? No? I thought so. So if it is wrong to be racist towards any one race based on some people's fears of that race, even if that fear rises out of real and negative experience, why shouldn't it be wrong to be sexist towards all men because some women fear them too much? Stereotyping a whole sex is just as bad as stereotyping a race.