The 'Labor of Dominance'

Wow, There's a lot going on in this thread and I thought I'd share my thoughts on a couple of the previous posts.

First by way of background; although chastity is a recent element of our relationship, Princess and I have been together for just under 35 years virtually all of which have included some element of D/S in the bedroom. So, for better or worse we've managed to meet the challenges of our adventure together and are looking forward to growing old together.

Chastity for me, is a sexual fetish. That's not to say that for others its a part of a broader dominant/submissive relationship that may or may not include sex.

Regarding the effort required to dominate a partner sexually, it seems to me that there's a very broad range of dominant behavior ranging from being passive-aggressive to full blown leather, whips and chains. In my experience, it certainly takes more physical and mental effort to be a 'good" dom. (that is one who behaves in a way that meets the subs emotional needs) than it is to be a sub.

I agree that a dominant personality is a natural inclination and that it does not require a "sub" in a sexual context. It does seem to me that a dominant individual does require some type of subject to dominate, whether that be a sexual partner, the participants in a meeting or just other folks in a conversation. I do see a distinction between being dominant and being confident in everyday life and not taking any crap form anyone, male or female. Dominance in the context of day-to-day dealings with the world could simply be bluff and bluster without having a sound basis for a position. ( I confess I've resorted to that from time to time in my work life). Quiet confidence on the other hand is based on knowledge, faith in one's self and the courage to maintain ones position in the face of opposition.

I don't think that the two are mutually exclusive. Yes, chastity is one of my sexual fetishes. I think it's hot and I introduced the concept to Princess. However, long before that happened I strove to please her and to honor her in my every day behavior (although I must admit, not always as successfully as I would have liked). That said, she seems to be enjoying our chastity journey and quite frankly, I don't think she would participate if she didn't. Princess is pretty forthright and doesn't suffer fools gladly; following a meeting, one of her colleagues remarked to her "You had the biggest balls in the room". Also, when I've mentioned some of the things I'd like her to try, she sometimes has simply has said that she wasn't comfortable with that and wasn't going to do it.

This may be true to a great extent. I do see a distinction between communicating what it is you would like your partner to do and "topping from below." I might suggest but she decides. It seems to me that to be successful, any relationship needs to provide both partners a reward commensurate with the effort they put into the relationship.