Chastity/FLR agreements/relationships: fantasy/reality. Enforceability?

I think the most effective way for a keyholder to ultimately enforce the rules of engagement/written contract, assuming the submissive partner intitated, would be for them to completely stop everything is as the end all, be all punishment. If the submissive knows that his/her dominant partner will cease to indulge in any arrangement if they continually try to rebel and break all rules/contractual agreements then I think they would be likely to stay in line so that they may continue living out thwir kinks and fetishes with a trusted partner...just my two cents.

 

Inkstar
I have long been an advocate of KHs adopting that approach with some guys in some situations.

We do it my way starting now or we stop doing it altogether. That's all it would take in the vast majority of situations.

Or of course as Joro advocates the KH should have some potential coercion through blackmail material.

 

Filltee, i indeed agree with both you and Joro on the effectiveness of media based blackmail.

The use of media blackmail, if lobbied efficiently, can be an extremely effective contractual rule enforcement tool in any dominants toolbox.

Properly used, a less severe, but in most cases, equally effective method of enforcement, in comparison to my more extreme suggestion put forward in my previous reply.

P.S. I have really missed CM. So great to be back.

 

I have long thought your suggestion one that I have myself in the past advocated to others can be extremely effective but it is more or less a last resort.

The media related blackmail route could be implemented or threat of is use could be applied in relation to varying and potentially escalating degrees of exposure. From: Just a sibling, relation or friend initially to a mail shot of photographs in again varying degrees of compromise to all his friends family work colleagues and the neighbours.

I wonder how many would allow such material to be accumulated. it would be it difficult to say no if you were tied up at the time or just out 'dressed' in public .

 

Leverage has many forms, but it sounds like you want the one that works 100% of the time. Unfortunately there is no universal tool that we can use. Otherwise dictatorships, churches and taxes would be a lot more effective. On the individual level each person has loss aversion and survival. Where these meet you will find leverage. Happy hunting.

 

Just my thoughts and experiences of both aspects mentioned in this post,

My Madam, has and does do both caseation and black mail, when we first started on our bdsm life many years ago, we discussed through all limits and preferences, as we wrote up our contract.
As Madam loves the mental side of bdsm just as much as the physical, she stated from the beginning that she would want to push my limits and submission, and I agreed.
First it was complicate withdrawal of play, she refused to be dom or act dom and just leave my key out in the open if give it back to me. It worked to start, but then we were both getting frustrated and arguing to much about stupid things.
So I asked what else we could do, and Madam straight away said about blackmail,
I agreed and could see the grin on her face!
And it’s been very affective, since then we have taken very embarrassing photos and videos, of me in different ways, for example she has one set of me naked apart from my cage and collar holding a small white board with different slogans on and a video of her asking me why she fucks other men and why it turns me on, madam has all my logins and passwords, to kink and non kink sites, Facebook, instagram, ect. All the codes to my phone pad and laptop so she can look whenever she wants not that I have anything to hide.
She has all the media on her iPhone laptop and we also have a copy on a usb drive with are contract in our lock box.
There is only once madam used it and it was in a moderate way, she changed my Facebook picture, but I know she would go further, but that’s why I love her!

 

My Mistress has what we jointly call her "insurance policy".

It started off about three years ago with a single picture - not one I'd like anyone to see.

Nothing was said for another 6 months, when Mistress out of the blue decided she wanted another few pictures - well,being gagged and bound at the time,I wasn't in a strong bargaining position to negotiate - she now has quite a collection of me - compliance means visiting her pretty much when she wants - I always get a little , "well you would want me to get out my insurance policy would you" .

My Mistress has me by the balls - she want more remote control of me, including wearing my new chinese device for a few days a week - it has one f those integral locks ,it's comfortable to wear plus a photo request every few hours keeps me on my toes so to speak.

Whilst part of me lilies my predicament, we both know that ultimately she calls the shots + I'm now her plaything and she takes great pleasure in my humiliation.

 

We have no contract, I wish we did because it would give me more to follow when mistress is too busy for me which right now is a lot of the time. So I usually just try to do what I think she'd like and she'll correct me from there lol.

 

As cliche as it may sound, what enforces our agreement is my having wanted it in the first place. I'm expected to uphold my end and not test my limits or openly defy her. Punishments are for mistakes and correcting behavior, but she's not interested in fighting with me, nor drawing up a whole contract.

I used to like the idea of a contract or enforcement measures, but oddly this works best.

 

Ours is implicitly understood and condists of:
1. She can request and expect pussyworship (her preferred form of sex) at anytime, usually resulting in multiple orgasms for her.
2. I can request to give her pussyworship which may or may not be accepted.
3. I remain orgasm free with milking for relief.
4. We both do domestic chores such as cooking and laundry as appropriate for particular days and events.
5. She goes on trips with friends and family at her convenience and our joint holidays fit round that.

 

I presented Nanny with a draft Contract on our Anniversary on Saturday. She loved it, and took it away for editing. We are now in Year 2 of our FLR and we both wish to go deeper into our dynamic.
For us, the Contract is symbolic of her sissy's 'collaring', which in my case is permanent chastity in my full Behind Barz belt. The Contract and the keys remain in the 'Lock Purse' in The Nursery. Only Nanny knows the code.

 

i'd guessed not... if i'd have thought you were I would not have made a comment.

 

I think there is a good contract.

We need to talk about the motivation of the contract.
Also during the FLR connection.
Continuous communication gives the dynamics of a relationship.
Sincere and open communication.

A good contract:

1. We discuss everything.
2. Then the Lady decides everything.
(constancy, changes, long-term, current)
3. The subordinate also follows this practice in the absence of the Lady when he has to decide independently
4. Only the Lady may impose a taboo.

that's it .

Perhaps I am wrong.
But once in a while I accepted this contract from my Mistress-wife.

 

#4 is nonsense as one has to know subs (hard)limits You might want to push them, but you have to know, acknowledge and respect them - everything else is neither safe nor sane nor consensual and might even end with the dominant part in the dock charged with rape.

That said I don't like contracts anyway, because they are always restricting and I wouldn't like to change contracts on a regular basis just because with time relationship and people evole and limits change...
I can nevertheless understand why people might find it f.e. romantic to have something written down in some nice way. And for newbies there is always the safety of having set rules written down they can hold on to.
But as we are no newbies anymore and have other romantic things like 1-2 special rituals in our relationship there in no written own contract for as.

As for "collaterals" I don't htink that a good idea as well should everything turn out badly. Using pictures you will end in court for sure and even having total financal controll and offically owning everything of worth you will most certainly end in dock calling the agreement void because it has been an agreement contra bonos mores...

 

In many jurisdictions a contract can be enforced through arbitration. The parties chose the arbitrators. Dominatrix as arbitrators should be effective.

 

We fall in the no written contract group. She makes the rules and I follow them. The enforcement comes in different ways. Most of my transgressions result in punishment, which I don't like. I strive to keep my weekly stroke count as low as possible. Sometimes in the moment I forget my place and she slaps my face hard which acts as an immediate correction. What stops me from just saying no to this? I've done it and walked away from the chastity/FLM life and it sucked. I was miserable and came crawling back. She has me where she wants me.

 

That only works if after breaking up both agree to it and after a breakup despite those former "agreements" it's rather unlikely such a case would not go to court.

And at court it is almost certain that any of those agreements are calles null and void. Achedlock17 gave a good description why here: Forced Impotence

And such laws exist in allmost all european states and the US as well...