1 for '2'... A few strokes too many!

And one more thought ...

I am not one to get into the descriptive details in my writings.
But, Jesus Christ @Breathe ... you have a mesmerizing way to captivate the audience.

 

And I'm sure you wouldn't want it any other way! Enjoy!!!

 

I never used the term “affection”, any intimate act can be affectionate. I used the term reciprocity, which to me is the basis of all healthy relationships, and the very essence of T&D is not reciprocating full orgasms. No point sugarcoating what it is.

Because you want to make sure you get the proper timing of the ruined orgasm? If you don’t time your ruined orgasm properly, you get a full orgasm, and your goal of not reciprocating the orgasm will not be achieved.

What takes effort is the full combination of Teasing + Multiple Edging + Ruined Orgasm, and my point was only about the last part of the equation. Teasing + Multiple Edging is all good, and can always end in a full orgasm.
And yes, it takes additional effort to get the timing right and end the equation with an RO instead, but as I said before, that is effort you invest to make sure the goal of not reciprocating the orgasm will be achieved.

In my case, I used to have premature ejaculation and the teasing+edging combination was a savior. And after a long session there’s nothing better than finally saying “don’t stop” and enjoying a proper finish. I even used ruined orgasm, but merely as a way to extent the sex and combat PE since you stay hard afterwards, never as a way of her denying me a proper finish.
If that were the case, if she tried to use RO specifically to deny me a proper finish, something she gave to all her previous partners (like you did) but now wanted to deprive me, then I would definitely resent her, and the relationship would not last. And the key factor is again reciprocity, if I were trying to stop her orgasms as well then she would be completely entitled to want to do the same.

This is all about my case, and I raise the issue because I do want full orgasms. In your case it seems your partner do not want them, so my point about denying a proper finish probably does not apply to you. That's why you two do it and I don't.

Again, my point was about reciprocity, and not about your experience in particular.
I know nothing about your relationship. If you honestly feel that he gets from you the same pleasure you get from him, in terms of effort, pleasure, and orgasms, then my comment does not apply to you.
I was merely explaining why I never went this route in my relationships.

I didn’t even touch the question of consent, I always assume it’s there and it’s a given.
My point here was about personal standards. I cannot be with someone that doesn’t have the same attitude towards me as I have towards her, and I would never ever derive pleasure from hitting her.
That’s just me, personally. There are people of all stripes

 

well, I think we can agree that you two disagree.

You're both right, in your own circunstances. Good luck to you and all who sail with you

 

My wife would tie me down and make me tell her where I was in the orgasm process while she manipulated me. Once she learned me she doesn’t need my communication and usually has me gagged and blindfolded while she edges me over and over. When she is done she just throws a cold pack on me for a while and then comes back and puts the cage back on.

 

The Art of doing pain that isn't pain

 

You raise a very interesting point @GeorgeCS although I'm not sure I share the same perspective (which is fine). I do believe reciprocation is important in a relationship but true love should be unconditional and shouldn't be about balancing the books. You can reciprocate your partners loving gestures without replicating the exact same gesture. Sometimes it's good to be origional and show some creativity. Anyway this is probably off topic but you and your partner know each other best and you should trust in what you feel is right to strengthen your relationship.

Back on topic, you are right tease and denial is not the reciprocation of orgasms but it is an exciting and unpredictable journey you can share with your partner. It is a fun way to become more deeply and intimately connected to each other as you learn to explore each others limits. Part of that is understanding what is to extreme for each of you, you build up slowly and learn what you both enjoy. Plus ruined orgasms aren't totally a bad thing, they can increase your desire for the real thing making it feel even more special.

 

Ok......now this does sound like ultimate edging......and very very desirable!

 

If I want to be precise, in T&D only the “D” implies not reciprocating full orgasms. The teasing and edging part are vanilla in itself, and a great tool to extend pleasure that can always end with a proper finish. If they do not want a proper finish, fine, nothing to reciprocate! But if they DO, and you purposefully deny them while they still keep providing orgasms to you, then it’s an obvious lack of reciprocity.

I’m just being descriptive here, that IS the kink right? To have someone do something to you that is frustrating and controlling by denying something you want (you cant deny something the person don’t want). It wouldn’t be a kink if it didn’t involve some element at odds with the standard vanilla relationship, and that is exactly the reason people like it.
I mean, when people do CBT or spanking they don’t try to ignore that it’s about someone hurting their body, a complete violation of every rule of conduct of decent people. It totally is, and THAT is what turns them on, to be treated in a way that people would normally find bad or abusive.

And no, I never said that relationships are about keeping score and expecting the partner to do the exact same things you do, or only doing things if you expect something in return. That is not what reciprocation is.
Reciprocation is about matching your partner’s level of investment and effort, and having the same attitude and caring towards them as they have towards you. Doesn’t mean you only do something if they do something back, it means you take care of their needs because they are important to your partner, and they take care of your needs because they are important to you. Relationships are give and take, and on aggregate it IS expected that both parties will have a similar share of the giving and taking, otherwise it’s one-sided. And nothing yells one-sided more than taking care of their needs, only to have them purposefully deny something you want.

And here again, that is precisely the kink of D/s and its variants (FLR, etc), to have a relationship that is one-sided in some (or all) aspects, where one party is expected to mainly do the giving, and the other to do the taking.

This is all tangential to my original point BTW, which was entirely about my personal standards.
I personally cannot devote myself to someone that doesn’t have the same attitude towards me as I have towards them. If it’s someone whose pleasure means the world to me, and who the thought of hurting would make my stomach turn, then it would absolutely break my heart if they didn’t have that same care for me.

Doesn’t mean I cant do these practices with professional Doms or people I don’t really love. Or with someone I do love but is not interested in pushing these practices themselves. I didn’t end up here out of nowhere, I did try most of these kinks with various sex workers.

 

@GeorgeCS another interesting reply.

I think you are right about someone wanting something before they can feel truly denied by not recieving it. But the idea is you trust your partner to know when the time is right to let you have it.

Also I don't know about anyone else but I would still class it as tease and denial if you are teased to the edge but denied release at the moment you want it before being teased again after a short pause. This could repeat a few times over a session building up a stronger release for your partner. You can still enjoy a satisfying climax at the end of the session but if she make you work for it by denying you a few times technically you have been experiencing tease and denial.

It also seems you are enjoying a very black and white dynamic where everything seems rigid and clear. This is fine if this works for you both but there is also the option to be more flexible. You don't have to make it a fully flr lifestyle. You could experiment for just 1 night or weekend every now and then. You could even switch on a different weekend be the dominant and surprise her with your control in return. It doesn't mean your attitude has changed your just experimenting with some basic role play.

Plus the idea 1 ruined orgasm is not caring for your partner is the wrong perspective. You can still enjoy it as part of the build up to a more powerful climax then surely it is worth the effort and the patience to explore. It may not necessarily be like that the first few times you experiment and you both might feel disappointed but the idea is to learn what makes it better for both of you.

I'm not saying this would be right for you I'm just trying to illustrate that there can be a dynamic between the basic vanilla and the extreme flr full time denial.

 

I could start a best selling short story from quoting all thats been shared in here!
But I quote only @Breathe ...

I wish you both the best on this endeavor.
You on your quest for learning and @_and_smile on the rewards [read: lack of rewards] from your learning.

RO's are one of the few real Love-Hate relationships in my life.
The most effective ones are when I am sure my ejaculate is going to land in the adjacent neighborhood ... but instead only 1/2 of it is just left to dribble out.

Seriously, a few honestly have made me sob ...

 

This I must quote in full ...

You have nailed this on the head!!!
By the time I am saying those words - I am no longer in control of my brain!
What my male instincts want [read: want more than anything in the world in that moment] are fighting what I believe when my brain is not under duress.

But at some even lower level I KNOW I can't [or don't want to] give in to that irresistible temptation - I must say the same thing.

And, pardon me, I just have to say it ... those drenched thighs - DO taste better in those moments!

 

Similar but the contacts on that manufactured device are not in the desired spots.