article about female led relationships (german)

So therefore not much use to 99% of the forums readers haha, perhaps @Jasmic68 will be so kind as to translate it ;-)

 

Woah! I changed the site from DE to US to see if they had the article in English. My German is very much in its infancy. Anyway, no luck, so I searched the US site for FLR. No results. I changed the setting back to DE. Did the same search.

Two pages of results! Looks like I have some reading to do...

 

I know that Beziehung is relationship, allein is always, sagen is says and hat is has. (Confusingly Hat in German is Hut!)

So the title of the article translates to Female Led Relationships - When in the relationship the Woman alone has the say.

 

This article is Brilliant!!!

Essentially it is describing what an FLR is, the difference between BDSM and FLR, talking to two German women who live in FLRs, bemoaning the fact that virtually all of the available information is in English, and showing how because a man lives in an FLR it doesn't turn him into a wimp.

You can open the link in Google Chrome and use the translate plug in to read it in English. It does an acceptable job of translating. There are a few places where it gets the context wrong but overall these translation algorithms are getting better.

Here are a few quotes.

"The most important difference, in my opinion, is that the man is above-average in respect of his partner and finds his fulfilment mainly by the fact that He prepared her joy. "

In conversation with both women it becomes clear: the differentiation between BDSM and FLR is important. After all, a female-led relationship is not a kinky stereotype, but a serious relationship model, which, like all other concepts, is not intended for everyone, but is designed for the long term.

 

Bloody heck! Google Translate knows that Die weiblich geführte Beziehung translates into Female-led relationship!!!

Die Weiblich = female, no issues there, but geführte means guided or even guided tour.

Somebody at Google has heard of FLR!!!

 

Apparently there is a centuries old myth in many parts of Europe about witches stealing men's penises and keeping them as pets! These myths have been found in Tuscany, the Netherlands and Germany. There are even murals of penis trees, where the witches would keep their pets in nests and feed them oats.

 

Hmmm. Not as many articles as I first thought. It turns out all of the other articles just had a link on them that included the original article and some of the text.

 

I know that most people here might not be able to read the article, but on the other hand there might be a few who can. And for them I thought it woth posting the link as it's really good (at describing a flr).

If i have some time to spare maybe I 'll try to translate it.

 

That would be great Thank you @Astarte

 

I hope @Astarte didnt yet spend much time in tranlating this article. If so happened, I beg your pardon!

I translated ist but must say, I cant find things in it that wouldnt be known well. However .... here it is

Please note: I tried to do the translation as near to the orignal meanings as possible, there are no personal thoughts enclosed. Complex contend is in German very often represented thorugh an at least equal complex and long sentence structure, which can be very hard to translate as to its meaning. In addition, english is not my nature language. Therefore some things may seem overblown, circuitous, hard to understand, unclear .... simply wrong?

Feel free to ask or correct!



FLR, Female-led-relationships:

If the woman is the only who´s in charge in the relationship

A FLR is not about power games or bondage games only - it´s about supporting the man in his mission being devoted and attented to his wife. We have been explained how this model of relation works.

"I am filled by the desire, seeing my wife happy. Every time I am able to contribute something therefor, I am beside myself with joy! She is the center of my universe and my interest in any other women is equal to zero, even then if my beloved woman denies her body to me over a long period. I am eternally grateful for my wife´s dominant care and only would reluctantly agree a come back to an equal relationship. I do not consider myself as a wimp but am very proud that I have been able to build up a life where I have not to hide my sexual orientation."

This text, posted by a male user in an erotic forum, is much more than a written down roleplay fantasy, describing a man´s request for caning and torture that becomes true by a whip swinging Lady, squeezed in varnish or leather.

In fact the User describes a FLR, a female led relationship. This means a relationship, that considers itself as a life-determining, anti patriarchy concept, in which the submissive man submits to his dominant wife for long term - from cleaning chores to sex.

If you do research on corresponding forums, where people would like to get the community members opinion about FLR, you will find two kind of reactions. On the one hand, there is abolute lack of understanding, why a man wants to "stand henpecked" by his own will and how only a woman can take a shine to such a wimp man. On the other hand there are women and couples, reporting that they never had lived as happy and fulfilled before as in their FLR.

We tried to talk with men about this topic, but it was very difficulty from the beginning. Requests for an interview have been rejected or not answered generally. But one who likes to talk about FLR is Elisabeth Steinhaus. She was born 1979 in Westfalen (Germany), lives since 2005 in Hamburg and London. Some years ago, after a broken relationship, she had her first contact with the FLR issue, but only was able to find english websites and forums.

Pleased by the combination between the general female engagement and the male devotion in a FLR, Elisabeth decides in 2013 to live in a "moderate female led relationship" (this is how she called it in her interview with "Broadly") and to collect and sort all Information she can get. The Result: her blog and meanwhile two e-guidebooks to the FLR topic.

What is Elisabeth´s definition of a female led relationship?
"It is a kind of living together for a woman and a man, where the woman has the majesty of all essential configurations concerning the relationship and the common sex-life."
In a FLR the woman is the only one, that determines all leading rules applying the relationship. She takes the leadership in all impoertant decisions. Actually that it was, because all what there may be beyond this simple and clear definition is suspected to the individual scope of design of a FLR and are at least as versatile as in any other relationship.

But, what does every day life look in a FLR?
"Quite frankly, I belive every day life in a FLR does not differ much from other relationships." she says. " In my opinion, the main difference is the man pays surpassing attention to his wife and he gets his largest fulfillment by giving her a great deal of pleasure. Within this context in a FLR it absolutely may occur that the man e.g. assumes the chores or annoying duties by its own initiative, just to please his wife.

Personally I put great value on courtesy, trimness and a healthy lifestyle. According to this I have e.g. a rule, that his consumtion of alcohol has to be moderate.

Clear rules are valid mostly in the beginning of a FLR-Relationship, Elisabeth explains. Mainly they act as support for the man´s mission, being attentive and devoted to his wife. OF course some of this rules can last forever. Also they can be written down in a contract.

"Personally I put great value on courtesy, trimness and a healthy lifestyle. According to this I have e.g. a rule, that his consumtion of alcohol has to be moderate. But what exactly "moderate" means is not specified."
"Me and my husband get up every morning together, no matter if we need to leave the house both or not. He stands up 15 minutes before me and brings me tea or coffe to the bed. Then he uses the bathroom, so that a warm room awaits me when I go in later."

But male duties may like to go quickly beyond being a servant or bathroom-heater, knows Maria von Dux. Some years ago Maria came upon the FLR topic by using an erotic forum. "Already as a child I was strong-minded and dominant", she remembers. "I sacrified my first boyfriends a little bit. Later then, when I went to college, I discovered BDSM for me and therefore had my first relationships including power-exchange." Maria herself is still unclear wheter she is more into FLR or more into BDSM.

Currently she lives her dominant side with changing partners and is not in a steady relationship. Earlier she lived in a FLR. Because there are less useful informations about FLR available, especially in german, Maria writes on her blog about her experiences and opinions relating to FLR and femdom.

"I like well-trained, young men", she says. "My last FLR has been with a man that was significant younger than me. He went to college. Sadly sometimes he was a little bit lazy, but all in all very likeable. I had to beat him through his study - more or less literally - and always kept him on his toes. In the evening we did some sports along the Alster river. If he did not match my efficience control, he had to do some extra exercises or he had to sleep in the bathtub for his further motivation. Of course there was no water inside and he got a blanket."

Her list of possible penaltys for not observed rules and duties is long. It includes from displeasing work to writing an essay about his own misbehavior. Deprivation of attention or a privileges like being online or watching TV is thinkable too. The sexual field is suitable for punishment too, because the power-exchange in this kind of relationship leads the sexual methods very near to BDSM and femdom.

In addition thinkable is corporal punishment (e.g. spanking), chastity, orgasm control, tease and denial games or strict denial of intercourse while he has to please his wife sexually. Those penalties can be expanded by any BDSM relevated methods, e.g. financial control.

Cuckolding is possible as well. This means, the wife humiliates her husband having sexual interaction with another man, while her husband has to watch. Occasionally this can proceed so far, that the man and the woman have no more intercourse and the woman gets her sex by other man without exception - this is called a "never-in-relationship".

If a sophisticated woman with the will of leadership meets a man with pleasure in serving, then a FLR is the best kind of relationship for both of them.

The idea behind penalties like keeping a man chaste through locking his genitals away is based on the conviction, the main male incitement of all his doings is his sexuality. Colloquial this is known as and called "dick-driven".
"If we think this idea one step further, then it comes in a FLR to the conclusion that female leaderwill and male suxuality-drive will compete against each other, once the man should be led by his wife.", writes Elisabeth Steinberg on her homepage.

But: "The difference between BDSM and a FLR is, that BDSM is significant in the foreground", and she continues explaining "In a FLR there rather is more room for the living together as partners. The importance of sex does not depend on which form of partnership they live, but on the partners sex-drive. If a woman wants a lot of sex, this will take and get room. In case of two asexual humans it will play no role."

The conversation with this two women makes it clear: the difference between FLR and BDSM is very important. At the end of the day a FLR is no roleplay-game, full of with kinky stereotypes or female phantasy of omnipotence, but more a serious model of relationship, made - like many other concepts too - not for everyone and it is absolutely made for long duration.

"I do believe, that kind of relationships last longer than others" Maria says. "This is because both partners made one decision for a very special model, hence they spent much more thoughts on it compared to other couples, get stucked in other relationships. If a sophisticated woman with the will of leadership meets a man with pleasure in serving, then a FLR is the best kind of relationship for both of them."

Elisabeth Steinhaus looks at it in a similar way. In comparison to other relationships, a FLR is on the same level of worth. The question is not what there ist more exciting or better, but what is the best for myself. One extreme example: Katholic church says, the best kind of partnership is the marriage between man and woman. This might be true. But is it true for homosexual men too?

Just because the society or an institution orders "classical" hetero roles does not mean, every human has to live by following this concept. "You should lokk at a FLR the same way. ", Elisabeth Steinhaus says. "It all depends on who it ist, that wants to have a FLR. If it is a man with the right motivation and a woman with the will to design their relationship, then it surely is a good idea to try a FLR.

 

Thank you @squier a Gent

 

Brilliant work @squier thanks so much.

I might not tell us anything we don't already know, but the fact that this article is so well written, and on a mainstream website is huge! It is nonjudgmental and describes moderate FLR really well. It doesn't shy away from the more intense side but it doesn't dwell on it, criticize it or tittilate either.

 

Thankyou for the translation. The reality of a committed FLR is always so much more interesting and exciting than the fantasies. For me anyway.

 

It is a shame that thy didn't ask in a forum like this for men to interview. If they had got in touch with Admin I am sure he could have introduced members who he feels actually live in an FLR and don't let fantasy run away with their imagination. One of the nicest things Ms Amanda has said to me is that she knows I live in a solid FLR. That meant a lot to me. If anything my Wife became more comfortable with the idea of an FLR earlier than she did with the whole chastity thing. It took her a while to actually admit that she was in charge but, in my opinion, both of us are happier now she actually has.

 

Interesting essay