Hey all... I have a blog on wordpress if anyone is interested in reading up on my journey into this lifestyle... I also recently updated it as well. Http://locked4her.wordpress.com comments are appreciated!
Im actually on a roll, I updated twice today... Once to describe my sucsess with milking, and the second update was after I was informed about Mistress's return home from her trip. Check my blog for all the juicy Details
Can I ask what you used to paint the 3K with? Has it held up or caused any problems as of yet? Thanks.
I used Rustoleum Flourescent pink on top of the Rustoleum Plastic Primer. Dont get your hopes up, it doesnt hold up. I didnt use any kind of clear coat though... Also, Urine seems to break the paint down fairly quick. It would take a solvent resistant paint (epoxy based?) to hold up to a chastity... thats for sure. Im locked till my bday and who knows how long after that, I will just sand mine as smooth as I can get it again, and polish it with plastic polish to get it clear again if Mistress allows me to be unlocked that long. I can see her Watching over me with a whip while i sand it, making sure i dont touch or even see my own penis Gotta love Mistress
Cross posted, You can view it at my blog site, or read it here. I really need some insight and opinions here. Breaking it down. My intention with this post is to kind of battle it out per say with myself. I will pour my thoughts and feelings into this post and hope it comes out with some sort of order and coherence. I’ve been setting myself up for Failure & Disappointment because of my way of thinking. First, I feel that I need to breakdown the meaning of my SN. Locked4Her. Simply put, Locked for her. *light bulb* Wait, that means, No im not locked for my own amusement. Sure, when I first get locked up I am excited and giddy about it… But as time has gone by, (by my count only close to 18 days, and that’s with an “accident” while mistress was trying to use me for her pleasure) I find myself becoming what can only be described (and very accurately, by Mistress) A raging hormonal bitch. I have been moody and pissy lately, which i’m guessing is a severe side effect of denial. I think alot of my problem is I try to top from the bottom and not let Mistress run with the ideas she has. Being locked up has a side effect of constantly thinking about sex. The other day I had a wet dream, I cant recall in anytime in my adult life where i for sure had a wet dream. I’m constantly dripping, Every time i cuddle with Mistress I end up humping her or trying to turn it into something sexual, I dont even realize i’m doing it. The most frustrating thing right now is we are staying with relatives at the moment. I say at the moment, but honestly it seems like we’re never going to get out of here. I also work for the family business. It’s hard to get away, there is almost no privacy, there is no chance really to live the lifestyle. The stress of staying with relatives is taking it’s toll. At what point does being submissive become easier? All i feel like is that im causing more trouble then its really worth for Mistress. I have all these ideas and wants, i wont say needs because i spent the first 26 years of my life without them, there’s no way I suddenly need them. I kill most of my free time online, reading forums and ideas of other Mistress’ and thier subs. I find myself wondering is half of the things i read happening, or just some good wank material for the ones as hopeless as I am. Im a bad sub. I try so hard to give Mistress ideas and things she could do, but Im starting to realize that all im doing is topping from the bottom. I know I’ve said that already in this blog, but I feel that this is the root of my problems. Im forgetting that being a submissive isnt about me, its not about my wants, my needs, or even my desires or fantasies. Is this mostly what it is? That im just trying to live fantasies and not the lifestyle? Mistress and I had a discussion tonight before she fell asleep tonight, and she is confused. She said she’s been denying me. That she has. I think i dont know how to handle it, and thats when we have problems. Keep in mind, we arent having relationship problems, but im throwing temper tantrums when i dont get my way. Yep, I said it. Im throwing fits i guess. does it get easier to deal with? I dont want to frustrate Mistress to the point she just gives up. All things take time I guess. And with time hopefully Understanding comes. I want to do all these things, but I’ve got to think, is this what Mistress wants, or what L4H wants. Does Mistress want to corset train me? Or do I read stories about it and get excited about it? Does Mistress want to restrain me, gag me, where I helplessly drool all over and am unable to move? Or is this just some fantasy i have about being bound? (Most of me is screaming its just a fantasy for me) Does Mistress just Humor me by being my domme? Or does she truly want a fickle, indecisive and moody sub lol. (sorry, bad humor but thats my style) I can see how today I threw many mixed signals. Most of the day I was sweet, Caring, attentive, I got her food, I got her drinks. I asked her if there was anything I could do. While we were chatting the subject was brought up going somewhere private for the night, I know in my mind I automatically assumed this meant some kind of sexual-attention (not release per say) and I was even more buttery and attentive. Then, when it was time to go to bed, and we didn’t leave, I can only describe my attitude as a temper tantrum. She said “I’m too tired tonight” and I immediately started being a dick. I started throwing out things like “You never follow through with waht you say” and “you said we were going to go do ______” Like a little kid in the store that didnt get his/her way. *sigh* How do I learn to deal with this? What can Mistress do to help me be broken of this stubborn habbit? I’m not sure what else I can say without repeating myself or sounding like a broken record. Have any of you had similar experiences? How did you deal with it? I’d really appreciate some feedback here. -L4H-
l4h, I can think of a couple things. Whether it's for D/s or not, chastity play has to somehow be satisfying for both parties. It sounds like it's NOT being satisfying for you, and that's why you're lashing out? First, perhaps 18 days is too long a stretch of denial. Is your wife doing any "tease" to go with the denial, or is it "lock it up and forget it" chastity? My wife did the first kind, and ultimately, we couldn't do chastity play together. How would you have reacted if your wife took you to the bedroom, teased you, made you insanely horny, but did not give you release? That may be an indicator of what you >should< be doing. If you crave that kind of sexual attention, without orgasm, then perhaps requesting that she up the game in that way would help. If you think it would just make you bitchier, than perhaps you just shouldn't go for stretches of that length. My hunch is that teasing and denial would not work well for you. In essence, she just did that. She led you to believe that something would happen tonight, and it didn't. You got angry. That's just how you're wired up right now. I don't think it's impossible to change. I think it just takes reconditioning. I agree with you that much of what you read is just wank material, including a significant number of the so-called blogs out there. Ultimately, you have to make chastity and D/s a "custom fit" to you and your wife, regardless of what anyone else does. I WILL say that the fact that you recognize this behavior of your own - I get bitchy when I don't want to - is a great first step to solving the problem. You can't fix a problem you can't see! So, some ideas. 1) See if sexual attention without release helps. Maybe your wife could just tease you, play with your balls, get you horny, and then leave you. See if that's "frustrating and delicious" or "frustrating and angry-making". If it's the former, then perhaps that's some maintenance she needs to do for you. If it's the ladder, then you should shy away from it. 2) Perhaps 18+ days is too long for now? Maybe you need to build up. If your wife isn't into sex often enough to release you more frequently, perhaps supervised masturbation, or even her letting you out and saying "Go in the bathroom, and get rid of the attitude" would help. Ultimately, she would still be in control, since she would choose when to "vent" you, either with sex or masturbation. 3) Most importantly, tell your wife exactly what you said here. Hell, show her the blog. Let her know you're working the problem, and ask for her help. She may not be hard-wired for D/s, and may need coaching, but if she sees how much you want to please her, it will go a long way! Remember, the wanking-blogs would have you believe that your wife should just lock you up, and give you unforgiving denial until you bend to her will. I call "bullshit". If she's not predisposed to D/s, that'll never happen. You need to work together to make it mutually satisfying. Treat it like a problem you're trying to solve collaboratively. When and if she "gets it", she'll take the lead. Best of luck! mikecb
Mike, thank you very much for your reply. In reply to your very well said points, I believe this is paramount, I defiantly see it being "Frustrating and Delicious" rather than the angry type of frustrating. Before Mistress and I started chastity we were very sexually active, so going to no attention has been rough for me. If it pleased Mistress to cause the sensual kind of frustration, I would love to have that kind of treatment. But, on the part that might not be about me at all, you said This makes me curious as to if she feels that she is getting any satisfaction out of it. I think the biggest problem is the lack of communication on my part. Thanks for the reply again, I will be trying to get some alone time to confide in Mistress.
I would like to add some things that L4H didn't put into perspective when writing this: first thing is that, i dont forget about him like it may seem. i take him out for cleaning every couple of days in which we shower together and i tease him and wash his entire body and he washes mine. and afterwards i usually tease him before locking him up again. I admit, over the last 5 days i havent been giving him as much attention as i should be because of him working and that i have also taken on a non sexual long distance sub in which we contact eachother on an online game. L4H i think is getting a little 'first born' attitude about it since its our first time taking on another. but as it sits, i am glad i can come on and read his blog because he feels like he can communicate more openly this way then talking to me vocally. and for that i am thankful. and i appriciate the feedback from others on this matter. insight is always good.