Hello! I have been thinking about being locked/controlled for quite some time. I’m here to get help broaching the subject with my wife
Hello and welcome to the Mansion. There is loads of information to be found on the forum. If there is anything you can't fine the members here are always helpful so just ask.
It can be a tough nut to crack. Is she the dominate one in your relationship? Maybe sit down and make a list of what the advantages to her are. Don't try to sell it as something you want but as something that would be good for the 2 of you. Look at some articles about chastity together and some photos of types of cages.
Hi Stan, welcome to the mansion! What exactly are you wanting to broach with her? I think it's pretty easy if you're mainly interested in tease and dental/chastity. It could definitely be more complex if you're going for femdom or flr type of major changes. Either way you'll find lots of advice here. =)
Welcome. Ton of info on the site. How you approach it kind of depends on the nature of your relationship up until now. If she has shown signs of controlling you or teasing you in the past then it might be easier. If you've played with BDSM some that can help too. If you've been in a relatively vanilla relationship so far then you have to take baby steps. You can't just drop a bombshell and tell her you want to be locked up.
The holidays are a good time buy some fun toys. Start with a pair a furry cuffs, blindfold and maybe a vibe. Work your way up.
Here's a kit from Spencer's. Amazon probably has a few similar ones. https://www.spencersonline.com/prod.../2352/c/0/sc/1227/117253.uts?thumbnailIndex=9
I had fantastic results in first presenting it as a teasing and denial game. I get denied so that my next orgasm is more intense and my wife gets to have sex focused only on her orgasm. No big deal to skip an orgasm. Then when my wife saw the intensity of my orgasm (a little over acting helps) she was OK with skipping my orgasm once in awhile. Then do positive reinforcement. I thanked my wife every time she denied me an orgasm but when she did let me orgasm I would say that I regretted it since I missed the feeling of constant arousal. Worst thing to do is show up with a device on your penis and/or explaining chastity as her needing to become a dominatrix or a female led marriage. It is difficult enough for a loving wife to not make their husbands orgasm during sex without trying to change her personality and self image in your marriage. Keep it simple and take baby steps. Only when we decided to go 3 weeks without my orgasm did I mention a chastity cage. What we started with was a simple promise by me not to masturbate. No complex rules or a contract that reads like an owner's manual. We had one rule and that was that my wife makes the rules and does not have to tell them to me and can change them without prior notice. Make it easy for her to be a keyholder instead of telling her that she now has to whip you, tie you up when she removed your cage or has to supervise your showers. Let he just hold the keys and determine when you get to orgasm. This worked for us for 5 years. I was locked up 24/7 as much as practical which was almost all the time except for doctor visits because I am semi retired and work from home. I would not wear a device if I had to drive to work. We viewed this as a sex game and not a lifestyle. We always try to keep our sexual fetishes confined to the bedroom activities as much as possible. I am sure that you saw the list of things you are supposed to feel and all the benefits for your wife. Forget that BS. Clicking a lock will not magically change anything. I was never submissive outside of the bedroom. I did not feel like doing all the housework or being my wife's slave. I was still me except that I was denied orgasms. Being denied will keep you very horny and therefore you will be paying more attention to your wife. You can do things like massage her feet/body or whatever you feel like doing and not what you think you are supposed to be doing. You also need to reign it in because after a few weeks of no orgasm, even a bare shoulder can turn you on and my wife found my constant attention to her to be very annoying. You will want to talk about it all the time since you are the one locked up or horny. Keep in mind that your wife is not feeling what you are so it is not going to be on her mind all the time as it will be on yours. Set aside time each day or week to discuss what is working and what is not. We made this a joint effort to keep me chaste and unless you both work towards this goal you will end up like the great majority of others who come and go. Now for the reality. Initially it will be exciting to be caged. In fact you may have difficulty putting a cage on since you will get erect as soon as you try. That initial excitement will wear off in a matter of weeks or months. The reality of chastity is that while in our minds it sounds exciting, in real life we will feeling the buildup of hormones urging us to orgasm. That is a very uncomfortable feeling that will take time to get used to. You do not feel this in your fantasy but will once you are denied. This alone drives most men to give up. It is no fun to be constantly horny for no reason at all other than by choice. Your device will not stop you from masturbating. You can masturbate in any device made several ways such as using a vibrator or simply moving the device in a jerking off motion when you are really horny. The point is that chastity will not work unless you exercise self control. being locked up between regular orgasms is not really chastity since chastity is built on a foundation of an exchange of power over your orgasms. If you are allowed to orgasm every time you have sex, there is no power exchange involved, just lip service. However you can go slowly to get used to longer and longer orgasm denial periods. Chastity really does not start until after two weeks of denial because during that time your hormones are still building up to a peak. Once you reach that peak and your mind and body is screaming to orgasm, yet you do not, that is chastity. Many choose just to play lockup and that is fine but the experience is not the same as being denied for a month at a time. Also do not buy a cage and expect to wear it all day long, every day from day one. The urge for all of us is to do that but the reality is that you have get used to wearing a cage slowly over time. It took me 3 months to wear it all day and another two months to wear it 24/7. When I rushed it I got sore and had to keep it off for a few days and some guys keep getting sore and painful which prompts them to give up. Once again, baby steps. Just like S&M, you do not start off being whipped raw and bleeding. You have to work up to that. Heck, it took my wife 3 years to completely stop feeling guilty for denying me. She used to call sex without my orgasm, fake sex. My wife got into it because when sex was just about her pleasure she started to have very intense orgasms and wanted them more often. She was having some of the best orgasms of her life and at times had 10 in a week. Now that we are no longer in chastity she is back to never asking for sex and when we do have it she is not in the mood for her own orgasm. I think she is just masturbating on her own now that she has to worry about my orgasm again. That is it in a nutshell. Keep it simple and focus only on the chastity part at first. If you have other fetishes in mind, add them later on after you establish your chastity fetish. Chastity is usually not like you see or read about in porn. Even posters will be living their sex lives online and saying that they do all sorts of things when they are not. You need to be able to determine the real players from the wannabees. No one goes from a loving couple to a D/s relationship overnight with pegging and wearing a cage 24/7 from day one. That is what you see in porn videos or read in chastity stories. Good luck and look up Kareeza and Tantric sex. They both deal with orgasm denial as a spiritual thing that will bring a couple closer together and make you feel a constant sexual energy. It did bring my wife and I more emotionally together. Now that we no longer are doing chastity, we no longer kiss before bedtime anymore and I rarely feel horny anymore. Then again I am 66 so hard to tell why. So baby steps and keep it simple and easy for the wife. Do not scare her off or try to present it doing it solely for her benefit. You both need to enjoy it to make it work.
Hi San! Welcome! My husband approached me about male chastity about two years ago. Now we are engaged in a full-time Dom/sub relationship. Of course, you don't have to take being caged that far, that is just where we took it. The great thing about male chastity and all things Kink is the flexibility. You can take things are far, deep and strange as you and your wife want to! When my husband approached me about locking him up the most difficult part was getting over his own fear and self-judgment. He really just blurted it out one day. But once he realized I was his wife who loved him and supported all the 'weird' things about him, he was extremely relieved. In terms of short-term advice, I'll say this: Talk it over with yourself. If it sounds crazy and incoherent to you, there is a good chance she won't understand what you're trying to say. Furthermore, it's important you believe in the things you want to explore. Obviously, you're not alone ... we're all on this kinky boat together. Take it slow, be confident, and remember that life is worth exploring (especially the kinky parts!). I've written an entire article about this topics. I encourage you to read it and more! The more information you have, the comfortable you'll be. There are so many great blogs and sites out there to help you and your wife along the way. Keep asking questions, Stan! Welcome to the chastity life! https://www.talkmin.com/bdsm/2017/12/2/introducing-the-idea-of-male-chastity-to-your-partner https://www.talkmin.com/bdsm/2017/8/29/male-chastity-what-it-is-and-why-we-decided-to-try-it