Hello All, Found this community when searching on chastity on google. I've been interested in BDSM from when I was small, although I didn't understand where it came from at that time. Never had the strength to express it to the world as it was/is not accepted in my surrounding. Read a lot about BDSM when I was young and created some home made toys. And bought some first devices. Then I met my wife and decided to bury my feelings. But feelings are something you can't bury nor deny. My wife is a great person and I really don't want to hurt her (which I probably already do), but sex and talking about it is not her thing. Tried to introduce some card game to at least start some more discussion and work on it a while ago, but that didn't take off. Also the occasional tv shows on improving sex life doesn't resonate. So lately I've started playing around on my own with chastity devices on the many business travels in the hope to be able to introduce the topic to my wife and provide her with things she will get out of it. Probably the wrong thinking and direction. I'm very interested to learn from others and their journeys. Thanks. Best regards, rob
Welcome to the Mansion. You sound as if you are in a place many others here have been. I am sure the guys will be helpful with suggestions. Let us know how you get on.
A guy's view. Take it slowly, very slowly. Based on my experience, in your situation I wouldn't start with a chastity device. My wife was also very vanilla. We have always talked about sex and what we liked and didn't like but fairly limited in retrospect. Then about 3 or 4 years ago on holiday she discovered T&D almost accident. I have no idea what prompted it and I didn't even know about it or how good it is, but one night she just decided to "save me for later". We then both reaped the benefits of many years of longer and longer denials. In parallel, the communication about sex started to amp up, albeit slowly and about 2-3 years ago we introduced light bondage both ways (I love it when she's tied up and I can do what I want), vibrators then cock rings. But all very slowly - mainly me prompting their introduction but her presumably feeling safe as I would always say "just to try, we can always not bother if we don't like it". Also, with periods of not using any "kit". For me, a CD was therefore just a logical progression so I suggested it to her recently. Basically, I got a positive reaction - see my Foyer and Vault threads - and I've currently been locked up for the last 14 days. So my strong advice in your case would be to start with T&D - just ask her to try it. Your wife might think you're mad - mine did until I explained that denial drives me crazy (in a good way) and that having spent 40 years wanting to cum at every opportunity, I never thought the day would come when being teased but not cumming for days/weeks on end was even better. I reckon that if I'd have started by introducing a chastity device, she was so vanilla that even if she had said OK she would probably just have let me get on with it - whereas you really want her to own the device and, especially, the key and take control. Good luck.
Hello Johnny, Thank you for your wise words. I'll noodle on it some more, it's an interesting way forward. Best regards, Rob
Hi, Bob. I’m ABITNUTTY, and I am a pretty new member here at the mansion. I am a new KeyHolder to my spouse, Jailed, who is also a member here. We have some similarities to you and your wife in that my husband was the one who originally introduced (multiple times over 20 years) the idea of his chastity and giving over to me total control of him sexually, and I was a virgin on our wedding night at age 28. Repeatedly, for one reason or another, besides the fact that none of the devises fit him properly, it was usually because of me that we never really got that ball rolling. I do agree that this not something that you want to rush or push your wife into. She has to be able to see all the possible benefits that will come of this lifestyle change. This has to be all about HER. She MUST see that everything that you are doing and all that you plan to do ARE FOR HER, NOT FOR YOU. If you want her to do this for you, you must be willing to give up EVERYTHING FOR HER. She must know this. If she doesn’t know this, then why bother???? When you give up your everything for her, then she will eventually give you what you need and it will be SPECTACULAR!!!