Ever feel nervous about the future?

I have been on holiday, traveling over 2000 miles, and unlocked for safety reasons since June 2nd, I have not been allowed to cum, no teasing, edging nor has my Keyholder even so much as touched her property the whole time, , not even acknowledging that I have one

It isn’t the idea of being afraid of the future; this is what I gave to my Keyholder/Wife to control as she pleased. I am thankful whenever I am allowed to cum in any manor she wishes.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t wish to have orgasms just that they are no longer mine to control. Only she has the final say on when, where and how I am allowed to achieve one, that doesn’t make it scary only exciting and something to look forward towards.

We have just arrived home and I am prepared to be locked up at any moment whether she will allow me to cum before she locks me up is an eagerness that I hope will accrue, this is anticipation for the future.

If it is in the books so much better for me, if not, I will then just wait and hope that in future days as we wind down from our trip, she will at least tease me. There always something to look forward to, nothing to be afraid of.

 

I am a little nervous but more excited about the future. My Wife/KH is getting more comfortable and more in touch with her dominate side daily. She's an amazing woman and I look forward to seeing her enjoying herself and getting what she wants. Too many years we have spent together with me taking her for granted. It was all about me for so many years. Now it's her time for her to get what she wants. That's me staying locked, no orgasms, and worshiping her. I'm blessed to have her as my Wife, KH and femdom Mistress. Neither of us want to go back to a vanilla marriage. We've gone too far down this road to turn back. The future looks amazing from my view!

 

Not a bad thing at all. Do you good in fact. A situation where you both know she's got you by the balls every which way and can at any time close down your sex life entirely, and that this is a very real option for her and there'd be nothing you could do about it if she did, is just what'll make you concentrate your mind on keeping her sweet so she wants for nothing.

 

Oh hell yes I get nervous I can't help it. I can imagine all sort of things I think @Mistress Jules might do.
I also know when she has a plan she will see it through.
We dicussed long term chastity and was happy with the way it was going forward.
That changed tonight after I was locked I read a new post by Mistress Jules.
The road to long term chastity,
The last two lines are a bit of a worry.

Although it has taken us quite some time to get to this stage, I think I can safely say it was worth the effort. Both for my peace of mind that he would not be damaged and for his satisfaction at finally being able to lock on an almost permanent basis.

 

I was into extreme S&M for most of the last 47 years. I knew as a sexual submissive that I could stop anything by simply using my safe word. I learned all about fear in the year I spent in combat. I enlisted to fight. I was not drafted. I wanted to test myself in the face of real fear, not fear that I could end by using my safeword. I wanted to know if I would run to avoid my fear or face it head on. A fist full of medals gave me my answer and since then, I do not fear being afraid because I know I can push past it. I think once you conquer life or death fear, all else is not worthy of fear. It is just adrenaline borne out of the unknown or even arousal.

I also know that my KH and her ex girlfriend who used to sexually dominated me, were not superior to me or worthy of my worship. I do not worship anyone. No one is superior to me and I am not superior to anyone. I may be better or worst in different areas but not inferior on any level. Perhaps that is why I have succeeded in both life and my various professions. I always think that I am as good as anyone else around me.

My wife has not had intercourse with me for over 15 years. She does in fact have no need for my penis and was happy with just her girlfriend up to 7 years ago. She acknowledges that my penis is too small for intercourse given our medical limitations and she is not a penis fan to begin with. She loves sex with no ejaclation or semen involved and loves that kind of sex with me or a woman. In short, she had made it known that she has no use for my penis as did her ex girlfriend. I accepted that a very long time ago but still enjoyed our threesomes.

My wife said from day one of chastity play, for that is what it is, that if left up to her she would never let me orgasm again simply because she likes me better when I am denied and aroused daily. For the first four years we negotiated the least number of orgasms I would get that year and for each new year, it would be less. Last month I agreed to have no more say in my number of orgasms or if and when we have sex. My wife asked me if I loved her enough to give up my orgasms. I said yes and so here we are. I was going to have an orgasm in October for our anniversary but she said last night that she changed her mind and rather only give me an orgasm when she thinks it is affecting me negatively. She knows that I have never used mys safe word even after I ended up on an operating table for being too macho to utter it. She is the better judge of what is best for my well being and so I leave it into her hands without any fear. At the beginning I would get panic attacks thinking that my orgasm was months away but not know. I am used to it and not having to get anxious about my ED and penis size, seems to have improved my general well being. I would lay in bed with my heart pounding and sweat from anxiety not knowing if I would get erect and then feel embarrassed. Now there are no more worries. I also prefer the constant feel of sexual arousal which is not worth losing for 10 seconds of an orgasm. It took me over 4 years to reach this place.

Although I walk through the valley of my wife's vagina, I fear no denial, for my shaft and her hands will guide me to chastity heaven. I am where you fear and yet know that courage is feeling afraid but being able to push through it anyway. I have faced much more than orgasm denial in my life. It is no big thing, literally and figuratively. Unless you really feel that you have no choice in real life, there is nothing to fear. If you refuse to do as she says and somehow she forces you by threat or force, you are with the wrong KH. There is a fine line between a fetish and a psychological issue. I know because I am on medication to stay on the right side of that line.

 

That is a great question @Nicoftime . In my opinion the answer depends on where you are in your Chastity Journey and how comfortable you are with the Control your Mistress takes over you. Your comments about not being unlocked or allowed an orgasm ever again could be scary to some and almost comforting to someone else. Personally I'm getting more and more comfortable with not having an orgasm and not being unlocked even for play time. Just to be aroused and get wet gives as much if not more satisfaction. To see my Mistress receive an orgasm is 100 times more satisfying than having one. So being Nervous about the future can be totally different depending on the people and their situation.

The comment that @Mistress Jules said about your imagination being our worst enemy is so try. Any good Mistress will find a way to use our imagination to her advantage to control us, as she has done on many occasions to lockit.

Thanks for posting this very interesting thread

 

small potatoes here guys...... most intelligent xy s understand that being injected with sperm( well semen really) is extremely healthy for them. it has 3 antidepressants, several antimicrobial s, more estrogen than is in their blood and a host of other hormone the vagina easily absorbs. according to some studies they say 3 times a week is good better is 5 times after that no measurable difference. i get my injections and ruin his orgasm all at the same time. and that makes my orgasms all the better.

what you should be afraid of is what she does with you when you have no choice. i read my puck's journals every day. here are some of his fears. "ma'at say the c/ds are to small.how big will ma'at make these breasts. will i look like dolly parton? ma'at says my waist is to large. my 52 30 42 hourglass figure can't be missed now. but ma'at laces me down to a 26 and say not small enough. i get ten discipline sessions a day and ma'at says i still have bad paradigms in my head. my butt is permanently red as it is. how many more will ma'at think i'll need. i went from 306 to 150 and ma'at says i weigh too much. ma'at wants 135 at 6'2". ma'at says ten reps at 159 is all she can do so i have to be way below that. i don't think ma'at will be happy until i weigh less than her 120. i get less punishments now that i do as i am told but the welts last much longer. how hard can ma'at hit? will ma'at keep hitting harder till i bleed with the first strike? ma'at says she want to some day put both fist up me. one is too much already two is going to kill me and how long will it take to close? will it close after that?".

these are the kind of things your dom could read about and say this is a great idea let me try it out on you. what if she could become a ma'at how afraid would you be then. helpless and powerless to do anything about it. forget your fantasies wait till reality comes knocking. how long will it take you to adjust to your new life?

 

It's funny @Nicoftime but I have the opposite worry from you. My KH loves the service I provide and the orgasms she receives without worry of satisfying me. On the other hand I need gas in my tank to keep me in this mindset and that gas is her dominance. As we go further and further into this relationship she is less and less interested in supplying that gas. My big worry is when do I run out of gas? I wouldn't mind if she told me no orgasms for the rest of the year as long as she would step up her game in the process.

 

My only worry is that when the time comes and my wife hits menopause, that she will lose all interest in sex and I will go from chastity to celibacy.

 

I am worried about the immediate future. Elle has told me that she has something to discuss with me tomorrow when we are out on our walk, and it sounded serious! Most Saturdays I ask her if she wants to say anything during our weekly updates and she doesn't have anything she needs to share.

 

If that's your only worry in the world then you are indeed very fortunate.

 

Our sex life is a big struggle. It's the only thing we consistently fight about. There are times when she really seems to care, but she can go months without being interested. If I didn't constantly make an issue about it, she she would probably go years without having sex. The other morning when she woke me up to have sex was only the fourth time in almost 9 years that she initiated sex, and it was only because she thought I needed it. It wasn't because she was horny. She didn't even come close to climaxing that time.

I try to make sure that we make love at least once per week. She fights with me about this. She'll argue that "we just had sex last week! And the week before that! Can't you wait a few weeks?". She thinks once per month is a bit much, but I absolutely will not settle for anything less than once per week.

 

@Nicoftime Thanks. Elle did offer to talk last night, but also said she would prefer to do it while we are out on our walk with our dog. Saturday is the only day of the week we can go together and it also coincides with her Saturday rule, which is when she allows me to instigate conversations about Our Arrangement. We did discuss some of my struggles last night, all stemming from the stress we are under in our private lives. After that she gave me a really incredible teasing session to cheer me up. So while 'we need to talk' was significant I'm sure her issues aren't going to be catastrophic!

 

Any person who has no worries or apprehensions should be checked for a pulse. And galloping together down this rabbit hole leads to amazing highs and equally intense moments moments and periods of unsureness.

That you're unsure or uneasy at times is... just sort of what it is. But what you're uneasy about is what tells you something. That's why I personally get quite frustrated when I have that uneasy apprehension but can't put my finger on, or articulate exactly what it is that's got me hung up. Plus it changes over time. What made me uneasy in early days probably isn't even on my radar anymore. It's been worked out, either as a result of dealing with it directly, or by the simple passage of time and accumulation of experience. But where those concerns fade away, others percolate to the surface, and you find yourself concerned about things you never even considered before.

For me, currently, I sometimes become uneasy at the thought that our lifestyle will result in an inability in me to ever be satisfied by a more "vanilla" existence. It's usually coupled with the concern that I will grow to crave and require things which this person who I love entirety, and who has always fufilled all my needs, will for whatever reason be unable to provide. Will I fall further down the rabbit hole than she can follow? The thought is sometimes enough to make me consider stopping this all. Because I'd hate to all of a sudden have various needs that cannot be fulfilled in this relationship, where before there were none.

Of course talking about it usually helps. I'm often guilty of not saying anything till what's eating at me is so distracting that she notices something's up. So I try to make sure I give voice to those concerns.

Also xanax helps.

 

Can I just say Kudos to whoever figured out what was ailing the Mansion. Not known for patience, the site was for me all but unusable, and had just about begun to fade into the background when @Thatgirl mentioned it was back to normal. And so it is.

Thank you, to whom to whoever handled the situation. CM is quite invaluable in many ways.

 

Some members on here would be over the moon with that @Shepherdsflock When you are lucky enough to have a wife that embraces your fetish for chastity, I think the least you can do is to go with her wishes. She was thoughtful enough to consider your wishes.

 

You have it backwards. I have embraced her fetish, and I am the one making the sacrifice. This is what she needs, not me.

That is why her low libido causes problems. She insists on me remaining chaste, and when she is in the mood for sex she revels in it. However, in the times when she's not in the mood, she still insists that I remain chaste even if she has zero desire to show me any attention. Being "locked and left" is very hard when it's not your fetish and you're doing it for the person who is neglecting you.