New Mistress in need of a ton of help!!!!

By simply being open to kinky play you are already way ahead of the curve.

Being willing to top your sub makes you the right Domme for him. Now all you have to do is put him in his place and keep him there.

 

I have 47 years experience in BDSM and pretty much every other fetish out there. I have been sexually dominated by girlfriends for that entire length of time They had to be taught what to do by me. There is so much to cover in a dominant relationship that forums cannot do justice to. Best thing to do if make a list of what he would submit to like whipping, caning, paddling, nipple clips. CBT, knife play, breath play, pins, sounding, being bound is stressful positions, humiliated, being used as a toilet, face and ball slapping and punching, cuckolding by having sex with other men as he watches. Of course get him a cage to lock up his penis and deny him orgasms until you want him to have one and not when he wants them. At the beginning many men will top from the bottom. They will write a user manual called contract where he lists all the things he actually wants done to him for various infractions. That takes control away from you and gives it to him and/or the sex contract he drew up. In other words he will try get you to do only those things he likes. That is not an exchange of power. That is him using your to get what he wants and how he wants it. Hardly an exchange of power necessary in a D/s relationship.

There is a lot of psychological stuff involved in what you want to do and a lot of times it is not what you do but what you say and how you do it that counts. It takes a good two years to get a domme trained to a good starting point. Many dommes start off as subs so they can experience what their subs want and feel the pain that they are expected to inflict. You best bet is to watch BDSM porn and use common sense to ignore the fantasy stuff involving a lot of equipment and costumes. Odds are that your sub got his fantasy from porn. You can at least learn different things to do and how to do them. More important is to pay attention to the dommes attitude and how she treats her sub. Humiliation is all a big part of it. As you progress you can start to cuckold him. Bring men how to have sex with while he watches and then licks you clean afterwards. I did that for a year and was my first real sub sex.

Amazon.com has lots of good books on this subject so start there.Read the reviews before you buy them. I bought my wife three books and she now has four years experience and understands the mental aspects of D/s. You can make him wear panties at night when you are alone or even when he goes to work as I did for a few months. My wife got into paddling an caning my butt once a week. I even wore bras for few months. Have him massage your feet every night or even a full body massage. My wife had me buy a professional massage table and some spa music. She even had me take classes in erotic massaging at an adult education center. I am pretty good at it and every lady gets a happy ending.

There are so many things to do. After 47 years I am still finding things to try. If you find a list of all the fetishes or make your own or even get one from a book. You both check off the ones you will do, might try and will not do. Then you compare your lists an figure out what you both want to do and willing to try if your partner listed is as something he wants to do or even try. My wife does things she is not into of love for me. Just careful because there are a lot of phonies who post an own websites who present sexual play in a fantasy way that is sometimes dangerous. At best, they set you up for failure because some things sound good but once the initial excitement wears off, they are not fun Do whatever you do in a safe and sane way. Always be practical in how you play. Do not let it bleed into your real life. Let it be roles you two fall into and out of when the mood strikes. For instance you can tell your sub to put on his slave/dog collar and that means you are now playing D/s games. Guys will want to do things 24/7 but once the initial excitement wears off, they do not want to be anyone's slave or do all the work assigned to him Keep it in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom have signal that alerts your sub that you are now playing your D/s games.

We have gotten through 44 year of marriage doing most fetishes people read about. We did that because we did not try to live some 17 year old with no girlfriend's fantasy version on his website that he poses as a woman on. Our marriage always came first even ahead of monogamy. To us, fetishes are just a sex game with roles we play. Other than me being locked up all the time and having orgasms many months apart. our married life is very normal for a loving couple. My wife does not do the fantasy stuff like treat me like a slave at social events and in front of our friends. She is the dutiful wife in our marriage. I am very alpha with a very forceful personality. I do not become submissive outside of the bedroom and visitors would assume that my wife is the submissive one. We know how to keep a fetish sex life for decades with others not finding out and without it destroying our loving relationship. I lived with my wife and our girlfriend for 30 years and to this day no family member or friends, knows that. My friends do not know that I allow women to whip me until I bleed or have had a few thousands threesome and sex with two men. To the rest of the world I am a genius who makes a lot of money and keeps to himself. People assume a lot because in 30 years no one questioned why our girlfriend was living with us so much and joining us in family and social events. No one asked and we never told anyone unless they had a need to know. In other words, keep your sexual world separate from your sex life because people are cruel and before you know it, everyone will know your business and treat you differently.

 

Main thing is to decide what YOU want out of it. And then have him by the balls every which way so that you will surely get it!!

 

Don't over complicate this. It's about you. We serve women because we want to bring pleasure to you. Remember a lot of the crap online is fantasy and that makes it a big production. Keep things simple and remind him that he wanted you to be his dominant and you will do it his way, and won't accept topping from the bottom in any form.

 

Agree with @tomf_22033!

 

And BTW have you got him locked up yet? if so what type of device? If not, I suggest you do a.s.a.p.!

 

Warm welcomes @Mistress_Orchid.

i believe everyone will agree there is no RIGHT way or WRONG way to proceed with enjoying this lifestyle as only You and Your sub will discover and experiment with together by maintaining constant and open communications. ENJOY the journey together and not as dictated by or written about in an article.

 

First you get a device! Cb6000 will do for starters (only) as it has a range of rings and spacers so will fit virtually all sizes and be a stopgap until you can get a steel one to the exact measurements. When you are sure of size order a steel one, Mature Metal will be best next step.

Then you tell him that wearing one of these is an integral and necessary part of his being a sub. You can either require him to comply or simply handcuff him and then put it on him yourself. Then squeeze his balls, andgive him something to sign to confirm he wants and needs to experience being subservient to you, including sexually and being locked up.

 

Tell him it's chastity or back to vanilla sex.

If you do go the chastity route the CB-6000 isn't designed for long term wear. It is a decent introduction to chastity but for 24/7 wear you will need a stainless steel device.

Start slow. Maybe chastity and teasing for an evening or a weekend. Once he become accustomed to wearing it you can go for longer periods between orgasm.

Also, ban him from watching porn in any form and from masturbating. Make it very clear to him that controlling and limiting his orgasms is very important to you and is vital to you expressing your dominance over his desires.

 

Hello and welcome here! A lot of experienced people here which are happy to help you as good as possible. Have fun here

 

You have received a lot of information in a very short time. @Joroincharge is helping you. @Mistress_Orchid you are in good hands.

Just to add my two cents worth. Find out what he wants out of the arrangement but most of all decide what you want. And make him give it to you while keeping him Lockedup. Give him alittle of what he wants just to keep him fed but keep him Hungry. Just give him a little but make sure he gives you ALOT. Good Luck

 

Just tell him that he must obey you...if he is your sub, he will do so.

 

They sell cheap ones on amazon. Pick one with multiple ring sizes. In the meantime, if he's serious about serving, the honor system should be a good start.

 

i'm not a mistress and never wanted to be one. being a Ma'at is a far better choice for me. still there are a lot of similarities though i suppose our lot puts far more on our selves than our subs. first and for most we must take care of ourselves. i am 5'6" and 115 lb. i do ten pull ups twice a day and can bench 140 lbs. i fast walk two miles a day. besides all the health benefits and a very high self esteem i have all the energy i need and then some. i would like to take all the credit for my health as i have worked very hard at it but the truth is the rules of our society states that no female can be a Ma'at that does not take care of there bodies. it also states that no ma'at can have property that is out of shape either if she wishes to remain a Ma'at. he can start out fat but he better start getting into shape or they let us know about it.truth is it's more like a support group with teeth. that said regardless of your lifestyle it really does help to have a support group that won't out you.
second thing is never forget that when you take possession of another living being you are 100 percent responsible for them.as a rule no matter how cruel you need to be to train them they will respect you for being the rock you are. knowing you will let no real harm come to them if something goes wrong it is always your fault and is up to you to figure out how to prevent it from happening again. if your property gains 5 lbs it is your fault. you may make him run 5 miles a day till he loses it but your the one responsible to make it happen. the internet is full of women who claim to do nothing and he does everything without any kind of reward. i have no doubt it happens just that way from time to time but most women figure it out that the human male is a very simple creature. the carrot and the stick approach works wonders. a little hint here too..... men have little respect for shirkers but they treat doormats the same. when chores are done together under your direction they follow and obey like a good dog.
next is the mind it is the most powerful sex organ you have. sexual pleasure is mostly in your mind. you can learn to love things that you thought you you would not like. you can train yourself to be multi orgasmic. learn to accept the best sex you can have if he does as you tell him. it's all in your head and you are in the drivers seat. gas pedal is on the right.... well it is on my side of the pond. and no back seat drivers allowed.
lastly i choose to be a ma'at and worked real hard to get here but it was my choice and you get to choose what you want to be. what your relationship will be and how it will manifest itself. there is a lot of bad advice on the internet but there is some really good advice as well. find the person or group who most fits you and listen for a while. don't be afraid to walk away and find someone else. remember there are only two lives that count to you unless you have kids like i do. its you and your property. i have no trouble telling our kids your father was here first and he will always be first right after me.
hope it helps some if you want i would be glad to try to answer any questions you have without ever judging you. the good thing about advice is you can take it or leave it and free advice has no sting when you walk away from it.

 

Very interesting and profound post. I've scant knowledge of ma'at other than (a) I heard it comes into some secret (male) Masonic ceremonies and (b) as a concept appears to have originated in ancient Egypt as broadly = propriety and orderliness.Not sure what it has to do with chastity though! Can you enlighten?

 

not that it really matters ...... but Ma'at was the daughter of ra and she set the world right so that we could exist in harmony today.....maybe it's still a work in progress. Ma'at preserved the rights of women who were allowed to act independently of men and own substantial personal property. she represented truth, balance, order, harmony,law, justice and morality long before chastity even existed in device form. i wish i could take credit for it or even say it was gods idea. in the SPIRIT our very reluctant prophet who truly wanted no part in it's making coined the name as more of a flippant remark. the angel michelle accepted as though the name or title had little or no significance. for us it seemed rather poignant for ra's daughter truly had character when women were afforded very little.
to us chastity devices are but a tool to a better life not an end goal. we probably do not give them the importance as you do but we feel you may follow your path and may find your way to heaven. our path is different than most but the SPIRIT tells us that no one path is the right one unto itself just ours was given to us as the most likely one to get there. so being a ma'at has meaning for the values attributed to ra's daughter are the same values we strive to emulate . still a workm in progress as well.