Orgasm Obsessions

I like your thinking Frankie. I like it a lot. I've only just joined but it would be cool to hear from men as to why they want to stay locked instead of unlocked and the benefits as they see it bringing. The implication of locking that there will be an unlocking and messy, sticky orgasm can be a bit annoying from my boyfriend even though we've just started. Like "don't bug me with that now I've just got you back in it, let me think it over." For an undermined amount of time haha.

 

Frankie are you saying that you couldn't get in touch with all those things until you got locked? After reading a ton of posts I still don't get what the attraction to being locked. If a women doesn't want to have sex she says no and that's that. The power is always with the one who can say no. There may be a significant price to pay for denying your partner but the actual power is with the denier.

 

We've all heard about opinions right? They're like bellybuttons, everybody has one . . . well, here is mine (and I do agree with you by the way).

There is a lot of focus on the fantasy aspect of chastity and FLR. The idea that "You need to be doing something to me", 'She hasn't touched me for x time period', 'make me do this or that'. On some level I think this is to be expected as most men (women have a different approach to things in general) have spent tremendous amounts of time researching, in earnest or for mental jack-off material, that they have built their idea to a level that they need to act on it. Problem is, it's not enough to just cage it and slowly progress. They have a checklist of items that they want to blow through quickly because, for them, its not real without them. It doesn't help that a majority of available info and picture sets feeds this. Sites that describe the iron willed Dom/me that takes what they wants from all newcomers without flinching. Describing in sub par literary detail, that the devotee is whipped, caged, humiliated, chastised, femanised, castrated, cuckholded within an unbelievably short period of time. Everything being done TO them. If they do anything for the Owner, it is because they are "forced" or coerced to do so. When things don't happen as they dreamed, they call foul. Many advice type sites say that you will receive more sex than you have in the past when what they really should be stating is that you will have more intimacy. Of course our lizard brain equates sex with ejaculation and intimacy tends to scare us.

Is it a titillating fantasy? Sure. Ee picture ourselves as the main focus of the Dom/me's attention and efforts.
** I feel that for many, chastity and or FLR are a fantasy. When you are more worried about being able to escape your device, can you really be committed to the idea of either? When you say you have a masturbation addiction and need to be locked to make you stop (forced). What is really being describing is a compulsion - if you have no self control in this are, maybe there are others as well and help should be sought.

Where we first go wrong is in, after summoning the courage to talk to our significant other, and most importantly, not being rejected by them for it, tend to blurt out this fully fleshed out idea in our heads leaving them asking, WTF? Those partners willing to give it a go, many do no research on their own. And why would they, it's not their fantasy . . . they are not to blame.

In reality, human sexuality is extremely complex and, we should approach this slowly and more methodically, including our partner in every step and not progressing until everyone is comfortable . . . not as sexy of an idea.

I felt like I rambled a bit. Does any of this make sense?

 

Very well said.. I would think that a flr would also be very difficult. Lots of work and probably not what most signed up for. Relationships are too dynamic and complex to put the burden on one partner.

 

I think of the device much like a promise / engagement / wedding ring. Its nothing more than a symbol of your commitment to the relationship and your partner (they are synonymous). You consciously or subconsciously recognize the ring and remember your partner. Nothing keeps you from taking it off, whether for acceptable work / life related reasons or the opposite end of the spectrum, less honorable reasons. If you don't want to be in the relationship (in your thoughts), the ring is meaningless.

The same is true for a chastity device. It effectively is a reminder and helps to focus your energy / thoughts to do the things you have agreed to do (forgoing personal carnal pleasure for periods of time, being of service to your partner, etc.)

 

Thanks for coming out of retirement to tell us how to do chastity and what we should feel. I almost forgot. To tell the truth, chastity is the tamest sexual fetish I have tried in my 47 years of fetish play. My main thing was S&M with my wife's steady girlfriend. I was into being whipped and caned until blood was drawn and yet I would not presume to tell others, who do not go that far, that they are not doing it right or missing the mark. For many, chastity is a side dish to another fetish. It is not a popular stand alone fetish and few do it on its own. Look around here. It is part of D/s, FLR, Sissy play, BDSM, fantasy play, etc.. I am one of the few who just does chastity to enjoy the edgings, teasing and eventual orgasm which can be 1 or 4 months away. I never know until it happens.

Quite frankly, 42 days of chastity does not an expert make. Although we do not go 4 months anymore, my wife enjoys having me locked up and teasing me daily. My moans of sexual frustration are giving her the most intense orgasms of her life. She can only take two at a time these days. If she did not enjoy it, I would not be locked up and with limited orgasms. I like orgasms. They are a great stress relief and give me a lot of pleasure without spending any money.

I do not notice if you had a lover as your KH or even a steady KH. Sounds like you were self locking which is a whole different ballgame than what most of us are doing.Even having a non loved one as a KH is a different experience too. I see it the same as those who whip themselves and call it S&M. To them it is, but their benefits and enjoyment are much different than mine since I had a full time sexual sadist living with us who sighed with pleasure at my pain. It made her wet and gave her very intense orgasms. She enjoyed it and that is why I enjoyed it. If not, I am OK without having bruises, welts, burns or cuts on my skin. Same with chastity.

This sort of reminds me of the first BDSM club in NYC that we were members of. There were always a group of players who thought that their brand of play was the only true way. It happens in all fetishes and in BDSM it was usually those who had no steady partner or a loved one to play with. They had no idea of what it was like to submit to someone you love deeply. Their submission was often with strangers or online Mistresses and yet, they knew it all. That is why I stay away from Fetlife these days. The chastity forums are full of guys who self lock and seem to think their opinion is an informed one.

I lived my previous fetishes with my wife and her steady girlfriend who lived and loved with us. My experience was very different than those who showed up at the club with a different sub or Mistress each week. I would not expect someone like that to pontificate about what is true S&M is and yet there was always someone that knew it all and told us what we were supposed to do as if there were a rulebook.

Given our ages, we never know when our last orgasm is really our last. I really do not want to drastically reduce the number of my orgasms given the limited time I have left on earth. I like orgasms. I love them, which is what makes not having them as often as before, kinky. Notice that I spelled orgasm correctly. I did not want to incur your wrath. How about you do chastity your way, and the rest of us will do it our way. Whether they are denied for a few days or a few years, we all get out of it what makes it fun and exciting for us, not for you. Welcome back. Are you still doing chastity and if so, with whom? Not many of us old timers here to tell the young'uns how to do things right.

 

I recently got admonished by a moderator for bringing up a similar thought. I had read about a Domme who had written 'I allow my guy to jerk off regularly especially after he's been spanked.' I pointed out that the story she had written was more about orgasm control than chastity. How can he be a chaste male, or it be a chaste based D/s relationship if he is allowed to jerk off regularly? Apparently I was foolish to think that chastity means a reduced access to orgasms, that it actually means whatever you think it means. (Not an Elephant though, just in case you thought that the definition of chastity was too open.)

Apparently my idea of chastity meaning not concentrating on my own orgasms, or delaying the period between them, or giving the right to allow them to someone else is too rigid and shouldn't be imposed on others.

I do not think that you have to be orgasm free for months on end to claim you are chaste. It is my opinion though that you do have to go longer between them than you would choose were you not involved in some kind of chastity arrangement. So I personally have chosen to ignore people in the Mansion for whom the orgasm has become an all consuming obsession and would never dream of telling anyone that what they are doing sounds fun, but isn't chastity.

 

frankie... when I signed up for this site I didn't see a manual telling me I had post according to your interests and ideas to what chastity is. I recently posted the definition of chastity and I will include it again here. No where does it say you can't have an orgasm ever again to be apart of the mansion.
And since we are on the internet you dont even have to read what is here, you can just skip it!!!!
I don't 95% of crap you say but you don't see me sitting here complaining about it.

TO EACH HIS OWN.

 

Which is exactly what you did in effect. It's great that you've worked out what works for you, and where your boundaries are, or what your chastity geography is. But the chances are high that others will have different experiences, boundaries, understandings, etc.

And that's ok. It's very important that no-one is telling anyone that XYZ 'isnt chastity' unless words like 'For me' are included.

 

According to most of the posts theses days guys don't practice chastity as they are mostly out and jacking off 25/7 .

Was a time this was not a regular topic of conversation on cm . It was around not coming and how that felt.

xx Wendy

 

The only thing that stays the same @Wendygirl, is that everything always changes.

 

It's true though that the main conversation was guys not wanting to cum, and there's nothing wrong with that.
If we get members who play differently though, there's probably nothing wrong with that either.

2p

 

Chastity for most people is sexual in nature. A sexual practice centered specifically around orgasm and denial thereof, that is. Maybe some people do that for spiritual/religious reasons, but I definitely don't wanna venture there.
Besides, sexual drive is extremely strong within most men, and orgasm denial is an intense feeling that you can't just unfeel. It's gonna bother you no matter what - at least that's how it works for me.

Dunno what you're talking about.

Definitely not. Let the fetishes stay in bedroom/personal life and not cross into politics or whatever.

I do believe reasonable chastity is good for one's health, especially if he's used to masturbating way too much. It also frees up some time and energy for other endeavours, as well as improves self-control.

 

So are you against equality of pay, against there being more women in the boardrooms of top corporations, education for all girls in places like Pakistan etc, or do you just mean that there shouldn't be more women leaders than men?
Personally I've not seen anything that suggests that women make better leaders than men in politics of the boardroom, but I know for sure that there are not enough of them in those positions.
Sorry, what were we talking about again? Oh yes, orgasms. What a surprise.

 

I forgot to put the words 'from now on' in my last post.

In fact I have pretty much given up describing my own use of chastity as well. I occasionally answer a post and even more occasionally update my journal, but recent discussions have drastically reduced the amount of enjoyment I get from engaging in conversations in the Mansion.

I think the first straw on the camels back was when I was accused of leading a witch hunt against someone when I was trying to be as reasonable as I could, another straw was realizing that I have been blocked by members of the Mansion and that somehow my views and comments had seriously pissed them off, even though I am one of the members who do this chastity thing as a lifestyle and not a fetish. Being told that chastity can mean anything you want (but not an elephant) is I am afraid yet another straw, and that camel is beginning to strain under the weight.

It is good however to see other people share my belief that while chastity is sexual in nature, it does involve at the very release a reduction in the importance of the male orgasm. That is however my own opinion and i won't be enforcing it on anyone else.

 

You're upset just because some people have you on their ignore list? I always took it as a sign that my opinions were right on the money, and that some just couldn't cope. You can't please all the people all the time - don't sweat it, really. Alternatively of course it could just mean they think you're an aunt, but likewise, we aint here to please those people.

My comment about chastity being anything you want it to be, was intended to suggest that you can implement it however you wish in your own relationship, either as occasional play, or lifestyle and everything in between, and that all these different forms of chastity have a space here on CM.

Or rather, they should have.

 

I am new to chastity and the mansion, but I love this analogy of a chastity device to a wedding ring as a symbol and a promise. I messed up recently and didn't live up to my promise and have been disappointed with myself since then. For me chastity is exclusively about the sexual and loving relationship between my wife and I. It doesn't impact my role as a Dad, a business owner or in my broader social circle. As such most of my posts have focused on love, sex and devotion. Nothing new to the overall discussion, but still very new and exciting for me.

 

Everybody's free (in most places) nowadays to work 16 hours a day for years on end to try and achieve a top corporate position. Most women choose to pursue happiness and family life, though. Most men have better things to do with their lives either. I know I do.

So, yeah, about chastity and orgasms... I'm against making a fetish which is about sexuality in nature into some kind of teaching or political agenda, or magically attaching properties to it. Chastity has nothing to do with understanding of the world, wisdom or somesuch. It can free up some time and energy. What one does with those is up to him. Stupid or evil people will probably put those to stupid or evil intent, not benevolent one. If most people write about sexual stuff and orgasms - chastity is mostly about this for them. Nothing bad here, no need to get upset if it's something else for you.

The drift towards discussing orgasms is probably due to the subject going more mainstream. If even there is one. Like fifteen years ago, you'd need to put effort into finding a male chastity device where I live. Now you just order it online in any sex shop; plus, it's discussed much more widely. This opens the field to people who treat this as another sexy game, rather than a lifestyle, nevermind something that can offer any revelations.

 

Very interesting thread. A few of my thoughts: At a minimum long term locking makes me feel more submissive and her more assertive. No penetration = changed view of masculinity. Sex = oral for her is a very giving experience where you appreciate and feel her orgasms intensely and intimately because you are not distracted by coming or even thinking of coming. After a period of years of male chastity, male boorish behaviour grates more and misogyny totally disgusts me. I am more in awe of women and even more respectful , not in a grovelly way but just nice simple things like holding a door open with a smile. So I think it can/does positively influence outside the bedroom. If it had a negative effect on my behaviour I would not have persisted with it as it's mentally quite a tough challenge thanks to testoserone!

 

There were times prior to intentional chastity that I was only having sex with my wife one or two times a month.

She was imposing chastity on me!

Only a week of not having sex would have been an increase in my sex life.

The definition of chastity requires some abstention from sex.

Chastity: "The state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse."

This definition would allow other forms of sex, just not intercourse, so fap away gentlemen.

 

Hello ma'am, keeping a man locked forces him to become the man he's always wanted to be, but isn't capable of becoming on his own. The dedication to his key holder, the increased respect and admiration for women, it all becomes possible when you have a woman willing to strictly enforce his chastity, even when he doesn't want it anymore. Feelings of lust help facilitate men's interaction, not only with their key holder, but with all women, it keeps them in respectful admiration of all women. When those feelings of lust are depleted by masturbation, that process is disrupted and you end up with sexual objectification, misogyny, and disrespectful disobedience.

 

Welllll - I may be a superplatiniumblonde redhead right now, but usually a chastity device ist placed upon a sexual organ.
By doing so, the one wearing such a strange device looses the ability to have an orgasm (well - mostly, or at least whenever he/she wants to).
And as far as I have heard, there is quite a strong and widespread believe in orgasms being fun.

If a chastity device would take away the ability to hear, I guess there would be quite a few threads about missing music.

And to turn it the other way around: it would be quite sensless to me to put someone in chastity who hates orgasms!

I understand, that some of you miss all the devotion, surrender and submission in someone who still want's to cum - but I nevertheless do!
Yeah, I am quite a shocker (does the word exist?)!

And: too much "kitchen-sink-psychology" can get the fun aut of everything!