How much control does your KH actually have?

Guys - if you want to experience the passion of a truly liberated woman you have to (really) relinquish control...... really (sorry but - duh!)

 

To my Wife/Mistress and I, the cage and lock are mainly symbolic of the Domme/sub relationship that we have. You cannot padlock a person's mind! That has to be a dominance on her part and a submission to that dominance on my part for our relationship to work. For example, I am her sissy at all times 24/7 & 365, but each morning, She clicks the lock shut on my cage and gives me a tug to symbolize and to reinforce her control of me - eve while She is at work. If I have my daily chore list completed by the time She gets home,I then get released from my cage and am required to tie my balls in a pink ribbon to symbolize my status during the evening.

That cage was only recently introduced into our D/s relationship as a tool to help me break my wanking habit while She is at work. I was not doing well in that regard until the cage came along. But, Her dominance over me exists all of the time, cage or no cage!

 

My Wife has ultimate control partly because she wants it, partly because I gave it to her, partly because that gift then tipped over into her taking it for herself and partly because I want her to have control. Just recently it has really swung fully over to her making her wishes needs and desires my complete focus.

 

Well @pokekey at the end of the day its different strokes for different folks. As it happens, for my bf and myself locking up his dick isn't solely about orgasm denial its part of a larger picture: our own interpretation of a strict female led relationship and his submission to female superiority. He wasn't forced into this, he enthusiastically agreed. But the agreement having now be enshrined is final, he is free to give his opinion about his length in chastity and as a compassionate person I will of course take that into account but the ultimate decision is mine alone. Sorry if that scares you.

 

Admittedly a little scary to lose control like that, but understandably necessary to enforcing your contract.

 

I don't think you would safeword out just for sexual stimulation like that.
Rather, either she might sense things didn't seem like they were working for a number of days/ weeks and she'd lose some confidence, or you'd ask to talk and share that things didn't seem like they were working for you "the last couple weeks" or something.

So,
>You will both have to keep communicating & learning as you go.
> you can really only do WHT works for both of you (more than a couple weeks)
> there may be some hard hours, days or weeks where you think you are not happy, but you may have to suffer through a little.
> She won't always do everything to your hearts content & live up to your fantasy D/S ideal behavior.

 

Finding what works for you as a couple takes some time. I think you've received some great advice here from people who have experience. Chastity is a new part of our life - but we have been leading a kinky sex life since the beginning of our relationship. Being open and honest and allowing for growth in unexpected directions will get you both where you need to be. I wish you the very best.

 

It would be a very boring world if we were all the same........ now wouldn't it. Variety is the spice of life.

 

My Wife is becoming more assertive towards me but she is not dominant. It is a fine line between the two but I think I sort of understand what I mean. It's a very new development in our chastity relationship so I am still learning what I understand by the situation. My Wife spcertainly prefers to be seen as assertive rather than dominant. I think she could role play being dominant if she wanted to as she definitely gets turned on by being in control when she is sexually stimulating me.

We are most certainly in an FLR though. We just didn't know we were until I read a book describing what one was and it turned out we had been doing it for our entire 28 year relationship.

 

Within the framework that the whole chastity lifestyle is consensual, she has total control. A couple of months ago she decided I would get between 0 and 6 orgasms in the next year. (No ruined either). I had the feeling that it would be zero because she'd asked me if I could handle zero and I said yes, I thought I could. Then yesterday she announced after pussy worship that the cage could come off and she'd give me a handjob (penetration or her giving me oral not on the cards ever). So I was taken by complete surprise. And she added that next time -- whenever that was -- the cage would probably stay on.

 

We do and can change our minds, occasionally.

 

My KH wife controls me in totality.
Once a dominant & carefree husband, I have gradually transformed into submissive, caring husband
On the other side, once a shy, passive, indifferent & submissive wife is now a confident, extremely dominating yet caring woman
I just love how her personality has evolved for the benefit of our married life
So forget regret, in fact I enjoy her controlling me in totality
Apart from locking my cage permanently, she now frequently handcuffs me, locks me with steel chains;
Which only indicate her love and possessiveness about me!
Chastity has indeed made our lives enjoyable!

 

At first I would 'top from the bottom' to get back in the cage. Now my wife/key holder puts me back in all on her own. So either she is getting better at 'the game' or she prefers me to be more submissive and obedient to her, which is what I am with the cage on. For us it is a yummy evolution that it still evolving and I am loving it - loving seeing her bask in a role she is enjoying.

 

My g/f doesn't like to make decisions on her own and she's naturally submissive, but she loves to keep me in chastity for as long as she wants. Typically she has trouble asking people for things, but she uses my chastity as tool to get things that she needs or wants from me done, so that levels the playing field for her in our relationship. Given her personality, we will probably never be in a total FLR, but that's ok because what we have now is pretty good.

 

we are equals when it is unlocked but she has all the control when it is caged

 

Because I love and trust my mistress I had no problem giving up any sexual control or male dominance. I trust her completely and to hear me out if I ever needed my device to come off. Right now I am unlocked for medical reasons that I'm hoping will subside in the next 6 months. Then in 6 months we'll see if things are okay and probably get a PA or order a full belt. There is something so thrilling to me about not having any control and not knowing when I'm allowed out.

Thus far chastity has only made our lives better and we both know that. Never at any point have I really hoped for things to go back to how they were before we started this journey. I truly believe I'm better off with her in complete control of our sex lives. I just wish I could be in an unbeatable device right now so we could live that out. The honor system isn't nearly as fun (man is weak) but because mistress needs other ways to help keep me submissive we're exploring other avenues that will truly instill her dominance in me.

 

As a long time (45 years) BDSM sub, I know that the sub has all the power. No one can legally dominate anyone without being given permission to do so by the sub. Limits are negotiated and a safe word given. The sub can stop at any time by uttering the safe word. I have always felt that the sub is the one with the power. I get women to do things to me that I want them to do. Their only power is how they do it. No one ever forced me to do anything that I did not want to do. My wife and I negotiated maximum denial period and how she did it and what she did was up to her. Ultimately I could stop it at any time though. I guess I view it as me submitting rather than me being dominated.

 

I trustvher totally with my welfare. I submit toher totally

 

I live on a different planet to you I have no say on what my wife does or on how long I will be locked for

 

I feel that a woman either has control, or she doesn't. If your parameters allow the man to "opt 'out" or have the ultimate say, it's ok. But it is not true female-led chastity. (Not that Chastity of necessity HAS to be female-led, he can have a small say or big say). Whatever, if it works for you, it works. At first I only "postponed" sex until the next morning or maybe next night. Then the periods became longer and longer and saying "NO!" became easier and easier until a couple of years ago at the suggestion of Jim and Sarah, two my mentors (shout out to them!), I asked if my husband if he would prove his love and submission to me by consenting to go one full year without being allowed inside me. Jim and Sarah's infamous "Year Without Sex". He did and I refused to give in even when he begged with tears in his eyes, because he would have been disappointed in himself and me if I had folded out of pity or weakness. We do a typical total FLR in regard to sex: I am in total control of our sex life and his genitals and his semen. He does not masturbate or get penetrative sex, or cum, nor is my husband ever allowed to touch my feminine parts unless I want him to. Just like being on a first date is the way it is. He can beg...big deal! It is MY body and nothing happens until I allow it. If he "cheats" or does something sexual that requires my permission but does not get my my permission, I punish him very severely. I can date and have sex with whom I please. I love it like this! He thrives under my domination and control. Win, win! Works for us...may or may not work for you.

 

When we first started, it was a trial. We had no set timetable but if we didn't like it it was understood that we would move away from it.

We both went through some struggles with it. Especially the aspect of chastity when things get a little rough. Do I ask for the keys until we are done fighting, is it fair for her to keep me locked when I was right... etc.

Now that the numbs are out of our path, we have settled into what we want. It evolves but at the core of it is she wants my penis locked up and her holding the keys. She would not go back to a normal routine now. She has fully embraced the power exchange and my response to it.

There are certain things I won't give her control of and won't ever. Money, freedom. I won't be told I can't do something. She can ask me not to, and she can be pissed about me disregarding her wishes, but I won't budge on these issues.

 

We're a lot like this, but me being in charge starts when I announce he's under discipline or going in chastity. Sometimes, he finds out why he's going to get spanked or put in chastity immediately, like when we're both home, I'm looking on his computer and see he's been looking at pornography. As soon as I call him to the computer to explain himself, he's under discipline & I'm in charge. Sometimes, when I'm working different hours at the hotel, he'll be asleep when I discover some pornography viewing or another violation. In that case, I leave a pair of his panties, the CB-6000 or a discipline implement where he can find it and a note with instructions like "be in the corner dressed in your discipline dress & underwear and 6" heels 20 minutes before I get home". He has surveillance cameras all over his house, so I can tell how long he's been in the corner. If he falls short of the requirement, I administer additional discipline.

when he's locked or under discipline, he has to address me or refer to me as Ma'am or Miss Cecilia, but I'll make allowances when we're out.