About guys asking to be locked

I can well relate to this one.I to periodically get requests (especially on FL but here too sometimes) from males asking me to be their KH. I had one only yesterday. Even if I were available for this, it's definitely the wrong way to start. I usually point them to the Seeking/Soliciting sub-forum here. And tell them to be patient - it's like gettng the right person for the right relationship, not that different from finding the right person vanilla.

 

It varies IMO. Some are just timewasters anyway. Others genuinely have no idea, and are clueless. And too many are so obsessed with their own wants (especially thoose trying to top from the bottom) that they don't know how to consider the other person at all.

 

Hmmmmm it has often been said the those of the male species think with the wrong head.

 

That is why they get into such a tizwuz when they can't play with their little friend 5 times a day . !!

Personally that is why I never use chat because I am not going to tell you what kind of knickers I am wearing. Go ask your mum you know her better !! Ffs

Then as you say the topping from the bottom and due to different time zones of course I want to be up at 2am on Thursday to chat ! No its not convenient !
Of course I am very interested in your boy bits that look as if they have not see a bar of soap in a month as one guy posted on his account for my delectation.
As for could I send you my bank account details so you can send me money yep up for that as well .
It's definitely why I was happy to forget my FL password lol there were definitely some very crazy people on there.

Xx Wendy

 

What men don't understand is how much work it is to be a "good" key holder. It takes an enormous amount of mental energy, believe it or not! For me, non of it would be fun if I wasn't already in an amazing relationship with my husband. Kind of like eating just one ingredient of a birthday cake (aside from sugar)--Yuck! But all the ingredients together... YUMMY!

 

It is just my guess...are they believing that they are speaking with a pro?

Imo they think pro domme means hooker, to be told what they want to be done "to" them, when, and how often. Not exactly appropriate to speak with someone you want to be your owner in such a manner, but I think they are ordering room service.

I'll have one domme, Chastity fetish, a lot of teasing, with a side of humiliation...oh and I would like that on Sundays and Wednesdays.

 

Like camping, my ex thought everything just showed up. Packed coolers, food bought and planned, rent or camper set up, bedding packed and made up, chairs, firewood, kitchen utensils, ice, garbage can, clothes, toiletries, cleaning supplies, and entertainment for child.

She just showed up after and said camping is so fun, we should do this more. Lol

 

LadyFedora,

This is a great post and one I can definitely identify with (from a submissive male perspective). I guess quite a lot of men live out a fantasy of chastity first and then they believe they've found someone who can share that fantasy with them, and actively wants to lock them as though it is somehow giving great enjoyment and satisfaction to the Mistress / Master.

Fundamentally, the dynamic is little different to a job application / interview, and perhaps if more subs understood that from the outset, there would be less of a problem.

I think there are two potential solutions to how you might 'train' subs to approach potential keyholders better. First is actually sharing some of the absurb messages received from prospective subs is quite revealing. I know one Mistress that has done this and it really brings into perspective the sorts of rude, ill thought out and offensive approaches some men think are acceptable - they are definitely thinking with their cocks. A lot of men have an ego that likes to think they are unique and special, so seeing that actually they are no different to lots of other men will probably 'deflate' things a bit.

The other part of the solution is to have some sort of bar or screening tool. A simple bar is just to have a description that sets out your rules and if anyone messages without having had the curteousy to check those rules, then they can't expect a reply. However, that's hardly a radical or new suggestion, so to raise the bar a bit might mean putting some conditions around acting as a keyholder, whether the sub needs to satisfy some tests first. Finally, and my preferred route, would be some simple form of questionnaire. It should be possible to design the questionnaire so it is complex for the sub to fill in (a test in itself)but not for the Mistress / Master to review, and it gives a much better indication early on of likely compatibility.

I would be happy to have a go at such a questionnaire from a sub's perspective, but would welcome the insights of a Mistress / Master as the questionnaire really needs to work more for them.

 

hopefully the men read this cuz im really sick of it

 

I tried at first to get my wife to be a Keyholder by telling her how great it would be for her. It didn't work.

Chastity didn't win her over until I not only gave her ALL the keys but all of me as well. I changed my approach from being selfish to committing to making every aspect of her life better.

Becoming the housewife and relieving her of those burdens was what sold her on the concept of chastity.

I could give her all the massages and orgasms in the world and that wouldn't even compare to the happiness she has knowing that she'll never have to clean a toilet or fold laundry ever again.

 

Possible some do. But in that case they can seek out a pro else anyway.

 

@CSG in a Pink 18CP im glad it worked out for you smart man smile

 

Personally I believe that the internet grants people such anonymity that people just blurt things out without really thinking about it. We are loosing the ability to talk with people face to face and engage in the ritual of small talk and getting to know one another . . . gauging compatibility. It doesn't help that men have spent a large amount of time absorbing information and crafting the perfect woman / scenario / dialog; believing everything they read and concluding that potential key holders are willing to jump right in and begin abusing them. Hell, why wouldn't they? All the internet feeds us tells us so and you can't put anything on the net that isn't true, right?

All relationships have basic stages:
Initial Meeting and or Attraction - The opportunity to see if there is mutual interest or attraction to go to the next level
Curiosity, Interest, Infatuation - Courtship, putting your best foot forward, refining the common interests, "Is this the right person for me?" or "What cn I do to make this person like me?"
Enlightenment - Beginning to place and accept the trust of the other person, flaws and irritations begin, differences are notes, problem solving begins.
Commitment: Open and honest conversations should be happening.

Unfortunately we rush through or try to skip stages totally which will almost always derail progress.

Slow down, take your time, be respectful, and get to know the person of your interest.

 

Hold on a second...

Are you telling me that there are things on this internet that aren't true? Does that mean that Elvis isn't alive? My whole world just came crashing down. Thanks for ruining it for me.

 

well i think that anbody that chats to a Lady shud be polite and good.

 

Sorry, I hate to be the one to break it to you. Elvis went face down in a peanutbutter and banana sandwich.

 

For many years, to act out my feminine feelings and fantasies, I went to pro dommes and found those sessions to be fun, educational and enjoyable. That was before my wife, now Mistress, knew of my leanings. Once She found out and had the idea of feminizing me and enjoying my servitude, things changed quite dramatically. Now, more than 5 years later, I am living out what were originally fantasies in our real life, everyday, journey. Sure, we have disagreements and disappointments , but She is always in control and we are both much happier because of it.

 

We are Mistress! I know not to ask and I struggle to explain my desires with my wife. I really just want to make her happy. I would like to enrich our relationship in many ways and this is one of them. I read the comments from Mistresses as much as possible to gain a better understanding.

 

Not having open and honest communication in a relationship will lead to you, or she, feeling unfulfilled. Thats not to say that the conversation can't be limited to a place and or time but, keeping it to yourself is no good.