Why be a submissive male? Well, for me anyway...

You really thought about all of this, didn't you!!!


Some of the thoughts I had reading this. Bear in mind I haven't been doing this very long and I am in no way an expert.

Normal is overrated.

Society only works because we all agree that it is better if it does. Teachers can only teach because a group of children agree to let them teach. Doctors can only heal because we agree to trust them and because they are part of a huge network that works as a society within society. Being independent of society but giving back more than you take out of society strengthens the society.

Being a submissive male can be easy, it depends on who you are being submissive to. Being submissive doesn't mean letting the dominant partner do everything. You have to work at making their role easy.

 

Do you really?
Now that would be quite something...

 

My Wife has had two significant periods where she questioned what we were doing and nearly stopped, despite all the obvious benefits. The first she got over with time, the second only because of the way I dealt with the situation.

The first was because she couldn't get over the belief that denying me an orgasm was cruel. She also thought that my orgasm confirmed her own sexuality, that it showed she was a worthwhile lover. This was 'fixed' simply by the evidence of my reaction to her attention over a period of a few months. She realised that I was very happy with all the teasing and denial she was exerting over me. She really struggled with this but didn't communicate her issues to me as she didn't want me to worry. I think the fact she has got over this is why early on my average period between orgasms was four to five weeks. Now she is pushing me further as I am currently in my second period longer than two months. It would appear guilt is longer an issue.

The second event that nearly stopped all this was when she disciplined me recently. She said the look on my face, how distressed I was and how obvious it was that my reaction was genuine, nearly broke her resolve. Luckily by this time the way we communicate all our thoughts and issues is much more developed. I assured her that nothing she had done was out of order or unjustified. The reason I was so upset is because all of this has become much more real to both of us and her opinion of me means so much. Before chastity I would have argued even if I knew I was in the wrong. That no longer happens.

The payback for both of us is worth all of the problems. We are closer than we have ever been to the point where friends and family are remarking on well we are getting on and how good we are for each other. But the problems show how much of this relies on both people. I couldn't just sit back and say you are the Domme, get on with it, my job is to just do anything you tell me.

 

Those two struggles you mentioned above are very common and sometimes difficult for a prospective keyholder to overcome.
Another hurdle for some can be feelings of insecurity brought about by him only being kind, amorous, aroused and considerate because he has a metal thing clamped to his sex organs. " If he actually loved or cared for me he wouldn't need this thing on him"

 

I will ask my Wife about her thoughts on this tomorrow when I can use my Saturday privileges to discuss chastity. It's certainly an interesting perspective.

All I can say, from my perspective, is that my love for my Wife was very evident before we clamped a metal thing to my genitals. My love was not solely based on my access to her for sex, for significant periods of our relationship we have had a long distance relationship where we would spend years where we only saw each other for a few weeks at a time. It was only last year where we finally managed to get to the point financially where I could give up my job and move to live with her. Anyway, what I am saying is I had proved my love for her long before we started using chastity in our relationship. It has definitely honed what we had and brought us closer together, but it didn't define it.

Having had a period recently on holiday where I was unlocked my Wife realised that the device was actually needed. It has a subtle but significant effect on me, my behaviors and attitude. There was nothing malicious about my behavior, but she noticed that I was less compliant, more argumentative, more cheeky. More like the me before I suggested using a chastity device to fix another issue with our relationship.

My Wife never had a problem with me masturbating. She understands that it is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. She used to help me occasionally when she knew I was feeling horny but she wasn't interested. What neither of us realised was how this reduced my reaction to her during sex, or the impact of me using other women as my sexual stimulus had on her feelings about herself. For years I had been telling her she was sexy but there I was, using other women to arouse me. What she didn't know was I sought women who had the same body type as her and I was fantasizing about her being in those situations, but that was irrelevant. Since shutting off my access to masturbation she finally believes me that she is indeed sexy. For a year now she has seen me respond to her attentions very enthusiastically, and this has increased her self confidence incredibly.

I can imagine other women having the feelings that you described but I hope my Wife doesn't have them. It will be interesting to hear her thoughts on this.

 

What do you think Elle? @Our Arrangement

 

Accepting chastity is, for me at least, an expression of my desire to submit completely to Her. It is not in itself a goal for me, I have no interest in chastity for the experience alone - it is just one element out of many that form part of a successful relationship.

It is a means for Her to exert continual, long term control. To express Her will, enforce Her rules and modify my attitude & behaviour in a very effective & practical way. It is something that is always with me, a continual, inescapable reminder that I need to think about my actions & what they mean to more than just myself.

I have experienced times when I really, genuinely hated being in chastity. Times when I questioned why I was doing this, what the point was....those are the times when being in chastity was doing it's job. It made me think about things, ask questions of myself I did not want to ask and face the answers. It was, I now realise, making me a better man. A more caring man. A more honest man.

Enforced chastity finally taught me that submission is not about whips, chains, spankings, protocol and the rest. It is a state of mind, an inner peace, a way of life. It helped shape who & what I have become...

A strong, proud, honest submissive man, happy in myself and what I am. And I'm still learning....

 

I've been wanting to post something for a while and didn't know where would be the best place... but here I go:

As you see above, the wining answer by a long-shot is "Strictly because it turns me on". I believe this is the primary reason any of you men (boys, sissies, subs, etc) are into chastity play. So just say it to your GF or wife or S/O. Don't be like... "I love you so much I want to do this for YOU", or "I'm willing to sacrifice my sexual gratification for yours sweetie because your needs are greater than mine" or "You won't have to do a thing if you lock me up because you'll be in full control of me and I will just have to be your slave...". I'm not fooled by these comments for a minute (maybe I was a little in the beginning, but not now) and I don't think most women are either--they know you and they know better.

As I look at this site and see pictures and read posts, it is clear that MOST of you men are on here for your own satisfaction. Let me also say that I don't think there is anything wrong with that either. I come on here to get ideas and educate myself about what might turn my husband on, or get ideas how to tease and torment him. I get my "rocks" off by doing this to him and for him. I also get enjoyment from seeing other get enjoyment from my stories. I'm also entertained by the irony I see on here. I hear how MUCH you men want to please your KHs but you are posting picture after picture of yourselves locked up in your cock cages. It's like some weird competition of whose locked-cock picture is the best. I would love to see more women involved in this site and I think the only way that will happen is if you men REALLY SHARE what you're doing on here with them and truly get them involved in your fantasies, desires, and interests in chastity play.

For those of you that don't have a S/O, I say get one! It may not be easy but there are plenty of women out there that would love a man in their life. One that is open and honest with them no matter what your kink my be. Just be determined to find that one.

What your GFs or Wifes want to hear is the truth... Tell them, "Damn, Honey! I get totally turned on when you take control of my orgasms", or "the thought of being locked in a chastity device by you is completely erotic to me!" or "I want to be dominated by you". It takes a lot of work to be a "good" key holder. A KH must tease, provide sexual attention, be creative, pay attention to the needs of her sub, etc. To do it full time would be completely exhausting!!! Let your S/O know that you understand these things and that you're asking a lot of her. It's a lie to say "you won't have to do a thing as a key holder, just sit back and I will provide all your sexual enjoyment". Don't make her feel like she can't do more than she is doing to satisfy you sexually. BELIEVE in her and let her know it. If you are in a good relationship, she wants to please you for the sake of being appreciated. Just tell her what you REALLY feel. Tell her you get turned on by being told to dress up as a little slut or having to do humiliating things. Explain to her you know it's a lot of work and something she may not feel 100% comfortable with but that it means a lot to you. She will appreciate your honesty way more than some story how it will be so rewarding for her alone and you'll just be suffering for her benefit. It's insulting to us women when you think we are so dumb that we can't see through your real tactics. Sure, you may enjoy pleasing us, or doing nice things for us, but is it only in hopes that you will get what you want in return?

When communication is completely open and honest, both parties involved are FAR more likely to get what they really want than when there is fear of being honest.

Just put it out there. The truth will set you fee!

 

Bnd2plz, great post!

I agree with every one of your points. My wife does get alot out of it, housework, massages, unselfish in the bedroom. I also do most of the housework etc

But she also does things I know dont benefit her. Like she will come in from work, slip her shoes off and tell me to lick her feet, I know she does this to satisfy my fetish but like to fantasize she does it for her pleasure, i think the biggest pleasure she gets from this is seeing me weeping and teased. She likes to see im turned on by her.

I also do pedicures for my wife and her sister. They both know i have a foot fetish. Her sister let me do a massage and pedicure as a reward for doing well on my housework at her house, a few days later I saw her feet and it wasnt the pedicure I did, she said it wasnt quite right and re polished her nails. I felt happy that i had been allowed my fantasy of doing her pedicure but realised she could do it better herself! Lol

Its give and take. I do everything im ordered to do, but sometimes those things are to make me happy by the women I love.

Thanks for the post, really got me thinking.

 

@bnd2plz Best post ever!

I'm not one of those who have ever said anything like 'you won't have to do anything' to my Wife, or 'lock up my pathetic clitty' or any other such nonsense. It's hardly a coincidence that we read so often where a guy has tried to get his SO into chastity using phrases like that and has been shot down in flames. You do have to wonder how many of those women might have said yes or at least given it a go if they used your tactics and just said darling, I don't know why, but it would totally turn me on if we got one of these chastity devices and you control when I can have sex! Let's give it a go and if you hate it we can stop.

There is absolutely no doubt that I am getting a lot out of this arrangement I have with my Wife. I get far more attention from her, the tease and denial blows my mind and when I do have an orgasm they are far more significant than they had been for a long time. But the single best thing I get out of this is to see my Wife having more fun than she has done in a long time, and to see her sexual confidence grow. Somehow, neither of us really understand how or why, our use of chastity has seen her actually start to believe she really is sexy. I have written before about this chastity induced sexy loop where she feels more sexy, acts more sexy, sees I get more turned on, feels more sexy, acts more sexy, and so on.

Before chastity I never got stimulated in the shower to the point where I collapse in a heap, then get to lie on the floor, looking up to see my gorgeous Wife standing above me, a smile on her face, the water cascading off of her breasts, to slide my way up her legs until I can sit or kneel in front of her, licking her pussy while she holds my head.

It's brilliant!

Excuse me, I have to go and calm down. As you can probably guess writing that has totally turned me on!

Before chastity I never had that sort of experience. I get that sort of experience now almost every week and most weeks a few times.

It's not just brilliant. It's the only way I want to live.

 

Exactly!!! Good for you and your wife. It seems like a magical thing when 2 people actually arrive at the same place of thought. Honest communication from the heart is the only way to get there... Not a bunch of hogwash stories about how "this will be amazing for you, and that's the only reason I'm doing it".. type of crap. I hope I can encourage at least 1 man on here if not more to just be open with their S/O and tell them exactly what they want. I know that we can be intimidating at times but most us girls just want to feel needed, adored and desired. Make us feel like that and we will do anything for you.

 

bnd2plz I agree with the others this is the best and maybe the most relevant post on any chastity forum. You are absolutely right about every point you make.

Also so very true that being a keyholder yet alone a great key holder takes so much effort. I am so lucky with the way she strikes the right balance between teasing, affection and discipline and finds the time to think of so many naught games to play.

 

Oh.... and you all should be submissive males because us fine ladies need someone to carry our bags when we go shopping.

 

Lol ha