Lauren's Journal

One step forward, two back...

Last night I was beckoned by my wife because "she couldn't fall asleep". I happened to be wearing panties so I decided I should continue to wear them for our lovemaking session. (I was a little hesitant about it, but didn't heed my own internal feelings).

I misjudged and was feeling a bit selfish in wearing them I suppose. I think she wanted her man without any "gurly baggage". So I kind of screwed that up, but it's not the end of the world I suppose. We did make love; it was all good and I wore them for the session. She touched them, slid her hand under them and touched my butt - it felt nice.

As I was approaching my peak I really needed her to wrap her hands around me, touch me - it's something she isn't particularly good at. I'm not complaining really, but she tends to let me do all the work and doesn't give a lot back... I asked her to hold me and it felt so good. I wish I didn't have to ask - that she could read my mind somehow. I'm not usually one to ask or make demands or anything, but it felt so good for me that she was holding me tightly - even if I did have to ask for it that it was worth it. I guess I'm slowly learning to assert my needs more. I'm not being pushy, but gosh I just want a little touching back. This isn't really anything to do with femming, chastity or anything at all - I guess it's more about communicating in this relationship... I'm ramlbing so I'll get to the lesson learned.

I guess in the end I learned a few things:

• don't wear panties if I feel at all hesitant - Is this my inner gurl's sixth sense talking to me?
• it's okay to ask for things I want/need from her
• habits are hard to break

​

That's all for now. Sort of tame & boring I know, but that's how it went. I think I'll shelve the panty thing for awhile when I'm with her.

 

I think you are correct in 'sussing up the situation and my description of it. That night boiled down to her needing/wanting sex and I FEEL that I wasn't really there for her, thus it felt very strange to me. I mean I satisfied her as usual, but my heart and head were in a different place - and that was caused by my selfishly wearing my panties.

I'm not real sure she was even aware of my feelings, but this is how I felt at the time.

That's really what I was trying to state Dollyanne - it was me that felt odd and I feel like the panties didn't titillate; instead it made me feel weird and kind of freaky and perverted - not a good feeling at all. Instead of feeling a little humiliated, I felt more embarrassed/guilty. *Ugh*

The next night we "got it on" again and it was just fine. (Of course I was nude this time). I think both days were all about a basic physical need. She couldn't sleep and this was the fix. I'm glad to oblige or course - who wouldn't?

Okay - I'm going to ramble on a bit now...
Though I will say that it's rare that she initiates sex. And when she does it is because she can't sleep. I'd love it if she ravished me in the middle of the day or did something spontaneous. It seems like I (the guy) have to do more of the work in this relationship in the sex department. She brings so much to the relationship in other ways so I'm not completely unhappy, but I am complaining a bit here. This is my way of venting...

There have been times that I've initiated midday romps and offered other sexual advances spontaneously. I think she has felt more like it's an interruption that ought to have been avoided. I guess that's the trade-off of having mated with an engineer-type minded soul. But you know I guess I'm the romantic and she's all business. Whatever - it's what we are so I can live with that.

 

...maybe I don't complain enough?

But I think marriage is whole lot of compromising and meeting half way... That may translate into that I don't get all my needs met all the time, and neither would she I suppose. Deep down we are getting older, less sexy, more crotchety, less this less that, etcetera. It isn't always pretty, but we have each other and while that may be dull at times I know I have someone to grow old with.

Yuck, that sounds dismal and depressing. Sorry, it must be Monday morning blues creeping in.

Okay so we have high points too! I've mentioned a number of them too. So yeah, whee, yippie, yea, hooray!

 

:manga_drunk: Awww shucks! :anim_32:
:loveCM:

 

Business Time...

This video sums up our hum-drum life pretty well I guess. Have a laugh on me (especially if you like Flight of the Conchords).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU

:manga_drunk:

 

Hey cuties one and all,

Dolly asks about my own attempt to find a little black dress so I think an update is necessary...

Perhaps things will change eventually, but right now I feel a little awkward wearing much of anything gurly or chastity-like so I've consigned myself to the just coveting my own secret desires AND of course reading everyone else's adventures here.

I think there are a lot of cycles in my life. One is my waxing and waning desire to be all chaste and feminine. Right now I'm kind of in a low spot, but I'm not about to do a purge cycle or anything... I may make a separate post about all the "cycles" (sexual, happiness, alertness, inventiveness, etc.) that I've recognized in my life. It's kind of an interesting thought that has taken me many years to recognize.

Right now Lauren is discreetly wearing perfume and has sprayed her boy-panty drawer with a little of her favorite. Now every time when she gets dressed she gets a lovely whisper of her lovely scent. When she pulls down her pants to go potty or jumps into bed nude there's still a faint suggestion of sweet smelling gurly perfume wafting into her nostrils.

Oh femme heaven is so sweet and lovely, even when it seems so far away from me right now. :butterfly:

 

Thank you Maid Rose,
Your advice and understanding means a lot right now. We'll get through this once my "decadent cycle" gets back up to a peak. I'm just in a low place right now.

And Dolly dear,
Yes - perfume wearing for me makes me so horny. I wish my wife wore it as it would force such crazy devotion onto me - if only she knew... Unfortunately, she's just not into much of that girly stuff. I wear the skirts in this familiy - and love it!

Well, I've got muffins in the oven - gotta go sweeties! :butterfly:

 

Day 5

Well with Dollyanne taking a chastity hiatus I'm stepping in to fill the gap. With this being day 5 of my other half's period I decided to lock up and be chaste for the duration. It's been a fun 5 days so far.

The first two days are really uncomfortable and I forgot just how achy my whole body feels when I first wear my CB3k. It seems strange that locking up my penis would have this effect all over my body making my joints ache, my back hurt and my eyes feel like their bulging out of their sockets. It's nothing that ibuprofen won't cure, but the ache is still there in the background.

What I've noticed as each day wears on is how much I begin to settle into the feeling and comfort of being locked up. Yes, I hate wearing pants with chastity, but deep inside I get a warm sissy feeling from being all locked up and not able to touch my manhood.

Of course there's some new fiction at the Mansion that's making things uncomfortable for me, but that's part of the fun, isn't it gurls? I love tease and denial. I'm quite good at teasing the heck out of myself both mentally and physically. With being all locked up there's other parts of my body that seem to enjoy being touched and I find great amusement in caressing and lightly touching myself in such delicious sissy ways. So there's the fiction for me head (thanks Phillipa) and the sensual touching for my bod. A nice way to pass time!

I'm not delirious yet, but since I can't play dress up right now I'm distracted by being male on the outside and it's probably slowing my descent into where I know my mind will lead me...

Dolly: get better soon. I can't last like this for too much longer!

 

Day 5 update

If drip, drip, dripping in her panties all day is an indicator *blush* then this sissy is nearing the point of no return. With no relief in sight Lauren is wishing one of two things:

• Her period will end and we can engage in normal sex.
• Lauren can play dress up and enjoy her feminine side more completely.

Right now, I'm not quite sure which one I want more - another sign of the delirium coming on I fear.

 

So many things to learn

Oh Heavens to Betsy! ...as my mother would say... I decided to try tightening things up a bit yesterday afternoon and went the smaller A ring - not the smallest one, but one size larger. I noticed that if I was flaccid I could just barely squeeze into it with a little work and it made me all snug and quite nice feeling - even in an unexcited state.

Lauren was thinking that if she could wear her chastity in this mode there would be no way to get aroused and she would have to resolve herself to a complete sissy-state. No sexy thoughts would be permitted at all or there would be pain. It was another way to keep her chaste without invoking the points of intrigue and since she had not tried to wear her chastity in this tight of a configuration she thought in all her gurlish haste that it would be fun to give it a go - maybe there would be no way to get hard or erect with the thing on this tight... A chastity device that completely prevented erection - even the slightest tinge of erection would be blocked, true? Is there such a thing that exists? Do the belts work in this way?

Well gurls - Lauren was wrong about her CB3k. She woke up around midnight with a raging clittie, just like most nights! This gurl waited for things to die down, thinking all kinds of thoughts about nuns, cold showers, Secretaries of States, her favorite austin powers mantras, anything. Needless to say - nothing was going to change. It's possible the blood in her clittie was trapped and she didn't want to risk damage or anything unspeakable like that! She also didn't want to get out of bed and disturb her partner by "walking it of" so after all else had failed, Lauren unlocked the raging beast.

Two amazing things happened at that point. The first was that Lauren's little clittie was now unfurled and just kept getting harder and stayed hard for who knows how long. The feeling of warm blood coursing through her clittie was so wonderful. And the thing just kept getting harder and harder, no touching, but her poor clittie was throbbing on its own and air-fucking is it were! The second thing was that in spite of all this open access to her clittie, Lauren "held firm" and didn't give in her to her boy needs!

There's the hope that she can one day achieve "O" through just touching her sensitive nipples as Dollyanne can. What an amazing female-like "O" that must be! Lauren's other body parts are growing more sensitive and ultra-errogenous with each day. Her hips, her ribs, her aching pert gurlish breasts, her lithe smooth legs grow more sensitive each day.

So now as Lauren types this up post she's locked back up in her larger size ring and happy; slightly erect, but enjoying another day of chastity! A new lesson learned...

But the question remains - is there something that exists that prevents an erection? My thinking is no, because that starts deep in the brain. So wearing a device only prevents one from touching. I recall a recent post from a Mistress wanting to render her sissy "erectionless". Apart from training the mind through conditioning, hypnosis and other mind-tweaking approaches I just don't see how any chastity device can stop an erection before it even starts. But the concept of being made completely "erectionless" is quite compelling in my current state... Unfortunately, thinking about that is making we quite hard and my clittie is straining through its cage now - better stop and walk it off.