Not an issue for me at the moment not currently having a partner but I am interested in the thinking and or the mind set of those that have gone down this route. I'd like to think that perhaps some of the denied and some of the KH that have taken this journey might contribute also; whether or not they have stuck it out. Still don't know how I feel about permanent denial even though when I have discussed it with a partner in reference to myself or she has mentioned in some context or other I kave always found it turned me on. Does my getting a rush out talking about me being permanently denied mean that I do or I don't want it. I'm realistic enough to know that not everyone wants to actually fulfill their every fantasy. Take some of the more extreme cases where some people claim to want a body part or parts amputating, for the vast majority of them its pure fantasy and in that sense is more widely acceptable than foing through with it. Of course entering into permanent denial without a partner is an option and of course is reversable. If you have a partner (very ovviously it would need to be the right one) and sfter not a little discussion you jointly decide to take the permanent denial route, once undertaken I would feel under pressure in a sense to live up to something my partner had consented to help me achieve. Would my partner feel under some sort of obligation to contine to deny me even she was having doubts about wanting to? Having said you are going permanent would the both of you feel that you had to give it a good try before you mutually decided to discontinue. Would your having told others influence your motivation at all, some people found it easier to stop smoking (or drinking) if even people knew, some feared failiure because they might feel they were under pressure. Do people either singly or as couples get a kick out of going permanent, does that kick persist? Does your sex life just peter out completely or nearly so? Does it improve your sex life ... and is that for both of you?
Going permanent was a big fantasy of mine and at one point I asked to be kept in my device for 6 months with no release what so ever so that we both could see how I would act, we would act as a couple and how she would feel about it. After the 6 months we sat down and discussed how things went. We found that after about the 90 day period, the device just was forgotten about. I could continue my regular day and it didn't bother me at all, I could look at porn, and so forth with no results really. It became part of me. Also, that "edge" that I got- not knowing when I would get a release- went away. Or relationship sort of slipped backwards a bit for us. Mainly because the excitement and edge I would have was gone and because of that my attention to her also slipped. She didn't get anymore excited about getting to orgasm without me because we both knew there was no plans for me to get the release. So for us it just didn't workout and we decided that permanent wasn't -at this time- the way we wanted to go. I think later in life it may work out or may not for us, time will tell and we will see if permanent is tried again.
I think a better description is long-term denial as accidents happen although "permanent" can be the aim. To try to answer your questions: Q:Would my partner feel under some sort of obligation to continue to deny me even she was having doubts about wanting to? The thing has just evolved for us over the years, we've not really ever set specific targets, so both of us have become comfortable with the situation. I can envisage situations where the man pushes ahead too quickly and the partner feels uncomfortable but tries to be kind under obligation, not good. A LOT of patience -- over years in our case -- was required to build the dynamic from both of us. Q: Having said you are going permanent would the both of you feel that you had to give it a good try before you mutually decided to discontinue. Would your having told others influence your motivation at all, some people found it easier to stop smoking (or drinking) if even people knew, some feared failiure because they might feel they were under pressure. Pressure and obligation not good. A slow evolution much better for us at least. We haven't told anyone else, I probably never would, maybe my wife will tell her sisters. But as you say, it would then induce a pressure to continue, which seems a bad idea. Q: Do people either singly or as couples get a kick out of going permanent, does that kick persist? Does your sex life just peter out completely or nearly so? Does it improve your sex life ... and is that for both of you? We're both enjoying this so yes to the kick. Will it persist? Life is unpredictable so the best idea is to enjoy it while it lasts. Our sex life has changed radically, and we are both enjoying the new dynamic. My wife is loving all the oral attention, having great and different orgasms. I have a more intense feeling when *she* orgasms now than I did when I used to regularly orgasm myself. With the penis locked away it's great to learn about the responsiveness of the rest of your body: her gently scratching my inner buttocks when I'm on my stomach drives me crazy. Sometimes, very early morning, when my penis tries to erect in the cage I get a tremendous feeling of needing to tear the device off; then I calm down and appreciate that this is all part of the sensual experience, tough but different and tantalizing.
I can't speak on the permanant aspect but I can definitely give you some input on this. Unless your wife/ mistress/ girlfriend/ whatever has already been in a FLR or just merely already sexually dominant, her main guides for how to act will come from porn and over exaggerated tumblr posts and literotica, just like I did at first. Instead of realizing my boyfriend just wanted to be dominated in the bedroom a little (or a lot depending) and didn't want our entire dynamic to change I thought he wanted me to become a full fledged mistress and that I was to dole out all sorts of rules for him even though we don't even live together. That alone, made chastity very hard as for a while I always felt I wasn't "good enough" and that he was going to leave me for someone who was more experienced and that just made me withdraw even more to the point where he was taking himself out because I would refuse to acknowledge him sexually while wearing it. It wasn't until a lot of little fights, a few big ones, and a lot of frustration that we finally had the talk we should have had long before he even put the device on. I feel I rambled a bit so I'll give you a short and sweet version: if your kh and you aren't completely open about what you expect of each other or rather, desire from one another.. things will almost definitely end etremely badly
we had not talk about permanant but for me lock and its been 4 years since we had sex and she wil lnot unlock mefor sex and does not care if i do itor not to her since 4 years since i did it i dont care much for it now
We have recently gone permanent, although 20 months seems now quite some time ago. Our dynamic has changed in this time. D finds that the pressure for when I get released is now irrelevant and is relieved about leaving this aspect of chastity behind. Our sex life has probably ramped up as there is now no need to worry about my need for orgasm, it is totally focussed on how much pleasure I can bring to her both in the bedroom and in everyday life. This seems to have increased her interest in having more special time both sexually and non sexually, which was something I got quite frustrated with prior as there was some guilt about D having an orgasm but denying me until a specific date and that reduced her desire due to apprehension. Yes its a big hurdle for some to take and we are all going to respond differently, I think we are both relieved at achieving this milestone, our relationship is now calmer, warm and very loving.
We have a different method. We are always together, 24/7, I wouldn't have it any other way. Outside the front door, I'm unlocked, since she knows everyone I work with, there is no issues there. But at the second I walk in, she watches me lock up. She has the only key, with one hidden somewhere in case of emergency. There are times we do go out and she keeps me locked. And I must say, I do enjoy reminding her that I'm locked up for with little whispers.