Question for those in long term chastity.

I may put the questions to my wife too, but I don't know about too many behavioral changes.

I'm still cranky, but I blame the kids and the day job.
I am a bit more attentive towards my wife, and I attribute that to not draining down my hormone levels by masturbating nearly daily. Having said that, we still don't have much more physical activity than we did, and now it's less on my end.

I have been trying to get more in touch with my feminine side though. I've started painting my nails (toes and fingers), I've started shaving all over, and I've switched to panties, recently trying to introduce bras as well. I just need to find ones that don't show as I don't want to do anything that might impact the shorter residents in the house. So pre-chastity, no, I didn't do that. I've dabbled in makeup, but I'm not sure there's enough on the planet to get me to pretty or passable.

I have taken on my wife's laundry, and I do a LOT more of the cooking now than I ever did before. That I do in part to get her more leisure time, in part as her 'payment' for being willing to take over the ownership of my bits and ability to do with them as I please.

So far she doesn't seem to mind.

April 1 will be 100 days since my last orgasm. Tonight I was noticing that I notice the cage a lot less than I had been. It's simply how things are now. I've told my wife I'd like to make 2015 orgasm free so I can focus on her, and she's on board with helping with that.

 

My alter ego "Barbie" has come about as a result of being locked up. Change came gradually after some 5-6 moths with an inreased consciousness of my appearance. wanted to loose some of the fat around the waist. Short after that came corsets, stockings etc. (http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?gallery/photos/pre-party.7749/)

Funny thing is that I do not strive for a Sissy like appearance or being treated like one. Not very submissive. We have done the "girls-night-out" on fetish clubs and tend mote to hunt in a pac, than me being her sissy...

I have also noticed an increased interest in being butt-pkugged. Maybe because this intensifies being locked up quite a bit.

This pretty much illustrates the "before and after": http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?gallery/photos/11-months-later.7316/

 

Biggest thing is I've become more female-appreciative. Pretty well summed up by what happened yesterday. In London with my wife and her recently-made female friend having a good time, then we witnessed some unpleasant male aggression. Later my wife was talking to her friend about this saying she couldn't live with someone like that and the two started talking about their husbands. My wife turns to me and says to her friend in a proud way that I do a lot of the cooking, all the pot washing etc and also do all aspects of the laundry. Her friend was obviously impressed. We later talked about misogyny prompted by the sexist chanting at football which had been in the news. When we parted later she said it had been nice getting to know me and about me. I'm sure my wife would never say anything to her friend about my orgasm denial and chastity being a good influence....

 

Hi wendy,
Wise and sharp observation. I

Interesting... Would it be wrong that "we" as a group are not the football hooligan type.

Could it be that we from the start have a more sensitive programming?

Is is possible that this also might be apart of the explanation why we are inclined to want this? That it might be all about personality and natural programming?

 

I agree that very likely chastity is reinforcing what we are already inclined towards.

 

It's certainly improved communication between my wife and I. It gave us a reason to discuss our declining levels of activity.

 

well i was dressing before so I don't know.

 

...but, it is a nice fantasy that she does and the information is received positively...

 

If it's changed me outside my relationship with my Wife (Keyholder) it's minimal. i've always been polite, respectful & aware of other people's feelings or needs, so there wouldn't be any drastic changes there. The biggest change is directly with my relationship that i have with my Wife. She has noticed many improvements & has agreed that keeping me locked has benefits & more attention.

 

What a wonderful question. It seems to me that a number of people here have given this a lot of thought before posting, and have been very open in their answers for which I thank you. Although I am not in what I think you would call long term chastity, as I too find it a very thought provoking question relevant to my own experience I will also try adding a considered answer.

I wonder if what we are seeing here in the comments is the response of people who wanted to change and chastity was the way to do it. or a change in peoples behaviours being a result of chastity, if that makes sense. I expect it's a mixture.

Personally, my relationship with my wife was become stale. We both had so many things to do that we were drifting apart even though there was nothing wrong that we could put a finger on, and neither of us were looking elsewhere. In particular, we had both settled into a routine with housework etc. each having our own tasks. I think, looking back, that both of us were looking for something to bring us closer. My wife is not an outgoing person and is usually reluctant to try anything new, but surprisingly (to me) when I mentioned the idea of "locking me up" and gave her a book to read on the subject she immediately embraced the idea. She was particularly interested in the reported changes in behaviour in attentiveness and help around the house that she saw mentioned.

We have started slowly and even after some months we are still at the stage of doing it for a few days at a time rather than weeks or months like some people. Even so, she still worries about it hurting me and will do things like leave the key in an obvious place if she is out, but we are slowly learning together what we want and how it can work for us. Because of the situation we were in before, time between orgasms for me are probably not much different, however for the wife they are much more frequent (mainly oral), and she is getting bolder and starting to demand rather than ask. I think this change is probably making our relationship more equal. Whether it keeps going that way or stays as it is only time will tell.

And so to answer the question. Yes, there has been a change for the better in both of us, but did her locking me up cause it by the pyschological shift in relationship dynamics, or is it the enabler that helped a change we wanted to make happen, or has it just focussed both our minds on what is really important to us which is a loving close relationship.

Whatever the reason... it's working.

 

mmm...meant to answer this earlier... as it struck a chord! Thanks for bringing it up Ms Amanda...
Yes...is the simple answer...
The longer answer... is yes...undoubtedly it has changed everything!... from the way i think about myself, my wife, and others, to the way i live my life and react to situations etc. It has also changed the mindset...and, lets be honest, brought out the femme side of me who wants to please all the time.
i have always had an underlying sub side, but also have been (and sometimes now, still am) the standard macho male...in the heat of everything, challenging myself, playing hard, pushing limits and being popular as a strong male...and loving it!..
When i discovered chastity about two years ago..it struck a chord and, because i love a new challenge, variety, and sexy things, it was fascinating..now..since being locked..for periods in excess of 10 weeks i find myself wanting to please...to be sub and generally feel calm and relaxed and compliant when locked (once the first week or so is under my belt! lol). I tend not to "go off at the deep end" and take the easy routes out of conflict now and want to help...particularly around the house for my wife.
As far as sex is concerned i have virtually accepted long term chastity as the norm..and love the constant feeling of horniness, the lack of control and the desire to please...it is overwhelming and my wife thankfully accepts the new me..especially as she can bask in daily orgasms courtesy of my attentions...
The fascinating thing for me was the paradoxical unlocking of my femme/bi side..and i have to say that the longer this goes on.. the stronger it gets..and being something of a perfectionist, i have to do it well! lol. i am now at a bit of a cross-roads though...concerned as to how far i will go down this route...and wondering whether to just settle as a sub male..and not a chastised femme sissy.
Time will tell.. but the desire to continue persists and i cant stop buying new corsets! lol... Either way..it is fair to say that life will never quite be the same again after chastity...and nor would i want it to be...
cj

 

I can very much relate to this, both the "longer this goes on.. the stronger it gets", and the shopping behavior

I have no desire to live as Barbie or to give up the keys to my Neosteel Arch permanently (yet), mainly for practical reasons.

Me being a top sexually that also enjoys switching might make me a bit different than the “typical male chastity sub” if there is such a thing…

 

i am lock now for 8 months it makes me pay more attention t owife do more things for her i dont think of sex
attitude is much improved

 

I have been unlocked now almost a full week. I miss it dreadfully and am finding it hard to stay hard or orgasm properly...I feel weird and lost without my device on. My partner has lost interest so after nearly over 12 weeks I'm free again...what's changed is for some reason when I get close to cumming my mind fights it and I end up with a very unfulfilling almost ruined orgasm. I'm going back to my old ways of wanking twice a day but I think my brain is used to not cumming or not being allowed to cum hence the ruined sensation....and needs to get back into it. I'm trying to get her to lock me back up but to no avail, it's a double edged sword as I still have a low sex drive after all the masturbating but now I'm not even enjoying the sensation.

 

I found that once I was past 90 days, my focus and attitude changed a great deal. The problem began with the fact that my body was so use to the device at that time that I just mentally couldn't keep myself excited about the idea. It was much like when you first get married and trying to get use to wearing your wedding ring, always jacking with it and it was always on my mind. After a few months I forgot it was there.

We decided complete chastity would not work for us, mainly to keep me reminded of the device and my situation.

 

yes MsMascara, this sissy has. most significantly, I've become more long-term focused rather than sweating the details as I was prone to do. i'm less worried & concerned on a daily basis. my Mistress and Her Daughter commented that i'm more likeable and approachable, and I attribute that to less stress. others see me as a laid back dude.

 

This has been a very interesting thread!

The biggest change of long term chastity for me is being liberated from the endless cycle of 1. growing erotic thoughts, 2. growing frustration (due to almost never being alone in a busy household), 3. then in a period of privacy immersing myself in a multi-hour session of cross-dressing, self-teasing, ending with "male orgasm" (i.e. ejaculation and sort of aggressive emoting), and then 4. an almost instantaneous sense of emptiness and depression, and then 5. a few hours of guilt and denial about all those feelings, and then back to 1. again!

I would guess that for many genetic men who have feminine feelings of various kinds, that kind of cycle may sound familiar. I think it is horribly unhealthy (it was for me) and doesn't actually lead anywhere.

What has helped me tremendously since last summer is to just accept myself as two genders (or perhaps no gender) and to recognize my freedom in choosing when and how to present - and this is quite pragmatic given the very complex set of relationships around me (family, in-laws, neighbours, work colleagues etc). In accepting my femininity as part of my everyday life, I have broken the cycle, and am naturally quite chaste. At first I was wearing a chastity device, which is quite thrilling, but over the past few months I have not needed it. I know that within half an hour of "playing around" I could get myself hugely aroused and then have what would probably be a very satisfying "male orgasm", but I have zero interest in going there as I know I'll just be back on the cycle again.

I quit cigarettes about 15 years ago and have also succeeded in long-term dieting. Both of these need sustained self-control and in both cases long-term gains can be wiped out very quickly by giving in to cravings. I think chastity might be quite similar. What is remarkable to me is that a number of people mention 100 days or three months as a key milestone of chastity - when things get easier and more natural and perhaps one is "on a different plane". This "100 days" was very clear to me when I was quitting smoking. After three months the almost constant craving disappears and is replaced by a more gentle need. That's quite a dangerous time as people often resume smoking since they think they've kicked the addiction - sadly, that addiction is instantly there again with the first cigarette! I found that after another three months (so six months total of not smoking) there was another shift and all need for cigarettes vanished into thin air. I was free of the habit. Dieting is similar for me - it takes several months before it becomes natural - essentially a change of lifestyle rather than a painful process. I would be very interested to learn if people on long-term orgasm denial (I mean the vigorous ejaculatory "male orgasms") are familiar with these different plateaus overy few months?

Sorry for wittering on, but I do wonder if these various forms of self-denial are linked psychologically and/or hormonally. All I can say is, for the first time in my life, having finally recognized the cycle of eroticism and guilt, and having broken it, I do feel free and dare I say "happy". Now, I have to figure out how to make the most of it! This will essentially mean coming out far more in my feminine gender to people around me which is bound to be challenging! I do not however feel the need to live full-time as a woman, so will not be pursuing hormones etc.

Thanks, Timothea

 

The problem in understanding your question might result from the fact that it's open to interpretation.

What f.e. do you understand by "long term chastity" ? As it seems to most this is somehow linked to how often they are allowed to ejaculate orgasm or something like that. I tend to think though that you might mean by it just wearing a chastity device for most / all (24/7/365) time no matter how often you are allowed some kind of pleasure, release etc....

To me the fact just wearing the device doesn't change my interaction with my enviroment at all. I think on a regular basis ahead if I have appointments at places where there are metaldetectors or fullbodyscanners, but that's just to avoid problems and doesn't imply that i'd change my behaviour towards other people. Why should it as i am only submissive to only one person and not everyone i meet.

As for the behaviour towars my gf there is also no change. Why should be as beeing submissive to her is a result of me wanting to be submissive to her and not of me wearing a cb.

One difference is there though:The cb is to us some kind of symbol - of our relationship and way we live it. Beeing this it sometimes in day to day life remembers me of it, bringing my submissive side up, giving a certain kind of comfort. But here again: That's just about feelings and nothing you could see.

 

It's made me more focused: I'm a much more attentive maid. I have more energy & need less sleep.

 

I can't even imagine that I am unlocked!
I do not have the permission to imagine what I feel
The punishments are severe!

 

One thing I have noticed is that I feel more humbled around females when I'm locked for a longer duration.

 

it has been so long since Mistress Sonia unlocked Her property, Her slave has no memory of what it would be like to be able to "think freely". it probably would feel awkward, lost and confused but remain very respectful. it would take a long time to re-program.

 

So yesterday my wife and I run into friends, wife and husband. After a bit the wife complains that her husband hardly ever cooks. I decide to keep quiet about the fact I do most of the cooking and after parting I said to my wife "you didn't say anything about what I do" to which she says "it could have gotten tricky, explaining how I've got you wrapped around my little finger".

 

I like to read and fantasize about long term chastity, but am grateful to have not experienced it. After days 6-14, I'm not sure I would find going further in denial particularly awakening of focusing -- but I've never gone there.