Hey there! As you may have read in the introduction-section, i am quite new to chastity. My gf kept me in my device, there was no orgasm for 10 days, and she told me there are 7 more to come as a punishment. And things were going really good. She was dominating me 24/7, most times more subtle, our relationship, everything. I loved it, i hated it, but i did my best to please her. Well, this morning, she surprised me by opening my lock,... and having sex. I know that she is in charge, and i know that it is "her right" to use me for sex. But no matter how hard i tried not to cum, and how often i told her, she just told me "shut up and cum". I did. I feel a little disappointed at the moment. Because i tried so hard to please her. And even if i am really glad to had a relief, i kind of feel strange about my gf not being strong and "quitting" this chastity thing (of course it is her choice). Because the problem is, that i am not very submissive after cumming. And it will take some days until i will be in the mood for submission again (and until then we are partners on the same level). And of course that nice teasing ended as well. So i feel like i cheated on her or she cheated on herself...? She put herself out of her powerfull position. Anyone else with the same thoughts or problems?
If you want to want to worship your gf it may take some time for you to get used to the idea of well basically giving in to her. The fact she seems quite dominant is a big bonus. So to begin with it may seem strange , and you may have to do some things , that initially seem odd or uncomfortable. However give it all a chance to work through the early problems and get your head in the right place and you should find it gets easier. Its not a race or a competition just relax and suffer hunny Xx Wendy
Hehe, well that might be the problem: I am ready to serve her and to do uncomfortable things and such. But when she gets nice and is not constantly dominant, but also does good things for me with no reason, that kind of feels strange. Plus i am not submissive after orgasm, so the "game" ends for some days i guess.
Post coital depression is the technical term. However deal with it finish playing shave shower of the boy bits get locked up just get used to it at least should be easy to get your device on as its asleep ! Xx Wendy
Hehe, ... the problem is, that if i am not submissive, we're both on the same level. And she wouldn't want anything beyond my limits. But yea, i know what you mean, ... and i already feel that it would be fun again But again: It is not about whether or not i will do it again, it is about her being too nice I didn't feel dominated anymore.
I can relate. My KH loves sex and has never had me locked more than three days without release. This time it will be 4.5 days, and I'm climbing the walls to get to cum. I know that's not long compared to a lot of subs on here, and honestly I am curious about what 2-4 weeks of lockup feels like. Even after 2-3 days I want nothing more than to spill a huge load on her, but then I'm disappointed that she wAsnt strict enough. Conflict...I want to go a lot longer, but I don't.
My wife is the same way. It is called love. She enjoys your orgasm as much as you enjoy hers. Just understand that your gf gets something out of making you orgasm. This is an age old story. Guy wants to be dominated but only enjoys it when it is done the way he wants it done. Not many guys out there who enjoy being dominated in ways that do not give them sexual pleasure. At some point you pass the sexual activity zone and enter into the psychological problem one. You can let her know that you do not need to have an orgasm to know that she loves you and that it pleases you more if she does not make you cum until you are supposed to. That worked on my wife to a certain extent but when she saw how horny I was and my frustration, she gave in, even when I tried to stop her. Do not get caught up in making chastity a contest to see who can go the longest or who has the coolest device. Just do what is desired by both partners, and that often is a compromise. Also realize that in any sex forum, more post about things than actually do it. Take a lot of what you read with a grain of salt and just blaze your own path, do not follow the paths of others because they may lead you down the wrong road.
Forgot to mention that the first time my wife interrupted my plans for long term chastity, I was upset and stopped doing it for a while. Then I talked to her and found out that although she liked to tease and put me off, she did not like to do that as long as I wanted. She said that she likes to watch and hear me cum as it makes her feel loved and desired so much that despite me trying to hold back, I cannot fight her charms.
As much as someone may want to live a Dom/sub life 27/7 it isn't possible in most relationships. i'd be willing to bet that even if you were to meet a very open Master or Mistress walking their sub on a leash in the park, they don't live it 24/7 either.....lol i have the fantasy of being controlled by my Wife 24/7 as well, but we have a Daughter who is 15, we have jobs, neighbors, friends & other family & just can't. Besides, my Wife is not a totally Dominant person & would never feel 100% comfortable as one. She does enjoy certain aspects of being in control & also does it for me because She knows i like it very much. The same can be said for me pleasing Her like simply being Her husband & the person She agreed to marry years ago. That means if She just wants to sit on the couch with me & watch a movie as husband & Wife, we do. i don't kneel on the floor gagged & bound while She watches it with Her feet on my back. (although that wouldn't bother me....lol) If your Wife or Girlfriend wants you to be unlocked to penetrate Her & cum, then do it for Her & enjoy it. She may simply be turned on by a hard cock & a man having an orgasm. i know i am very turned on when my Wife moans loudly from her orgasm, so why couldn't it be the same when it's reversed? It may also be a boost to Her self esteem that She can excite you & bring you to orgasm. Yes, the feeling of not being submissive after you cum is true, but i doubt there is much that can be done about it. It's part of the complete package & you just have to deal with it like if eating the best pie ever made, the whole pie by yourself & not getting fat from it. It's not possible to do both.
Post like this tell me that the poster is real, not living his fantasy online. I have been at fetish play for over 4 decades, mostly threesomes and more and never saw things play out like I read online most of the time. Chastity is often sold on the basis of making you a better and more attentive husband or boyfriend. Just think about it. We give our loved ones attention because we love them so if you need to be locked up to provide attention, it is not because of love, it is because you are kept in a horny condition and that is no different than what we used to call cock teasing. Would you like it if you partner paid more attention to you because you controlled the credit cards and she wanted to spend money real bad? Attention and desire due to chastity, does not originate from your love for her, it is just an means to an end. My wife once asked me why she had to cock tease me in order to be more attentive. She did not like my attention borne out of desire for an orgasm or a state of constant arousal. She wanted me to be more attentive because I loved her and wanted to. I learned from that and now, no matter how often I have an orgasm, she is treated the same and gets all the attention she wants. I learned not to fool myself in thinking that what I had asked her to do, was done for her benefit. It was not, it was for my benefit as she did not come up with my fantasy. I sold it to her on the basis that she had to deny me in order to make me be the husband I should be anyway. Something to think about. Does not mean you cannot play any sex games you like. We do, but do not fool yourself into thinking that your actions when you are deprived of what you desire, is the same as showing love. It is just a game we play with each assigned a role. If the game does not please one of you, sit down and talk about what you both want to get out of your sex game and come up with something that gives you both pleasure. That is what I learned for what it worth. Most of what you read on sex sites is BS fantasy play online. Do not be duped into thinking everyone is following the same script so why can't you. Odds are that you are doing more than most do in real life.
lol, this is funny, most subs are begging to cum, you are complaining cos you were allowed to cum! My sub asked me if he could cum once, I said yes, he chose not to, he hasnt asked again, I have no current plans to let him cum, he hasnt cum since Dec 27th, he doesnt complain, because he enjoys it .... why are so few of you subs happy with your lot?
If you broke down the I want to /I don't want to cum responses could be a poll if I can work out the question! Would it be that say up to 1-14 days you are desperate to cum . After being locked for 14-28 days and these are arbitrary numbers , do you get into the zone , bit zen like of riding your feelings . So yes your horny but your enjoying the feeling of being very easily aroused but don't want the come down of post cum blues . You know the climax will be nice but short lived and the aftermath no fun at all. Also it may just be getting out of the habit of in a lot of cases what the victorians called self abuse ! Xx Wendy
Thanks for that much answers! Especially Thanks to Max51, there lies a lot of wisdom in your words. Of course it is love, and of course it is good to know that she loves me and likes the sex with me and my orgasm as well. And ... yea, you're right: It is strange that i need chastity and horniness to be more pleasing, etc. My thought was: I will be an even better pleasing bf if she keeps me locked longer. But this is not real love i guess. We talked about it. She absolutely wants to continue that thing. She enjoyed it so much, and she does not feel sad that i am not that attentive and pleasing when i am not horny. Because she loves me the way i am. She knows the consequences of an orgasm for me now, i know... And at the end of the day it should be fun for both partners - that's why we do it. And it would be a lie if i say didn't enjoy the sex. So i guess we will find our way.
I think you may have something there, Wendy. There's a third option though. After being denied for 1 year+ (or another long term number) do you see an orgasm as spoiling your long run?
I guess you're trying to "top from the bottom" I used to find that getting het to lock me up straight after sex was the quickest way to deal with post coital depression.
Went through the same thing. I call it orgasm rape. In my guess, my wife held the belief that my orgasm was tangible proof of how much I desired her. Not having an orgasm is like a comedian giving a performance and getting laughs all along the way but at the end of the show, there is no applause. My wife needed the applause. Of course, the problem is that you give her control so how do you justify telling her when to give you an orgasm? Well, I do not believe in rule books and if I want to top from the bottom, I will. It is no one's business but my own no matter what the International Organization of Mistresses, Dominatrices, Goddesses and Dominants, says. I talked to my wife. and asked her why she was hell bent on giving me orgasms in a time frame that I could go without any chastity play. There was the issue of love, validation, fulfillment, not wanting to see me suffer and basically just living a life expecting an orgasm as the goal of all sex play. My wife also believed the old stuff about blue balls and what terrible things can happen to a man if he does not get relief. The kind of stuff guys tell girls to get laid. So there was an education talk as well as expressing my goals for chastity. I asked my wife what she would really prefer if I was fine with no orgasms and she said that she would want me to never have one again because I am so sweet and submissive when I want them an cranky and unhappy after an orgasm. She tried after our talk but still got carried away and drove me to an orgasm a few times in the heat of the moment. We talked again and this time she said she felt sorry for me after hearing my moans of sexual frustration and did not want to be cruel to me as I sounded as if I was suffering. So we talked again and this time I explained that I enjoy the teasing more than the orgasm and like the feeling I have of low grade arousal all the time. Then I really topped from the bottom. I went out of my way to exaggerate how I acted after an orgasm. I saw no harm in this as no orgasms were what we both wanted and I was just trying to reach our shared state of being. What really helped was tying chastity to goals like eliminating masturbation, doing more chores around the house and not weight loss. This gave my wife a reason not to give me orgasm until my goals were met. We continued our dialogue as we went forward and my wife got used to denying me for longer and longer. I gradually gave up al control to her and now the only rule is that she makes the rules and she can change them whenever she wants. I still thank her for not letting me cum and do not thank her for an orgasm. Positive reinforcement or topping, who cares as long as we are having fun and achieving our mutual goals.