Problem with my girlfriend :/

Hiya

Second bit first .
You would need to be in an incredibly robust relationship to bring up the subject of you would like to play with guys. Very few women will be up for that unless they think of it first so don't even hint about that.

The first bit some girls love it some hate it and some tolerate it.

Xx wendy

 

This may sound harsh but here goes,
Your g/f has accepted a hell of a lot more of your needs/what you want which a lot if not most "vanilla" ladies would run a mile from.

It is hard to understand as a male but wanking yourself is seen as cheating by the vast majority of ladies (they can take it very personally and see it as an insult to them whether your watching porn or not while doing it) and can be very upsetting for a lady as well (possible feelings of rejection)
I couldn't understand why a lady would get upset about it until a very good kink friend told me from her perspective
then it all made sense to me.

Some ladies just aren't into chastity and I know a few Mistresses who, while embracing chastity and orgasm control, will never use a chastity device of any kind apart from her subs willpower and devotion to serve her and trust.

I suppose you could promise her you won't masturbate again (and mean it)and she will notice the change in your behaviour ( we all change when we haven't orgasmed for a while) and concentrate on what she wants and needs and maybe in the future she may re visit the chastity device idea.

I wouldn't suggest any other kinky ideas to her especially the 2 men idea that, from the sounds of your post, would kill your relationship totally especially as it means you have been looking at porn , again some ladies see this as cheating and find it upsetting where you could be using that time to find ways of making her happy,.

Try and stop looking at porn (I know it makes you horny i'm guilty as well and been on the wrong end of arguments because of it in the deep long time ago
past )
Also promise her you won't masturbate again and apologise to her about it saying you never realised how it could upset her but now you do understand and won't do it again.

Hopefully by not looking at porn and not masturbating your g/f will see what your doing for her and maybe, just maybe, will be open to other things in the future.

My fear is that she is feeling pressured into being a fantasy lady for you and you are unintentionaly scaring her off with the things you finding exciting (maybe like a child in a sweet shop pestering mum for the sweets).

Sorry if this made assumptions and sounded like a lecture but I hope that it helps your relationship in some way.

 

oh my. I suggest you read and re read what the first two posters have answered. Very wise words.

The other thing I would do, if I were you, before you say or do anything else, is spend sometime, very seriously thinking about what you actually want and what of your thoughts are fantasies. There is no point in potentially wrecking your relationship if these feelings/thoughts are more a fantasty than actually wanting stuff to happen. I know a few people who are straight, but fantasise about having mens cocks in their mouths, but sometimes this is more of an act of submission rather than an actual turn on. I have had dreams and thoughts about lesbian acts, but to be honest, whilst they can turn me on, I really cannot imagine in the real world, being in bed with a woman.

I also think you might need to slow the process down a bit. I'm not sure if its me, or the way I was reading it, but you come across as trying to rush things.

I also agree, stop watching porn and stop masturbating. Both of these things can be done with will power, show her that you are serious and genuine. Also show her the positive side for her in all this, most men are a lot more loving, attentive, giving, romantic.

My other question would be, how old are you both? It might be just an issue of time. Most women don't understand or appreciate the 'need' guys have to masturbate, lol, I felt similar to her, hated my fella masturbating. I thought that if I gave him an orgasm once a week (i only stayed with him once a week then) then that should have been enough for him. Little did i realise, its not an insult to the lady, its just something men do, and the fact that you have brought this up with her, means that you probably want to do something about it. I hate to sound mean, but it could just be that she isn't very mature. I would never have understood it a few years ago, but now i'm older and a bit wiser (oh and ive now prevented him, through voluntary and locked chastity) i understand it better.She isn't thinking anything that nearly every other female in a straight relationship hasn't thought. Don't think badly of her for it, she simply might be a little naive. I would suggest that if all else fails, give it a bit of time, patience. If you love her and plan to stay with her, then a few more months/years isn't going to make any difference, and if she is really adversed to it, or it breaks you up., maybe you weren't meant to be together for life. I don't mean to sound harsh. I've had similar discussions with my partner about trying new things, and since we have no plans to split up, we are building a bucket list, things we think we should try before we die, no rush, but any time.

Good luck

MB

 

Hey my friend, I would take it a bit slower, I think it's fair to say that most women would freak out initially by the stuff us kind of guys are into.

You just have to tell her bit by bit, don't rush her, try to stop masturbating, give her more control, stop trying to control what she does to you, let her do it in her own time, how she likes and when she likes. It sounds to me like you ARE pretty much trying to be in control here, telling her you should wear this and do that.

I told my girlfriend all my fantasies then i passed her the reins, she did everything in her own time as she pleased and in her own comfort. I didn't hassle her, or keep asking her to do things, I told her once, and she took control.

My girlfriend is naturally dominant, and although I don't see her as a Mistress, but as a loved one whom with I have a submissive role in the relationship.

Anyway, i hope this helps you out, everyone is different and some people take more time to adapt.

 

At twenty one years old, you have many years ahead of you to bring your fantasies to life. As others have suggested, slow down. Take baby steps... There is no prize for being the youngest kinkster in town. Let her get comfortable with your kinks. You'll know when she's ready to take it up a notch.

 

So you are now going to be sensible you are going to stop being obsesed by your willy.
You are going to get on with your studies and get seriously qualified and help her do the same .

You are both going to get really good jobs or build a fantastic business together !

You will own a lovely house and a beautiful cabin in the mountains for weekends away where you will conceive some beautiful successful kids!

Part of the reason she fell pregnant at very regular intervals was because that as a very successful surgeon SHE was able to remove your own pathetic little boys willy and graft on one off a donkey .

Xx Wendy

 

@Wendygirl Behave wendy !!!!!!!!!

 

Wendygirl great reply. It went so well with my morning cup of coffee.

 

Lol your welcome .

Xx Wendy

 

For quite a while in my relationship I (we) spent a lot of energy trying to help my girlfriend get to the point that she could be the keyholder in the way we thought would be "right" for us. I knew what I wanted and we had many thorough and open discussions about what I wanted and what she could get out of the bargain.

Things never seemed to click, really, and chastity wasn't a big enough part of our relationship from my point of view, but I knew we needed to go slow and I tried to be loving, helpful, caring, and patient in every way I could be. I mean, I had been fantasizing and waiting to have someone to share this aspect of my life with for years, and all that time (5+ years) she had never given it a thought, had no idea this even existed. So when we started dating and I introduced her to chastity, understandably I was straining at the reins to get going, and her head was spinning.

Of course, I knew this would be the case and over the next year and a half we slowly but surely grew together in every way a couple tries to. Chastity included (for us, that is.)

A year and a half is a long time to be working towards a goal. It's hard. And we still weren't there yet and I couldn't figure out how I could do anymore to help her along.

I have a point, I promise. I'm getting there, lol.

So what could I do? How could I help her be more "active" in our chastity 'game'? I was at a loss. We talked about it. I tried to figure out what was in it for her and how we might articulate that better. I would ask her what she wanted out of chastity and and we tried to incorporate those things.

Don't misunderstand, our live were (and still are) wonderful and I could never ask for a better woman to spend my life with. We just both wanted more but had no idea what that was or how to get it.

Then, a few months ago, it dawned on me. I was in effect asking her to become a different person in a way. Like becoming a vegetarian and asking her to be one, too. (I'm not, that's just an example.)

But how could I become a better person? We all have ways that we need to grow, things we can do better, weaknesses to try to overcome. What was I doing to be a better boyfriend? I was asking her to be a "better" girlfriend and she was trying her best. We had a plan of action, specific goals we were trying to reach and we both knew them.

But what was I trying to do, specifically, to become a better man? In what ways could I give her more of what she needing in a boyfriend? That was the question.

I don't mean doing the laundry or cooking or cleaning or such. Those things are definitely good, but I had always done more in that regard than she was comfortable with, anyway. I mean things like, be more patient waiting for her to get ready to go out to dinner or be more attentive and in tune when she's had a rough day. All those things that are really hard to do because it's changing the nature of who I am.

The real point is that I realized I needed to approach chastity in a totally different way. I needed to focus on me. Being a better me. Chastity will become more of our lives, in time. It takes practice, learning. Fucking it up and doing it better. But all the while becoming a better person, myself, totally independent of chastity. Not because I wanted anything out of it, but because I should always try to be better.

And that was really what she wanted. She sees the effort I put in to being a better me, for her. That makes her want to fulfill my needs, too. It's a cycle, a feedback loop. I just need to make sure I always do my part and trust that she is also doing her part to be a better person, too.

In that last few months we have grown leaps and bounds as a couple and chastity has never been more satisfying or our sex lives more fulfilling.

I hope this helps, in at least a small way. Good luck, and I wish you the best!