New to site

Hello, I am new to the site here. I've only made a post or two so far and I'll probably lurk a little longer to get a feel for the various things. I'm not quite sure where I classify myself as far as the people I see here and I am a 'solo' player as in my wife doesn't share the same kinks and views as I do.

I'm open for questions though, ask away.

Edit: Will update with more information, just tired and scatter brained at the moment. Don't think I'll come across with what I need to say right now.

 

I would love to speak more in depth on what brought me here and somewhat of what I am seeking and where I've been. Just a quick reply as I won't have the free time to thoughtfully process a proper reply until tomorrow or maybe later this evening. It's been a busy couple days.

 

Well I had time to sit down sooner than I thought. Hello again, and in case you weren't paying attention I am new to the site but familiar in general with BDSM and have been interested in CD, sissification, and feminization for quite some time (since before my teen years).

I find rarely however someone in my situation (or atleast my perspective) in that I am happy outside of these areas. I am happy in both my male persona. When I am male I consider my self a strong leader (something my profession requires) and at times I compete to be the alpha male, I am very competitive. However when I am in my CD/Sissy persona I am the complete opposite; subservient, eager to please, and willing to do and submit to most anything.

What drew me to this site was more a renewed sense of chastity. My wife and I while both are into the lighter side of BDSM, only I am into it more. My wife enjoys more the bondage and play side while I have a WIDE variety of kinks and obsessions. We have had discussions in the past about what I'm interested in (which is pretty much everything except disfigurement/perm. damage, scat, kids and animals of course, etc. She however isn't into as much.

Lately due to my work and school schedule and her work and school schedule I find I have alot more time to myself, when this schedule started about 6 months ago I noticed that I was masturbating constantly, I'd cum atleast 6 times a night without a care in the world. I begin looking into ways to curb that desire and funnel it into something else. I haven't found, or even looked for that matter, a local mistress or even an online mistress. Partially because of self consciousness and I feel it's cheating on my wife as we haven't discussed that possibility yet seriously. (It was mentioned once but she was uncomfortable with the idea and it was dropped)

I found the best release which was various programs designed to simulate a mistress. Through user submissions and my own coding and submissive desires I managed to put together a very custom and personal routine. I ended up settling on the program CyberMistress which unfortunately due to circumstances lately (namely more nights at home with my wife) I have been neglecting for a week. The first month with the program was great, I followed the programs rules as strictly as possible wanting to only earn the privy to masturbate and cum. The more I got into this however the more seriously I began to look into chastity. Specifically as I have a script that incorporates this however I have not the devices nor the time to rewrite the script to not include said devices.

I've used the program now for about 2 1/2 months and find new modules and make up my own/modify others on a nearly weekly basis. It's helped me insert organization into my life where as before I was a mess. Even though my 'Cyber Mistress' is just that, virtual, I began to feel guilty when I did things I knew were against the rules that were set out for me (through a friend who is into the bdsm scene that I asked to write some rules for me) additionally when I began other programs to help train me in some of the finer aspects of sub/slave etiquette, the days after when I was sore everytime I used a sore muscle i felt pride that I did what was asked of me to the finish and even though I wanted to back out (very easy considering it's all solo play with a virtual companion that has an Exit button) I didn't. I kept with it and saw it through to the end.

Essentially, through the program I've come to somewhat of a realization that my needs aren't as important as those of my Mistress, again I realize that in my case my 'mistress' is not real, but I tend to sub my wife into that role. The only time I've cum in the past month was once when I was weak and again with my wife, and only after I felt she was properly satisfied and I felt that in her situation she would allow me that privilege. I feel that I could use more training and part of me wishes it was more direct, and maybe it can be later. I just feel this place is a good resource for me to continue that training solo and prepare for something else entirely later.

I kinda rambled on here for the last 20 minutes typing. I need to do some more in the apartment with cleaning before my wife is home tomorrow morning so I will cut short ehre and check up again on my next break from cleaning. Beginning to think this should have been put in the journal/diary section as well

 

I can do this both privately and publicly incase anyone else is interested.

My wife does not dominate me as a sissy, and for the most part ignores the fact that I dress as a sissy. I mentioned to her that I do it in our huge week long 'this is who I am and we need to get this out of the way before we get married' talk and it was kinda put aside by her. Later after we were married for about a year she found my clothes and it was brought up again. During this conversation she revealed that she has no desire to dominate me in (and in her words) 'that way'. In a way she doesn't want to see me in that light, outside of my world and outside of the times she does dominate me she sees me as the leader of the family, which in a way is true. It's a bit of an issue when two submissive people in a relationship try to figure out who's on top. She does at times dominate me but at the same time she remains pretty submissive herself.