The real feeling of Chastity

Yes..I know your right; but this is the way I've been feeling. She has told me I'm to tell her all I feel, and doesn't want me to keep anything inside. Even my feelings don't belong to me according to her.

She continues to milk me regularly. She is building up quite a stock ;-) A small ice cube tray is being filled now. Of course, my nuts are starting to hurt from being drained repeatedly, but I'll never complain about that. But again I have this strong urge to be treated harsher.

I found that now that I'm getting some regularly, I am having many more fantisies than I had before. THere is a strong urge to tell her what they are, but instead, I'm holding back. I decided not to push her to see what she would do, but continue to serve properly. She is ignoring me most of the time, but requiring me to be right there for her. An example, when I got home on THursday, after I kissed her feet, she just said kneel. I knelt next to her, and she continued reading her magazine, totally ignorning me. This went on for almost an hour, as she read in silence. I am not a person, I'm an object. I feel like one too.

And I'm always tired now, it seems. Earlier this week, as she is stroking me, she informed me that Ive got to stay by her bedside for 30 minutes after she goes to sleep, and I need to get up at 6:30, and be by her side when she wakes up. As usual, there is no conversation, no request, its just her telling me how its going to be. I don't bother anymore to object. It only leads to a caning, or worse, a threat to give the key away for a month. And honestly, I don't really care about not coming for a month right now; its facing Ms. Suz at the end of the month that scares me. Besides, I feel conditioned to say yes princess, regardless of what is being asked. I don't think I could object if I wanted to now..its just the way it is.

Anyway, thats my rant for the week.

M

 

I’m Up; I'm tired. I’m up, showered, shaved, hooded, and standing at my wife’s bedside. Its Saturday morning. The sun has been up for an hour by now, at 6:30 in the am. I am running on 4 hours sleep, and I’m not to wake her up. I am to wait. Its tough to do after about 15 mins. I did have coffee, and the pot is sitting nearby, so that I can get her the coffee she needs in bed. When she wakes up, that is.

A second cup of coffee, and now its 7:00am I watch her stir. She usually wakes up about this time. Her breathing is methodic, relaxed. She is beautiful as she lays there on her side, facing me. I’m quite, just standing there…looking at her, naked. My chastity device pulling heavy on me but now, a part of my body.

The she opens her eyes. She smiles. I feel the perfect slave. I stand taller, chest out, arms back. At attention. I am proud. She reaches out with her hand and pats me gently on the thigh a few times; a reassuring touch to confirm I’m there, or a loving pat. Either way, my heart sings. She then rolls over to her other side and falls back to sleep without a word.

7:30. I’ve standing there an hour. I’m exhausted. There is nothing to keep me going. I’ve been running on 4 hours a night for almost a week. I’m spent. I sit down quietly and lean against the bedside table and wait. The coffee is gone. Should I make some more. What if she wakes up? I’ll not be there, and that will start the weekend off badly. I think about what she’d do. She’d be in a bad mood. She’d be pissed. Apart from the obvious “you disobeyed me, you will be punished’, she would make my day miserable. My eyes are closed, as I begin fanaticizing about things she might do to me. I am resting my eyes now. Steady breaths. Steady breaths.

A snore startles me away. I open my eyes quickly, alert, looking around.

She’s not in the bed. I stand up. She’s not in the bathroom. What should I do? I stand there. I know I have to stand there. I stand there. Looking around. The coffee pot is gone. She’s downstairs making coffee. I should go downstairs. Help her. But I’m supposed to be at the bedside. Its 7:53. That’s what the clock says. The clock’s numbers are ingrained themselves in my brain.

I hear her come up the stairs; My heart starts beeting hard. I can see it in my chest. Excited, scared. She walks into the room. She has her t-shirt on; no undies from the night before. She looks amazingly hot. She is sexy, standing there with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a cane in the other. I look down. I’m not allowed to see her without underwear on.

“Bend Over” she says conversationally. Not softly, not harsh, just simple; do it. The speed at which I react will affect the outcome. I’m already moving before she finishes her words. She walks over, puts her cup on the bedside table, and places the cane on my buttocks.

“I will stand at my Goddess’ bedside until she awakes” she says. Whispers really; her voice betrays she has just awoken. I’m wait. I can feel the thin wood on my right ass cheek. Moving slightly, taking aim.

Then suddenly a woosh, a whip sound and then contact. Pain washes over my backside. I strong pain that goes down my leg. I am instantly awake with adrenalin.

“Say It” she says, again in a soft tone, but emphasizing the word Say.

I repeat her words “I will stand at my Goddess’ bedside until she awakes” Another woosh. This time, harder. More pain. My body moves slightly and I recover.

“Again” she says softly.

“I will stand at my Goddess’ bedside until she awakes” Whoosh. Pain

“Again”, and again, and again. 6 times.

Then, in the same tired, unemotional tone, she says “Put my breakfast on the table, and after you clean up, put on your white shorts, stripped golf shirt, and sandals, then sit in the car and wait”.

And that’s how my Saturday started.

There are a lot of mixed feelings here. The reality of this is nothing like I imagined, but I’m here, a real sex slave. Its exciting in so many ways, while at the same time frustrating in how I yearn for her attention. And this past week, she’s been very limited in how she offers it to me. But it is very clear to me that my behavior has a direct impact on how much love I receive. There are times when I look at her and my love for her overwhelms me, while times when I’m actually afraid of her. I never thought I’d feel this way.

The worst for me is when she embarrasses me in front of others. We went shopping again today at the mall. I’m to follow her around, and watch her legs. She takes her time looking at clothing on the rack, checking out skirts or shirts with me standing there, holding her purse and the bags of clothing she’s already purchased.

Women take notice of me, standing there, waiting right outside the changing room. They take notice of the way she speaks to me with simple commands. “Come”, “Wait”, “Stand there”. I obey her because I love her and want to make her proud of me. But she doesn’t give back. She just ignores me. Women just look at me. Sometimes I feel ashamed. I can hear whispers, often giggles. I just look down, avoiding their gaze.

The day ends at home depot. New hardware. 4 feet of 1/16” vinyl coated wire rope, ferrule & stop sets to make locking loops in the wire, five 4” 7/16 Hitching ring screws, Five TSA Master combo locks, and two Master 2” combo padlocks.

When we get home, she points to the places where she wants the hitching rings screwed into the floor tomorrow. Bedside through the carpet, into the wood floor in the kitchen under the table, next to the couch by the TV, in the master bedroom closet and in the center of the floor in the closet under the stairs. These are the places where she will lock my chastity device into place; ensuring I stay in one place she wants me to stay put.

My dedication, as she eats dinner made with my hands, is “I will stand at my Goddess’ bedside until she awakes” My hand hurts as I write this over and over and over and over again for an entire hour.

I finish, then sit down next to her as she watches her program. She owns the clicker, not me. It is hers. Everything is hers. I’m hers.

I clean up as she takes a shower, and then she calls me up. I know I’m not getting teased tonight. I enter the room, she opens her legs, and I go to work, eyes closed, starting gently, and working the way I’ve been told. I feel content as I feel her body shiver with an orgasm. It is a strong one and her legs squeeze my head as she roles to the side.

Afterwords, I stand by her side. Not one word passes between us. In fact, not one conversational word all day. I stand tall, again proud and completely in love. As the light goes off, I wait to hear her breathing become regular. I check the time. 10:00. In 30 minutes, I’ll be free until I want to go to bed.

10:30. I softly make my way downstairs and grab a bite to eat. I heat up my dinner from earlier in the night, then as I eat, open my computer and begin to write. I need to get the day down. As I type this, I think, tomorrow I will make her proud.

And for some reason, I’m no longer tired.

 

Well..Let me tell you, I'm tired tonight. I've been fighting sleep all day. Another 6am day, with a 2m sleep time? I'm crazy.

Today started with me cleaning out areas, and bolting in hitching ring (ibolts). They are solid in the floor now. I used a small crow bar to twist them down into the floor, finding the stud and going deep. These are the thick screw's with an loop . Then, the wire loops around the chastity device and a slipknot, and gets locked to the ibolt with the 2 inch master lock. I got to test it by the TV tonight. I can stand, and move about a foot around the ibolt. I'm locked into the floor. Its pretty cool ;-) Her idea, not mine.

Still there is no conversation going on between us. I've not started any, and she is not offering. I feel like she has turned off inside with me. Sometimes its like I'm not there, while other times, its just barking orders. I feel like a dog who gets no attention, seriously.

I was expecting an orgasm tonight, but it was not a 'happy ending'. She teasted me for about an hour, and each time I got close, she would just stop, then restart. Handjobs, not blowjobs. Its only been since friday, but man, she gets me going. I guess I could have used the time to talk to her (thats my time to express), but I was too into getting there, I didn't talk. Then, half way to another orgasm, she just stopped midstream, then mounted me and had me go at her while she sat on my face.

I better hit the sack now. I've got to get up again at 6:00 and be ready cause I got work. I'm so so so tired. sleep will come easy tonight.

M

 

The week progresses, and the lack of sleep is starting to have a real impact. I actually took a nap today at lunch; went to the car, and crashed for an hour. Left me more groggy, but at least I can function. Its like my eyes are constantly heavy, and there is a weight on me.

I brought this up during my tease on Monday, and again on Tuesday night with my Mistress/Wife. I had told her that I need to get more sleep; that I am so very tired all the time. On Monday, she said she understood, but that she didn't really care. "You do have a choice in this matter. You can sleep as late as you want, and take your licks, if thats what you need to do. You understand the consequences"; then she told me "I really like that you are there when I wake up. It makes me feel secure". So I agreed to continue.

On Tuesday, the sleep deprivation really hit, and I was dragging all day. Again, during me tease, I almost feel asleep, and she slapped my thigh hard, and yelled at me. I again told her this was just too much for me. She told me flat out, "feel free to push my patience". and things like "You can feel free to tell me your tired, but I'm not giving in. This is something I want, and you'll do it." Then she locked me right back up.

Today, though, after dinner, she told me that as long as I don't break the rule, I can get sleep in on Sunday morning, and catch up.

So, I just have to suffer through this for the next few days. The hardest part is in the night when I'm able to go to bed, I can't sleep. I don't know why, but I guess thats the way I'm wired.

Either way, I'm locked in for the day; no teas tongiht, and no orgasm since Friday, I think. I'm to blured.

M

 

Nope, Real life. Fun stuff too. Like I said earlier, there is a lot of stuff that doesnt' make its way into this. The thing that strikes me most is how, after years of discussion, when we finally did it, she dove right in. There was a tremendous amount of trepidation on her side. We did role play, which really loosened her up, and I think was the real breakthrough. She got really cocky midstream with the punishment, and it stopped the top from the bottom, which I'm not sure I wrot4e about, but was quite a change. Initially I thought that having access to a pro-dom like Ms. Suz would give her the help she needed to get into it, but I think this was my bigest mistake. Ms. Suz has become a counceler to her, and I'm sure that her 'diving right in' is all about that relationship. Someone said that two heads are smarter than one, and I can tell you I konw when I'm being manipulated, trouble is, its like a car crash..you know your in one, but there is nothing you can do to stop it. I figured out a whlie ago that this isn't going to be an easy thing to stop, but the reality is now I don't know how I would go back. Being subserviant to someone you love, and having her control most aspects of your life is so comforting..its safe. And the sex is amazing, even if most of it is on her end. We've never been this close.

Sorry for rambling, I'm exhausted. I'm actuallty takeing the day off tomorrow; and will work hard to get off of this nightmare of sleep deprevation, by getting to bed much earlier. I' mean, I have 7 hours a day of time to sleep, but waste 2-3 horus of it playing after she goes to bed. Tonight, Sleep will come!

M

 

Hey Strict Sir et all.

I've been away as I've been gaining my sleep by going to be when told, right after she does..Its a story I'm going to write down, now that I have a computer.

I'll type up the last few weeks up in the am, and post; but for now, I'm actually stuck in a hotel room

I was supposed to go to Ms. Suz party tonight, but my father-in-law came out this weekend..and my wife didn't want me around for his visit, so I'm in a hotel room. And I'm here on her conditions, with a 'do not distrurb' on the door, not to go anywhere.

More on that later..

I'm hitting the sack; but its nice to have my computer back ;-)

M

 

Hey Strict Sir; its interesting your POV; There are a few things there; First, in the update I'll give on my conversation with her 3 weeks ago, she said some enlightening things about how she views this experience..and to her, its really not about the sex; in fact, its more about having the perfect man; her words, not mine; thought the sex is great,she says. As for her father, when she told me that he was flying in Saturday AM, and was going to take us to dinner, she made it clear that she did not think it was a good idea for me to go, given the situation, so she told me (is it asked anymre?) to go to a hotel for the night.

This was no big deal for me..I understood that interacting with her in front of her father would change the dynamic, and I was ok, figuring I’d go out for a bite to eat, hang out at the hotel, watch a movie, browse the internet, etc but as usual, she had other things in mind. First, she booked me into a motel 6; not the best of hotels, and not one with streaming movies. Next, she told me to leave the laptop at home. Yikes..no laptop, no movies? Oh well, how about a book…No. Just my dedication journal. OK..so at least I get some food, etc.

When we get there around 4, then check in, my wife follows me into the room, and then tells me to strip. OK..I say, and I drop my clothes on the floor, and I half expected a tease before I go, but instead, she just gathers up my clothes, grabs the overnight bag I thought I was going to use, and takes the keys.

“Ah..Princess”. She just turns and smiles at me “I’ll be back tonight with some toys; you just think of what we’ll do till then”. Great! So after she leaves, I plop on the bed, and turn the TV on, ready to watch. Course, 2 mins later, the door opens again, she has the head/gag and one of her combo locks. “Just to be super harsh, why don’t you put this on, and lock it. I’ll text you the combo later tonight while I’m having dinner with my dad”

Oh..thats another conversation I want to update you on..After this.

So I put the gag on, and lock the combo in; she then very seriously says “This is your spot for the next 24 hours. U stay put” then leaves.

Not much to do or say, so I get started on some dedications..and that’s how most of my night went last night. Luckly she gave me the 1” gag, so my mouth didn’t feel like it was going to unhinge like the brutal one.

Time dragged on, and I staired at my phone. I waited for the text to ring. Nada as 8 went by. I figured by 9 she’d be in dinner. I thought about texting her. The combo was only a 10 seconds away if I had a problem. But I know her..she was just waiting for an excuse to punish me. So I waited.

Around 11:30, the door opened again, waking me. I quickly greeted her. She was a little tipsy. She had my computer, and my book. She looked over my dedication log, then without more than a “good boy”, she unlocked the gag, and walked out.

And that’s how I spent my Saturday night.

Sunday I awoke to another text giving me a new 10 page dedication. “I am a prisoner of my own lust”.

Around 10 am, the door opened with my beautiful princess standing there. She had the 2” gag and lock. After greeting her again, I wordlessly put the gag on, and she motioned to the car. I grabbed my computer, book, notebook, and looking out the door, moved into the backseat of the car, when she then drove me home. When I got home, she unlocked my gag, then told me to clean the house up as she was going to brunch with her father. She still hasn’t come home yet, but the house is clean.

Overall, a very interesting experience. I cannot say a sexual one. Actually it was pretty boring.

So, I do want write an update on what happened 3 weeks ago, and why I didn’t post; but for now, I am getting tired of typing…later

M

 

She's out, so I'm going to take a few to answer before hitting the sack; though I may post another tonight if I can't sleep ;-0)

Yes..There obviously is a sexual and an intimate component to all of this. But sitting around a hotel room, ALONE, naked and gagged for hours, with no way out, writing in a notebook how this predicament is my own doing, looses the sexual dynamic after a bit. Sure, I did think about how she was going to come back and tease me as she said she would, but fantacy without pleasure seems a letdown. I mean, I can't stroke myself to orgasm, even getting a hardon is dreadfully painful as the spikes have tenderdized the base of my penis. And when she didn't do that there was letdown; but I think the real actual excitement comes from me now in her shear dominance of my actions. And yes, she's taken quite to that.

Her satisfaction is coming from my strict obedience to her wishes. Again, she sees me as the perfect man, chivalrous, caring, thoughful and yes obediant. My satisfaction is from her dark side when I do wrong. Yes.there is a lust, sexually charged for me; and that is what I'm getting out of it, but I'm not convinced its on her side. She does demand much from me ;-)

And don't get us wrong; we do get to talk at night, when I'm teased, but the rules are that I do not break my role until then. Its only when I'm being teased that I can talk to her about how I'm feeling.

I don't know, again, maybe babling; maybe I'm defending the behavoiurs your point out. I don't know. But there is a strong set of feelings for her when doing her bidding; pleasing her; even when there is no sex returned; I don't mean giving her sexual pleasures, I mean things like picking up her clothes, making her dinner, or even looking over her sleeping. Its an amazing set of feeling, and one I'd never experience if it wasn't for this route we've been down.

There is no doubt she's getting the better end of the bargain here, but she's been fair most of the times, and times that she's not, I'll suffer through; as I know she can make it worse. The threat of Ms. Suz is very real to me; and I have no doubt that my lovely wife would user to gain what she wanted.; Yes..fear. But I think its two sided.

That conversation we had three weeks ago started with me falling asleep while she was teasing me. Instead of punishment; we opened up. She asked me if she was being to harsh, and I told her I wanted her to be harsher; Course, thats not what she meant..She had meant about her wanting me to watch over her. I was sleep deprived, so it took a while to figure that out, but not before I told her I lusted after her being much more dominant and less forgiving.

She also opened up, telling me that she was getting much pleasure out of the way I was treating her..Like a woman, like a lady should be treated. She felt I was being true to the way a man should be, valient, strong. It made me feel proud of the way things are. She also acknowledged that having the authority to determine someone elses every action under threat of punishment was an aphrodesiac, and that it took her back to fantasies of her childhood, when her 'minders' would give her orders, but she'd imagine she was the one bossing them around like she saw her mother do.

After our talk, she took my mask off and kissed me; She told me I don't need to wear it anymore! Then she slapped me hard across my face twice. One she said was for "falling asleep whlie being teased, the other just to be harsh."

Geez..I'm going on..Thats it.
M

 

Pretty easy week. In case I didn't say, its nice to be at home without the mask on. It is almost some normalacy around the house. My wife's been in a much better disposition this week. I think seeing her father back up to par was good for her.

Lifestyle is still there, but the whole thing has toned down a little, I guess..She's less demanding and more confident in her role. And she's not going out of her way to put me down notches.

My dedications this week have been primarily about servicing her sexually when asked.

Other than that, hitting the sack once again..Sleep is back to normal for me now that I don't spend so much time toning down; Plus, tylonal PM works majic if I can't sleep.

M

Oh..and I am scheduled for a nice big O this weekend..Its been over 5 weeks? I can't even remember..

 

I'm wired and completely frustrated. After working so hard today under the threat of missing out on my orgasm today, then being teased for over an hour, she just let me hang as I spurted into a cup, completely ruining over five weeks of denial. Then as she put the device on me again, I literally begged her to let me cum again. She just shook her head no, telling me not to worry; I have a whole month to earn another one. I'm pissed!

All freeking weekend long I've been working toward this. Friday, she had Ms. Suz over with that woman that video'd my dedication; Crystal. I had to serve them drinks and 'stand ready to serve." Today, she had me clean out our basement entirely, dragging stuff into the garage, and getting it completely clean. And all through the Friday and today it was threats about loosing my orgasm. Even up to the last minute, she kept teasing me telling me she might decide to make me wait another week. Each time I came close, she'd reach for the device, and tell me that was it; but I'd beg, and she'd play with me some more. Finally, again, after about an hour, I begged permission to come, and she stopped again, but it was too late..She just let go and grinned her evil grin as I contracted, spurting a month of stuff into a paper cup. Arrgg..

This sucks

M

 

Stroppy; Thanks for your comments!

I can understand what you mean by 'being restrained' to prevent you from backing down. I did lots of thinking and fanticising for years on how to put myself into a position, with someone I trust, just so I couldn't 'back down' or 'cry when it gets hard. And my wife wasn't always (and really isn't now) a all powerful goddess with complete power over me. She was hesitant, careful, and very concerned that there would be a scenario that I would blow up, wanting out, even though I told her not to let me out even if I cry'd foul. And even now, this is really all a game between us. It really does take two to play. If I wanted out, yes..I am stuck in this device; with no real way to get it off; but again, if I really wanted out, I could plan a business trip, and just not put it back on after security. Or I could no doubt, tell her over and over again that I don't want to play; and literally not play anymore. I'd put my clothes on, and tell her thats it. Its not like she'll keep me locked up against my will.

But I truly do like this. I feel connected, and I really enjoy the play and lifestyle. I never thought I would be so into it. I mean, Friday was amazing, really; Standing there naked, with this thing hanging off of me, serving wine and drinks to two women (besides my wife); one of which I just met (Crystal is HOT!) Totally amazing.

And as for the gag; She had me go from the hotel room right into the car. No one was around; She was out there waiting..Then she drove right home. Getting busted for public exposure is more a fear that having someone see me with a gag (I was naked)

Anyway; There are times that are completely frustrating, like last night; but again, my wife / princess new what was about; and I think she sensed it all day cause I was still pissed when she got up this am, and pretty much half the day. Around 4, whlie I was cleaning the basement up, sweating like a pig down there, she came down with the cuffs. I put them on questioning, but without a word, she undid my chastity device, then, for the first time in I don't know how many months, gave me a blowjob to completion. This was the most amazing feeling I've felt in a very very very long time. Increadible. She told me I earned it! Course, I'm not at all thrilled about her kiss afterwards ;-( But again, thats my role, and her decision.

So I'm a happy camper today; I am ready to face the world tomorrow, and I feel good!.

Do the things you need to take the leap; and don't look back;

M

 

Another week down, this one pretty easy. Nothing out of the ordinary. I spent most of my evenings contining to clean out the basement; cleaning, prepping and painting walls. We have an unfinished basement that spans the house, exposed pipes, etc. After clearing everything out this weekend (guess the garage is next!), and getting most of the place dirt free, we had a few trips to home depot for paint, and supplies, and I've been going hard on it all week. It really feels good to accomplish this stuff I've wanted to do for so long, but never had any motivation. And its amazing how much junk we've collected. I get to put it all up on ebay / craigslist; Wife's idea; I just wanted to toss it all. I guess she is looking for work for me... (Anyone want an old set of golf clubs, or a broken treadmill? LOL.

On the sex slave front, this is my 6th month in Chastity and 3rd month as a 'owned sex slave'. My wife informed me on Monday during the tease that the blowjob on Sunday was my gift for dedicated service. I told her I had thought it was due to the ruined orgasm, and I guess I caught her off guard. I had to explain to her that bringing me to orgasm and letting go like that is just as frustrating as edging. I think I stumped her. Guess its different reading about it vs. having a man tell her what its like.

This week, she had my dedications return to her ownership of me, physically, mentally, and materialisticly. Whenever I see a theme emerging, I know she's got something in store for me. She hasn't divulged it, and I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm hers to do with as she pleases, and whatever it is, I'm game.

No punishments this week either. I'm not sure if i'm disapointed about that or not. I think my horneyness and fantasy about her being harsher died down after my O, but I'm getting horny again, and thinking about being abused. Course, with this, I have to be very very careful, as I don't want to piss her off. Maybe i'll bring it up again for my tease tomorrow.

Not sure if she'll give me a release tomorrow either. She hasn't said anything about it; I don't ask.

Today being Friday, Ms Suz dropped by again, and was there when i got home. I am now so used to being on display, and being ignored, I just stand there listening to the conversation end and they say their goodbys (she usually leaves when i get home). The fantisy is completly different from the reality.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for this week. Tomorrow, more cleaning, then we go shopping.

M

 

Thanks Strict Sir; I really appreciate your comments.

Tonight was a real eye opener for me in that I had not realized how deep I actually am in this.

During work, I was contacted by a friend of mine; He and a few other old friends are heading out for a weekend for the holiday, and of course, I was asked to come along. I told them I wasn't sure, as although I have some vacation which I want to use before the weather changes, I had to put the family first; Then, the rest of the day I sort of planned on how I'd position this to my wife. Normally, this type of thing isn't a real big deal, but I can't go on a vacation with the guy's with this thing on. No way!

I figured I'd kneel, ask to speak,and tell her about the trip. I also figured, she'd say no, and I'd follow up the next few days with the idea that by sunday, she'd give the ok. (You have to ask a few times, I figured). All afternoon I thought this through, how I'd react if she said no. I was afraid I'd get angry, or pissed, yell, etc. It really was starting to stress me out, in fact I was getting nervous as I parked the car, and got undressed.

I greeted her when I got in, and then, standing, looking down, I said "John and the guy's invited me to go away for the weekend, and I'd like permission to go".

She stood silent for a second, and then said "down". Without thought, I dropped to my knees, and put my hands on the ground. "What are you" she said. And without hesitation, I said "A slave".

"Do you have rights" she said, walking around me. "No Princess".

"Are you owned"; "Yes Princess"

"What are you" she asked again, continuing to walk around me. and again, without hesitation, I said "I am a piece of property".

"Should you go, or should you stay here and service me" she asked. and like instinct, I told her I should stay and service her. Gut instinct.

She stopped in front of me, and said. "Good boy".

All this happened in like a minute. What is crazy, and something I still can't get over is how another part of me took completely over. When she told me "Down", there was no thought, I just dropped; and when she started asking me questions (there were many more than I wrote down), I answered her without hesitation, not even thinking; and by the time she was done, she'd talked me out of a week with my friends, and into a week with her. And I'm not upset; but even looking forward to it. I think I'm whipped!@

I can't even imagin what I must have looked like to her, but I know she was crazy horney cause after she told me good boy, she had me service her on the couch right then and there for almost an hour while she just sat back and enjoyed.

Then, of course, after she was done I got punished for even asking. Its screwed, but I feel bad now about asking her. I felt I deserved each stroke (10 and they were much harder than normal!), telling her I was sorry for asking.

This is swiming around my head all night now. Weird; but lusty? I just can't shake this feeling of lust. And again, I'm really looking forward to a week off with her. again, the only thing I can say is 'Weird!.

M

 

Hey Strict Sir; Again, I appreciate your comments and insights.

I am still a little wow'd by the whole deal today. I've been thinking about it all day (and I've had lots of down time today to think of it).

I can't shake the instinctual way I reacted to her commands. When she told me to get down, I did so without thinking, like when something comes at your eye and you blink. There was no thinking, I just reacted..and i reacted all the way way through the entire episode.

And not just physically. Emotionally at fist, then thought process as well. I did't feel guilty at all about asking, but as she started having me talk about how I was her's, that when I started questioning (mentally) why I'd want to be away from her.

This is completely new to me. Looking back today, its like she completely manipulated me; and I'm not upset about it either. Its like I didn't have any free will at all, and that is whats shaking me; that is whats weird.

It was like looking at myself doing these things without thought; not quite like a dream; I knew what I was saying and doing..just like a reaction...when she says jump, I do; not out of forethought, just out of reaction...There is no other way to describe it.

And I must say I felt a little humiliated there too. I kept thinking "what the frack must I look like to her, on my hand and knees like this". There was a point there where I felt embarrassed, but powerless to do anything about it.

Of course, my princess is walking around strutting her stuff all weekend. She is completely empowered by this. She is bossy while at the same time ignoring me, indifferent, and bossy; yes..i said bossy twice.

She's been prancing around the house today with just panties on, making sure my eyes where down whenever she walked by. And when I did manage to catch a few looks at her (man she's hot; its been a long time since I've seen those breasts!), she slapped me, then had me lock myself to the floor for almost 3 hours. During which every 30 or so mins she'd come by, stand infront of me and slap me again, telling me I didn't deserve to look at her. And I'm taking it. Without a sound! Those slaps hurt; and I don't have a mask on to absorb the impact!

Its not hornyness either. yes, there is lust when she's not around; but when she is, it feels like obedience? LIke I want her attention? This is freaking me out...LOL

 

Ha..Its funny rereading my post from last night..I don't mean to sound so down and out. I actually not feeling that way at all. I'm very excited about where I am with her, and even more so for being able to spend the week with her without having to go to work!

She's out for the afternoon, doing some shopping now that the worst of Irene is over. Pretty much a dud where I live, just some high winds..and of course, lots of rain! I get to stay home as I have to meet some people from Craigslist to take some things away, while also boxing up stuff for the ebay sales. We pulled in a pretty penny for the junk in the basement.

I spent the morning packing for the trip. We are taking the airlines tomorrow, so that will be much fun with all the travel mayhem. The clothing I get to bring (she chooses) is a pair of shorts, 2 shirts,workout stuff, and a 2 nice outfits for dinner with one of her friends and her father, though I'm still not sure if I'm making my way over to her fathers place. She spent more time directing me on the 'toys' we are bringing. My leather hood, gag, thighstraps, handcuffs, and the almighty key lockbox's. One key box goes in the luggage, the other I get to carry. She told me to pack the 2" locking gag incase I complain. And of course, my laptop, phones, etc..

She, on the other hand, is bringing tons of stuff; clothing, workout stuff, makeup, tons of sh$t. Its like she's planning on going out every night; though I suspect I'll get some clothing while were there..thats the way it typically works out. And of course, she's bringing her cane, though its a tight fit into the luggage.

The dinner with one of her friends is a suprise to me, as this is someone who I would rather not hang around. You know, its one of those people that you don't get along with. When my wife and I were young in our relationship, we used to hang out with her, and I think she had a problem with me for taking her friend away. She didn't like me much, and I feel the same about her. But whatever, I'll live.

I'm nicely shaved, and really excited to go tomorrow. It will be nice to get out of the rain!

Anway, I've gotta box some stuff up

M