Feeling like odd man out

Would you call yourself naturally submissive? I have long had a hunch that chastity amplifies your natural sexual drive, which for most wearers (because they're submissive) makes them more submissive.

 

I hear yah,

Give yourself some time. If your information is correct you haven't been around chastity for very long.

Most here have been in chastity for many years, my first cage was ordered in 2005

Like you I have a very high sex drive and it has taken literally years for me to learn how to manage the sexual frustration that builds from lack of orgasm.

Crazy thing is why would you want to learn???

Fuck knows I have no idea why I want my partner to be in control of my cock and orgasms, its just the way I am built. I cant stop wanting her to do it, and after 18 years it isn't going to go away! So I have just had to learn how.

A few tools I have learnt.

When I get really cranked up a good painful spanking really helps get through the fog, again dont know why.

Having sex with no orgasm now feels like I have had an orgasm even though I havnt.

Even talking about the frustration, it helps to have it acknowledged by my partner.

But no you are not alone, sometimes its not easy, and the worst thing is is if my partner knew how hard it is sometimes she would probably stop me from wearing it, and Id hate that.

Fortunately my partner has grown with me and she looks after me very well, we have been on this journey for long enough she recognizes the signs and she knows how to deal with it, and she gets benefit from it as well. She knows she means the world to me and its just part of our relationship dynamic that makes it stronger.

 

Interesting that you are not submissive and your partner is not domme - what made you want to try chastity? It's not a common combination.

 

Actually no, I used to consider myself more a master then later a switch.....then I met my partner lol.

That said she likes to be in control and make decisions pertaining to sex but she likes me to make the decisions and be in control for pretty much everything else, ill always consult her tho and if she disagrees I wont do it.

 

Maybe the two of you can work something out. If an orgasm is needed have you tried having your prostate stimulated leading to orgasm with cage on? When things get intense here she will allow me to milk myself with a toy or she will briefly unlock me with a short time limit, minutes, to satisfy myself them washup and locked up

 

Perhaps ruined orgasms will help you. I am similar to the OP where I do get cranky when not allowed to cum for a while but also have a bad attitude directly
After a full orgasm.

maybe ruins can smooth things out?

 

Ruined orgasms work well here as well. Better than a non restricted orgasm which leaves me feeling useless for Mistress use

 

I would consider myself mostly submissive but I can get pretty agitated depending on how the lockup is going. When my wife is distracted by the ongoings of life and stress she can be pretty inattentive to me. I always try to counterbalance by being more attentive to her current mental/physical needs but sometimes she’ll go a couple of weeks without even giving my cage as much as a squeeze let alone alow me to pleasure her. I’ll grow frustrated and feel pent up and I hate that I get so worked up. I’m much better about controlling when I start to feel that way but sometimes my emotions will get the best of me. I think my wife understands this better now, that even showing small acknowledgments of “I know you’re locked” makes a big difference in my emotional state. Even after 8 years this is still a learning process for us. Though I can grow frustrated and things aren’t always the way I want them to be I still find myself back in the cage at the end of the day because it makes us both happy.

 

Agreeing with that. Its hard at times to just forget about the lock up and move on when feeling alone or left out. My wifes life is very busy with her work and our daughter and grandkids. We try to find some time of our own on weekends even if just hiking or gym time together.

 

How long have you gone between ejaculations?

 

Longest time is 70+ days

 

You have to decide what works for you. Some people really like being strung along and others hate it. If it’s a “porn” issue, I would suggest focusing on control rather than long denial.

Have you tried ruined orgasms? Can take the edge off without experiencing as wide swings in mood.

 

What's the longest you have done between ejaculations or erections?

 

Keep going.

 

I see a little of that in hubby, especially if I make him go "too long" without an orgasm. For him there seems to be a "building" phase where he's agitated, a "plateau" where everything is really good, and then "too long" where he gets cranky. The durations have changed over the years. Years ago, a week was probably "too long". Nowadays, I'd say 7-10 days of building, and "too long" is somewhere around 4-5 weeks.

Ruined orgasms have been a game changer They seem to reset hubby's "cranky clock" without bringing him all the way back to square 1. With a ruined orgasm every 2-3 weeks I can keep hubby in that perfect plateau phase indefinitely.

 

Just curious, does she totally deny you from pleasuring her as well during your lockup? I’m much more content to go longer and not feel agitated as long as she lets me pleasure her on a regular basis in between lockups. When she cums and I’m the one that’s given her the O, I feel satisfied like I’ve had an O as well. But perhaps I feel this way because during graduates school there were many weeks of zero contact while I was locked and I hated it. So maybe now that I have been pleasuring her a little more often between my lockups I get a vicarious O from knowing I’m not being out through total denial.

 

So if you’re not locked she won’t let you satisfy her?
Do you mean reprimanded for trying to do to much for her?

 

I totally get this. After 3 days with no orgasm, I was ready to murder people.

I'm not sure what changed, but at some point in the past few years she broke me, and now I'm perfectly happy waiting indefinitely until she's ready.