Chastity is usually built around the stick instead the carrot. One can see why. Simply adding more time until the next orgasm couldn’t be simpler, while orgasms themselves are kind of complicated to schedule, what with the sub drop and all. But carrots work too and are much more flexible. Our relationship is built around rewards more than punishments. For instance, I love showering together. It is an intensely erotic experience, especially when I have been locked up for a while, which I almost always have been. My KH knows this and only allows us to shower together when I have done something especially nice. (I am usually not released for these events, but occasionally I am, and that is truly a magnificent experience.) She usually wears a nightgown to bed, but when I have done something she wants to reward she just wears a pair of panties, or a Tee shirt with nothing else, or even nothing at all. Special moments all. And I always know what is being rewarded. Erections are a major target of rewards. She uses them as a kind of currency – “if you do X, you will be allowed an erection for (say) one hour.” I always do it – sometimes I haggle a little – and she ties my hands to my collar and lets me walk about free for whatever the time was. Or if she wants my hands free – all kinds of reasons for that -- she takes the cage off and has me wear a penis sleeve. These work. I am constantly thinking about ways to please her, and I mean constantly. I write love letters. I think of interesting dates for us to go on. I organize events with friends. I make it a point to remember and celebrate important moments in our history. Rewards work!
My wife uses rewards almost exclusively: * She rewards me by letting me rub her feet * She rewards me by telling me what to do * She rewards me by letting me remain caged So far, it seems to work pretty well. And it is a little bit funny that I write her more love letters now than when we were first dating.
A point I forgot to make, or at least emphasize enough, is how continuous rewards are. Suppose I do something to please her during the day. She can tie up my hands, take me out of the cage, and allow me the pleasure of walking around with an bouncing erection right then, and when the time she allowed is over -- maybe an hour -- and I am locked up again I am 100% ready to go again. There is no downtime. I am always eager. I am always thinking of how to please her. Rewards work. and they work all the time. One benefit of relying of rewards is that the moment when PIV orgasms are allowed is no longer driven by my behavior, because I am already working as hard as I can to make sure that my behavior is perfect. So I have nothing to do with when we have PIV sex. Those occasions, which come to maybe four to five times a year, are only when she wants them too. Nothing I can do affects the timing of those moments.
That is certainly a good point to make! Everybody enjoys rewards and hates punishments. Mistress says that She doesn't enjoy punishing me, but only does so to maintain proper control. I think it takes really good communication and a dedication to serve to have the whole reward aspect working contunuously, as it sounds you do! Thanks for this post!
We tried the "do x and get y" but it didn't work since we both like sexy fun times together, I'll do x anyway, and she didn't want to wait for me to do x since she also wanted y. I also found it kind of boiled down to "don't be a dick and I'll reward you with sex", which felt a little demeaning for us both. I try not to be a dick and I think rewarding being a normal decent adult male with sex just seemed wrong, and somehow meant she was just there for my sexual pleasure, which she is not! But I totally get why it might work for some folks.
I'm in the same boat, but four to five times a month (i.e. month not year). I am pretty scared of that frequency dropping ... four years ago it was at least four or five times a week! But I'm also going to accept and respect whatever she decides. (I just hope that doesn't mean less sex.)