Uncertainty?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by MsPamela, Feb 1, 2023.

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  1. MsPamela
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    MsPamela Long term member

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    As I mentioned on another thread, I'm planning on giving hubby an orgasm on Valentine's Day, but I haven't told him yet. I often keep things vague, partly because I like to change my mind, and partly out of habit. But maybe in this case it would be better to tell him and let the anticipation build. The flip side is that telling him he will get an orgasm on Valentine's Day is also telling him that he definitely is not getting one before then. How important is that hope (no matter how small) that "tonight might be the night"?

    From past experience, it seemed like "you'll get an orgasm every Sunday" didn't work nearly as well as "about once a week". Some amount of unpredictability really helped... whether it was a pleasant surprise on Friday, or a last second denial on Sunday. But I'm not sure that's still true. For a while I was making him wait a month between orgasms. He never knew the exact day, but surely for the first few weeks he must have known there was zero chance of an orgasm, and he seemed fine with it. Or maybe somehow in his head he created a sliver of hope anyway. I'm not sure.

    I'm curious how everyone else feels about this. Is it better to have clear expectations, or to always be kept in suspense? Does knowing an exact date in the future make the intervening days better or worse?
     
  2. latexbound
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    latexbound Locked

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    I always prefer not to know what's coming (or not coming) next.....
     
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  3. Arm II
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    Arm II Active member

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    I need to know I'm not going to be ignored, and couldn't handle it being permanent. But not knowing exactly, say knowing plus or minus a week, is actually exciting.
     
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  4. Pepe_
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    Pepe_ Active member

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    Agreed with Arm II. Having a rough idea of how long is good, but not knowing exactly when is ideal. Extensions are always possible!
     
  5. Lemonzes7
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    Lemonzes7 Active member

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    I would say to not tell him, and amp up the teasing until Valentine’s Day
     
  6. captivatedbyher
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    captivatedbyher romantic want to be

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    MsPamela, is it his orgasim that he craves? As a man I have learned that wonderful satisfying sex is not about my pleasure, its about my wifes. I crave HER orgasim! May I suggest that you be powerful by letting him know when he will be allowed to pleasure YOU to orgasim, and to be fair you need to have two, one for each of you!

    I suggest you give him permission to let you know when he feels like he NEEDS to climax. You can dictate terms and requirements, or just freely give, When he feels like he needs to climax that is when he is most intoxicated with you, with this approach you can read him like a gauge, he will be putty in your hands, and he will likely crave to do humbling acts of romantic service for you. Let him work to earn, but ONLY when you are happy with him, the best climaxes are when the woman is happy with her man. He likely would love to kneel at your feet, naked, and plead his case for an orgasim. And make him clean it up afterwards, soap and water or.... I don't want to grouse you out but you can imagine.

    He is a very blessed man to have you!
     
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  7. hardbodysub
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    hardbodysub BrokeTheMold

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    Pros and cons, as you have already surmised in the OP. The suspense of not knowing when can be an almost constant source of excitement. But waiting and anticipating a known date can create a tremendous buildup, especially when having a release date means staying locked until then.

    Maybe a good compromise would be telling him he MIGHT be released on Valentine’s Day, and definitely not until then.
     
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  8. LockedbyFridayGirl
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    LockedbyFridayGirl Long term member

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    My thoughts….
    I always want that little sliver of hope!
    I feel like my game will be off a little bit if I know there’s no chance!
     
  9. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Knowing exactly takes a lot of fun out of it for me
     
  10. MsPamela
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    MsPamela Long term member

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    That's a good question. A year ago I was pretty sure he craved the orgasm, things felt a little "off" if I made him wait too long. But these last few months have been different. We seem to have reached some sort of equilibrium where frequent teasing and occasional ruined orgasms are enough to keep him happy (and deliciously frustrated). I'm sure he still wants an orgasm, but does he crave it? I don't really know.

    Regardless, I want to give him an orgasm on Valentine's Day. I'm intrigued by the idea of his orgasms being rare enough that each one is memorable and special, but I have no desire to eliminate them entirely, and three months is certainly a long enough wait. He's earned it.

    Regarding my own orgasms, hubby already knows he won't ever have to wait long for that. I enjoy his hands and tongue far too much to ever deny myself of that pleasure. One time, long ago, I tried a little orgasm denial just to see how it felt. I was going nuts after just a few days. I have no idea how hubby (or the rest of you) do it. I haven't been counting, but it's conceivable that I will have had a hundred orgasms for hubby's one. As I said, he's earned it.
     
  11. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I’m sure it’s not on purpose, but I absolutely hate when I’m told something is going to happen, and it doesn’t. This may not happen to you, but for me it does, and would rather not know.

    Many times she has teased me by saying I am unlocking you tonight, or I think you are due to cum. Only for things to get busy, get too tipsy or it gets late. And then nothing. Not so much a tease and denial, but an expectation that fell short for no real reason.

    I don’t mind the wait, and if I had not heard that she had plans for me I would not have gotten so disappointed. Then feelings are hurt. What I prefer is , “you never know, I might just unlock you” it leaves the door open for anything.
     
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  12. CumSlut
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    CumSlut Long term member

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    I feel it's better not to know. Receiving what I get and being grateful for it seems appropriate for our Ds dynamic. My Owner can easily reward me by playing on my fetishes and make a gifted orgasm extra memorable.
     
  13. Caged for life
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    Caged for life Long term member

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    I would say knowing the exact day would make the rest of my week seem like a year
     
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  14. MsPamela
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    MsPamela Long term member

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    Wow, thank you for all of the responses! I'm amazed at the strong degree of consensus. When trying to put myself in hubby's shoes, this really felt like a toss up to me. Yet everyone's answers make it clear that uncertainty is a much better path. I guess it just shows how little I understand the other side of the coin.

    Anyway, next week I'll start mentioning that I'm thinking of giving hubby an orgasm "soon", but I won't say anything about Valentine's Day. Of course, hubby knows I have a soft spot for holidays, so he'll probably guess my plan. But he won't be certain. He'll be free to imagine that "soon" just might mean "tonight" or "tomorrow".
     
  15. Plotthund
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    Here's an Idea I didn't see. How about you tell him that you are going to be busy on valentines day, however you will have some free time on Sunday 12th or Monday Feb 13th, if he's good. The 12th/13th comes and you get your pleasure but say it slipped your mind or something about his or you lost interest. Don't mention valentines day at all unless you want him to get you flowers or something.

    Then on Valentines day you randomly give him his gift.

    As a guy Valentines day is just another day unless there is a woman to please or give flowers to.
     
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  16. NowIveDoneIt
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    NowIveDoneIt Long term member

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    I think you are on the right track to not tell him for one reason. Being told something is going to happen and allow that excitement to build and then have things fall through is mentally crushing. And not in a good way. Imagine being a kid and Christmas was coming up and you were hoping for presents under the tree and that morning M&D were hungover on the couch and the tree was bare. Devastating. Well having a very rare orgasm promised but not fulfilled is the adult equivalent. Does it build character? NO, it does not. By all means keep him guessing up to the moment and make it very special, an O he will remember in a very good way (at least if you love him). He will love that moment for many moons and live to serve (you)...
     
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  17. little_dude
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    little_dude Active member

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    i very much like @hardbodysub 's idea, ideally while teasing him or just before your own O.

    I always get a rush, when my Lady tells me, I won't be cumming before, idk, Saturday (yes, for me it's about days, not weeks ;)) and even more so, when she plays with my member just minutes or seconds before she explodes (typically sitting on my face). It might not work for you both, @MsPamela , as Hubby presumably knows your preferences for Holidays/special occasions, so the uncertainty might be too little.
     
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  18. Chaste Bear
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    Chaste Bear Long term member

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    I have no idea and probably for the best, I just assume that when I get fucked or give my husband a blowjob that i'm staying locked, so i'm never disappointed and when I am allowed out i'm super grateful.
     
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  19. Lockedpeanut
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    Lockedpeanut Active member

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    I'm never told when I'm going to be allowed to cum and always locked back up straight afterwards
    Personally I prefer it this way as apparently it keeps me on my toes according to my wife that is
     
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  20. captivatedbyher
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    captivatedbyher romantic want to be

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    That a great one liner! I'm going to use it!!!!
     
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  21. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    I’ll go with the consensus on this one. It’s best not to know too far in advance. It creates expectations, which frankly become hard to then match as the thought process spirals into what exactly the night could entail.

    On the other side of the coin I would also not really enjoy if I didn’t have enough warning. As if to be ruined and then it just being allowed. That wouldn’t create a meaningful experience for me.
    If my wife were ever to allow me a full orgasm again (that’s a big if), I think the perfect timing from my perspective would be the moment she removed the cage. If she told me I could just ‘relax and let it go’, or words to that effect… anything to let me know that it would be happening. Of course, that would also work as the ultimate tease if she then didn’t allow it :eek:
     
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  22. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    That is my experience! The teasing is much more intense knowing it's not going to happen for awhile! This is assuming there is plenty of teasing.
     
  23. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    You can easily do both! Put a date out there that's weeks in advance. But it's always KH's Choice. And as the date approaches, you can always drop hints that the date might change. I've had some 5 week lockups, but every time she teased me during those lockups, I was always hoping she might make today the day.

    One of my wife's best mental teases was to tell me I could have an O that day but that the next one was going to be that much longer. The uncertainty of not knowing how long that one would be until we rolled the dice made me decide to wait.

    Another idea to drive him wild that I've shared on other threads is to get him really aroused on the planned release date, and then ask him to beg you to deny him for another week. His amygdala (middle brain) will have a very hard time saying "No" to that request.
     
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  24. slave_m
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    slave_m Long term member

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    The uncertainty of when the "Big Day" will be makes us more subservient, docile and submissive.
     
  25. hardbodysub
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    hardbodysub BrokeTheMold

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    I do NOT get that, and don’t think I ever will. To each his own, and YMMV, etc., but that is entirely contrary to my thinking/feeling, and no part of my brain would be inclined to beg for more denial. The only possible exception would be if it is presented as an unavoidable ultimatum where the only alternative is even worse.
     
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