When does it kick in for a reluctant keyholder

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by MichaelAlan, Aug 3, 2022.

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  1. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    Currently 80 days since the key was in the lock. Previously did 70 days. It's going to be at least 100 days (since I asked for release too many times, and had too much beer, and she added time) but I suspect she wants to go to 120 days.

    I feel calm, I am horny but not desperately any more (I have been insanely horny), I really want an erection but I can wait until she says I am ready. It seems much less important now.

    She is itching to get into the edging and ruined orgasms aspect of our adventure. I'd be happy with an erection.

    As soon as I mentioned it she was into it. I had written a document describing it but she devoured that and then found books and reading material for herself.

    She says I will always be horny now, that it is the new normal, and that she is going to do her best to never let me cum again but also she is going to edge me until I go insane.

    She loves it, I created a monster haha.

    She is amazing and I love her very much :)
     
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  2. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Long term member

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    At this point no release ever is not on my wish list. But delaying it with edging is an insane feeling I never imagined I'd enjoy.
     
  3. Locked for Goddess Tina
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    Locked for Goddess Tina Active member

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    It is more complimentary but also congratulatory. Your very lucky and should praise your wife. Take a hard look at your wife and realize how grateful you should be. Most of us see a long journey ahead and some with less than successful results. Also you are both young. The older people are the less open they are to change; especially unconventional change.
     
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  4. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Long term member

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    I actually did praise her. She is not one that takes praise we'll. Mid 50s, late 40s.
    I said "woah, you just made me feel really guilty, your getting good at this" to which she sighed..... just her personality word of praise aren't her love language
     
  5. Maditilda
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    Maditilda Member

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    I very much agree. I'm still very new to this, and I understand that I don't fully understand everything (myself included). But my wife and I are still partners. Are things coming to fruition as quickly as I like? No. But I'm doing my darnedest to employ patience.
     
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  6. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    Well thank you. That’s nice. She’s even younger than me which makes things interesting. We were both opposed to marriage before we met… we’re like soul mates, with completely different outward characteristics.
     
  7. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Long term member

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    #32 MichaelAlan, Aug 4, 2022
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2022
    I actually did praise her. She is not one that takes praise we'll. Mid 50s, late 40s.
    I said "woah, you just made me feel really guilty, your getting good at this" tonwhich she sighed..... just her personality word of praise aren't her love language
    Oops. My mistake.
     
  8. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Im not the expert here as my Queen craved chastity and control but she tells me it worked really well because she was free to experimwnt with what SHE liked (varying lockup times, sub kinks, etc). I communicated how something made me feel (and she could read my affections even quicker) which allowed her to TAKE control in a way that turned her on. Even then, starting with a strong interest, it took her months to become confident.

    @Mazikeen welcome here and kudos for taking the time to indulge him. Please go at your pace and look for things (or changes in him) that YOU enjoy. It may start about him but by design needs to become about putting you first. Start a journal or talk to the ladies here and you will get tons of advice, and some will be really useful (warning: us guys can go to the extreme so ignore what doesnt resonate).

    Good luck both.
     
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  9. Mazikeen
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    Mazikeen Member

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    thank you for the encouragement. I have been and he has been very patient with me as I learn to voice what I want and learn to be more dominant with him. I was a very very vanilla person when I met him. he has opened my eyes to a whole new area of enjoyment.
    looking forward to all the new ideas and advice from those who are more experienced in the chastity lifestyle.
     
  10. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    I'm with you on this one. My wife enjoys it but has been very, very reluctant to allow me down there because of her odor. She finds it very off-putting even though it isn't something that bothers me. Occasionally, she needs another shower late in the day, and that is my sign that she'll be "fresh" and I beg for the opportunity to please her in that way. When she allows it, she has a powerful orgasm... better than a manual one? I don't know and don't think she'd say that it's better or worse. But she's definitely much more open to it now.

    I heard a sexual phsychologist say that there are two things that affect a woman's ability to orgasm and her enjoyment of an orgasm - accelerators and inhibitors (brakes). The latter is almost exclusively mental. If she feels something is yucky, not only will she not enjoy it, she may experience pain. I'm finding that to be too true.
     
  11. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Im with you over the odor syndrome...TBH the more odor the lovelier it tastes and smells...but the Ladies dont always see it that way.
     
  12. KMW’s
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    KMW’s Long term member

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    My wife and I started out playing with chastity in the first year of our marriage. I brought it up to her. Though it intrigued her a bit, I recall that she felt a little overwhelmed once I started talking about it more. From my side, I was just incredibly turned on and elated that I could share this part of myself with my wife. My longer descriptions made it seem like there was probably a very complicated and precise set of things she needed to do to satisfy this urge I'd revealed to her. She was open to the idea for the same reasons you expressed. She loves me, and she wants to please me just as I try to please her.

    Chastity play comes and goes in our lives. Sometimes we do it for quite a while, then, we let it be for a long while. However, we've begun to hit on a more steady use of it (with or without a device). I think once we'd done it enough, she became more comfortable. She also did start to see how much enjoyment we both got out of our sex life the more regularly I waited, and she did start to enjoy being in control of my sexuality. I'm not sure this last longer period of our using chastity will continue indefinitely, but we are enjoying it right now. It's the best we've had in 13 years of marriage.

    So I'd just say relax. There's not really a whole lot to get right or wrong here unless you want to make it that way. It's between the two of you, and you'll both figure it out.
     
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  13. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    After giving this a little more consideration, I’ll adjust my answer:
    We introduced chastity in some form nearly two years ago. She wasn’t really for it at all.
    6-7months ago we re-introduced it in a more substantial way.
    It took 17 days from her first instruction for me to lock up and me explaining what I wanted and why I wanted it for her to take control.

    It does take time. When you get there you’ll forget the initial challenge and they’ll be no turning back.
     
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  14. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Very nicely said!
     
  15. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    Sometimes it doesn't
     
  16. Mazikeen
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    Mazikeen Member

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    thank you, for your comments.
     
  17. samseaborne
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    samseaborne Long term member

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    Hardly ever.
     
  18. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    But when it does… you’ll regret it… keep positive.
     
  19. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Two years on and off...my Madame Vanilla is still somewhat reluctant.
    She dislikes my bad masturbation habit and she likes the increase in my attentiveness when Im locked. And as I do her bidding when locked, she has gotten more and more directive, giving me a list of things she wants done, now.


    But she still has hang ups...
    "Its not good to go without erections"
    "You risk a metal allergy"
    "Its going to hurt you if you have an accident on your bike"
    "It looks like a medical prosthesis not a penis"
    "I dont want a submisive man and Im not interested in being a dominatrix"
    Etc. Etc.

    Anybody else have quotes like these?
     
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  20. samseaborne
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    samseaborne Long term member

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    "I like when you cum"
    "What if you get into a car accident/have a heart attack"
    "what will people think"
     
  21. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    “You had an erection last week”
    “It’s only been a month, you’ll be alright for another two yet”
    “I’ve given up treats on my diet, I understand how hard it can be”
    “It’s your own fault for being so much better in chastity”
    “You had a chance two days ago with my strapon, I don’t know why you didn’t cum then”
    “That’s (sex) absolutely not happening”
     
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  22. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    At the start yes. I think it's perfectly normal. She was very concerned about what happens and wanted to take the cage off regularly for wash, inspection, and to ensure good working order. She was skeptical about stuff written on the internet.

    She still doesn't want a submissive man, she just doesn't want me masturbating and enjoys deciding when I get erections and 100% denying me orgasms.

    We don't do any of the other stuff.
     
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  23. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    I think this is the reality and some people don’t really think that way.
    Im positive you could talk/ask/persuade/beg/coax/manipulate any wife/gf to ultimately become a KH. Whether they’re reluctant at first or not. The reservations will disappear over time.

    I find it almost uncomfortable to read when people expect that they lock up their little guy and then are wondering; ‘why doesn’t she paddle me’ ‘she hasn’t told me to dress like a maid’ ‘she won’t peg me’ ‘not once has she fucked someone else and made me clean it up after’…

    Chasity doesn’t actually get you a whole new partner. As the song goes “love the one your with”
     
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  24. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    I can't speak for anyone else but I feel what you have said is likely true.
     
  25. Queens servant73
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    Queens servant73 Long term member

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    Ours is still evolving, we’re in our 3rd year and it’s changed from another kink to try, to becoming our way of life. This wasn’t because I was a masturbator or ignored my Wife or anything like that. The cage was just a new toy to try, as we approached almost 30 years of marriage we’d tried many toys and bdsm things, why not try a cock cage right?
    We discovered my Wife was a naturally dominant woman lol, but like I said, it’s taken time to allow her to get comfortable and not only be free of guilt but realize this is actually good for me.
    But honestly the biggest change wasn’t with my wonderful Wife becoming more strict in denying my orgasms, the change that’s taken longer was in me truly letting go of hopes of guiding or trying to manipulate the way she does things in our sex lives. Truly giving up total control, at least speaking for myself, took longer than waiting for my Queen to get into being a KH.
    Every couple’s journey with chastity or anything is going to be different of course, and as others have said here, patience and communication are vital to allowing things to change to where you’ll both be happy. Just make sure you’re actually giving up control to your KH and try not to influence things, that can be the biggest challenge I think. And after reading posts on CM for the last few years, that may be the bigger problem in most chastity relationships than how fast the KH can embrace being the Domme kinkster the male craves lol
     
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