This is my journey. My key holder is getting serious about chastity. She is finally hiding the key and requires that I ask permission before removing my cage. She has denied me from orgasming for the last two weeks. That is a lot for me. I am eager to please her anyway I can. I can’t believe how much my mind has changed over the last couple of months since I started using a cage. I am having a hard time staying in and finding a cage due to my radical inguinal orchiectomy surgery. I am trying a cage with a urethra tube to help keep things in place. Plus I love the fact that it is inescapable. Another mind changing technique I have found. I hope that I can avoid any UTI’s. I was carful to sterilize everything before I inserted the tube. My key holder just told me I will only get to orgasm once a month. I am not sure if she was serious or not. Time will tell.
I have been trying to find a more inescapable cage. Of the three cages I have with urethra tubes two are not secure enough. I found that a tube has to be inserted into the penis then placed in its hole into the cage. A urethra tube that pass through the cage and then enters the penis can be easily removed. Which makes pull out possible. My wife had another orgasm last night and denied me an orgasm. Which I love. The thing that I don’t understand is why she feels more “frisky” with me being caged up? Before we started down this path she would orgasm 3 maybe 4 times a month. That was with me begging her for sex. She rarely put on anything sexy, now she wears something sexy almost every night to bed. I love this change! What is causing this? Is it my attitude towards her or is she really enjoying being in charge that much? I hope she continues to open up. She never has been one to express her sexual interests. I hope she continues to enjoy where this is going.
My key holder final shared her thoughts with me last night regarding her experience so far. Basically, she said I have been making her feel guilty by asking her if I can give her an orgasm. She feels like I am pushing too much. I apologized and told her I would do better. I don’t mean to push her to do sexual things I am just so horny lately that I can barely sleep next to her. I am going on 4 weeks with no orgasm. Each time she feels pleasure it makes me feel pleasure to a degree. Therefore, I inadvertently push her, desire her, need her, more than I should, I guess. I asked her to be more open with me about these things. I am terrible at reading her and she doesn’t like to tell me what do to, but if she is going to be in charge I need her to communicate with me better, otherwise, I’ll read her wrong and push her to do something she isn’t interested in. I truly don’t want that. I asked her if she wanted to continue this journey. Is this lifestyle too much work for not enough benefit/return? She said she liked it and wanted to continue. Yes! I did something right. I hope I can learn to control my desire to pleasure her. That will ruin this fragile situation. I want her to enjoy this and continue to become more dominant.
It has been about a month and I was allowed a release and orgasm for Christmas. I admit it was a nice present. My keyholder is back to not hiding the key. She leaves it on the night stand right where I put it after I replace my cage. Wish that wouldn’t happen. I like it when she denies access to the key. I have gone thru great lengths to make sure my cage is inescapable. (Preferred method is a urethra tube for me). I don’t think she cares if I take it off whenever I want. At least that is my feeling.
I haven’t been allowed to wear my cage since I last posted. I asked several times if I could return to my safety zone and was told no. My keyholder would make comments about how she likes it when I am in a “choke hold” but would not let me put my cage back on. I figured she was done with chastity and even though about throwing away my collection of cages. I admit my level of devotion has dropped significantly towards her. I was very much, “yes ma’am” while caged and while not caged I am not like that at all. Last night I was told to put my cage back on because I was too grumpy. It never occurred to me that I had gotten so out of control. It was late when the instruction was given and I was in a bad mood so I didn’t put on the cage. I will out my cage back on this morning and present her with the key. Hopefully, that makes her happy again.
My key holder allowed me to give her and orgasm last night while I stayed locked away. I love doing that. She wanted a fast orgasm so I had to break out her favorite toy. It really “boosted my level” of submissiveness when she does this. The next morning after she denies me a release while she enjoys an orgasm is really intoxicating for me. I have a pure desire to do anything for her.
It’s been two weeks since my last post. I stopped wearing my cage since my key holder wasn’t interested in me wearing it, at least I thought that was the case. Whenever she leave the key sitting on her night stand and does not hide it from me I assume she is not interested. I have told her several times if you don’t hide the key that tells me you are not interested. The other day I put the cage back on and sent her a picture of the key. She replied, I’m going to loose that thing. I didn’t understand what she meant, so, I said, what does that mean? Should I take it off? She said no, I’m hiding for a long time. I guess she likes me in a cage but isn’t willing to tell me to put it on just yet. Baby steps, baby steps.
Same story. Put the cage on and she didn’t hide the key so I took it off. I told her I removed the cage and she was upset but she doesn’t take the time to hide the key. Seems like we are in a stalemate.
Maybe she's testing you. Many keyholders, when they start, have concerns about denying you orgasms being fair, about hygiene or physical damage, about whether you really want to do it, and 101 other reasons. She might be leaving the key available just to see if you unlock yourself. If you take the cage off then you're obviously not enjoying it, are you? Why are you taking the cage off? Don't you want her to discover how good life can be for her while you're locked? Don't you want her to discover just how sexually satisfied she can be even when you never orgasm? Don't you want to experience that sweet combination of continuous arousal and frustration that you get after weeks and months of denial? She's testing you and by unlocking yourself you're sending all the wrong signals, and you haven't noticed the signal she sent you by being upset. Get locked up and tell yourself that touching the key without her permission is forbidden.
Don't you think you're being a bit of a brat? Chastity was your idea, right? Yet, you keep taking the cage off. I understand that she's not doing everything that you want, but isn't this supposed to be about transferring control, which means she gets to decide how things play out. If she leaves the key there, but gives you an order not to remove the cage without her permission, and you do it anyway, what does that say? Did you really transfer control to her or not?
When she gets the benefits of you being in chastity (that will take some time to convince her it works and lasts) then she will insist on control, but until then, you have to show her what's possible. Look at it from her point of view, she hasn't seen many benefits yet, so why would she insist on it?
when I am caged I enjoy it and really go out of my way to make sure she is happy. My hope is that she will start to enjoy the power and benefits of my chaste status and take a more active role in it. My only request is she deny access to the key. Even if she said, I’m leaving this key sitting here, but you are not allowed to touch it. That key would be as secure as if it was in the bank vault. At that point, she will have acknowledged my status and given instructions which I would follow to the letter. But... To be honest, most of the time I am “locked and forgot”, there is no teasing, there is no mention of my status, I am not even allowed to let her see my locked penis (that is gross she normally says). I ask her all the time if she does not like it, it will stop. I truly don’t want her to be burdened by this experience. If she views this as too bothersome or the benefits don’t out weigh the costs I will sadly stop and go back to the way is was before. I want her to want this. If she doesn’t enjoy it I don’t want to force her to continue. The reason I introduced chastity to our relationship was because she has a very demanding/controlling personality. Most the time I would go along with whatever she says, however, occasionally I would push back and we would have a fight. One day is dawned on me - Give her complete control and embrace your submissiveness. I can learn to turnover complete control if I am not ignored. I guess if me asking that she deny me access to the key is, asking too much, then maybe this lifestyle isn’t for us.
@Stronghold that actually makes perfect sense now, and to be honest, I have many of the same feelings right now myself. Let's wish each other luck with this!
Excuse a newbie and non-submissive's perspective: If you voluntarily lock yourself up and give your KH/Wife the key and tell her she is in charge, it is her prerogative to leave the key laying around, etc. If She doesn't want to be KH... You don't have to wear a chastity device to be attentive, to ask if there is something she wants or needs. Buy her flowers, chocolate, jewelry, take her out to dinner. Don't expect sex or anything else in return, and do it regularly. If she is a woman who is doing too much, then give her time to herself, buy a spa pass, care for the kids, cook meals or bring them home. If she wants or initiates sex, ask what she would like. If she doesn't know or will not say, don't use your penis unless she demonstrates she wants it, or has clearly indicated her likes AND dislikes in the past. If you can afford it, get an actual massage table, oils, relaxing music, learn what soft touch truly means, and stimulate her body head to toe. Don't massage, lightly caress. The majority of men are, or have been in the past to firm and quick. The massages I use to give women were an hour long, before any sensual touch, and if they warmed up and responded sexually, another hour or more later, out lasted me. If she accepts or tolerates a chastity device, count yourself lucky.
Demanding and controlling does in no way equal Dominating and make her an instant Key holder. I hear a Lot of Me's...My Hopes, I want etc. I understand you wanted Chastity, however it seems me to you are topping from the bottom. I see a lot of expectations on your part and I totally get it, you want her to read your mind...pick up on your vibes and react the way you in your mind are hoping she will. You are hoping she will see what you want her to and it's not happening. We as men are ready to live our fantasy on a daily basis and we HOPE with all our might that our significant other will as well. Sadly for MOST...that is the reality. We ask the question...How can I get her to change...and therein is the issue. It's not for her to change...not in the least. We can hope she discovers the positives. She may try it and like it...some times! Her reality is VERY different from yours and I picked up on a key point you said..."I was grumpy." So now she sees that if you don't get your way...there is a negative. Tell me...why the heck she would want to indulge in this fantasy? I'm sorry if I am not saying what you want to hear...but, seems to me she is trying to indulge you...which does not in her mind mean full time. Fantasy = On occasion, when we have time and it suits our schedule...one of our many fun things. Lifestyle Change = It's inherent in us and just comes out. Get a PA...that will help...sorry I could not be more positive.
Very well said MTN Viper! You rock! I think what all this texting is trying to tell you (I may be wrong) is it seems to be too much about you. We can ask God (Our KH's) to answer our prayers and they will...and sometimes the answer is NO!
I am trying to remember back. I believe it has been two weeks since my last orgasm. My key holder did take the time to hide the key this past week. When she does that it mentally makes a big difference to me. I finally shaved my hair off my head. She has wanted me to shave my hair off for a long time. I have alway resisted the request. I guess, it kind of is an outward symbol of my submission to her. She loves the new look. I’m glad for that. My keyholder’s period should be coming up soon. It normally becomes a negative time. Don’t touch me, it is so gross, no orgasm for me, she normally says things like that. I asked if she would allow me to change her tampon in an effort to make things easier, when the time comes. I guess that was a bad idea. She said no. I was just trying to make things easier for her. I wish she would come up with rules, ideas, tasks, whatever you want to call it for me to do.
WOW...I am almost at a loss for words here. How can I say this in the most tactful way possible...Hmm Thinking Thinking...Nope! Tact is gone! You Pal have done (and this is MY opinion only) A GRAVE error. Unless a woman tells you otherwise...geeze I am shaking my head...Her period is NOTHING to be trifled with! It is not a time to make jokes. Not a time to request ANYTHING for you. If she says she feels GROSS...take the hint...back off...stay away...don't touch...no comments as everything she is going through for that duration is totally unpleasant! You might be horny and want attention and think changing her tampon would be fun...but, once again, this is for you and you're being short sighted here! IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! We as men have no idea what being a woman is like...Sure...some clothes and some make-up and voila...we think we are woman...WRONG! The Shoes Hurt! The BRA is HELL after a few days and sooooo Annoying! Nylons get runs...ARGH! MAke-up clogs the skin etc etc etc We have it easy! And the Period...we shall NEVER know...but, I listen first...I hear their words...I read their body language, their facial expressions and again...I think you missed the point here because you were focused on you. I remember I went to a Transgender party once and it took me weeks to prep. A female friend was there as a male and she says, this was easy, I just dressed down. I'm sorry...my pulse is racing here! CALM ZAK....BREATH!!! I think you need to listen to the people on this sight that have been in a committed functional KH relationship and I think you will understand that the first way to make this work is to fully give of yourself...and stop trying to implant what you want...into her brain...again...Topping from the bottom. Going to go meditate now....Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
It takes time. Be patient. I was in the same position you are in now a couple of years ago. Now chastity is a normal aspect of our lives. My wife is still very vanilla about everything, but she has learned that chastity makes me a better husband. She likes to be pampered and that's what I do for her. She knows that when I am in chastity and denied, I am basically at her beck and call. When we first started this journey, she hated the cage and was revolted about the whole idea. Now she likes to play with it and laughs about how my penis looks when it's trying to get hard. She has woken me up in the middle of the night the past two nights just to tease me. My denial period ranges from two to four weeks depending on when she wants PIV. We have also become very close now. I try to be the perfect husband for her and she fulfills my need to be dominated. It's not perfect, but we made it work. Another thing. It's not wrong to want attention and to not be ignored, but it is wrong to demand it. Just be good to her and fulfill her needs, whatever they might be, and she will come around and maybe like the cage as much as you do.