My Hands Free Journal

I was thinking about the importance of rituals in my daily life. I'm not refering to witchcraft or compulsive behavior. Rather, it is the little things that cement my relationship with Mistress Lilith. For instance, first thing in the morning I take a shower, shave, etc., and make coffee for Mistress. While that's brewing I make breakfast for myself, as she prefers to make her own. There is the ritual of shaving my pubic hair, a careful and methodical process. Very careful, very methodical. Can't breeze through using a razor down there. I usually think about how I am doing it to please and obey the woman I love. This particular ritual has become somewhat abbreviated as Mistress still wants me to grow in a landing strip. My hair has lightened to the point that what has grown back so far is not obvious. Also it is not the thick thatch that some men have, needing grooming several times a day. We shall see.
Another ritual is giving Mistress a full body massage, usually right before she goes to bed. This relaxes her and gives her a deep sleep. It is a sensual task, which I enjoy greatly. Sometimes Mistress orders me to please her with my tongue, which is a bonus for me. Once in a great while she will free me from my cage, put on a nitrile glove and slowly stroke me, but never to orgasm. Just enough to make me beg for release. Then she stops and removes the glove. That is Mistress' ritual. As long as I don't ask for an orgasm Mistress will stroke me. If I do ask, it's game over for the night. If I am getting close, I have to warn Mistress. Mistress will stop until I've calmed down. If I should have an orgasm, I have earned myself a punishment. So far that is theory as I haven't had an unauthorized O during this game. The game lasts for as long as Mistress feels like it. Sometimes she will end it by giving me a ruined orgasm. Her goal for herself then is to cause me to spill after she has removed her hand from my clitty. Relief and frustration in one messy package.
Housework can be made into another ritual, for me washing dishes is particularly relaxing. Standing still, performing one task, is an excellent opportunity for meditation. Another ritual is putting on my full maid's uniform. Slipping the dress on, putting on my white stockings, slowly easing them up my legs, putting on the long white gloves, taking my time smoothing them up my arms, putting on my panties and head band, and finally my boots with the 3" heel. Dressing in the uniform is a deliberate act to make me feel feminine. I think of it as "physical hypnosis", a term that occurred to me one day when dressing. When I put on the maid's uniform I feel like a different person, eager to please any alphas, in any way they tell me, beginning and ending with a curtsey, just as Mistress likes me to do.
Sometimes Mistress has me lay between her legs, my face close to her pussy , so I can smell her aroma, but not allowed to touch her. So close.
As I write this, I am still wearing the micro cage, only removed for showering due to my clitty skin gets compressed behind the cage, making hygene an issue.
When I saw Adrian with the dildo she was ready to use on me, it looked, in my imagination, to be the size of the one in the attached photo.
That's all for now.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Mistress sent me the attached pictures with a note that the truth shouldn't hurt. Oh yeah, she cc'd her sister. Great.
MissCarly curtesys and exits her journal.

 

Mistress sent me the attached pictures a few hours after sending the ones above. The caption for this set is: "Don't you think those cocks look yummy? Of course you do. I think you know who might be coming over, if not tonight, then soon." Mistress must have been persuasive, because Silver showed up in time for dessert. He can drop in on short notice because Mistress offered him use of a dresser and his own closet. That space used to be mine. I can hear them going at it again in the next room. I've got to buy some ear plugs. Hearing them engaged in round 3 of the main event is making me crazy with the desire to masturbate. My clitty is still tucked away behind the micro, which adds to my frustration. I know that she knows this and is enjoying my situation and the power she holds over me. When she finishes I would lick them both clean if she told me to, and she knows it. BTW, the third photo from the top looks like Silver, just to give an idea of his size.

 

That entry was from 2019, but thanks for the kind interest and advice. Happy hollidays.

 

Saturday
This morning Mistress put me back in the small Jailbird so that, she told me, my clitty could swell up, my skin pressing against the bars as I try to grow larger than the small cage allows. Mistress told me that I was now 85 days continuously locked. She asked if I would like to be unlocked and have her give me an orgasm. I told her I wanted only what she wanted. She smiled and asked if being locked continuously for 100 days was fair. (That will be Dec. 12). I said 100 days was fair. Then she said that being locked for 200 days would be twice as fair. I should have seen that coming. She then put on a pair of nitrile gloves and played with my balls for a while, then put lube on her fingers to play with my ass. She had said she wanted to see my clitty fill the cage, making me uncomfortable. She got her wish, she had me squirming. She pointed out that my clitty responded to being ass fucked. That my sexual orientation was changing nicely. I wondered if this observation should make me proud or depressed. When she grew bored with teasing me, she gave me a spanking and told me to take my shower.

 

That would have been a possibility, but the truth is, it never occurred to me to call Robert. I would probably have been no better off, as both he and Mistress have a similar sense of humor.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Thursday
This afternoon Mistress handed me a small envelope containing 2 new stainless steel I.D. discs as an "Update" to the disc attached to my p.a. ring, one to be worn, one as an extra. They contained the date of my chastity, and my slave registration number, as well as declaring me to be "Gender Fluid". The reverse still has the latin for "Someday this pain will be useful to you". The perfect quote for a p.a. as well as for any spankings received. I think the changes are also meant to further erode any masculine pride I have left. I imagine wearing the disc is in my near future. Just thinking about wearing it attached to my clitty is humbling.

 

A busy day today. First Mistress had me strip and sit in the dining room and used the electric clippers to cut my hair to about 1/4" or 1/8", my best guess. Aparently she got bored waiting for it to grow to shoulder length. Mistress then told me to get the vacuum and clean up. Then she examined my pubic hair to see how the "landing strip" was coming in. She said it was too light and sparse for her taste , hardly decorative at all. but I have to keep it until further notice. She also gave me a pair of women's wedge heel sandles, with a 3 1/4" heel, to be worn while home. Surprisingly fairly comfortable. And as of a couple of days ago I'm back in the micro cage, just because it pleases Mistress.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

I'd rather not find out. Looks like it could do some serious damage. Even Silver isn't that big. I am clenching in fear just thinking about it.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Today Mistress mentioned that I now have 197 days to go before I am eligible for an orgasm. Nice to know she's keeping track and wasn't joking the other day.
We had dinner tonight at Robert's, where I had to change into a skirt as soon almost as I walked in. Mistress applied some makeup and lipstick to me. Then Robert handed me a purse with money, and told me to walk to the store a block away and buy a bottle of wine. Mistress told me that I should feel more ladylike with my clitty behind the micro cage. I wore a jacket, which left the question of whether I have breasts a matter of speculation to the casual observer. It was a long walk. I expected people to point at me and laugh. Thankfully, that didn't happen. Much to my disappointment, the store didn't require me to wear a mask. I felt vulnerable wearing the makeup and the red lipstick. I was surprised when the store owner hardly gave me a second look, despite my no doubt poor attempt at a feminine voice. He even reminded me, "Miss, don't forget your change." I'm not sure if he was being friendly or was mocking me. When I got back, they made me recount the excursion in detail. Robert tried to reassure me by saying I'd eventually get used to being feminine in public, that my face was as much feminine as masculine, and my almost bald head made my gender more ambiguous. I'm not sure how that is possible, but he seemed sincere, as did Mistress' agreement. Obviously one or both of them planned to send me out in public while feminized. Maybe they'll change their minds.
MissCarley curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Mistress sent me the attached with the note, "Thinking of you. Feel free to share.". I think she's trying to tell me something...lol.

 

While taking a walk, Mistress sent me the attached photo with the subject: this is your future.

 

Not at all. Model even resembles Mistress a bit. I've seen that "Behave yourself" look more than a few times.

 

Tonight, Mistress told me she was going to try to arrange with Robert that I stay with him for a week sometime soon, probably right after the new year. This will give her alone time with Silver, and I can keep Robert company. Now I find myself thinking of making love to him, in very graphic detail. Can I be in love with a woman and a man at the same time? Seems to be "yes."

 

Mistress phoned Robert this morning and arranged for me to stay with him from next Sunday afternoon to the following Saturday. That will be the 26th to New Year's day. Mistress then handed the phone because Robert wanted to talk to me. Robert told me that he had an assignment for me that he had been thinking about. I am to write a little story and read it to him in serial form from Sun. Night ending the following Friday night. His rules were that I had to be the main character (OMG, he must be kidding!) and that there had to be some truth in the story, but needn't be completely autobiographical. And that it must not be anything he already knows about me. Oh, if I fail there will be a hard spanking in my future. No pressure. I got the feeling he was giving me busy work. So I said, Yes, Daddy, and hung up. What I'm going to do (because Mistress told me to) is write it out ahead of time, and then post those parts here right after I've read them to Robert, sort of seriaĺized. It won't be entirely fiction, but not entirely fact either. So I think here in the journal is the best place to put it, whatever it is going to be. I just realized that my boyfriend gave me homework. Difficult homework.
MissCarly curtseys and leaves her journal.

 

Thanks but I want to see if I can do this on my own. I got the feeling that the purpose of this is to pull something out of myself, to open myself to him. Ok, that came out kinda horror movie, but you know what I mean. I really do appreciate your generosity. Thanks again. Your story is excellent

 

Silver came over tonight (Mon), so Mistress had me put on my uniform to serve them. I am surprised to admit that I have grown to enjoy wearing it, especially the feel of the skirt as it moves when I walk. It is also enjoyable having to lift it when I sit, so only my bare skin touches the chair. Mistress ordered me to give Silver a blow job. He sat in a chair while I knelt between his spread legs and started by licking his balls. He and Mistress kissed while I continued. I felt my clitty stir in it's cage, and was embarrassed by my reaction. I felt betrayed by my body, that it was not my place to have masculine reactions. I know it was an automatic response, but for just that moment I was ashamed of being male. That was a new feeling. I was dismissed before Silver finished, so my maid service might now include being his fluffer. They finished a short while ago, and Mistress called me into their bedroom. She had me orally clean both their genitals and bottoms. Once I had finished to Mistress' satisfaction, she told me to go to my room, reminding me not to forget to brush my teeth and to use plenty of mouthwash. They both laughed at that.

 

My Homework
I emphasize that though the protaganist shares my name, this is not autobiography. I wrote the following, and am reading to Robert each night, naked at his feet, a poor man 's Sheherazade. I point out that chastity is not mentioned. This is the first of six parts.

A Lesson Learned

When Carly was a boy he lived with his parents and older brother, Josh. Where Josh was robust, Carly was thin and awkward. Josh seemed to take pleasure in tormenting Carly, making him the butt of jokes both with the neighborhood children, and later in the schoolyard. When his peers chose sides for stickball or other team sports, Carly was always grudgingly picked last. He was humiliated when he had to stand in front of his classmates and hear someone say, "You've got Carly. Wanna give up now?". One day after gym class, Carly's classmates stood in the shower discussing girls and showing off their growing maturity. Carly moved away, ashamed of his smooth skin and still small penis. A few days later while in the shower, the topic was boners. The talk then turned, as was ineviable, to penis size. As usual, Carly edged away. He was startled when he felt a pair of hands grab him from behind, shoving him in front of the other boys. " Look," one of his classmates announced to the group, he looks like a baby." Carly fought back tears as he fled from the showers, bouncing off the school's janitor, to the sound of their laughter,.
Robert said he is curious what happens next. So far, mission accomplished