Financial Dominance in a FL D/s relationship...

Hi Locked_in_lv:

And YES!!! That is HOTTTT!!!
I am working towards that myself. i have given my wife access to ALL of my business accounts and my credit cards are all issued as second cards to Hers. Meaning i cannot spend a cent without Her finding out and Her approval.

However, as erotic as this can be it is also a potential for serious abuse. Please hear me out here as i am coming from a position of being twice divorced and even though i "won" both times (what ever that means) and having the benefit of over five decades of living. By the way, abuse is not erotic for a man or for a woman. The lifestyle we enjoy on this forum must be consensual.

Pro Dommes who use financial domination are sometimes just abusive bullys.

OK having said all that forgive me for my "old man lecturing". I have followed your stories since you joined and i must say i am thrilled for you both! It seems you are both on the young side? Would you forgive that assessment if it sounds anything but kind? On the plus side of this to be in this relationship so young is wonderful! It sounds as though you two may have a great chance of living happily ever after...BUT make sure that you both have safeguards and a way out should anything happen.

For example i have a blank signed check that i can cash at a moments notice and clean out my Mistress account if anything should happen to her. This cheque is very much like having an emergency key to your belt that you only use in dire circumstance.
After all i would be left with the care of five children of varying ages.

Please remember that this lifestyle is a real life fantasy! Those of us lucky enough to find someone to play with must separate reality form the joy of the game. It sounds like you have a sweet wonderful Mistress who really genuinely loves you as a man. In this life and with kinks like we have this is not easy. So i am inclined to believe that She really cares about you. Financial domination is a great fantasy and i encourage you to play it out to its MAX! But remember, it is a part of the game just like everything else. If anything should happen to Her and you are in the dark about the money, where it is and how much it is you will not be in the position, emotionally or perhaps even legally to straighten it out.

Please don’t think i am pooping on your party, i feel very warm towards you both when i read your posts especially one after another. It is just that reality has a way of rearing its ugly head just when you don't expect it.

Please be sensible and keep posting wonderful things about each other for a very long time.
Let games be games but make sure you have a "safe word" and "emergency key" and a "safety net"


Gee i feel like such an old man after giving all this "fatherly advice". :blink:

i want to say all this with sincerity:
subklik

 

This would not work for us. I am also the sole breadwinner but my wife is really terrible with money. She got a lot of poor money habits from her parents. When we first married, she was paying the bills and she worried so much about it that I couldn't stand it anymore.

My wife always has a major dilemma as far as should she carry her purse around or not. She usually opts not to and she carries a card and perhaps some cash in her back pocket. She always loses track of things and when I do give her cash (I have an easily accessible ATM at work) she often can't account for where she spent it or she left it somewhere where she can't get to it. One time, I gave her all the cash I had and like in the next few hours it was as if she never had it. And she seems to "forget" that she has to pay for things and she kind of just looks like a deer in the headlights when we receive a bill.

I think I seriously have anxiety when I do not have some amount of cash on me.

The only thing she knows how to do - and boy does she KNOW - is use her charge cards. In thats sense, she does dominate me financially. It's curious: it's like pulling teeth to spend the cash she has, but the sky's the limit with her card.

 

This is an odd one as far as I can see.

My mother has always controlled all the money in their relationship, just because she was better at it.

I've always controlled all the money in my marriage (and still do, despite being separated for 2? 3? years now!)

The men in those situations are happy, if not relieved, to not be bothered by the hassle of money.

My father always asks my mother before purchasing, and 90% of the time my ex-husband asks me. And when he doesn't, I flip out massively!

pet doesn't earn anything, so any money he gets is from me.

Maybe that's why this doesn't make sense to me, but I can appreciate how men would feel their SO has taken control if they were usually the one in charge of the money.

Indeed, in The Surrendered Wife (A book about completely submitting to your husband, and allowing him to woo you again - stop laughing, I thought it would save my marriage!) it is suggested that you NEVER have any reponsibility for the money. It's MAN's job! If you take it away he will feel emasculated.

So maybe there is something in it!

 

I am in a relationship that is female led. My wife handles all the financial responsibilities, mainly because she is better at it. I get a allowance of $40 a week, and have to ask for additional money if needed. I could take back the finances, but this is working so well. In over 34 years she has not bounced or overdrawn even once. So why change now?

 

Since receiving his first paycheck after we began dating, my husband has had nothing to do with the financial aspect of our relationship. He too is the sole money maker at this time. Prior to direct deposit, he would bring his check home and hand it over to me, unsigned. I would then sign his name and deposit it into my checking account. Of course this means I also take care of all the financial responsibilities of the household as well, but for me that is a small price to pay (most times). Major purchases are always discussed and decided upon. There have been times when he's actually gotten a bit upset because I don't spend enough money on myself....

In the state we live in, if anything were to happen to me, all assets would automatically transfer to him anyway. In case of medical emergency. etc...he would be able to write a check and I'm sure our credit union would honor it no questions asked.

I don't foresee any type of separation between us. But in recent case of my son, who is separated from his wife...they had a joint account when they separated. He left it that way as he was giving her money to help her with her financial needs (she was not working). Twice, she cleaned him out right after pay-day. The first time, he had already paid all his bills and she cleaned out the account before any of the payments cleared. He called her and they talked it through. She said she understood and it would never happen again. Two months later, she got bored and spent the weekend after pay-day on a huge shopping spree for her family members courtesy of my son. After the second time, he opened an account in his own name and had everything transferred to that one. Never say never!

 

I think the thrill of financial domination can be enticing, but I'd be extremely concerned about issues of incapacitation, accident or death. Let's face it, if you're Domme is (god forbid) hit by a bus, and in the hospital in a coma, you are suddenly faced with not only a medical emergency, but a financial emergency as well. How do you buy food? Get gas in the car? Pay important bills?

Legally, in the event of death, resources may revert to the spouse in most states. However, it may require going to banks with copies of the death certificate, and such. Again, in a disastrous circumstance like that, I think you'd have other things on your mind than sorting out banking!

*warning: opinion ahead* I think it's certainly feasible to create a situation of financial domination, while maintaining a safety net for emergencies. A D/s relationship is built on trust. I think that trust needs to flow both ways. While titillating for some, I don't see a good reason to set up accounts and resources in one name only. If your Mistress gives you a credit card, and says "For emergency use only", that should be good enough. If you have to be held accountable by anything more than that, you're forcing your Domme into a "mother" role, and not a "superior" role.

I'm sure others will disagree, but that's my point of view on this. I guess as I get older, and having just buried my father in recent months, these sorts of issues weigh heavily in my decisions. My mother was well prepared for my father's passing, and the financial matters were not a distraction during her grieving.

While my Wife and I are not in a D/s arrangement, she doesn't work and I am the principal breadwinner. I've worked very hard to make sure that she has access to all the financial resources as well as making sure I have ample amounts of life and long term care insurance in the event of something happening to me. I just feel that's the safe, prudent, and loving thing to do. Even if we WERE in some kind of D/s relationship, I would want and expect both of us to be able to manage the finances of the family in the event of an emergency.

mikecb

 

You two really sound like a couple of love birds. i am really tsken with couples like you.
You do essentially seem to have gotten what i said, Mistress and i have been through this and we are old enough to have lived through some serious ife threatening health issues.

i have taken on the traditional role of a 1950's wife. i deposit Her paychecks and i keep track of money but She is the decision maker and She controls what i do with it.
i have acces to her accounts in order to ensure that bills get paid. i am in big trouble if they don't!

The only other thing is to keep it away from the kids. We have five and we want them to be who they are on their own without help from their freaky parents. :lol:

The kids living in the house has saved me from so many whippings!!! i love my kids!!!

Anyway i am seriously digressing now. Please post on how it works out. AND>>>the wedding plans!! Wow i feel like such a girl now....

subklik

 

I agree with everyone that there should be some kind of safety net in case something happens to me. I'm not so sure about hiding a signed, blank check though. What if we get robbed, or we move and forget that we hid it in the wall (or whatever). I dunno, money is a tough subject.

I have actually been married (and divorced) before , unlike my fiance. I think he is a bit naive to the fact that we will NEVER, EVER break up. Obviously no one ever goes into marriage thinking they will probably break up. And this may upset you Locked, but I really never thought I'd get divorced, so what I'm saying is that yes, anything is possible. Of course I love Locked_In_LV with all my heart and we have our own little family and our very own house, and everything is just perfect right now. :love0014: And I can't imagine anything ever happening either, but I'm also mature (old) enough to know that things come up and people do things that they'd never imagine themselves doing.

I am definitely a "saver" when it comes to money. Locked is a "spender", so I am always trying to get him to not spend so much (although he can seem to justify almost any purchase ). I have always been good with my money, so I don't see overdraft fees or bounced checks in our financial future.

Thanks everyone for your input! :happy0158:

 

My Majesty and I have been in a FLM now for many years. She is in control of all the money and I am given an allowance. We did at one time have a checking account with only her name on it and found it was inconvenient. If she sent me to the store and didn't have cash on her then what, many different reasons made it inconvenient. We now have all our accounts and credit card as joint accounts. That does not mean I have free access, our relationship is built on trust and she trusts me. I have credit cards if I need them and if something happens to her I have access to our checking and savings also. I wouldn't think of using any of them without permission first though, she has a really nice paddle or two, not to mention the cane.
If Locked_in_LV has trouble with money the answer is not to take it away from him, just my opinion, but rather to make him accountable for his actions.

 

My owner has access to all of my accounts. Checking, savings, and charge cards. She transfers my paycheck over to her account when it comes in (up to the limit then she waits for it to reset and keeps going).

She tends to leave me with about $200 in my account.

It wasn't even her idea it was actually mine. I suck at budgeting and remembering things. On more than one occasion I would pay my car twice (once even 3 times) thinking I hadn't paid it but had paid my credit cards. Then the credit card people call and are like "Um, you usually pay on time, what's up?" and yea, not fun. On the bright side my car got paid down faster! She is really good with budgeting and keeping things organized so I asked for her help.

Initially she had access to my accounts but never touched the money. She just set reminders on my calendar (Google ftw!) that would remind me exactly when and how much to pay to things. Then she started making electronic payments. Then she just completely took over.

Doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. It's not a fetish for us so much as just a way to make the household run smoothly.

 

In My relationship, my wife has complete control of our finances and has since we got married 6 years ago,we've known each other for 10 years, when I get paid it gets direct deposited into my wife's account. our bills come out automatically from there. She gives me 25 dollars a week to use. Anything more expensive then I have to ask her for it. She is the sole person on all of our assets, although we have a financial plan in case she becomes sick or dies. We also have a post nuptial agreement in place to keep me from backing out, she gets all the property and bank balance if I initiate the divorce. I know this is extreme but it works for us and I trust and love her 100%.